Archive of Our Own

Keisuke’s ears were still ringing as he began his trek home from the Valhalla meeting. His initiation had gone well— almost too well. Hanma had been impressed by his brutality, opening his arms in invitation. 

He had done it. Successfully infiltrated Valhalla. All with the intention of stopping Kisaki, of saving Kazutora from himself.

But it had come at a great sacrifice. He’d had to abandon Toman— his treasure— in order for his plan to work. He’d had to abandon Chifuyu.

Twelve times he had punched him. No more, no less. He’d kept count and yet, Chifuyu hadn't fought back.

The first blow had snapped Chifuyu’s head to the left, causing him to stumble back two steps. The next two blows snapped his head to the right, and then to the left once more. The fourth, a blow to the stomach, had caused him to double over, and the fifth hit to his face knocked him to the ground. 

Details past that point became fuzzy, the roaring crowd of valhalla members surrounding them began to close in. Keisuke was on top of chifuyu, the blows to his face happening in rapid succession. Six, seven, eight. The noise of the crowd became deafening, blocking out the sound of his fists connecting against skin, against bone. Nine, ten, eleven. The final twelfth blow rattled through Keisuke's whole body. 

Why hadn't Chifuyu fought back? He was a capable fighter, able to stand on his own against a whole group of punks. Probably could hold his own against Keisuke, if push came to shove. Yet he made no move to defend himself, didn't even put up an arm to block the first punch Keisuke threw his way, just looked at Keisuke in betrayal.

Chifuyu had always been stubborn and loyal to a fault. One of the things Keisuke admired most about him.

But he could feel the watchful eyes of Hanma, of Kazutora, burning the back of his head. Barely able to pull his punches, he was far too aware that Kazutora, who knew him so well, could tell if he was going easy on Chifuyu. He couldn't chance it. Keisuke suspected his feelings for Chifuyu were the reason Kazutora chose him for the initiation, of all people. 

He’d had no choice but to go through with it.

Keisuke was so lost in thought, he didn't realize he’d climbed the three sets of stairs to Chifuyu’s apartment until he found himself standing outside the other boy’s door. He stood there a long moment, staring, his body frozen, unable to move.

Chifuyu probably didn't want to see him. The memory of his face against Keisuke’s knuckles was still imprinted on his brain, burned into his retinas. The noise it made when he struck his face for the seventh time, it's very possible he broke Chifuyu’s nose. He hesitated. He wanted to see him, to prove that he was okay. That he had not damaged the boy permanently. That he was alive.

What would he even say if he spoke with Chifuyu now? There's nothing he could say, not without compromising his current position with Valhalla. He was better off just going home, leaving things as they were, better for Chifuyu. 

Would he yell at Keisuke, tell him that he never wanted to see him again? Would he cry ? 

Or would he say nothing at all, shutting the door in his face?

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Was Chifuyu even home? Maybe he was at the hospital— 

Keisuke was startled out of his thoughts by a loud thump, followed by the rattling of a doorknob.

The door opened, a familiar voice calling out, rough, desperate. “...Mom? Is that you—” 

Keisuke froze. Chifuyu turned, locking eyes with him, the two staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. Keisuke felt himself step forward, unconsciously reaching towards the boy in front of him. 

Chifuyu’s face was covered in dried blood, his left eye swollen completely shut, face already beginning to bruise, clothing covered in dirt.

Reacting to Keisuke’s sudden movement, Chifuyu flinched backwards, as if in anticipation of another hit. It made him sick to his stomach.

He quickly pulled his hand back, leaving it hovering, unsure, in the space between the two. Keisuke sucked in a breath, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he had the chance to stop them.

“I shouldn't be here— I should go—”

He turned away, moving to leave, to leave behind the guilt churning in his stomach, to leave Chifuyu and the confusing feelings he had always harboured towards the other boy behind him. He didn't want to see the look on his face, the disgust, the fear from a face that had always gazed at him with awe. A hand shot out, grabbing his sleeve, stopping him in his tracks. 

Chifuyu was staring at him with those pleading eyes. Trusting. No fear to be found. He tightened his grasp on Keisuke's sleeve.

“Baji-san. Please . Stay.”

Keisuke’s resolve crumbled. He allowed Chifuyu to pull him by the sleeve into the apartment, the heavy door shutting behind them with a loud ‘bang’, causing them both to jump slightly at the sound. 

Chifuyu’s family’s apartment was dark, the curtains drawn, small slivers of light escaping from the blinds, casting themselves across the floor of the living room. Silence stretched between the two. Chifuyu finally let go of his sleeve and Keisuke turned to look at Chifuyu once more.

Blood. Dripping from his nose, trickling down across a split lip, a single drop hitting the hardwood floor. Keisuke broke the silence, moving closer.

“Your nose.”

Chifuyu looked up at him with his working eye, before bringing a hand to his face, fingers smearing blood from his nose, across his cheek. He held his hand out in front of him, inspecting his blood stained fingers with apprehension.

“Ah. shit. I—” 

All at once, Keisuke stepped closer, tilting Chifuyu’s head up, wiping away the blood for him. Chifuyu let out a small gasp, eye widening, searching Keisuke’s face. A plea escaped Keisuke’s lips.

“Just, let me—”

Wiping at the blood just smeared it across his upper lip, his cheek, doing nothing to stop the now steady stream of red. One, two, more droplets fell, Chifuyu cupping his hands under his chin in an attempt to keep any more drops from hitting the floor. Keisuke stepped backwards, panic setting in, scanning the room for tissues, a dish towel, something to stem the flow of blood, but found nothing within sight.

“The first-aid kit…” Keisuke mumbled, more to himself than anything else. He knew that Chifuyu’s mom kept a first aid kit full of bandages and other supplies under the sink in the bathroom. Keisuke headed towards it, flinging open the cabinet, rummaging around before pulling out the kit, handing a wad of toilet paper to chifuyu, who held it under his nose. 

Keisuke had used the kit once before, after the two had gotten jumped together after school by a group of delinquents who thought they would win just because of their numbers. They were wrong. Keisuke was half-way through giving them a thorough thrashing when one of the guys hanging back from the fight picked up a rock, flinging it at the group, managing to nail Chifuyu right in the forehead. The impact wasn't enough to stop his fighting though, and Keisuke and Chifuyu together managed to finish off the guys without any more issues. 

However, the moment the dust settled, Keisuke looked up just in time to see Chifuyu wiping blood out of his eyes. Chifuyu held his uniform tie over the wound to keep it from bleeding too much, and, arriving at his apartment, Keisuke helped him clean it, putting on a bandage as well. The small wound had left a tiny scar, a line of pink, visible just above Chifuyu’s eyebrow, visible only if you knew where to look.

Chifuyu had laughed at Keisuke’s ‘stupid looking’ concentrated face the whole time, kicking kis feet impatiently as Keisuke wiped the blood from his skin. He had tried, unsuccessfully, not to notice the flush on Chifuyu's cheeks, the way he would glance at Keisuke's face while he was distracted, glancing away just as quickly. As if Keisuke wouldn't notice. But he did notice. He always noticed, when it came to Chifuyu. 

This time, the wounds he was cleaning were his own doing. The guilt threatened to consume him as he stood in that tiny bathroom. Chifuyu stood in the doorway behind him, hesitant, still holding the wad of tissue under his nose. Keisuke got up from where he was kneeling, placing the well used first aid kit on the sink. He stood in front of Chifuyu, antiseptic wipe in hand, looking him dead in the eye, with a simple request.

“Can I?”

He didn't have to elaborate. Chifuyu knew what he meant. Keisuke knew that Chifuyu would allow him to tend to his wound, without asking. But he needed some recognition that he hadn't broken the fragile thing between them, that it was still salvageable. That he was allowed.

Chifuyu just smiled sadly, before sighing, sitting on the edge of the tub in front of Keisuke.

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes, tilting his face up towards Keisuke. Vulnerable. Exposed. 

Despite everything, it seemed that Chifuyu still trusted him. Somehow. Keisuke gritted his teeth, leaning in.

Up close, he was really able to get a good look at the damage he’d done. Chifuyu’s eyes were both bruised, left eye swollen shut, several cuts and grazes dotted across his face. Dried blood was crusted on his forehead, running from a cut hidden in his hairline, as well as from his nose. His lip was split.

Keisuke wanted so badly to avert his eyes, to pretend as if this wasn’t his fault, his doing. But he couldn't look away. Chifuyu needed this.

So he got to work. He began to wipe away the dried blood. At the first touch of the cloth to skin, Chifuyu’s nose wrinkled in discomfort, eyes squeezed shut. It probably stung. Keisuke reminded himself to breathe. He continued to wipe, as gently as possible, eyes fixed to a stubborn spot on his forehead. Leaning back, he moved to grab a new wipe from the kit, the old one already saturated with blood and dirt.

He turned back, to see a blue eye staring back at him. Chifuyu held his gaze for one painful second before looking at the ground, toeing a bare foot against the floor tile. Chifuyu spoke quietly, voice rough.

“My mom. She’s out of town… I— I didn't want to be alone.”

Chifuyu began to pick at a scab on his neck. He frowned, the swelling of his lip making it look as if he was pouting.

“My head hurts.”

Keisuke didn't know what to say, swallowing against the lump in his throat. Any words of apology seemed hollow at this point. Every moment he spent there with Chifuyu was a gamble. If he was caught with the boy he had just claimed to abandon, every risk he’d taken up to this point would be in vain. He couldn't let that happen.

All he could do for Chifuyu now was to make up for each hit, each violent act with a soft touch. An apology. 

Chifuyu looked up at him, visible eye glassy in the fluorescent light of the bathroom, and Keisuke’s heart twisted at the sight. He pulled the first aid kit onto the floor, kneeling in front of where Chifuyu was perched on the edge of the tub, and started wiping at his face once more. Stuck a bandage on his cheek, his forehead.

Chifuyu’s eye was still open, staring at a spot above Keisuke’s shoulder. Vacantly. Words tumbled out of Keisuke’s mouth before he even had the chance to consider whether he wanted to hear the response. 

“Why didn’t you fight back?”

The question hung in the air between them. Chifuyu wouldn't meet his eyes.

“I can’t fight Baji-san.” He answered, simply, voice barely above a murmur. “ And I knew it wasn't for real. You wouldn't do that.”

Keisuke’s hand stilled against Chifuyu’s face.

“Hah? So you would just lay down and let someone beat the shit outta you for no reason if you trust them?” Keisuke shook his head. ” That’s fucked up—”

“Not just anyone. You.” Chifuyu looked down at his feet. “And I know you have a reason. It's for him, isn’t it? Kazutora.”

Kazutora. Chifuyu had hit the nail on the head. He always had been a little too observant. Keisuke felt as though he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.

“I can’t—“ Keisuke choked out, but he was interrupted by Chifuyu who continued to speak, tone clipped.

“I get it. You can't say anything that'll risk your place with Valhalla. I promise— I won’t say shit.

Everything was for Kazutora, wasn't it? Why he was so willing to put everything on the line to take down Kisaki, Hanma. If he didn’t, who would? Kazutora didn’t have anyone else. He needed Keisuke. 

But… Didn’t Chifuyu need him too? 

“Kazutora. He… He’s all alone.” He looked down at the cloth in his hand, fist clenching.  “Gonna do something stupid, get himself killed. Needs someone to look out for him.”

“And it needs to be you?”

Keisuke didn’t respond. He bowed his head, brows furrowed, mouth pressed into a thin line. Silence was answer enough.

Chifuyu sighed.

“You know… When you fight, usually, you have this grin on your face. But I saw this time, you weren't grinning. That's how I knew.” With that, Chifuyu smiled. It looked more like a grimace. “You're pretty easy to read, Baji-san.”

Most fights he participated in had Keisuke grinning, the adrenaline and blood pumping through his body, a feeling like no other. But there was no enjoyment to be found in fighting somebody who wouldn't fight back. Of fighting a friend.

“Chifuyu… I—”

Hands cupped his face, interrupting his train of thought, pulling him back to the present, there in that tiny bathroom. Face pulled upwards, towards Chifuyu, like a sunflower drawn to the sun. He couldn't look away, not that he wanted to.

Chifuyu let out a soft chuckle. “There's that look again.”

Keisuke’s heart throbbed painfully in his chest. Chifuyu’s blue eye was watching him, searching his face for something, pupil blown wide in the bright light of the bathroom. What he did to deserve this kind of devotion, Keisuke didn't know. He was supposed to be taking care of Chifuyu here, not the other way around.

A thumb came up to his cheek, roughly wiping at skin.

“There was blood.” Chifuyu whispered, in explanation.

“It's yours.” 

Keisuke watched him as he leaned closer, slowly, pulling Keisuke’s face in towards him, lips just inches apart. Breath ghosted against Keisuke’s cheek. He felt frozen in place, stripped bare.

He’d noticed it months ago, the way that Chifuyu would look at him, follow him around like a lost puppy. Keisuke might be dumb, but he wasnt that dumb, he knew that Chifuyu liked him as more than just a friend, a comrade. 

He closed his eyes.

Chifuyu would smile at him, eyes bright, cheeks flushed, and Keisuke would look away, embarrassed at the way his heart raced at the sight. The way that Chifuyu so confidently inserted himself into Keisuke's life; one moment he was saving a kid from getting beaten in an alleyway, and the next, he had gained an eternal shadow. A companion. Chifuyu had made him feel as though he was a person worth following.

It wasn’t the right time.

They had never spoken about their feelings before, Keisuke too embarrassed to acknowledge the growing tension between them. They’d had all the time in the world, or so he thought.

In an ideal world, they would be sharing their first kiss over a bowl of Peyoung Yakisoba, sitting on the back stairs of their apartment complex. They’d be laughing at some joke Chifuyu told, heads leaning ever closer until Keisuke realized they were just inches apart. Keisuke would move forwards, kissing the boy in front of him, and it’d taste like soy sauce. Romantic, like something out of Chifuyu’s Shoujo manga.

Instead, Chifuyu kissed him in a tiny bathroom, smelling of blood and disinfectant spray. Not romantic at all.

Chapped lips pressed against Keisuke’s. Chifuyu’s hands moved back to tangle in his hair, grasping, pulling, almost painfully. Keisuke’s knees were numb from kneeling on the tile, and his hand came up, hesitantly, before resting itself on Chifuyu's thigh.

Chifuyu gasped into his mouth, pulling himself closer, and Keisuke could taste the metallic tang of blood on his tongue. It made him dizzy. Their kisses became more desperate by the second, holding on to each other tightly, as if it was the only thing keeping them both from falling to pieces. 

Their lips broke apart. Keisuke pressed a light kiss to a bruise already blooming on Chifuyu's collarbone, lips against the cut on his forehead, a swollen eye. He pressed a kiss for every hit, every wound he had inflicted. Breathed out an apology, almost too quietly to hear, as he kissed the cut in the corner of Chifuyu’s lip.

“I’m sorry.”

Chifuyu’s arms snaked around his back, pulling him closer, hiding his face against the crook of Keisuke’s neck, mumbling his response against skin.

“I know.”

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other. Suddenly, the phone in Keisuke’s back pocket chimed once, twice, breaking them out of their moment. With dawning apprehension, he checked his texts, Chifuyu still clinging to him.

It was Kazutora. 

i thought you said you were going home

where are you?

Fuck. Kazutora was waiting for him at Keisuke's apartment. Their time was up. He looked up at Chifuyu, who was looking at him with sad eyes. His head was bowed, shoulders by his ears. Breaking their gaze, he looked at the floor.

“Gotta go?” Chifuyu choked out.

Keisuke nodded. Desperately, he wanted to pull Chifuyu against him once more. To hold him tightly, to not let go. Quickly, he typed a response to Kazutora, a lie.

left to get drinks

want something?

He shoved his phone in his back pocket again. Opened his mouth to apologize once more, but Chifuyu interrupted him before he could get a single syllable out.

“Don’t.”

Coming here was already a huge risk. Their fragile moment was already over, and he had to leave. Chifuyu understood that. He stood, wobbling on his feet for a few seconds, before moving forwards, ushering Keisuke out of the fluorescent light of the bathroom, into the darkness of the hallway. At the door, Keisuke turned around, hand hesitating, hovering over the doorknob. Chifuyu was standing there, illuminated from behind by the light of the bathroom. Words caught in his throat. There were so many things he wanted to say. But he had to wait.

They would have time. After this whole mess was cleared up, after he’d saved Kazutora. They would have all the time in the world. This wasn’t goodbye.

Chifuyu smiled at him, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

Keisuke turned around, opened the door, and stepped out into the hallway. The door closed behind him with finality.