Chapter Text
The android sitting in front of him was not designed for this shit. In the whole half hour it had been there it had continually alternated between making too much and too little eye contact, unable to strike a balance between the two whilst sitting with its hands clasped in its lap all too properly. Each attempt at conversation stemming from whatever its eyes landed on, unable to gain a natural flow of dialogue with each topic going on for only three maybe four sentences before falling flat again.
Gavin watched it closely over the lid of his soda can as its eyes fixed on the scratched up arm of his chair, “Do you own a cat?” It asked, this time deciding not to make eye contact.
“I got one.” Gavin confirmed gruffly.
“A calico cat, I presume.”
Gavin shrugged, “Dunno what that is.”
The thing opened its mouth but then closed it again, seeming to think that the conversation wasn’t worth it. Gavin took another sip of his soda as the android went back to looking for a new conversation starter.
Definitely not the Perfect Companion Android the website advertised and almost definitely a waste of his well-earned $100.
“Can I see them?”
“My cat?”
“Yes.”
“No,” Gavin scoffed a laugh.
He might have let the thing into his house but there was no way that he was letting it see his precious demon fruball. Really, he still wasn’t sure why he’d let the thing into his apartment. Actually, he was sure of that. There was no way in hell he was going to risk doing this meeting in public and having anybody know he was renting out a fucking android.
When the advert had popped up on his phone two weeks ago he’d told Tina, verbatim, ‘depressed shits who fall for that are gonna get murdered’ and it was a statement he still thought to be true. He’d even bet on how long it would be until they got a case that had something to do with it. Although, apparently that wasn’t enough of a reason to stop him from seeing what it was all about.
“What is your occupation?” The android asked.
“I’m a homicide detective at the local station.”
The android nodded with a slight smile, “That explains the gun.”
Gavin almost growled as he shifted the cushion behind him where he’d hidden the gun, or at least tried to hide it. “Gotta be cautious. Don’t want you fuckin’ murdering me.”
“That’s outside of my protocols.” It answered, with the same stupid smile.
Gavin just grunted in response.
It looked at him quizzically, tilting its head to the side in thought, “Should I not have mentioned the gun?”
“There really is a reason you’re the cheapest on the site, isn’t there?” He snarled lowly. And yeah, okay, Gavin could admit that its awkwardness was charming in a way, and the fact it looked pretty cute looking at him with those big brown eyes and overdressed in that stupid jacket and tie certainly helped. That said, he knew that it wasn’t intentional on the android’s part, he also knew that he wasn’t helping the thing but it was kinda funny to watch it try and he was actively trying not to smile in amusement.
Yep. This is the lowest point in his whole fucking life. The whole concept kinda made him wanna die. The idea that people were hiring sentient dolls to keep them company is one of the most depressing things he can think of, and yet it’s real and he’s one of those sad fucks participating in it and kinda enjoying it too. It sounds like it should be some sort of dystopian novel, not like it should be real life. The fact the internet hadn’t gone off about androids stealing their partners was truly baffling.
“How long do people usually… ‘rent’ you out for?” Gavin lead the conversation instead seeing as the tin can seemed not to be able to think of anything else.
“That typically depends on what they want to do.”
“Yeah and what do people normally want to do?”
“That varies greatly.” The android paused for a moment, it’s LED flipping into yellow, “I’ve been a boyfriend at family functions quite a few times; I was moral support for somebody I met half an hour before their job interview, one I was asked to sit in on; I taught somebody how to play cards; I accompanied a group of girls to Disneyland as a photographer; I fixed a roof once; one girl even took me to prom.”
Gavin couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that last one, yeah the thing could be said to look like a college student but definitely not young enough to pass for a teenager. “Seriously?”
“I was surprised as well, I thought I was going to be kicked out.”
“Thought you things were usually for more… freaky stuff.”
If it was alive, the android would have probably blushed. It’s gaze immediately shot down to the ground, and it tilted its head down and hunched over slightly to further avoid eye contact and looking like he wanted to disappear into the seat. “I’m not exactly a Traci.” It mumbled.
Goddamn this thing with its fucking terms.
“Fuck is a Traci?”
“I’m not as well equipped. I don’t take those calls.”
Well that answered one of his questions about those things. Proper life-sized Ken Doll then. Although that did bring him to another question, “I’ve never seen an android like you before. What model are you?”
“I’m a prototype model.”
So they really were making androids for fucking everything these days - though if they were all this good at their jobs maybe he didn’t have anything to worry about them stealing his job. This thing was the most robotic seeming android he’d seen in a good while, definitely not something built for human interaction. “They seriously make you shits for this kinda stuff?” Gavin questioned again.
“Er… no. I didn’t met expectations… I’m re-purposed…” the averted gaze remained on the floor before suddenly jerking up to meet with Gavin’s and a pleasant smile went over its face as though it’d just reset itself. “But I’m sure that you haven’t hired me to talk about myself.”
“You talking about yourself is the longest conversation we’ve had so far.” Gavin said, taking another sip of his soda that was starting to lose its fizz. How long had they been here now?
“I’m not an interesting topic of conversation.”
“You got something better to talk about then?”
It’s light-ring-thing went into yellow and the smile leaving for a moment, “Well… I can talk about whatever you want to talk about.”
“And what if I want to talk about your more?”
“There’s nothing interesting to me.” It responded plainly.
“Well I want to understand how this weird hireable companion android shit works so I got another question,” Gavin persisted, choosing to ignore what the thing said, he’d paid for it to come here anyway. “Do you get a lot of calls then, seeing as you’re not – like, a ‘Traci’?”
The android shifted around nervously on the seat, pressing its mouth into a fine line and avoiding the question entirely, “Why did you chose to rent me, if I may ask.”
“Because I’m depressed as shit and having a life-size barbie to talk is better than thinking about killing myself. That and I was half expecting you to come and fuckin’ murder me, so I’d be killing two birds with one stone.” He said dryly, finishing off the last of his soda and throwing the can near the waste bin with a loud clutter.
The android was looking at him again, more intently then before with its head tilted slightly, looking somewhere between confused and concerned.
“That was a joke.” Gavin said rolling his eyes, “Jesus Christ.”
“Oh.” It sat back slightly taking a minute more to process what had been said. “If you think about it,” It started, “I’m the one more likely to be killed in this scenario. My programming prevents me from harming any humans and statistically many more androids are abused or killed by humans. It is injury from an android’s owner or their acquaintances that account for 68% of repair needs and 53% of reasons for androids being scrapped. That figure would increase greatly seeing that you’ve expressed anti-android sentiments and the gun that you have with you, not to mention it doesn’t cost greatly to hire me, meaning it wouldn’t be too large an expense to pay if you view seeing me dead highly enough. Realistically, I should be the one coming with the expectation of being murdered.”
Gavin didn’t know what to do but stare at the thing, letting his mouth fall slightly agape. The statement is a little bit too real when he’d been treating the android’s presence like a nuisance he’d brought upon himself with a pretty face. He swallowed thickly, looked down to where the gun was wedged near his leg and sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. He wasn’t actually going to shoot the thing, not this one at least, not unless it did anything. But did it know that?
“What, um,” he sighed again, “what are you called again?”
“Connor.”
“Okay, well, I’m not gonna kill you Connor.”
The damn thing smiled at him again, with a smile distinctively genuine unlike the previous ones and perhaps even amused before looking him in the eyes with a slight nod, “I appreciate that, detective.”
A moment of silence came over them again. Although not for long, and thankfully so because Gavin was about to start asking him more probably inappropriate questions when the android piped in again.
“It’s 11:00pm.” Connor announced.
“What?”
“It’s the end of the hour.”
It took Gavin a minute to remember he’d only booked the thing out for an hour as he pulled out his phone and confirmed it was in face 11, a little bit past that actually. “Oh shit, yeah. Forgot about that.”
“It’s fine, I can let myself out.” Connor rose from his seat. “It was nice meeting you, Detective Reed.”
“Yeah, nice meetin’ you too, plastic.” Gavin mumbled, “I paid online and shit already.”
“I know.”
“Okay, well, uh, see you then.”
The android nodded again before letting himself out of the apartment. Gavin listened for the door closing before slouching back against the couch and pulling the gun out from its hiding position and looking over it, able to see his reflection on the metal before he tossed the gun aside and went to lock the door.
That actually wasn’t as shit as he thought it would be.