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Diluc is worried.
Which is, of course, a rare occurrence. Nowadays his usual response to something terrible happening is apathy. Or annoyance. Or a morbid curiosity.
It’s not a feeling he’s used to, not anymore. Years ago, it was a familiar tightness in his chest and the shaking of his hands and the shortness of breath as he thought of all the terrible things that could happen, could be happening to the people he cared for.
But as it so happens, he has very few reasons to worry these days. Close to none, one might say. Not since that night when he—
Stop. Breathe. Useful thoughts, Diluc.
Diluc has not seen Kaeya Alberich in almost a week.
Which isn’t, of course, overly strange. Sometimes they do go quite a while without crossing paths, while the Cavalry Captain leads an expedition or is otherwise occupied, or while Diluc leaves the Angel’s Share bar to someone else in order to deal with other matters.
Now, though, something feels off. He hasn’t heard any mention of the Knights working extensively outside the city, and if Kaeya were busy inside its walls, he would doubtless stop in for a drink. (Nevermind that there are other taverns in the city. Diluc is certain that, to Kaeya, bothering him is half the appeal to frequenting the Angel’s Share.)
Diluc has even been pulling longer, more frequent shifts in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the now incredibly elusive Cavalry Captain.
In fact, that’s where he is now—stood behind the bar fidgeting with a glass that’s clearly been clean for almost thirty minutes now, if the clock hands on the wall are to be believed. He tries not to look at them too much, instead watching his own hands work round and round the plenty-clean glass.
It’s early evening, and it will continue to be early evening for a while longer. Checking the time every minute and a half won’t make it go faster and it certainly won’t make Kaeya appear.
At any other time, he would chastise himself for being so distracted on the job, but the place is practically—blessedly—empty, leaving him to ponder the situation to his heart’s content.
Apart from Kaeya suddenly deciding to frequent a different bar (unlikely), or be gone on a week-long mission with not a word about it on the streets from the other knights (even more unlikely), the only other reasonable explanation Diluc can find is that he could be traveling Mondstadt with its Honorary Knight and Paimon, but he’s fairly certain they’re in Liyue at the moment. So that can’t be it.
Has something happened?
No. Of course not. As much as Diluc tends to berate the Knights for their inefficacy, Sir Kaeya is a capable knight and a smart man, who is able to take care of himself. There’s no reason Diluc should have to worry about him.
And yet…
He finally drags his gaze away from the repetitive motion in his hands to the door. Closed. He stares a little while longer, as if he can somehow summon Kaeya if he just thinks about him hard enough, but the door remains closed and Kaeya remains very much not there. A glance to the clock makes the terrible feeling in his chest twist tighter. Usually he would be here by now.
Well, he can wait a little while longer. Maybe he’s had a long day and will stumble in later, making Diluc forget why he was ever worried so he can go back to being annoyed instead.
In the following days, Diluc finds that he soon grows impatient of waiting a little while longer. He’s also getting quite tired of worrying after someone who is probably fine.
Why is he so damn worried, anyway? If it was Diluc who dropped off the face of the planet, Kaeya wouldn’t be so concerned for his wellbeing unless the Acting Grand Master made it his responsibility.
…Though, that would be deserved. After what he did that night, Diluc knows he shouldn’t expect or even hope for Kaeya to care about him. In all honesty, Diluc wonders how he could stomach looking at him at all.
…
Maybe that was it.
He had thought (many times) that maybe he had said or done something wrong that made Kaeya want to avoid him. But avoidance has never been Kaeya’s preferred method of dealing with a problem, nor has it been avoidance on such a grand scale that the whole city can see.
Maybe Kaeya is just finally fed up with Diluc’s stubborn stagnancy when it comes to mending their beyond broken brotherhood.
Because it is his stubbornness, isn’t it? He’s the one who went too far that night and broke things beyond repair; he’s the one who should apologize. And yet…
It’s been Kaeya, despite all his sharp remarks and teasing, who has extended olive branch after olive branch, trying to bridge the rift between them and get along. But Diluc has resolutely refused to meet him halfway and treated him like a complete stranger or a nuisance.
Maybe Kaeya thinks mending things with him is a lost cause.
Diluc doesn’t want Kaeya—doesn’t want his brother—to think he’s a lost cause. Because he doesn’t want to leave things like this. Not at all.
The last thing he wants is for something terrible to happen before they can set things right, for Diluc to make some stupid mistake against the Abyss Order or the Fatui and have Kaeya think he went to his grave hating him. Or worse, for Kaeya to—
For Kaeya to—
Diluc sets the glass he’s holding down on the bar with an audible thud, not trusting his now shaking hands to keep from dropping it. He presses them against the counter and leans heavily on it, needing something to steady himself on.
Kaeya’s fine. Kaeya’s fine. He’s fine. He has to be.
Diluc would know if he weren’t, the entire city would be in mourning, Jean would tell him—
Would she?
The two of them are friends, despite everything that happened with the Knights and his father. But Jean surely got Kaeya’s side of the story that night. And it isn’t like Diluc is his next of kin anymore, so she wouldn’t be required to say anything.
Would anyone even bother to tell him to his face? If his brother was—
Stop. Stop.
Breathe.
Diluc takes a deep breath in through his nose and holds it until his lungs burn, then lets it out in a heavy sigh, turning his head to the side lest someone come through the door and see him in such a state.
Useful thoughts, Diluc.
He cannot be here right now. Any work he does will be to the detriment of the bar itself, and to its reputation. He needs to leave tonight in more capable hands.
Now confident he doesn’t feel like he’s going to fall over at any second, Diluc pushes away from the counter and looks for Charles. After making sure the bar doesn’t need his direct attention, he lets out a breath and calls out to him.
“Charles, I’ll be heading out for now.”
Charles gives him an odd look and in that moment Diluc really hopes he doesn’t look as miserable as he feels. “Of course, Master Diluc. I wish you a nice evening.”
It would be nicer if literally anyone in this city would tell me where my brother is, he doesn’t say. Because he’s a gentleman and because doesn’t speak that way to his employees who are just trying to be polite. “Thank you. You too, Charles,” he says instead. Then, “…Tell me if anything of note happens.”
It’s not like he’s expecting Kaeya Alberich to stumble through the door of the Angel’s Share actively seeking him out or otherwise needing help, but better to keep an ear out just in case.
“As you wish, sir.” Charles nods.
Diluc grabs his coat and makes no delay heading home.
It’s been over a week since his narrowly-avoided panic attack at the Angel’s Share, and Diluc feels like he is going to lose his mind. Or maybe he already has.
Kaeya still hasn’t stopped by any of the times Diluc has been at the bar, and hasn’t been around it any of the times he’s walked home.
Diluc gets it in his head, rather briefly, that maybe his working hours have shifted. That makes sense; if something big has happened, maybe he’s had to forgo visiting the tavern, and will visit again once his workload has died down, with a smile and a laugh and a tiredness to him that Diluc hopes he’ll get enough sleep to fix.
Then he remembers, belatedly, that literally nothing else is out of the ordinary in Mondstadt. If the Knights had so much work that Kaeya had to shift his hours or work overtime, Diluc would know about it. The whole damn city would know about it.
He only realizes this halfway out the door, and by that time he’s already in the mindset of checking up on his brother, and it would be more tiring to turn around and not check on him.
So he keeps thinking as he walks.
Perhaps Kaeya got sick? It would have to be a pretty terrible illness to keep him housebound for this long. Or maybe it’s an injury? But the Knights of Favonius, and by extension, the church, have dedicated healers on standby, and if Kaeya really had been out of commission for this long, everyone in the bar would be talking about it. Having extra drinks in his honor, and all that.
Unless...
Unless Kaeya is hiding it.
That would explain why it’s taking him so long to recover. For as long as Diluc has known him, Kaeya has been incredibly self-reliant, brushing away all attempts to help. It took longer than Diluc would like to admit for his brother to actually start asking for help when they were younger.
But…
If he really is trying to pretend everything is fine, why wouldn’t he show up to drink with the knights? Does he feel that Diluc still knows him well enough to call him on his façade, and has decided not to take that risk?
And even if he is sick, what is Diluc planning to do by showing up at his door unannounced?
The thought turns his feet to lead and suddenly he can’t take another step.
He’s the last person in the world Kaeya wants to see.
Diluc lets out a scoff at his own stupidity. “This is useless.”
There are better ways he could be going about this, and he knows it. He turns around and heads back to the bar.
He’s not quite to the point of giving up completely, but it’s a damn near thing.
No one in Mondstadt knows anything of use. No one in Mondstadt seems to think anything is amiss at all. Everyone says that they see him regularly, but when pressed, can’t quite remember when the last time was. Of course.
So, Diluc decides to do the last thing he can think of. It’s a long shot, but he’d never forgive himself if it turned out to be the case and he didn’t check.
He remembers the Traveler and Paimon have headed off to Liyue for some matters. If Kaeya is not in Mondstadt, and everyone seems fine with this, then maybe he went with them after all and literally everyone but Diluc knows about it. He tries not to be insulted by the implications of that when he hasn’t even ascertained whether it's the truth or not.
There’s a small voice in the back of Diluc’s mind reminding him that everyone has seen Kaeya regularly, and no one has mentioned his absence. He ignores it. He’s not going to trust the word of those time-blinded by wine to tell him when his brother has and hasn’t been around.
Besides, if it turns out that Kaeya is still in Mondstadt, then that means…
Well, there’s no use dwelling on it now, before he even has the answers he’s looking for.
He sets out early in the morning, before the sun has even risen, and leaves the Dawn Winery for Liyue.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, Diluc isn’t dumb enough to scour the entire countryside by himself. He sends a hawk to scout ahead once it’s light enough, and resolves to follow the road all the way to the harbor so he can ask around for the mysterious blonde outlander and her fairy guide. They’re celebrities in Mondstadt, and something tells him their reputation will only continue to grow here.
To his surprise, his hawk comes back early, the message it was carrying just in case missing, with a near-identical one on its opposite leg.
On the way. - L
Not an hour later, he sees a familiar head of blonde hair and a smaller, equally familiar head of white hair.
He can’t help the flood of relief that washes over him, and quickens his pace to meet them halfway.
Lumine and Paimon look understandably confused and concerned to see Diluc anywhere that isn’t Mondstadt, so it’s no surprise that the moment they’re within clear eyesight of each other, the first words Lumine signs are, “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything’s fine,” Diluc calls out on reflex, and then grimaces. He wouldn’t be here otherwise. He amends, “There hasn’t been any sort of emergency, I was just…looking for you two.”
“All the way in Liyue?” Lumine says once she’s near enough for her soft voice to be heard.
“Yea, that seems a long way to go for anything that isn’t an emergency,” Paimon gives a helpless shrug. “You could have sent a letter, Master Diluc!”
It’s not that far, he doesn’t say, because he doesn’t feel like acting like a child. Instead, he lets out a weary sigh. “Mondstadt is not in danger. I suppose you could consider it an emergency…for me.”
“Oh no!” Paimon cries before he has the chance to explain any further. “Is it the Abyss Order again? Or the Fatui?”
“He just said Mondstadt isn’t in danger, Paimon,” Lumine signs, with a look of gentle weariness on her face.
“Oh…right.” Paimon shakes her head. “What is it, then?”
Diluc settles his arms against his chest and lets out a sigh through his nose, because he’s having trouble working up the nerve to actually voice the question, knowing exactly how foolish it sounds. When he gets his answer, he’s going to have to come face to face with what he already knows.
“I…Have either of you seen Kaeya?”
“Captain Kaeya?!” Paimon sounds as perplexed as Lumine looks. “Why would you think that?”
“I had thought he may have accompanied you to Liyue.”
The pair exchange a puzzled look, and then turn back to him.
“I’m sorry, but he didn’t come with us.” Lumine says, with an expression like she knows about the dread that settles in Diluc’s stomach at her words.
Paimon crosses her arms and looks thoughtful. “Yea, he was still in Mondstadt last we checked!”
Lumine gives him a careful look that he can’t really decipher. “Diluc, has something happened?”
“Yea, has Kaeya gone missing or something?”
“In…a matter of speaking.” Diluc frowns. “He hasn’t been by the Angel’s Share in weeks, and I haven’t seen him around the city in that time either, but others have mentioned seeing him around and don’t seem worried in the least.”
“Captain Kaeya…not drinking?” Paimon reels back, apparently caught up in the abject horror that particular thought seems to give her, then presses a hand to her head. “Wow, Paimon needs a minute…”
“Maybe he’s decided to go to a different tavern?” Lumine signs with a puzzled look.
“Yea, or maybe he’s doing some undercover work and can’t be seen at the Angel’s Share!” Paimon nods enthusiastically. “Oh, or maybe he’s throwing you a surprise party and just doesn’t want to ruin the secret!”
He almost makes some stupid remark about Kaeya being a good enough liar to keep it hidden, but Lumine beats him to it, simply signing, “Jean?” with an unimpressed look.
“Oh, that’s right. He did throw Jean’s surprise party without her finding out, huh…”
The pair think hard on it for a moment. A strange look passes over Paimon’s face and she suddenly looks hesitant.
“Um, have you considered…well, don’t take this the wrong way, Master Diluc, but…”
He knows where this is going. “What is it?”
“Well, I mean, if everyone else sees him around, maybe Captain Kaeya just…doesn’t want to see you?”
Lumine sets her hands on her hips and gives her guide a flat glare.
“I mean, um…no offense, Master Diluc, but you two don’t seem to get along too well.”
She’s right, but the words still twist in his chest like a knife between his ribs. They used to, he wants to say. They used to get along so well.
The Traveler shakes her head and moves her hands to sign. “If you’d like, we can return to Mondstadt and ask him what the matter is.”
“No, that’s alright. You two shouldn’t trouble yourselves. I simply sought you out to confirm whether or not he was with you. Since he isn’t, I’ll…” He’ll what? Keep looking for him when it’s obvious Kaeya wants nothing to do with him? “…return to Mondstadt.”
“Uh,” Paimon shares a look with the Traveler. “Alright.”
“Good luck,” Lumine signs with a gentle smile, “I hope you find him.”
He sighs quietly, uncrossing his arms. “Thank you. But if Kaeya doesn’t want to be found, I fear there’s little I can do.”
They say their farewells and part ways, each heading back the way they came.
“Why would Master Diluc ask after Captain Kaeya?” he hears Paimon’s voice some ways down the road, no doubt once she thinks he’s out of earshot. Lumine must sign her response, because Diluc doesn’t hear it.
It’s dusk by the time Diluc returns to the Dawn Winery, and it’s dusk by the time the full weight of the realization hits him.
Kaeya isn’t with Lumine and Paimon.
He knew that, of course. He knew that from the beginning. But here, now that he’s safe, and home, and he’s stopped actively not thinking about it, it’s taking all of Diluc’s willpower just to keep walking.
Not now. He can’t do this now. Once he makes it inside, then he can shut himself up in his room and none of the house staff will have to deal with his reaction to the fact that Kaeya never left Mondstadt, and Kaeya is still in Mondstadt but Diluc can’t find him anywhere, because…because—
“Master Diluc, welcome home,” a familiar voice cuts through his spiraling thoughts as he’s halfway through the courtyard.
Adelinde is a welcoming sight, but after the news he’s just received, he doubts anything can really put his mind to rest until Kaeya is in front of him, and safe, and explaining exactly what’s been going on these past few weeks.
“I’m back, Adelinde,” he can manage a bit of politeness despite the day he’s had, he thinks as he removes his coat with a weary sigh. “I still haven’t found anything.”
“You, um, you haven’t, Master Diluc?”
It’s not like her to lose her graceful manner of speech, but Diluc is far beyond the point of caring about anything that isn’t his brother. “No. I’ll return to Mondstadt tomorrow, so please continue to take care of the estate in the meantime.”
“Ah…” Adelinde hums in agreement slowly. “Yes, Master Diluc…”
The hesitation in her voice gives him pause, and he looks up to see her flicking her eyes between him and some indeterminate point in space. Did he interrupt something? “What is it?” He follows her gaze but finds nothing, and turns his attention back to her with a quizzical look.
After a split second of deliberation, Adelinde lowers her head in a small bow. “Nothing, Master Diluc.”
He’s too tired to press the matter, or care too much about whatever it is. He should take the time for his staff, he knows, but he can’t. He just can’t. Not right now.
So he gives her a curt nod and heads inside.
With each step he takes, Diluc can feel the stone walls of apathy crumbling down around him, but he keeps it together until he reaches his office.
When he finally has the door shut behind him, there’s a moment of silence before Diluc slides to the floor and buries his face in his hands.
Kaeya isn’t with Lumine and Paimon.
Kaeya isn’t with Lumine and Paimon, because he never left Mondstadt.
That small voice in Diluc’s head returns to gloat, reminding him that everyone but him has seen Kaeya.
Diluc can’t help the hollow feeling in his chest, nor the thought that echoes in his head with every heartbeat.
Gone. He’s gone. Kaeya’s gone. His little brother is gone.
Not gone in the sense that he’s left, but in the sense that he’s still in Mondstadt, and he’s safe and fine and perfectly okay without him and why does that thought hurt worse than the one where he’s in danger? If Kaeya were in danger Diluc would be there to help him in a heartbeat—he’d do anything to keep him safe, anything—but if Kaeya is fine and okay and alive and happy then that means—
That means he really doesn’t want Diluc in his life anymore. And it’s too late.
It’s too late to fix things, and Kaeya will live his whole life and die thinking Diluc hates him.
A strangled sob escapes his throat at the thought, and he clamps his jaw tight and his shoulders shake with the effort it takes to not make another sound. He doesn’t want to worry the staff, the last thing he needs is Adelinde and Elzer fussing over him and pitying him for something that is his fault. Diluc is the one that drew his blade first that night and Diluc is at fault because he’s the one who attacked his brother, his little brother, and tried to—
He’s leaned so far forward that his forehead settles against the floor. His whole body shakes and shudders in silent despair.
There is absolutely nothing Diluc regrets in his life more than how things turned out with Kaeya.
He wishes he could go back, do anything, say anything other than what he did. He wishes he could give him the full support and understanding he needed, that Kaeya was coming to him for, he recognizes now. Wishes he could pull him into his arms and they could mourn the father they had both lost, together. Wishes he could welcome him home to the Dawn Winery with open arms.
Diluc wishes, above all else, that they could be brothers again.
After his breakdown the night of his realization, Diluc’s apathy returns in full force. If Kaeya doesn’t want him in his life anymore, then fine. Diluc goes to work and he goes home and goes to sleep and goes to work. What happens in between is not particularly important.
It has been a month since Diluc saw Kaeya’s face, been in his company. He tries not to miss it. He tries not to think of him at all, because he really doesn’t like what happens when he does.
He’s out one day, seeing what he can restock on in the market, when a familiar shade of red catches his eye.
To his surprise, it’s the Spark Knight, Klee. She’s sat at a table at Good Hunter, legs swinging back and forth as she eats.
It’s not particularly unusual to see her out and about in the city, but usually if she’s by herself then it means some sort of explosive is going to go off somewhere. Most of the time, when she’s in Mondstadt proper she’s accompanied by Albedo, or—
That line of thinking cracks part of Diluc’s apathetic front. Despite everything, part of him still wants to know exactly what it was that drove Kaeya to avoid him so effectively.
His coworkers—friends, really, if Diluc is being honest, and Kaeya deserves them—seem to be the best bet in getting any information. And he certainly isn’t fool enough to charge directly into the Knights of Favonius headquarters. So he approaches.
…And immediately regrets it. The look on Klee’s face when she spots him is not…good, and Diluc doesn’t like it, but he’s here already and it would be weirder to turn around without saying anything and he’s never been good at lying on the spot.
“M-mister Diluc,” she says quietly, folding in on herself a little. Ohh, he doesn’t like this one bit.
“…How have you been.” …Gods. What is he doing.
“Um…Klee has been okay…” she answers after a moment of hesitation.
“I see. I’m glad to hear that.” This conversation is the worst. What was he thinking. Diluc hasn’t been good with children since he was one, and even then it’s a stretch. Klee looks about as uncomfortable as he feels. He lets out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping with the action. “And…anything noteworthy happening lately?” He figures it’s worth a shot.
Klee blinks up at him with big, owlish eyes. “No.”
Diluc remembers, not without a sharp stab of pain, how his father would prompt Kaeya and himself to speak with such enthusiasm that they both ended up tiring themselves out.
“What did you do today?”
It’s then that Klee beams at him, and Diluc can’t help but feel a bit victorious at her expression.
“Klee went fish blasting with Mister Kaeya!”
Nevermind. He doesn’t feel anything right now.
“Oops,” she mumbles, looking off to the side guiltily. “Sorry, I’m not supposed to talk about this…”
What, Kaeya doesn’t even want people talking about him to Diluc? That explains a lot. “Why not,” comes out of his mouth more heatedly than he anticipated, and he blinks at his own voice in his ears for a second before trying again with a softer touch. “I mean...Why not, Klee?”
She doesn’t answer for a while, avoiding his gaze. “Mister Kaeya looks really sad lately. I didn’t mean to…No! Klee won’t talk about it anymore!” She crosses her arms, resolutely refusing to speak any further on the topic.
The information is…difficult to digest. “…Sad?” Diluc thought Kaeya would be over the moon, having apparently cut all remaining ties with him. “Very well. Thank you for telling me, Klee.”
The Spark Knight gives a sharp nod, still facing away from him. “You’re welcome,” she says. “Please stop making Mister Kaeya sad! Thank you.”
Stop making—
He’s not doing anything, Kaeya’s the one who—
Stop. Breathe.
Useful thoughts, Diluc.
Diluc does not want to have some sort of childish outburst in front of a literal child.
Partly because he’s an adult, and any childish outbursts can wait until he’s in the privacy of his own home. Partly because Klee is a child and doesn’t deserve to have some strange adult get upset at her words. And partly because if she starts crying Diluc has literally no idea what to do.
So, Diluc turns and leaves, mind turning over her words in his head.
Maybe Kaeya is struggling with this whole thing as much as Diluc is. The part of him that worries about his wellbeing hopes he isn’t. The part of him that desperately wants to see his brother again hopes he is.
As it turns out, Diluc is fool enough to charge directly into the Knights of Favonius headquarters.
Not entirely unprompted, mind.
Diluc is used to having nightmares, and has had no shortage of them since this whole debacle began, but waking up from his most recent one spurred him into action.
In the dream, he wandered through the entirety of Mondstadt with a ball of panic in his chest, desperately asking everyone he could find if they had seen Kaeya, only to be met with confusion. When he finally made it to Jean’s office and begged to know where his brother was, Jean only raised a quizzical eyebrow and asked, “Who?”
So, devoid of any other options, Diluc is on a warpath for the Knights of Favonius headquarters. With each step, panic tangles with anger because Kaeya couldn’t even bother to tell him to his face that he hates him and doesn’t want to see him anymore. Diluc just wants him to get it over with so there’s no further doubt in his mind.
When he reaches the building, the look on his face must be something to behold because the two guards stationed outside look rather shocked.
“H-halt,” says one, like just his presence here has startled them.
“I have a meeting with the Acting Grand Master,” Diluc lies, and even to his own ears it doesn’t sound like the truth. He doesn’t care.
The two guards exchange a glance.
“Alright,” one says hesitantly.
“But she’s already in a—” says the other.
He doesn’t care. He marches past and they don’t make any real attempt to stop him.
Neither do the guards inside when Diluc bursts into Kaeya’s office, only to find it empty.
They continue to not stop him as he bursts into the meeting room. Jean and Lisa spin to look at him in surprise. There is still no sign of Kaeya.
“Where is he.”
“Master Diluc,” Jean exclaims as she gets to her feet, hand resting on the butt of her sword and eyes flitting around the room after his own like she’s expecting some sort of attack. “Is there an emergency? What happened?”
“I’ve had enough of this game,” Diluc says, allowing some of the vitriol that has gone unchecked under his apathetic mask to seep through to the surface. “Where is he? If he doesn’t want to see me, at least let him say that to my face!”
Not because he just wants to see him one last time before—
“What’s with you?” Lisa frowns at him, clearly unamused. “You’re making a whole spectacle out of yourself. Who are you looking for?”
“Kaeya. Where is he.”
There’s a long, stunned silence, wherein Jean and Lisa just stare at him before exchanging a look.
What, did they really think he wouldn’t notice?
Something ugly burns in his chest. He’s so damn tired of running around and worrying about someone who turned his back on him without a word. Even if he deserves it. Let him hear it.
“Where is he.”
“He’s, um, he’s right here, Master Diluc,” Jean says, and with her tone it could be a lie, he can’t tell but he’s so tired and he just wants to see—
“Where? In this building? I’ve already gone to his office. He wasn’t there.”
“No, I mean…He’s literally in the room, Diluc.”
What, did he leap over the desk and hide under it? “…Where?”
“He’s standing right there?” Jean gestures to empty air.
Diluc glances around the room again and he can feel his patience running thin. “Where? Is this a trick? I’ve been looking for him for over a month—now is not the time to deceive me.”
“No, I’m—” Jean sighs, taking a step closer and holding up her hands as if trying to calm him down. “I’m being honest, Diluc. I wouldn’t joke about that. He’s right there.”
“Can you not see him?” Lisa’s voice is clear of concern, pure curiosity in its place. “Master Diluc, it seems as though you’ve been placed under some sort of unfortunate curse. He appears to be completely invisible to you and you only. Kaeya, you can see Diluc just fine, right?”
There’s a long silence, and uncertainty has Diluc checking the room again. “Is he really here? If this is a trick—”
“He just talked. Did you not hear him?”
Diluc feels his face twist into a scowl. Oh, this is absolutely a trick. They’re hiding Kaeya somewhere under his wishes because he doesn’t ever want to see Diluc’s face again. And isn’t that what the Ordo does, lie and cover things up and—
Something touches his arm.
It truly must be a hilarious sight, seeing Diluc Ragnvindr, renowned wine tycoon and ex-Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius, jump a whole foot in surprise because of empty air.
…Alright, maybe he doesn’t, but that’s about how it feels.
When his heartbeat has settled to a regular rhythm, he looks down at where the ghostly contact is. “What…?” He shifts his arm, and sure enough, the weight moves with it. All the anger and molten rage that has been boiling in his chest all morning begins to cool and die out. “Is this…?”
Something like hope sparks in the now-empty cavity of Diluc’s chest when the touch on his arm tightens, but he’s not fool enough to believe that things could be that easy.
“Kaeya, is that you?” He tries to keep his voice from wavering, and he’s not entirely sure he succeeds. Slowly, slowly, he shifts his own hand around—and connects with something. He latches onto it readily. It can’t be. It can’t be. It can’t be that simple.
He turns to look at Jean and Lisa, who look somewhere between amused and heartbroken at this whole situation. “Is that Kaeya?”
“Yes, it’s him,” Lisa says, a smile slowly making its way to her lips. “You should see his face. I think he’s seriously about to—” she cuts herself off with a peal of bright laughter, which does not do anything for Diluc’s dwindling confidence in this situation.
“He’s about to what?” Diluc tries not to sound panicked.
Jean gives him maybe the softest smile he’s ever seen. “He’s very happy to see you, Diluc.”
…Happy? To see him? That can’t be right, not after…not after…
Releasing the vice-grip he has on Maybe-Kaeya, Diluc hesitantly reaches forward, hoping for…something. He doesn’t really know yet. The ghostly touch guides his hand to something more solid. His thumb brushes against what can only be hair, and Diluc can’t help but remember Kaeya wears his over his left shoulder.
It can’t be. “…He’s really here?” Diluc asks quietly, as if asking it too loud will change the answer. He can’t keep the waver out of his voice.
“He is.”
That tiny spark of hope in his chest blooms into a full-blown goddamned firework. Or something. He doesn’t care about metaphors right now, what’s really important is—
“I thought you were avoiding me,” he manages. “I asked all around Mondstadt. I looked everywhere. Everyone kept saying they saw you regularly, but—I couldn’t find—you were just gone.”
There’s a long beat of silence, which Diluc hopes means Kaeya is saying something. Lisa confirms it a moment later.
“He promises he won’t leave,” she says. “Master Diluc, I advise you to stop for now—otherwise, you really will make Captain Kaeya cry.”
What?
The Spark Knight’s words come back to him in a flash. Please stop making Mister Kaeya sad!
“Cry?” The panic in his chest returns in full force, and he grips the one spot of connection between them even tighter. “What’s wrong?”
Jean just smiles. “I told you; he’s happy to see you.”
Happy. Happy to see him. Something like relief washes over him and he relaxes his grip ever so slightly. “…I see. Thank you for telling me.”
He smiles at Jean and Lisa, savoring the implications of the words hanging in the air. Here. Safe. Happy to see him.
Then he snaps back to the present. “I have to find a cure, as soon as possible.” Hesitantly, he releases Kaeya’s invisible shoulder and his hand flounders in the air for a moment before reconnecting with what he now recognizes as his wrist. “Do you have any idea of what might have caused this?”
Lisa hums, tapping a finger on her chin in thought. “I believe I heard about a magic spell such as this. I’ll have to investigate. It shouldn’t take too long. In the meantime, just…”
Diluc doesn’t quite catch the last of her words, because his one point of contact with his brother moves and panic leaps into his throat, hand clamping down harder on Kaeya’s wrist on reflex.
“Where are you going.”
There’s a stretch of silence before Jean speaks. “Diluc, do you want to stay with Kaeya until we find a cure? I know communication might be hard to achieve that way, but—”
“Yes,” he cuts her off. Not very polite of him, and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to care in the slightest. If his brother—his brother, his little brother—is happy to see him after all this time then he’s never letting go of him again.
“My, I believe you might have,” Lisa says with a mischievous smile a moment later. “Or maybe, he already had it.”
“What is it? What did he say?” Diluc will be very happy when he can finally hear his brother’s voice again. “Why was he leaving? I can follow him if he needs to go somewhere.”
“It’s alright, he doesn’t have to go anywhere,” Jean gives a nod that alleviates a bit of the remaining panic in Diluc’s chest. “Captain Kaeya, do you mind staying with Diluc for now? I’m sure it won’t take too long…Maybe you two can spend some time at the Dawn Winery?” A long moment passes before she nods again. “Very well. Let’s do it that way, then?”
“He said yes?” He almost can’t believe it. How many times has he thought about Kaeya being back in the Dawn Winery, back home?
“Yes, you can go hide him away in your mansion now, Master Diluc,” Lisa says, and Diluc’s heart soars. “Remember to give him back once you’re cured, you understand? We do need our Cavalry Captain, you know.”
“Fine.” He’s absolutely not going to do that. Not right away, at least. Not until he’s absolutely certain his brother knows how much he loves him. Then maybe, maybe, he’ll let him out of his sight. Kaeya does have important things to attend to. Sometimes.
He turns back to where he’s sure Kaeya is standing and gives a gentle tug on his wrist, not wanting to spend another second in the Knights’ headquarters when he could be sitting at home with his brother instead. “Follow me.”
“Take care, Kaeya,” calls Jean as they leave.
…
The silence is a foreign thing. Kaeya’s never been one to keep his mouth shut if he can help it, so Diluc doubts he’s walking quietly right now. He’s probably saying something stupid, like how Diluc should consider his reputation, as inconsequential as that is to him. What does he care what people think of him?
Still, he can’t have Kaeya thinking he cares about things like that more than him.
“I’m not ashamed to be seen by your side,” he admits at last. “I don’t know what nonsense you’re spouting right now, but it must be something along those lines. I’m not ashamed to be seen by your side, so stop thinking that way.”
He doesn’t know where he gets the courage to say it, but the words are leaving his mouth before he can even consider how Kaeya will feel about them, “I’m not ashamed to be seen by my little brother’s side.”
Then he shuts his mouth before he can say anything else.
The trip to the Dawn Winery feels like a lifetime. It’s a lifetime Diluc spends walking as fast as he can without outright sprinting home, clutching his brother’s wrist like a lifeline and silently praying he won’t suddenly disappear. He offers, exactly once, that if Kaeya’s too tired, Diluc could carry him. If the violent shaking side-to-side of the wrist is any indication, Kaeya’s not too thrilled about the idea. Right.
The sight of Adelinde at the door is, this time, a welcoming balm to Diluc’s fractured nerves. He’s home. He’s safe. His brother is here. Invisible, yes, but here.
“Master Diluc, welcome home…” Adelinde says, surprise evident on her face as Diluc steps inside, brother in tow.
“I can’t see him,” he explains.
“Excuse me?”
Impatience flares in him for a moment. “I can’t see Kaeya. He’s here, right?” he shakes the connection he has to him for emphasis.
“A-ah…Yes, he’s here,” Adelinde says with a measure of hesitancy. “So…does that mean, that day…When Sir Kaeya came here…”
“You came here?” He spins to look at where Kaeya is surely standing. “When? Why didn’t you say anything?”
He realizes, of course, he cannot hear or see any response Kaeya has to his question, after the words have left his mouth.
Luckily, Adelinde speaks again, a smile on her face. “So you two made up. I’m glad. That day your brother came here, you really made him cry, Master Diluc. It was quite heartbreaking.”
“Cry?”
Adelinde gives the space beside Diluc a flat look. “You certainly were, Master Kaeya.”
There is a horrible, hollow feeling in Diluc’s chest at the revelation. He needs to make this right. Right now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” he struggles for a moment. “I wasn’t trying to ignore you.”
Adelinde regards Kaeya with that same flat expression for a while, before turning her attention back to Diluc. “He’s crying again.”
Panic fills the space in his chest. He’s going to be really glad when it stops doing that. “Why? Did I say something wrong?”
Her expression shifts into a sly smile. “I believe those are tears of happiness, Master Diluc.”
Oh. “…Again? Alright. That’s…good, then.”
“Indeed.”
Deciding he doesn’t want to give Kaeya any more reasons to cry, Diluc changes the subject, continuing into the house. “I’ll be having dinner with Kaeya tonight. Also, prepare him some sleeping clothes—and change the sheets in his room.” Adelinde watches him, waiting for any further requests, so he turns to the side. “Kaeya, I have some things to look over for the winery. As long as you sit close to me, you can do whatever you want...” he trails off, his thinly-veiled desperation giving way to another realization he can’t hear his response. He stifles a sigh. “If it gets too boring, simply drag me outside.”
“Will do, Master Diluc,” Adelinde says after moment, bright smile on her features. “Take care of Master Kaeya, will you?”
Master Kaeya. That makes it sound like they’re brothers again. Diluc tries not to smile at the thought, instead giving Adelinde a nod. “Of course.”
The rest of the day is quiet. Which is…fine, Diluc supposes. Any other day, he would rejoice at being able to get so much done in such a relaxed environment, but as of right now he is anything but relaxed.
Kaeya is here, and safe, and according to multiple sources, happy to see him, but it’s such a change from their usual dynamic that Diluc doesn’t entirely know what to do with himself. Happy to see him doesn’t necessarily mean jumping with joy to reconcile. It certainly doesn’t help matters that half of Diluc’s willpower is spent not reaching out to where Kaeya is sitting, to reassure himself that he’s still here and hasn’t vanished or simply left him.
When a heavy weight settles against Diluc’s side, it’s as if Kaeya’s removed the weight of the world from his shoulders. He leans into the touch and tries not to cry.
Adelinde brings dinner that evening, and Diluc tries and fails not to spend the entire meal watching Kaeya’s plate slowly empty itself.
“This…This happened before. I saw this phenomenon before,” he finally says. Realization dawns on him. “Kaeya…did you come to the Angel’s Share?”
A soft screech fills the room as Kaeya’s fork drags against his plate.
“You did, didn’t you?” How many nights had he spent watching the clock, watching the door, lost in thought, when all along…“And I…I didn’t notice. This whole time, I was searching for you, and you were right in front of me…”
A hand settles on Diluc’s shoulder, and he closes his eyes, relishing the touch and the reassurance it brings.
…
Diluc cannot sleep.
This isn’t entirely surprising, given the circumstances. He’s been sleeping more fitfully for a full month now, and having Kaeya lying in the same bed with him doesn’t help matters as much as he thought it would.
Ugh, it was such a stupid idea.
He had changed his mind, as he does not often do these days, about having Kaeya sleep in his own room. A consistent stream of mental what ifs built pressure in his chest and made him all the more reluctant to have Kaeya outside of arm’s reach.
Adelinde had suggested sharing a bed, and Kaeya apparently agreed.
And yet…
And yet Diluc cannot help but feel anxious, sharing a bed with Kaeya like they did when they were younger. When they were brothers.
Part of him thinks that if he falls asleep, he’ll wake up to find that Kaeya is gone, and Diluc won’t be able to find him ever again.
Part of him thinks that if he falls asleep, he’ll wake up to find that everything has gone back to normal. The terrible, heartbreaking normal where Kaeya smiles guardedly at him and Diluc treats him like a nuisance and neither of them act like brothers anymore.
Part of him cannot help but wonder if Kaeya truly is okay with this arrangement or if he only agreed because he’s afraid to voice his concerns, afraid of him after…
Diluc closes his eyes with a frustrated sigh.
It’s a childish thing, but he had been so excited to bring Kaeya back to the Winery. How many times has he dreamt about welcoming him home with nothing but unconditional love and acceptance? How many times has he dreamt about the two of them being brothers again?
Diluc opens his eyes, trying to ignore the fatigue that has settled behind them.
Tonight is…definitely not the time to broach the subject of what happened between them, but…maybe he can reach out to the olive branches Kaeya’s been offering him all this time.
“…Kaeya?”
…
There’s no audible response, of course, but there’s no sound to indicate movement, either.
Ah. He must be asleep already. That makes sense; who knows how long Diluc was stuck in his own thoughts. Nothing is getting fixed tonight.
But…something about sharing a bed with Kaeya again, paired with the terrifying ordeal of thinking he lost him, makes Diluc nostalgic. Makes him feel like closing his eyes and settling into the reality where the two of them are still brothers.
And so Diluc can’t help the small smile on his face as he hesitantly shuffles closer, settling himself against Kaeya’s side like his brother had done to him earlier. Carefully, so as not to wake him, he shifts around until he’s comfortable. Then, just to be sure, he calls again. “Kaeya?”
…
No response.
…
Diluc’s not entirely sure what motivates him to do it.
He reaches out and settles a hand on Kaeya’s chest, feeling its steady rise and fall along with his brother’s heartbeat under his hand. His hand shifts, gently patting around until he can find—ah. There. Diluc’s hand catches Kaeya’s jaw.
After a beat, he shifts, propping himself up on an elbow so he can look down at the empty space where his brother is.
When the two of them were young, their father—and he was their father, not just Diluc’s—was fond of giving them forehead kisses whenever he could; in the morning, after a long day, and particularly when he would tuck the two of them in to bed. Diluc grew equally fond of the gesture, and took to mimicking his father, pressing a kiss to his brother’s forehead as a show of affection.
Such things seemed childish in the eyes of growing boys, and as such the forehead kisses grew rarer and rarer.
But now…
Diluc doesn’t particularly care about that now. He just wants…
Feeling the slope of Kaeya’s cheekbone under his thumb, he shifts again and settles his other hand on the opposite side, so he’s cradling his brother’s face between his hands.
Diluc stares down at where Kaeya should be, taking a moment to gently brush his brother’s hair to the side.
He just wants to be a good brother. Kaeya deserves that.
It’s that thought that has him tearing up, forcing Diluc to close his eyes and steady his breathing. When he’s confident he’s not about to start crying again, he leans forward and gently, gently, presses a kiss against his little brother’s forehead, hoping it conveys all the words he doesn’t have it in him to say, like good night and sleep well and I’m sorry and I love you.
He lingers there for a moment, maybe longer than is strictly necessary, before leaning back, a hand still on the side of Kaeya’s face to remind him that he’s still there.
…
Which turns out to be entirely unnecessary, because when Diluc opens his eyes, he sees—
He sees—
“Oh?” the noise escapes him before he can stop it, because there, lying asleep in the empty space where his brother should be…is Kaeya. His brother, his little brother, right where he should be.
For the first time in a month, Diluc can see him. He can’t help the bright smile that grows on his face, nor the unabashed fondness in his voice as he whispers, “There you are.”
Diluc shifts back into bed, tugging an arm around Kaeya’s shoulders and bringing him close, settling him against his shoulder, tucked under his jaw. He takes in a shaky breath and lets it out slowly, relief rolling over him like a wave, washing away his worries and settling over him like a blanket.
“There you are, dear little brother,” he says softly, because he can’t help himself. His voice catches. “…I’ve missed you so much.”
He’s here. He’s safe and he’s here and Diluc can see him. He can hear the sound of Kaeya’s breathing again. He didn’t realize how empty the room sounded without it.
“Never leave my sight again, alright?” Kaeya can’t hear him, but Diluc mumbles the request into his hair all the same.
With his anxieties gone and the adrenaline from finally seeing his brother seeping away, Diluc can feel himself drifting off. It’s been so long since he’s fallen asleep with his brother in his arms, but he can’t help thinking there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.