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entry 1
the name of the man I love is zhongli. he’s a rather put together man, and might seem tough as stone on the inside and out. but little does anyone know, the wise man zhongli has the most tender, loving touch anyone could give. i easily yearn for the tiniest things, like bumping knees and arms while sitting down, or when he slips his fingers right on mine while exchanging cups of tea. the fumbling in my heart really can’t take it anyone, as if my heart could melt any one of these days now.
my ways aren’t holding me back like before. I feel like I can live freely with zhongli by my side. if I gave up on him I think ————
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childe gently put his journal back in his drawer, and began to prepare for his night duty. ever since the tsaritsa had given him an extension on his mission in liyue he hadn’t slept a wink. the one time he ever did sleep was with zhongli after they met up at their favorite tea shop in liyue, owned by the xingqiu dynasty.
he grabbed his stringless bow and tied it to his back, and headed off into the outskirts of the city for patrolling (just in case something happened to get in the way of the fatui’s plan.)
perhaps you might’ve never guessed, but childe adored taking late night walks in liyue. the night patrolling gave him an opportunity to let him drown in his head, something he was never able to do during the daytime.
sometimes he would daydream about what food he should get once dawn arrives, or how his family was doing back in sheznaya. but on particular nights, he would daydream about zhongli. his partner in crime, friend, and someone he would love more than eternity itself. one thing he knew for sure about these feelings though, was that he would never tell zhongli about how he felt. knowing himself as childe, a harbinger of the fatui, it was too much. he would never want to put someone he treasured dearly on the line. that though, was only a minor reason. and childe knew that better than anyone. he was a coward, afraid of what zhongli would say or do. yes, there were times where he felt jealous of other people, but that jealousy would never be strong enough to force his burden of a crush out.
before he knew it, four hours had passed. the human mind was an amazing thing, huh?
rattling of leaves came from behind him. childe quickly got his bow out, and stood alert on his ground.
“hey, whoever’s there come out. if you come out now, I’ll let you off the hook.” childe said.
the person hidden beneath the bushes finally revealed themselves. and to childe’s shock, the vague figured was zhongli.
“z-zhongli?! what are you doing here? it’s too late for you to be out here! you have work tomorrow don’t you? you need your rest.” childe said as he quickly panicked.
childe’s deadly appearance turned into the most fragile, and awe look. he gently wrapped his hands along zhongli’s arm’s, like they’d snap if he grabbed him too hard. all while having a sickening caring tone as he spoke.
zhongli gazed into childe’s eyes, and as he did, they lit up. the norm was to see lifeless eyes, and it made zhongli’s heart flutter to see them full of such love.
love, huh?
“-swer me! zhongli? are you alright? talk to me!!” childe said.
silence.
“kiss me dearly, won’t you?” said zhongli whilst staring into his ocean eyes.
as they were dazed out of reality, the only thing they could do was continue to be manipulated by each other’s seducing touch.
childe hesitated before giving his response.
“whisper me all your hearts contents, don’t hold back.” said childe.
and yes, they kissed until their desires would be fulfilled. or until they could no longer waver another breath. they couldn’t ever possibly become sick of one another, tell them something they didn’t know.
whereas they finally stopped, they had other things in mind.
“stay until they end of the night, won’t you?” said zhongli.
childe paused hesitantly. he knew this wasn’t professional, or something that would guarantee him happiness. but it’s best to live in the moment, even if it means he’s being optimistic right?
childe nodded and zhongli pulled him back onto his lips. childe knew at the back of his mind he would regret this once he had time to clear his mind, that he was a fool for playing along with zhongli’s affectionate needs. but he knew he was a fool, that a man could woo him down to his feet.
accepting that factor, childe practically gave himself to zhongli. letting zhongli play with his heart for as long as he desired.
it was intoxicating, after all.
finally stopping for air, zhongli held childe in his arms. embracing him like he was his lover, with his arms cradling childes waist, and his thumb caressing his neck.
it couldn’t be more obvious zhongli didn’t want to let go. but childe began to feel sickened. how disgusting was it that he just gave himself away like that? zhongli’s touch became sour against childes skin. he didn’t want this anymore, he didn’t want anyone to touch him anymore. all childe wanted was to be left alone, it was the best for everyone too anyways.
zhongli noticed as childe became stiff against him.
“i need to go.” said childe coldly.
he quickly picked himself up, and wandered into the path ahead.
“childe, wait.” said zhongli.
childe looked back at zhongli, with tears already running down his eyes.
“why didn’t you stop me? I know I’ve never been very stable emotionally, but why?” said childe.
“no please, you have it all wrong.” said zhongli while hopelessly holding back childe’s wrist.
“then tell me?! what do I have wrong here. i know that you know that I’ve always had something for you. but don’t treat me as something that can just come and go!” said childe on the verge of hysterically crying.
zhongli stared at childe with glassy eyes.
“childe, i love you. im sorry I never considered that. im so sorry I made you think I was taking advantage of you. im a coward for not telling you earlier.”
childe looked at him, speechless.
“may I touch you?” said zhongli with cold tears dripping down his cheeks
“okay.” said childe
and instead, zhongli held childe’s hands gently. held them like they were fragile glass that would break with even a whispered word.
zhongli’s touch wasn’t sour like before. it didn’t want to make him gag at affection, his ways weren’t wearing him down anymore.
childe woke up at the bottom of a waterfall, unable to move. with each time he saw more and more blood in the water, the lighter his head felt.
“my heart is ready to die.” spat out childe with his last few breaths.
he didn’t feel like dying yet though. childe looked around, and he saw zhongli rushing to his side.
“look at me, please. childe. look at me!” zhongli said while trying to stop the immense bleeding.
“aha, I think my blood is passing me by, huh?” said childe while laughing about it to zhongli.
“childe. don’t you dare die on me now. I need you alive, please. I wouldn’t know how to be alive without you by my side.”
childe could see zhongli was frustrated and sad. mostly sad though. everything could finally end like he planned. but it suddenly occurred to him, that he didn’t want to die yet.
“zhongli, please save me. I don’t want to die yet.” said childe while he held on to zhongli with his hands trembling, and a hopeless-smile plastered across his face.
“I want to be with you. please forgive me zhongli.” said childe.
“zhongli’s tears wouldn’t stop, the ground was surely pulling childe’s life down. and he couldn’t do anything, even with the factor that he was a literal god.
“childe listen, the pain will end soon. ill teach myself how to die too, so please rest and then wait for me, okay? wait for me, and remember that I love you no matter what.”
“i love you zhongli, I’ll be waiting.” said childe with a smile on his face.