Work Text:
Killer guilt
Living in the UA dorm rooms was still new to everyone, and even if it was a positive change for many like Todoroki for being able to be away from his father for longer periods of time it wasn't like that for all.
Teenengers tend to like being around their friends most of the time but it could be exhausting living with those who are not.
Bakugou felt dumb, he and Deku were friends after all rigt? It was dumb feeling on edge everytime someone knocked on his door, or when Deku appeared in the kitchen while he was cooking or even when he saw him watching television in the common room with the others.
Deku had new friends now, some that actually did treat him good, some that let him talk and thought his constant murmuring was endearing, some that were calm and collected.
Once or twice since moving Deku had invited him to watch movies with the others, but he was the last one to be invited and he would rather sleep early than ruin the mood for everybody. He knew Deku invited him because he was good, he had always been good to those who don't deserve it. He knew the others did not like him that much, and that was okay with him, he did not need more friends. He has shitty hair and dunce face, even pinky and tapey, for some reason they all liked him.
He wondered if the others did not like him because Deku told them how he used to be, what he did to him, what he said, but deep inside he already knew he would never tell them, he was too good, too kind, too different from what he was. Maybe neither of them had changed that much.
A month ago Bakugou had a nightmare. He was at Auntie Inko´s funeral, but he was not allowed to pass the door. Inside Deku cried his heart out, Todoroki and Uraraka were at his side, trying to calm him down. In front of him was Iida, looking at Bakugou with a mixture of sadness and anger in his eyes.
Only friends and family Bakugou, you already know that. - and the door was shut in his face, the sight of his own mother next to a casket filled his vision before waking up covered in sweat.
He shook it off and went to class.
They weren't friends.
And then the kidnapping happened, and in between things he just confirmed that. They weren't friends. Why did Kirishima extend his hand but Deku didn't? No, they weren't friends. How could they?
The next nightmare was about his kidnapping, but the scene was a little different. Deku was with him, and he saved him, again. He was again left powerless, at the mercy of the enemy, without a quirk, without a way out.
Is not fun being a Deku, is it Bakugou?
And even in his dream he realized Deku saved him because he was too good, too kind.
Maybe he was the Deku.
Now that Izuku had a powerful quirk, what made him better? He was not better, he was a Deku, and Deku was not a Deku, he was a Hero.
Could Bakugou be a hero?
He had another nightmare. This time he was being ridiculed by the media. He was a hero just fine, just not a famous one. And he was laugh at when he went up to number 1 Hero ¨Green thunder¨ to say hi, but Deku did not recognize him.
Did you just call Japan's number 1 Hero, green thunder, useless?
The crowd that was waiting for an autograph booed him.
No, no, remember everybody
¡Be kind and plus ultra! - yelled everybody while taking pictures.
¡Exactly! Did you also want an autograph? It is okay, heroes can also be fans… Do I know you?
He ran away and woke up.
Since then he had been walking all around UA, not being able to sleep. He went through beta ground. It made sense why All Might chose Deku and not him. He was kind, he was selfless, he was… not like Bakugou. If he was Allmight, he would also have chosen Deku. In the long run he deserved it. He was brain and heart,he was not just a quirk and brute force.
¨Not a perfect soldier but a good man¨ he laughed at himself. He always thought he was like captain america or iron man, but now he realized he was more like Bruce. Just a monster with no self control that had hurted others.
The night was cold and humid, he could feel it in his bones and thought that it was dumb to walk around but he deserved the cold, he deserved what happened at the sports festival and not having his provisional license, maybe he was just not fit to be a Hero, maybe someday Deku would be kind enough to have him as his sidekick. But you should be able to rely on your sidekick, and Deku probably couldn't trust in him anymore, hell maybe he broke his trust in everyone.
He stopped once he was near the dorms again. The building seems too big now, almost overpowering. Here everyone had the same chance of being a hero, here he was just a wannabe, here he was not special. Why have all the others let him think he was a prodigy? Why was he allowed to think he was better than everyone else? Why did teachers and parents all talk about his greatness? How had Deku made it so far with no support?
If they were friends he would have supported him, not tell him to kill himself.
He looked up.
The building standing tall and great, the best hero course huh?
I bet they would kick me out if they knew.
Up and powerful as the tower building was, the roof was barely illuminated at all. A thunder showed a better picture in a millisecond.
At the very top there was a green haired boy he knew very well.
I-izuku?
His heart jumped and his eyes opened wide. Was he dreaming again? No, that really was Deku, standing tall and looking up at the sky. Was he…
No
His whisper was unheard and he could not know at that time, but his eyes were filled with tears as his hands shaked. Something really hot grew in his chest, like a deaf punch that left him breathless and stuck to his feet. His eyes hurt and so did his hands, what in the actual fuck, his body was on fire, a feeling of deep distress spreading like a forest fire.
He couldn't, he couldn't kill himself now. He had friends, he had Auntie, he had All Might, he had a great future ahead. Why would he do it now? Was what he said rooted in him? Was the hurt still bleeding? Was he as miserable as he was? That should be him up there. If Izuku went out that way he could never forgive himself. If Izuku went that way, so would he.
¡IZUKU!
At that second who cared if he woke everyone, he used his hands as propulsion and went up with a lot more power than he had intended. Hell, he did not know what he intended.
Pain setted in. In less than one thought he was tackling Izuku to the ground, using himself as a shield to absorb the impact, for the force he used was that of a rocket, he could feel his arms burning for the size of the explosions and his back hit the ground as he grasped Izuku as tight as he could, holding his head close to his chest to avoid any contact that could hurt him. This was his fault, he broke him.
Kacchan?
His sweet voice was muffled and confused, stund almost. That was all it took.
I'm sorry okay?!
Wh-?
I'm sorry for everything, I am so fucking sorry I cant even look at you anymore. I am so fucking sorry that I cant let you do this alone, I am so fucking patethic that I cant be here if you are not. We have to do this together or we are not doing it at all okay?
Kacchan what ar-?
Izuku stopped when he saw him. Bkugou was crying, ugly crying too, his face red and his eyes closed, he didn't really understand what was happening but he realized that he was being held more like a desperate hug than like a shield type of way, and somehow that was enough to make him cry too. He had wanted to hug Kacchan for the longest time. He couldn't tell who was shaking.
I can't be a Hero without you nerd, I really can't.
You won't have to?
Im selfish, but I want you here, I need you here shitty nerd, you are not a Deku, I am the Deku
Kacchan I don't-
Fucking hell I treated you like crap because I was angry.
Angry?
I was angry that if you didn't have a quirk you would break our promise of being heroes together and then I was angry because Allmight choose you. And then I was angry that I pushed you away, I was angry that you didn't need me anymore, I am still angry, I am still angry for what I said
Kacchan…
I am angry at myself and you should be too goddammit
Izuku smiled and hugged him tighter, he understood now.
Kacchan I wasn't going to jump - He said softly, as if it was a little secret or a swear word
What?
I was angry too Kacchan, but I never thought about jumping if that is what you are concerned about.
But you…
I was angry and I let it go, I was never forgave you because there was nothing to forgive, I was just training blackwhip Kacchan
A long and uncomfortable silence followed his words. Bakugou raised his head to find the roof filled with paper targets all over the place, most of them were broken to shreds. His face was now red for another reason, embarrassment and relief filled him altogether, his arms finally giving in and letting go.
What the hell De-Izuku
Izuku?
Yeah, you are not a Deku anymore.
The green haired boy smiled and got up, a bubbly feeling forcing him to face away, a little embarrassed for how happy the tragic scene made him. He really thought that Bakugou didn't care for him anymore, he would gladly hold on to the words he used tonight, probably would write them down too.
I meant it tho.
I know
Can we… be friends again? - The blond grit his teeth, it was embarrassing, but it was necessary. He had to do it right this time.
Izuku laughed silently, watching Bakucgou be embarrassed and trying to be kind was something not everyone got to see in a lifetime. He nodded with a bright smile, a star in the dark night sky.
You can call me Deku, I don't mind
I don't want to.
That was the first night that they actually behaved as friends.
Bakugou apologized properly and Izuku accepted it after some insisting that an apology was necessary.
They went back to the dorms, to the common area and talked like actual human beings, no sarcasm or insults in between, just actual friends mending things and recovering the time lost.
They talked about All Might, and Izuku's training to get into UA. They talked about their childhood, and what they could mend now. They talked about the nightmares they both had at one point or another and they made peace with who they are today, for yesterday could not be changed. That night was the start of a more united 1A, that night was the real beginning of a true friendship that slowly made them better persons and better heroes.
Aizawa pretended not to hear the explosions that night. He also pretended to not see them both curled up together in the sofa, even if he snuck a photo of them. He swore he would give it to them once they graduated. He would ask Nezu for the videos with audio later, the rat most that surely had hidden cameras all over. He was proud of them. His kids had finally taken the first step. They had a lot ahead of them, but he knew they had each other.