Work Text:
he was broken.
his sister broke his fragile, cracked heart. she wasn't okay and once he knew that he burned away inside; slowly, painfully. he was absolutely depressed. but that was irrelevant for he loved his sister more than he'd ever love anyone, ever, including himself.
did it drive him insane? a little.
did he mind? never.
on a sunday morning in july, michael awoke to the soft crying in the room next door. his heart raced as he sat up, running to his sister's room. she was only fourteen, too young to be crying on a sunday morning.
"princess? are you okay?"
she wasn't lying in her bed, like he expected her to be. instead, her desk chair was missing and the bathroom door was closed.
"libby, are you in here?" michael knocked on the bathroom door. the crying reduced to sniffles and heavy breathing.
"no." she huffed.
"libs, babe, let me in please."
"no, go away."
"libs, i want to help. it won't be better unless you let me in."
a few minutes of silence passed. just as michael was about to request entrance, her soft voice cracked out, "do you love me?"
"more than anyone else in this entire world."
"help me." she mumbled, her voice muffled by the door.
"unlock the door sweetie."
"i can't."
michael's heart raced. why couldn't she? was she okay? what happened?
"libs, i can't get in another way."
"i know. i can't open the door."
"get away from the door." he heard slight and slow shuffling. "this is going to be loud and i hope i don't scare you okay love?"
"okay." she mumbled.
"alright," he said. "be right back."
he raced into his room for his desk chair. it was a simple wooden chair, old and fragile, but strong enough to break through the door.
he found himself back in her room. suddenly, everything was a blur. he couldn't remember breaking through, he couldn't remember kicking the chair across the room, he couldn't remember the door cutting his hand.
he couldn't remember anything except the fact that his sister had locked herself in the bathroom so she could cut herself.
michael always wished his sister would be different than how he was. she was soon to be fifteen; only two weeks away. but her wrist was bleeding and red nonetheless, because michael would never be a good enough brother for her.
but knowing that, he pushed past his insecurities and walked slowly over to her.
"princess, you're fine, it's fine. c'mon, let's get you all cleaned up."
he may have tattoos and piercings, and his hair may be dry and fried from the constant bleaching, and he be an absolute menace and a horrible person, but he loved his sister with all his heart.
maybe one day he'd fall in love, get married, have kids, even. but he would never stop loving olivia. not even if he tried.
ღ
the rest of the day passed in silence and sadness. he didn't say anything to his mother, he knew libby would rather keep it to themselves. also, he knew how it felt to want to keep it to himself.
suddenly, it was sundown and he and libby were walking to their rooms. he reached for her hand and squeezed it.
"i love you." he promised her. "never forget that."
"i wish i loved me too."
michael nodded, knowing what she meant. he stalked back into his bedroom sadly, falling on the bed as the tears finally shed from his eyes.
"help me." he croaked to nobody. no one was listening for his calls of distress. no one really cared anyways.
no one would notice if he was gone.
ღ
monday morning happened just as usual; get up, shower, do hair, brush teeth, get dressed, get car keys and go to school.
his routine was simple and boring. he was better with numbers over patterns. so he counted down in order to remember what happened next.
"seven," he mumbled as he pulled himself out of bed.
"six," he sang in the shower.
"five," he whispered while fixing his fringe.
"four," he said, even though toothpaste instantly poured down his chin.
"three," he said while he pulled black skinny jeans and a metallica shirt on.
"two," he told himself as he jogged downstairs to meet libby at the door. she handed him the keys with a sad smile.
"one." he told her. she nodded. "let's go."
they walked out to the car. she sat in the passenger's seat while he turned on the radio. they drove without speaking, and finally found themselves at libby's school. he dropped her off,
reminded her where to meet him, and drove to his school.
his mother insisted they go to different schools so she could 'grow without her brother watching over her'. at first, michael didn't mind too much and he thought libby didn't either. but sunday morning killed those thoughts.
that day, before she got out of the car, michael grabbed her wrist. it was covered by her usual collection bracelets and a jacket.
"don't let people see. trust me on this one."
"okay." she nodded.
"i love you. go on kiddo."
"love you too.
and then she left the car, and michael found himself thinking about what she'd said the night before.
"i wish i loved me too." she'd frowned out.
"yeah," michael muttered, driving away, "i do too."
ღ
as usual, michael sat alone at lunch.
for the first few hours of the day, michael barely paid attention to the classes. almost never heard the bell. he'd shuffle to his classes and end up being late.
this lunch was different. at first, michael didn't know why. but as he scanned the lunchroom tables he figured it out.
sitting with calum hood and ashton irwin was a new kid. he had blonde hair and soft skin. he had a lip ring, and wore a blink-182 shirt. he looked vaguely familiar, but michael couldn't place a finger on it.
calum and ashton were basically the cutest couple in the school. they joked around and held hands and were always acting happy and other dumb stuff like that. they were known to be the guys that sat with the new kids until they found their own table. they never minded when a kid started sitting with the jocks or populars; they knew that that was who they were.
but michael knew this new kid was different than the others. usually, the new kids would sit quietly and awkwardly. but blondie looked like he'd known the boys forever - maybe he had.
once michael caught himself staring, he also caught calum looking at him invitingly. as if saying, "want to be less alone today?"
but michael turned away, faced his food and felt the tears well up in his eyes.
he remembered how libby used to tell him that he shouldn't waste his awesomeness on sitting alone. he would tell her the same. but they never stopped sitting alone.
michael always thought that she'd be quick to make friends. with her common sense of humor, quick thinking, and looks, she could've been a popular kid. but for some reason, she wasn't.
michael knew he had to figure it out. he knew that his sister could plummet into a deeper depression if he didn't fix it.
but he couldn't think of how to fix it.
as michael thought over plans and situations, he heard bodies shuffle over and sit.
"hi, michael." ashton's voice broke his thoughts.
"hi." he mumbled, glaring down at his food.
it must've been the potatoes, they always lure calum over.
"you okay?" calum asked.
"yeah." he looked up, before realizing his eyes were probably red and he looked back down.
"i'm luke." the blonde boy told him. "i don't mean to bother you or anything, but you've been in all my classes since this morning."
that's why he looked familiar! michael thought.
"really? i wasn't paying any attention during them, so i didn't really notice you. sorry."
"well the only reason i really saw you was because of your hair. it isn't hard to miss. other than that, you really blend into the wall."
"good, glad i'm invisible. it's my master plan."
"your master plan? what's the result, the end of the world?"
"actually, the result is me ruling over the world."
"oh that makes sense. want a servant or something? i'm free on thursdays."
"depends, you good at murdering without getting caught?"
"last time i got caught - well, you probably don't want to know. it's a little gory."
calum and ashton coughed loudly. luke giggled, smiling with michael.
"i hope you're okay."
"yeah i'm fine. just some stuff going on."
"yeah. well if you ever want to talk, i'm happy to help."
michael grinned. "thanks, but how do i know you're not a creepy axe murderer trying to lure me into the forest?"
"he's caught onto us! eliminate plan forest fun! cal, ash, you guys can throw out the chloroform."
"you guys are weird." ashton giggled.
"apparently we have the same twisted sense of humor as well as a common weirdness." michael concluded. "what's your next class?"
luke showed him his class list.
"hey, that's my class! we can walk together?"
"awesome." luke smiled.
and for the first time in years, michael didn't want school to end.
ღ
it was last period and michael and luke had literally every class together.
as school came to an end, luke and michael began learning things about each other.
luke's birthday was on the sixteenth of that month. he would be seventeen. luke was also two inches taller as well as a year younger. he played guitar and sang. he wanted to make soundtracks for movies when he was an adult.
michael also told luke about himself. he'd be eighteen on november twentieth. he played guitar and sang, like luke. he wanted to be a therapist, and minor in art.
they weren't exactly the same but they were incredibly similar and all michael ever wanted was someone who'd get his crazy sense of humor and love the music he listened to.
"michael, you're really cool."
"thanks luke. you're pretty cool too."
"what's your number? i'll put it in my phone."
they swapped phones. michael put his contact name as 'sexy guy with fried hair' and luke added him as 'lip ring dude'. luke's photo was a pouty face with a peace sign, while michael's photo was a blurry, slightly terrifying photo of him basically dropping the phone.
"well thank you," luke paused to look at the contact photo, "sexy guy with fried hair. did you fry your hair from the hair dye?"
"yup. and proud of it."
"you should be. your hair looks really cute."
michael looked surprised. he'd never been told any aspect of himself was cute, except by his mother. air got caught in his lungs while he thought of a response.
"sorry!" luke apologized hurriedly. "i didn't mean to scare you or anything. i just - you're really cute. we should make out sometime. i mean - wait, okay i'm sorry. i'll just - yeah. bye."
luke ran out, flustered. michael chased after him. "get back here blondie." he called.
luke stuffed his headphones in his ears and kept walking home.
"god, you loser. come here."
michael caught up and grabbed his wrist, pulling the headphones out of his ear.
"what? you gonna tease me for being gay? it happens all the time. i'm used to it. i'm not afraid of you. i don't care what you do to me, it won't hur-"
luke was cut off by michael kissing his cheek softly and swiftly. "thank you." he mumbled, before scampering off to his car.
michael looked back to see a blushing luke, pressing his fingers to his red cheeks.
and he couldn't help but wonder if luke felt the sparks too.
ღ
"wait, back up. you kissed him?" libby asked excitedly.
"on the cheek." michael corrected.
they had just arrived at the house and they were sitting in the living room, some dumb mtv show playing in the background. like every school day, they were gossiping about school and friends and bullies and everything. they sat on the couch, legs crossed and knees touching.
"oh my god! that's so cute! i already ship it so hard!"
michael rolled his eyes. after he'd taught libby all the fangirl lingo, she couldn't stop using it.
"whatever, weirdo. it was only a kiss on the cheek, and i doubt he even likes me."
"wait, you said he was embarrassed about something he said. what did he say?" libby slapped his knee in excitement.
"he said 'you're really cute' and 'we should make out sometime.' that's it."
"he said you should make out sometime?" libby squealed as michael winced. "so when can i meet him?"
"never! he does not like me." michael laughed.
he loved these times. when he and his sister could forget about every single thing that had ever made them sad or scared and talk about the things they hate and cute guys at school and everything they wanted to say but never could.
"how was school, libs?" he smiled, holding her hand.
"tiring. i hate school. but there's this one guy-"
"wait, libby, i don't know if i can handle him. how tall, and what sports does he play?"
"he's a footballer, maybe five-foot-ten. he's so cute."
michael groaned. "i can't beat up footballers, they'll run too fast."
"mike! you won't have to beat him up. i don't think he likes me."
"what's his name?"
"harry irwin."
"irwin?" libby nodded. "hey, i know someone who surname is irwin! his name's ashton."
"that's his older brother! ashton's a year twelve?" michael nodded. "they go to different schools because ashton wanted to go to school with his boyfriend. harry and lauren, his younger siblings, go to my school."
"never knew that. i sat with him at lunch today."
"no way! really?" michael smiled. libby clapped her hands. "yay! you finally aren't being a loner."
"yeah, i know." michael flicked her leg. "now, what do you want for dinner?"
"well..."
ღ
tuesday morning happened like every morning; seven, six, five, four, three, two,
"one."
they drove to school, this time the car ride filled with laughter.
school passed just as usual. long, boring, quiet. luke and him didn't say much to each other. simply walked to classes together. at lunch, calum, ashton and luke sat with michael again. this time, it was mostly calum and ashton making the conversation.
soon it was the end of school and luke promised michael he would text him. michael smiling, promising he'd reply.
michael waved and walked to his car, but just as he was doing that luke grabbed his wrist.
"thank you." luke mumbled as his soft, thin lips pressed against michael's nose.
michael blushed deep red and skipped off to his car, only fantasizing about luke's lips against his, and wondering what libby would say to this one.
ღ
wednesday happened quietly. the morning was fine but michael knew something was off. after school, olivia got in the car with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.
"babe-"
"no, i don't want to talk about it."
they drove in silence. once they arrived home, michael grabbed her wrist.
"stay downstairs. i don't want you near anything sharp."
libby nodded and sat down on the living room couch.
"i'm not going to make you talk about it, but i want you to know i'm always listening okay?"
olivia smiled. "okay, mike. thank you."
"don't thank me for being your older brother. now do that nasty year nine homework. tell me if you need help."
"sir yes sir."
and so, wednesday night ended with a silent walk up to their rooms. michael knew what libby was doing when he heard soft crying, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to stop her. so he fell asleep dreaming about what he could've done to help her, and what he didn't.
ღ
two weeks passed without luke or michael making another move. they spoke often, and texted every night. they would stay up until three o'clock on the phone, whispering to each other about nonsense.
it was august twelfth, and luke and michael were meeting up at the park. libby saw how her pain was effecting michael, and pulled him aside just before he began to walk to the park.
"look, mike, you can tell luke. about me. if you need to talk about it." libby told him, "i don't mind."
"i think i will."
libby smiled. "good. now go get 'em, tiger. love you."
"love you too."
michael found himself at the park, walking towards the swing set. luke sat on a swing, his long legs pulled almost to his chest while his feet skimmed the bark underneath him.
michael felt his heart flutter at the sight of the blonde boy wearing his headphones, eyes closed and head bobbing along to the music in his ears. his black skinny jeans clung to his legs, but his blink-182 shirt sat loosely across his shoulders.
luke looked up, seeing the boy walking towards him. he smiled, pulling the music out of his ears. he skipped - well, walked, but michael wanted to think that he was skipping; it sounded cuter - towards michael.
"hey mikey."
"hi lukey."
luke wrapped his arms around michael's shoulders as michael lay his head on luke's broad chest.
"how's your day going?" michael mumbled.
"well, it was pretty bad, but better now that you're here."
michael smiled. "glad i could make it okay."
"you always do."
ღ
"can i trust you?" michael whispered while they lay in the grass, watching the sunset.
"you can always trust me, mikey. i'll never wrong you." luke promised.
"me and my sister - i've told you about libby right?"
luke nodded, "yeah you've mentioned her."
"i'm going to be blunt with you. we both self harm. not getting much better. i needed to tell someone; to talk to someone. will you be my someone?"
luke looked at michael. he grabbed his hand, pulling their bodies closer. "michael gordon clifford, i'll always be your someone."
michael smiled sadly. just as their lips were about to touch, michael felt his phone buzz. it was a call.
he pulled it out. "libby." he read aloud.
"can i-"
"yes. answer quickly." luke told him, nodding. michael agreed and answered.
"hey, babe, what's going on?"
"people. they've been on my instagram and facebook again." libby croaked out, voice dry probably from crying.
"oh, babe, please don't do it. please, stay strong. i can come home right now and beat the crap out of them i swear but please..." michael's voice craked, luke putting his hand on michael's knee gently, "don't do it."
"okay."
"okay?"
"yes."
"i'm coming home now, babe."
"no, no you're with lu-"
"i don't care. you're my sister. if you want me to stay with luke then he can come with me. i'm no longer leaving you at the house alone, with your websites and stuff. it always hurts you."
"which it?"
"i like to think it as in the sadness mixed with a razor."
"that's a good concept."
"it is. i'm coming home now, and i better not find you in the bathroom like i did two weeks ago."
"love you mike."
"love you more."
michael hung up and fell back on the grass, tears welling up in his eyes. luke stood, pulling michael up with him.
"come on, mikey. we'll walk to your house. i can finally meet your beautiful sister."
"oi. don't hit on my sis."
"how could i? i'm too in love with you." luke winked, before realizing what he said. michael giggled upon seeing luke's horrified face. "i'm so sorry! i didn't - i mean, i'm not - i mean-"
"stop doing that." michael muttered, holding his hand. "my sister needs me. we can discuss this," michael paused while kissing luke's cheek, "later."
"sir yes sir." luke saluted.
and so michael showed luke the way home, but seeing as home is where the heart is, luke found his heart as well.
ღ
"so, luke, i'll be blunt with you. michael likes you."
"libs!" michael flicked her head gently as she winced.
"he already figured it out!" libby paused, looking at luke. "right?"
"i mean-" luke stuttered.
"whatever. i have to approve and all that. so, favorite bands?"
"easy. all time low, blink-182, green day, nirvana, the lot."
"so, grunge and punk?"
"yup."
"alright. know any mcr?"
"my chemical romance?" libby nodded. luke grinned. "of course. i'm not okay is my religion. sleeping with sirens?"
libby smiled. "stomach tied in knots. i'm a softie. you?"
"i like king for a day, but technically that's pierce the veil. so i'd probably say if you can't hang. catchy tune."
"gotta love ptv and kellin quin. best match for a song. speaking of matches, do you ship alex and jack?"
"hardcore. they'd be incredibly cute."
"know any one direction?"
"i'm a niall girl." luke admitted.
michael butted in, sitting on luke's lap and curling into his arms. "aren't we all?"
"yes. anyways, dream job?" libby asked.
"writing soundtracks for movies. or be in a band, but that doesn't really count i guess."
"good answers. one last thing."
"hit me." luke told her.
"would you ever break mike's heart?"
everything went silent. michael looked over at luke. he was thinking hard, like he didn't know what to say.
after a few minutes he answered. "purposely or accidentally?"
"either."
"never." luke said, looking into michael's deep green eyes. "i would never hurt michael. i'm, uh, in, uhm..."
"aren't we all?" libby smiled.
"all what?" michael asked.
libby and luke shared a conversation between their eyes. luke nodded, letting libby do or say something.
"in love with you." libby said, looking between the boys, but only making eye contact with michael.
"no one is-"
"shut up michael." libby and luke said together.
"i'm going to get some cereal." libby winked at luke. he smiled softly, nodding.
"what is she-" michael was cut off by lips against his cheek and his body being flipped against the back of the couch. luke's arms were restraining michael.
"i really think i'm in love with you," luke paused while placing another kiss closer to michael's lips, "but i don't know," another kiss, "so want to make out," another one," and maybe it'll make sense one day?" one last kiss was placed right on michael's upper lip. luke's lip piercing sat on top of michael's lips and he couldn't handle it anymore.
michael's heart raced as he franticly nodded. their lips collided softly. they moved in sync; kissed filled with passion, togetherness, friendship, and love. luke's hands were on michael's shoulders as his straddled his body. michael held luke's face with his stubby fingers.
minutes passed and they finally pulled away; breathless, from the lack of air and the kiss.
"so i think it's confirmed."
"you're in love with me?" michael asked as luke nodded shyly. "good. i'm in love with you too."
"so, make out?"
ღ ღ ღ
"mikey, my tie is messed up!"
"luke, i can't fix it! you know that!" michael replied through the phone.
it was the day of their wedding and luke forgot how to tie a tie.
"please, mikey come here. they can blindfold me or something but i just wanna hear your voice and feel your lips one last time before we're," luke paused while finding the word, "forever."
michael sighed.
(when they were planning the wedding, michael agreed to be the one who was walked down the aisle. therefore he was the bride. michael didn't mind a bit; he'd always been much more feminine than luke.
luke loved how michael was so soft all the time, how michael would snuggle into luke's arms at night - actually, at any time of the day.
although michael was the bride of this wedding, he wasn't wearing a dress. but he got to choose his tuxedo, and luke's. that was the price luke paid. fortunately, luke loved it. it was simple and black, white dress shirt underneath and a white handkerchief tucked into the pocket.
michael's tuxedo was similar, and with the slightly darker black and silkier fabric, it was also more feminine. he had a black bowtie and a simple white flower in the pocket.)
"yeah, i'll be there in just a minute."
"love you!"
michael hung up muttering, "love you too, loser."
ashton, whom was helping michael get ready, brought him to the other room.
"hey, mike. i blindfolded him." calum told him.
"okay, good. it'll only take a minute."
"hey mikey." luke mumbled while fumbling with his sleeves. luke played with his sleeves when he was scared.
"lukey," michael said, covering luke's hands with his own, "nothing is wrong. everything is perfect. except the fact that you can't tie your own tie. but that's pretty adorable."
"i usually can, i'm just, i'm just-"
"scared?" luke nodded in response. "why?"
"i'm scared that you'll think this is all a mistake. that you'll think i look ugly. that the rest of our family members will be like your mother." michael's mother had fled the second she knew michael was gay. "that my vow will suck. that the ring won't fit. that tomorrow you'll regret this. michael, help me. i'm so, so scared."
michael was silent as he sat gently on luke's lap, grabbing his face. "luke, do you love me?"
luke stumbled over his words before managing, "with all my heart."
"then stop worrying. because i love you. i love you now, i loved you then, i'll love you tomorrow, i'll love you in ten years and i'll love you in ten decades. i will always love you. you are my soul mate, my partner, my lover, and my best friend.
"and i can already see you and i know you look absolutely perfect. gorgeous. you're not even done getting ready yet, but did you know never a day in my life has happened when i looked at you and saw something besides beauty and perfection. you are the most beautiful man i've ever seen, you loser.
"my mother...she never really loved me anyways. besides, why would these people be coming if they didn't like our relationship? to throw eggs at us? we can handle them. we can handle anything the world gives us. i promise.
"you may not be an author but your words always gets my heart fluttering and my stomach growing butterflies. you could quote some creepy stephen king novel for all i care. if it's from you, to me, about us, i love it. i love you.
"stop worrying about the ring. we know it'll fit unless our fingers have miraculously grown over a week. all of this fear and worry? it's reasonless. you know i will always love you. you know i will always think you're perfect. you know not everyone is like my mother. you know nothing is perfect but our wedding will be as close as can be. you know these things so stop forgetting them, you loser. everything will be okay, i promise."
luke sighed in relief. "god, i love you."
"i know. i love you too."
michael fixed luke's tie while luke kissed up and down his shoulder and neck. luke's arms were wrapped gently - but tightly - around michael's waist.
"i have to finish getting ready." michael said quietly.
"i know," luke kissed on michael's jaw, "i love you."
"and i love you."
ღ
their vows were coming up and michael went first.
"lucas robert hemmings, we've been through a lot together. from the day when we met, and you accidentally said we should make out, until just a few hours ago when you forgot how to tie your own tie. in between those ridiculous times, there's been hardship and pain. there's been anger and sadness. but we've always resolved it, and i hope we always will until the day i die. you are the man i want to spend the rest of my life with. you are my prince charming, like our first halloween together, and i hope you always can be. i love you, loser."
luke smiled. "michael gordon clifford, i'm not an author. i'm not good with words. if words were my language i would've said these words years ago. i would've proposed the day we met. but words aren't my language. i speak through music and song, like you. but you've learned words, and you are teaching me these words as well. i never thought i'd get married. i thought no one would ever love me. i thought no one could. you never know who you will marry. it's always scary, and surprising. you never know who you will fall in love with, and die with. but when you find out, you know it couldn't have been anyone else. michael, no one else in this world makes me feel the way you do. no one else makes me feel loopy and alive. no one else drives me insane in the best possible way. no one else loves me like you do. no one else loves you like i do. so tomorrow, we'll have been married for an entire day. and in forty years, it'll have been forty years. and when we're old and gray, it'll have been sixty-something years. and i'll have been counting each second as the best seconds of my life."
michael began crying softly. "thought you said you're no good with words."
"i'm not."
the priest smiled at the couple, as michael kissed luke's forehead lovingly. time passed but neither of them were paying attention to the priest's words. they stared into each other's eyes lovingly until they heard the words, "you may now kiss the, er, groom."
luke grinned happily as he grabbed michael's face and paused before he pulled their lips together. "i've been waiting for so long for this."
"me too." michael attached their lips as everyone cheered.
ღ
years passed and every morning happened just as michael used to count it down.
"seven," he'd whisper while he saw luke still asleep in their bed.
"six," he'd sing in the shower like he used to.
"five," he fixed his red hair.
"four," he told luke - who had finally awoken - while brushing his teeth.
"three," he pulled on his black jeans and a plain black button-up shirt.
"two," he'd grab his car keys.
luke kissed him softly on the lips, michael melting into the embrace like he always had.
"are you going early today?"
"i've got a new patient. she's got depression. only fourteen."
"that's how old libs was."
"i know," michael smiled, kissing luke once more. "got any soundtracks for frozen four?"
"a couple. can't believe they're making more."
"ash will throw a fit. you know how excited little ashley gets about elsa, cal can't say no but it drives ash insane."
"you should be going now. clinic calls."
michael wrapped his arms around luke's waist. "i love you." michael said.
"i love you too." luke kissed his nose before michael pulled away and left the house.
it had become a routine. michael would do his countdown. luke would join in at four - he liked sleeping in. on sundays luke and michael would make breakfast together. on saturdays they would spend the entire day together. every night they would lay together, with their bodies tangled like vines. for a year they'd been discussing an adoption. they were ready.
they always were.
every morning their countdown consisted of the same thing. it was just like michael's old one. their routine was the same as the one the developed when they moved in together for the first time. and every morning, as michael left the house for work and luke went to sleep again, they would whisper together,
"one."
ღ