Work Text:
Author’s Note: A “/” indicates that this is being said by another character overlapping the first.
(You find a strange tape thrown in a bin in the manor. You place it into a player. There is no video feed, but a crusty, low-def voice begins to speak through.)
LUCKY GUY:
Testing, one, two. I don’t quite know what that means, but it sounds right. Is this thing on?
LUCA:
Yeah, it’s working.
LUCKY GUY:
Welcome to… the first episode of… “Lucky Seven.” This is… well, everyone calls me Lucky here, so that’s my name. We’ve been all living at this manor for quite a long time now, and everyone’s written about everything they could possibly write in their diaries - a lot of them are actually full, you know, some have literal - like, multiple volumes of diaries now, but some haven’t written at all, and it’s not really cutting it, I don’t think. So I found this machine, here, I believe old Mad Eyes threw it out, and our very own Luca spruced it up a bit, so I think it should be able to replay what we say.
LUCA:
Uhh, I tested it earlier. I think we’re good.
LUCKY GUY:
Yes, thank you Luca for doing that. I think we’ve all been a bit stir-crazy lately with the bad weather, so I wanted to… invite some of the other people we live with at the manor to come here, and let them speak on their experiences, really. I don’t have much to say about myself, but I will be hosting it specifically for the people that do have a lot to say. So for this one-
(A loud thud can be heard, then electric crackling.)
LUCA
Ah, shit. Hold on.
(13 seconds of total silence, then some shuffling.)
LUCA:
Okay, it works now.
LUCKY GUY:
Is it working? Alright. So, I’ve invited… four people from the West Survivor wing to come in and discuss. I have with me… Eli Clark, our very own Seer, and his lovely little owl, Brooke Rose. Welcome, Eli.
ELI:
Ah, hello. Thanks for having me, and Brooke here, as well.
LUCKY GUY:
Next we have Victor Grantz, the Postman, and his Post Dog, Wick. Welcome Victor, it’s good to have you.
(Beat.)
LUCKY GUY:
Ah, he’s waving. Wick’s on his lap, by the way. Such a good girl, yes, you’re a good girl! -Ouch. She’s a biter, she is.
(Dog barking.)
LUCKY GUY:
To my left I have Helena Adams, who has been usually referred to by Hunters as “The Mind’s Eye.” An impressive title for an impressive lady. Welcome, Helena.
HELENA:
Thank you, and hello everyone!
LUCKY GUY:
Finally, to my right, the Grave Keeper, Mr. Andrew Kreiss. I, uh, I see you brought your shovel with you. You won’t be needing that, most likely, but welcome Andrew and… welcome Andrew’s well-loved shovel as well.
(Beat.)
ANDREW:
Ah. Hello.
LUCKY GUY:
So Eli, you’re in a room with Andrew, Victor, and one other, Edgar the painter, who… “respectfully” declined to join us today. What is the living situation like for you all?
ELI:
Oh, it’s quite nice. It was difficult at first, of course, but as I’m sure you can relate, after being close to people in a room for so long, you really do become a sort of family.
LUCKY GUY: / HELENA: (Oh dear.)
Aha. Well, I'm in a room with Mr. Riley, Kreacher, and Mr. Le Roy, so perhaps not...quite… Yeah, you understand what I mean. Though I am glad that you all get along well.
ELI:
Yes. We had many issues at first, I think, because everyone here needs their space in a lot of ways - Andrew wasn’t very used to being social at first, and Mr. Edgar really just shut himself away in the Art Room most of the time, but over time, we were able to make many compromises and become good friends, even with Mr. Edgar.
(Beat.)
LUCKY GUY:
Oh, Victor’s signing, I believe. It’s sign language.
ELI:
Over the while that we have spent in the manor, I had the privilege of being taught sign language by Mr. Victor, so I can translate. “Despite not being talkative, I’m actually quite social, so I wanted to help get Andrew out of his shell. The first month we spent, he didn’t leave the room at all, except for food.”
LUCKY GUY:
Could you tell us what that was like for you, Andrew? I believe everyone was pretty scared out of their wits the first month at the manor. What made you start interacting more?
ANDREW:
...Eli’s sleeping positions.
LUCKY GUY:
Huh? Oh, (laughs) Eli’s putting his head in his hands, what’s this about…
ANDREW:
...Every night, Eli sleeps in a different position. Now, of course, I’m completely used to it, but back then, I remember one night I couldn’t sleep... I turned on my side, looking over at Eli’s bed, and I saw him - his back arched horribly, like he was possessed - I screamed and ran away to find a safe place to pray. I truly thought the devil had a hold on him.
(Helena, who has been giggling to herself while listening, starts laughing.)
ANDREW: (indignant)
Hey!! If you’d have seen it, you would have been terrified, too!!
ELI:
Oh my goodness… I remember you woke up our entire hallway with that scream.
ANDREW:
Oh, it was awful. And then the next morning, I had to confront you. Because even before that, your garb, you know, I thought you were a heretic. It only made me even more afraid that you were, (chuckles), a servant of the devil.
ELI:
Andrew started… trying to convert me.
LUCKY GUY:
You’re joking.
ELI: / (Laughter from everyone at the table)
I’m quite serious. I’d be walking in the manor garden and just see him out of the corner of my eye holding a cross, and think “Oh, yes, there’s Mr. Andrew again…”
ANDREW:
Oh, but eventually, Eli struck up a conversation, and I was able to confirm that he was a very nice person.
ELI:
He still thinks I may have a “demon problem,” as he calls it.
HELENA:
Ah, and I sleep next to Ms. Patricia, so you can imagine my surprise when I turn over in the night and the room is glowing purple…
LUCKY GUY:
I suppose I am fortunate to live in a room where everyone’s sleep habits are fairly average. Kreacher does snore, though.
ELI: (Translating for Victor’s signing)
“Eli does also tend to stay up quite late, or mumble strange things in his sleep.”
HELENA:
Strange things?
ELI: (Translating for Victor’s signing)
“Mostly ominous portents for the end of the world…and baking recipes.”
LUCKY GUY:
Eli, you've taken up baking? That’s an admirable hobby.
ELI:
Yes, I’m lucky to have a wonderful teacher…
LUCKY GUY:
Who is it?
ELI:
…
LUCKY GUY:
Ahhhh. Oh yeah.
ANDREW:
Sometimes Eli brings in baked goods for everyone in the room. They’re delightfully scrummy.
LUCA:
(-SCRUMMY????)
ELI:
Even Edgar will join us for teatime with my pastries or cookies, though he doesn’t stay for very long after.
LUCKY GUY:
Helena, what’s your relationship with your roommates like?
HELENA:
Oh, I love them. They’re all very kind, even if they may seem a bit cold to others. Ms. Patricia, Ms. Melly, and Ms. Martha are all wonderful, strong people, and very protective - sometimes, I think, a bit too much, of me.
LUCKY GUY:
Do you ever have any events, you know, for the people in your room to get together and hang out and whatnot?
HELENA:
Not particularly, other than dining together. None of them are particularly talkative, but sometimes Ms. Demi will come over to our table and that will often get a conversation going. I think, for us, the real bonding activity tends to be the manor “games”, actually…
ANDREW:
Y-you must be joking…
HELENA:
Oh no, I think it’s delightful, really. I think most survivors in the manor believe that I shouldn’t participate in the games, because I’m ‘helpless’ or ‘a child.’ Which are both incorrect. I quite enjoy the games, especially so when my teammates are the friends I’ve bonded with in my room.
LUCKY GUY:
You’re not the first person I’ve heard to actually enjoy the manor games, though I think at this point it’s become much more of a routine for everyone. Eli, Andrew, Victor, how do you find the manor games?
ELI (Translating for Victor’s signing):
Incredible.
ELI:
Our room tends to get matched up together quite often, or at least two or three of us. I also tend to get many matches with you and Mr. Luca, Lucky.
ANDREW:
I hate the manor games… they’ve never gotten easier for me. They scare me out of my wits, really.
LUCKY GUY:
What do you think of the hunters?
ANDREW:
I… I don’t know. I never go over to their side.
HELENA:
I’ve had tea with Ms. Michiko and Ms. Mary before. They’re both lovely.
LUCKY GUY:
I guess that’s as good of a segway as any into our next portion… I invited a hunter to come here and talk to us. Well, two hunters, technically. You know them as White Guard and Black Guard, I know them as Xie and Fan - please welcome them to the table!
(The sound of an umbrella swooshing to the table alongside claps from everyone except Andrew.)
XIE:
Hello, everyone. Hi, Lucky.
LUCKY GUY:
Welcome, welcome. Before we start, why don’t you tell us about you and Fan?
XIE:
Me and my beloved are intertwined within this umbrella - though we share a similar space in our minds and hearts, we are forced to manifest separately, and switch places at will.
LUCKY GUY:
So you cannot see each other, but you know that you’re there, and when the other wants to switch?
XIE:
Precisely. Fan isn’t very keen on talking with you “Survivors,” unfortunately. So unless he has a change of heart, I will be the one talking for the both of us.
LUCKY GUY:
That’s a shame. Can you tell us more about what it’s like to be a Hunter? Other survivors will be able to hear your thoughts, so you can share - you can pass on how it feels to the ones who wouldn’t get to know otherwise.
XIE:
Ah, I believe there is a common misconception that we hunters get enjoyment out of the manor games. This idea could not be further from the truth, I’m afraid. Despite the manor’s best efforts to make me and my peers seem threatening, many of us feel that we are the ones being hunted and harassed. I cannot speak for all of my peers, of course - many of them do enjoy the games, naturally.
(Fan swaps in.)
FAN
I take no enjoyment in the games - but I will make it known that whenever my Xie is in danger, I will be there to crush you Survivors who threaten him.
LUCA
Holy shit...
(Xie swaps in.)
XIE:
Ah. He had something he wanted to say. But as I was saying, many of us hunters do not enjoy hunting.
LUCKY GUY:
How do you get along with the other hunters?
XIE:
Hmm. Some of them we get along with quite splendidly. The “King in Yellow”, as he is called by survivors, is our closest ally. He often joins us for tea and baked goods of his own making.
HELENA:
Baked goods…? “The Feaster” bakes goods?
XIE:
Yes, and they’re wonderful. He made us splendid lemon tarts last Tuesday.
ANDREW:
But... Eli brought us lemon tarts last Tuesday...
ELI
Oh, well, I’m sure that’s just a coincidence…
XIE:
Haha. You may be right.
LUCKY GUY:
Are there any hunters that you don’t particularly get along with?
(Fan swaps in.)
FAN:
That wench Photographer. What an annoying gnat of a man, always zipping in and out of conversations he doesn’t belong in, making his presence known where it’s not wanted… And we occasionally butt heads with the Queen. I believe Xie and I are in agreement on these.
(Xie swaps in.)
XIE:
I would guess he mentioned the Photographer - a funny little man we are both amused and vexed by in equal measure.
LUCKY GUY:
Survivors, do you have any questions you’d like to ask them?
ELI:
Um… what is Has- what is “The Feaster” like around the Hunter dorms?
XIE:
Oh, he does as he pleases. He seems awfully attached to the gardens, and reads often. We play chess every now and then, though he far outmatches us when he tries.
ANDREW:
Do you… do you hate us Survivors?
(Fan swaps in.)
FAN:
Hate? No. We know that you are all victims, as we Hunters are. But sometimes… The hunt can be a welcome opportunity to vent our anger.
(Xie swaps in.)
XIE:
We do not hate you, nor do we bear ill will against any of you.
ELI (Translating for Victor):
Do you ever sleep?
XIE:
We can’t, although we would certainly wish to. When Fan is here, I am asleep, and the opposite is of course true. Some of the other hunters are likewise unable to sleep, and have beds only symbolically.
LUCA:
Hey, if you eat, does that mean you still… you know...
ANDREW:
...Why would you ask that???
XIE:
Hm. No. No further questions from that one, please.
LUCKY GUY: / (Laughter from the table)
Uhh, question from me: What are you doing after this?
XIE:
Haha. Yes, Lucky, we can sit for lunch.
LUCKY GUY:
Great. Okay, I think that’s a wrap. Thank you all for being a part of Lucky Seven and sharing your thoughts with the community. Big thanks to Luca for getting the show set up, and of course Xie and Fan for being here on their off day. Stay safe, and good luck, everyone!
LUCA:
Yoooooo- (The tape is cut off. End transcription.)