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Sunoo sits on the edge of Jay’s bed, watching as he tucks clothes and skincare into a bag. He’ll only be gone for a few days, but it doesn’t stop Sunoo from being upset about it.
Jake sprawls on his bed opposite Sunoo, bent arms tucked behind his head. “Don’t forget your toothbrush,” he tells Jay. “And a charger.”
“Not sure I’ll be thinking about brushing my teeth much,” Jay replies, but gets up to retrieve it from the bathroom. Jake laughs as he leaves.
Sunoo’s frown deepens. Jake and Jay have gotten closer as they navigate idol life and their rut cycles together, leaning on each other for support because they know how it feels. They even got the double room in their last bed switch-up. Sunoo would be lying if he said he isn’t jealous of their connection on top of the pack bond.
Jay comes back in, wielding his toothbrush like a sword, and throws it in his bag. “Okay, done,” he announces, zipping it up and sliding it towards the door. When he looks up again, eyes landing on Sunoo and his pouted lips, his gaze softens.
“Sunoo,” Jay murmurs. He walks over to bump his knees against Sunoo’s bent ones, stroking both hands down the sides of his hair. “It’s gonna be fine, don’t look so sad. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”
Sunoo grumbles at him, but leans his forehead against Jay’s chest. Of course he’s going to notice—they’re all going to notice. He knows it’s worse for the others too, having real bonds and all. He can’t even smell Jungwon’s sour apprehension the others complain about every time someone leaves for a rut or heat because he hasn’t learned how to control his scent yet.
Jay’s hand pets the back of his head for as long as Sunoo inhales into his sweatshirt, but it’s no use. All he smells is Jay’s musky cologne. He pulls back, unsuccessful.
“You can text me,” Jay tells him, cupping his chin to tilt it upwards. “I can’t promise I’ll respond immediately, but I’ll do my best.”
Jake snickers again, and Sunoo whines. “Shut up, Jake,” Jay scolds him halfheartedly, “you’re not helping.”
Jake mumbles an apology, and Jay turns back to Sunoo. “I gotta go now, okay? Let’s go say goodbye to the others.”
This is the worst part. Sunoo drags himself off the bed to follow him out, immediately letting Jay take one of his hands when he reaches back for it.
“Something feel different today?” Jay asks him as they head into the main room. “You’re not usually so upset.”
Sunoo shrugs. Jay’s right about it being worse, but it isn’t anything particular. He isn’t sick, doesn’t need Jay to stay. He just doesn’t like when they have to leave.
Heads turn to them as they appear around the corner from the hallway. Heeseung and Jungwon are sitting on one couch, Sunghoon and Niki on the other. Jungwon’s head is on Heeseung’s shoulder, and Heeseung looks visibly nauseous.
Jay’s face also scrunches up. “Wonie, baby, no offense, but you reek.” He lets go of Sunoo’s hand to go to where Jungwon is getting up, meeting him in a hug. Sunoo watches Heeseung’s jaw unclench with some distance put between them and wonders how strong the scent must be to have them all acting like this.
“I’m sorry, I’m trying to control it,” Jungwon mutters, clearly embarrassed. Sunoo knows it’s been hard for him—suddenly having all his emotions on display when he’d gotten so good at keeping them hidden from the rest of the team. His doctor thought the added pressure was one of the reasons he’d presented earlier than expected.
Sunoo wishes it was him.
The rest of the members get up to say goodbye to Jay too, offering hugs and words of encouragement for the long few days Jay’s going to have. Sunoo finds a place next to Niki, who also can’t detect the others’ scents yet. He’s not nearly as bothered by the whole thing as Sunoo is, though.
They follow in a huddle as Jay makes his way towards the door, bag in hand.
“See you, bro,” Jake says, giving him one last pat on the back. When he goes to step back, Jay pulls him by the shoulder to whisper something inaudible in his ear very quickly, not more than a sentence or two, and then drops his hand again. Jake looks confused for a second as he processes what Jay has said, and then he nods.
Both of them turn around to look at Sunoo. Jay smiles, holding out an arm to tug Sunoo close. Sunoo hooks his chin over Jay’s shoulder, feeling Jay rub his back gently.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” Jay says, loud enough for everyone to hear, and then his lips brush the top of Sunoo’s ear.
“If it doesn’t get any better,” he starts, warm breath tickling Sunoo’s skin, “I left a hoodie on my bed.”
Sunoo’s left confused about what he means when Jay pulls back, opening his mouth to ask what might not get better, but Jay just pats his head and moves on to the next member. Sunoo’s eyes don’t leave him.
He watches Jay hug Sunghoon and Heeseung and then, finally, Jungwon. He reassures Jungwon again, reminding him that they’ll be fine, and then presses a chaste kiss to his forehead before stepping towards the door.
As soon as he’s gone, door shut behind him, Jungwon groans and trudges back to the couch. Heeseung shoves Sunghoon to follow him, whisper-shouting that it’s his turn to hold his breath and comfort their anxious leader, but Sunoo steps up while they continue to bicker. The scent doesn’t bother him anyways, and he could use some cuddling.
Sunoo takes a blanket and curls up next to Jungwon on the reclined seat, head resting on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Wonie. It’s gonna be fine,” he soothes.
“I know,” Jungwon replies, frustration pushing his voice higher. “I know it is, but it just doesn’t work like that. My… my wolf, thing, whatever it is, it isn’t rational. You won’t understand it yet, hyung.”
Sunoo grits his teeth, eyes not leaving the TV. He doesn’t understand it. His entire chest aches like Jay’s left them forever, not just a few days, but he doesn’t understand it. He’s glad he doesn’t have a scent yet, because his anger would certainly not be helping calm Jungwon down.
“Just try to relax,” Sunoo says instead. “I’m sure it’ll get better.” He presses close, throwing a loose arm across Jungwon’s middle as they settle into silence to listen to the TV.
It doesn’t take long for Jungwon to drift off in his hold, the stress tiring him out. His scent must calm too, because Sunghoon wanders back in later to play on his phone on the other couch, giving Sunoo a thumbs up for settling him down.
Sunoo’s glad he’s being helpful, but he can’t seem to make his own head settle. He can’t shake the feeling in his chest—like a dull, throbbing ache that latches onto his heart and squeezes it. He’s hyperaware of how it beats, feels a tightness that isn’t usually there.
Jungwon is a dead weight against him, so Sunoo manages to get up without disturbing him. Sunghoon gives him a look as he heads towards the hall, but Sunoo waves his question away. He’d be fine. He just wants to try something.
Knocking once, Sunoo lets himself into Jake and Jay’s room when he hears a hum in response. Jake looks up from the drama he’s watching on his phone, quickly setting it aside when he sees who it is.
“You okay, Sunoo?” Jake asks, pulling himself up to a sitting position.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sunoo replies instinctively, but then his eyes land on the hoodie lying at the bottom of Jay’s perfectly-made bed, and he almost has the urge to cry. “Just—Jay mentioned—,” he mumbles, but he can’t articulate what exactly he wants.
“Put it on,” Jake suggests, and Sunoo looks at him. Jake nods him on, giving him an assuring smile. “Just try it. See if it helps.”
Sunoo pulls his own hoodie off and then picks up Jay’s hesitantly. He can already smell his cologne on it, meaning he’d worn it recently. Something flutters in his chest.
He slips the neck hole over his head and immediately smells the cologne at its source, right where he would’ve sprayed it. It feels like he’s buried his face in Jay’s neck, and Sunoo closes his eyes as he breathes it in for another moment, pulling it down and sticking his arms through the sleeves.
It’s heavy and warm and he feels oddly fuzzy as the scent goes straight to his head, like Jay is right there still. It layers like a blanket over the tight pressure in his chest, letting him breathe fully. He’s tired all of a sudden, like he can’t keep his eyes open. All Sunoo wants to do is drown in this hoodie and not come out until Jay’s back.
“Does Jay’s scent help you feel less anxious?” Jake asks then, and Sunoo startles, eyes flying open again.
He’d forgotten Jake was there for a second, but when he sees Jake’s sweet, gentle expression, he’s not embarrassed. Jake looks at him so fondly, like he’s done something right. Sunoo blooms with warmth, wrapped in Jay’s scent and Jake’s attention. Their alphas.
Sunoo’s eyes widen when his brain supplies the word for him. He’s never thought of them like that, or anything to do with that, really. Of course he respects their positions in the pack, but until he presents, it doesn’t mean anything for him or how they interact. Now, though, the thought is pleasant, comforting, appealing.
Sunoo doesn’t answer Jake’s question, just walks over to his bed. Jake makes space for him immediately, scooting towards the wall for Sunoo to lay next to him. Jake wiggles down the bed until he’s laying flat again, his head propped up with a bent elbow.
“Jay thought you might be starting to have some symptoms,” Jake says softly. “Said he could smell it on you too, really faint.”
Sunoo looks up at him. “Can you?”
Jake rolls his lips together, tongue flitting out to wet them after. He avoids Sunoo’s gaze as he says, “No.” He tries not to give Sunoo time to frown. “But it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Jay was pretty sure.”
Sunoo rolls over onto his stomach, pushes himself up to where Jake’s pillow is, and smushes his face into it.
“Hey!” Jake exclaims, laughing. “It probably needs to be washed. You don’t want to put your face on that.”
Sunoo does, though, because he wants to find Jake’s scent. Maybe here, where it’s the absolute strongest, Sunoo can trigger something. He can force his brain to pick it up when there’s nothing else to smell.
It doesn’t work. Sunoo flops back over, frustrated with his own body. Jake raises an eyebrow at him.
“I can’t smell your scent,” Sunoo confesses. “There’s nothing.”
“Oh,” Jake says. His eyes bounce around, clearly thrown off. “That’s okay. I mean, it’ll happen eventually.”
“Yeah,” Sunoo sighs. He knows it will, it’s just the waiting part that sucks. He wants to smell them now. He wants to know what Jake’s scent is, wants to know all of them, to feel it wash over him.
“Can you smell Jay’s?” Jake asks.
Sunoo pulls the neck of Jay’s hoodie over his nose, breathing it in. There’s definitely something there beneath the cologne and the fabric softener that makes him feel a little tingly. He doesn’t know what though, or how to explain it.
“I don’t know,” Sunoo answers honestly. “I think so, but I don’t—I don’t know what it’s supposed to smell like.”
“You’ll know,” Jake says. “When you smell it, you’ll know.”
He lets his head hit the pillow next to Sunoo. “Jay’s scent is like…like a forest during a thunderstorm,” he says. “Like the rain when it seeps into the soil, but like you’ve never smelled before. It’s deep and rich and heady, even for me.”
Sunoo chuckles, rolling over so that his shoulder lays on top of Jake. He tucks his head into Jake’s neck and hooks a leg around one of his. Jake drops a hand into his hair, massaging lazily.
“When he’s anxious or upset, it goes a little burnt,” Jake continues. “Like campfire, but the kind that stings your nose. Smoke doused in water.”
“And when he’s happy?” Sunoo prompts, letting his eyes close.
“Like the sun that comes after the storm. Fresh and clear.”
Sunoo thinks that sounds right. If he could describe the little bits of scent he catches under the cologne, it would be that.
“What about Jungwon?”
Jake hums, taking a moment to figure out his words. “Jungwon is like Christmas. Ginger and cinnamon and baked apples, all warm and gooey.”
“That sounds nice,” Sunoo mumbles, imagining his scent. “And when he’s upset?”
That comes quickly to him. “Like rotted apples. Fermented. Bitter and sour.” Jake sniffles, probably because it still sits in his nose.
“Sunghoon?”
“Sunghoon’s is the most neutral, at least for me. Usually, I can’t smell his at all unless he’s agitated or stressed. His is maybe cottony, like warm laundry. Burnt when he’s upset, though, like toast.”
Sunoo’s barely listening anymore, just imagining all the scents surrounding him. He can almost smell them as Jake describes each layer, sweeter when they’re happy and sharp when they’re stressed.
He lets them—and the hand that works through his hair—lull him to sleep.
Sunoo doesn’t take the hoodie off for the rest of the day. He’s never been able to sleep on the first day of a member’s heat or rut leave. He always lays awake for hours, even when Niki slips in with him, and today he’s taken a nap hours after Jay left? He’s convinced his brain is picking up Jay’s scent and settling, even if he isn’t. Maybe it’s finally happening.
He eats dinner with Sunghoon and Heeseung. Neither of them mentions the hoodie, but he knows at least Heeseung can smell it. (Sunghoon says he can only pick up their scents when something is wrong unless he really focuses, but at least he can smell them. Being a beta is better than not smelling anything at all.)
“Is Jungwon feeling better?” Sunoo decides to ask.
“I think so,” Sunghoon says. “He slept for a while, and he’s eaten. He went to the company to work on something for a bit. Hopefully that’ll help him relax.”
“His scent was mostly back to normal when he left,” Heeseung adds.
“That’s good,” Sunoo says. They both nod.
They’re tiptoeing around him. Sunoo wonders if maybe, maybe , they’re starting to smell his scent like Jay could. He wonders if it’s calm, or fiery, or smooth, or sharp. Will he be a beta? An omega? He’s sure he’s not an alpha, but what if? He tries never to think about it too much, but now that it seems to be so close, he allows himself to foster the thought.
A beta would balance the pack out, but Sunghoon always jokes about Niki becoming his beta packmate, not Sunoo. Sunoo wouldn’t mind being a beta, but he wants to be able to smell their scents as deeply as Jake describes them. He can’t imagine a better feeling than that.
He knows he can pick up traces of Jay’s scent now, and Jay said he could smell the beginnings of his. Maybe he could just speed his body along, skip this middle period of almost but not quite. He just needs to give it a little push. Jake’s scent hadn’t been enough, but maybe if he combined them…
The members playing games in the living room that evening is the perfect setup. While they’re distracted, Sunoo snags a freshly worn clothing item from each room and tucks them all under the covers of his own bed. He’s got hoodies, long sleeves, sleep shirts, even a beanie from Heeseung that Sunoo is sure he can smell something on. It’s all there—a little burrow of his members’ scents that will hopefully bring out his own. He can practically feel it bubbling inside him, just waiting to crack.
With Jungwon still in the studio and Niki and Sunghoon focused on their game, Sunoo announces he’s going to bed early and shuts himself in their shared bedroom.
He wants to set up his bed in a way that no one can see what he’s got tucked in with him, but so he can also smell all their scents at once. With Jay’s hoodie still on, he only has five pieces to maneuver around his little bed, tucking them into the corner against the wall and right at the top of his duvet. Jake’s shirt goes under his pillow, hidden from sight but as close to his nose as possible. When he pulls the duvet over his head, the scents all hit him in varying degrees, but he loves it.
He feels safe and protected. He pushes the mingling colognes to the back and tries to focus on finding the scents Jake had told him about. Forests and rain, cinnamon and ginger. Cotton. Jake said that when he smelled them, he would know. He sifts through the dizzying amount of smells and looks for his members, his pack.
If he’s honest, it’s harder than Sunoo expects. They don’t jump out at him, but when he focuses really hard, he can pick up hints of cinnamon, a twinge of wet earth. They’re there—he just needs to give them time to work. They’ll soak into him, intermingle and bring out his own unique scent, he just needs to be patient.
Sunoo doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until the mattress shifts beneath him and the duvet starts sliding away. He mumbles something incoherent, trying to pull it back over his head to trap the scents in, but someone shushes him.
He doesn’t have to ask who it is. He can smell Niki’s eucalyptus face wash and knows he couldn’t sleep well. Even if he didn’t show it as much, having a member missing bothered all of them.
Sunoo lets him in without a fight but quickly tucks all the clothes into his chest and away from Niki, hoping he would just curl up and doze off quickly.
Niki does settle down, lying still for a bit after he finds a comfortable place, and Sunoo almost falls back asleep too, but then Niki takes a deep breath in.
“Hyung,” he whispers, and Sunoo doesn’t respond. “Sunoo-hyung,” Niki tries again, “why does it smell weird?”
Sunoo grumbles, shaking off Niki’s hand when he sets it on his shoulder to try and pull him flat on his back. He just wants to sleep.
“Hyung, seriously, why does it smell like the laundry room?” This time, Niki whispers closer to his ear, and then Jake’s shirt is being yanked from under his pillow. “Is that—”
“Give it back,” Sunoo hisses, flipping around to rip it out of Niki’s hands. He turns back to tuck it into its place, huddling over them protectively.
“What are you doing, hyung?” Niki sounds absolutely lost, taken aback by his reaction. “Is that Jake’s shirt?”
“It’s called nesting ,” Sunoo quips. “You can’t touch it.”
“Nesting?” Niki repeats. “Like… like an omega nest?”
Sunoo doesn’t answer him. He hadn’t expected Niki to actually know what it meant, and he honestly doesn’t know much about it either. It feels right, though. Nesting.
“I think I’m starting to present,” Sunoo tells him, turning slightly towards the other but still holding the scattered belongings tight.
“What? Right now?” Niki sounds a little panicked, and it alarms Sunoo too.
“Not like a heat,” he clarifies quickly, “just like, I think I can smell their scents. Jay’s especially. So I’m trying to speed it up by nesting.”
“Oh.” Niki is quiet beside him for a moment, and then he whispers, “Why do you want to speed it up?”
Sunoo huffs. Why wouldn’t he want to?
“Lots of reasons. I could be more useful to the pack, like noticing when someone is upset. Also to strengthen bonds, you know like Jake and Jay or Heeseung and Jungwon.” Sunoo pauses. “And I want to be able to smell their scents,” he continues, softer. It’s all he wants, really.
Niki listens silently, and Sunoo can see the outline of his side profile now that he’s rolled all the way onto his back. He can hear Sunghoon and Jungwon’s steady breathing in the bunk opposite them, and he’s glad they’re not having this conversation with everyone.
Niki’s mouth opens and closes twice before he speaks again. “But hyung, why are you trying to speed it up? You’re still a part of—”
“You don’t understand yet, Niki,” Sunoo cuts him off. He’s too young, and he’s never cared about knowing their scents. He’s not in this middle ground that Sunoo’s trapped in, too old to not care but not reaching that final step to maturity.
They lay there, both now too awake to pretend to be asleep, in the wake of Sunoo’s sharp remark. The longer it hangs over them, the more he realizes how unnecessarily harsh it was.
Sunoo sighs. “Niki, I–”
“Just because you can’t smell them,” Niki starts, lacking his usual confidence, “you can’t have a bond? You’re not an important part of the pack?”
Sunoo turns over now, looking directly at Niki. “That’s not how I meant it, I’m sorry,” he says, his skin prickling with guilt. “You are an important part of the pack, and I know I am too—” Sunoo’s voice tapers off until it’s barely audible “—it’s just that sometimes it doesn’t feel like that.”
Niki’s voice is tight when he asks, “But why, hyungie? What makes you feel like that?”
“I don’t know why,” Sunoo answers. “I know they love me. But the way they can read each other, understand things without explanation, scent each other, how can they love me the same if I can’t do all that?”
“They do,” Niki says, plain and clear. “They do love you the same. You’ve convinced yourself they can’t, but they do.”
“How can you know,” Sunoo says. He doesn’t want to crush Niki’s perfect picture image of their pack, but he can’t lie to him either.
“Hyung,” Niki says, and it almost sounds sarcastic, like he can’t believe what Sunoo has said. “You saw Jay earlier. He’s in pre-rut and he was still so in tune with your feelings, thinking ahead and letting Jake know how he could help you, which he did. Jungwon leans on you so much, and I’m sure he prefers that you can’t smell his worry yet. You know it puts the others on edge, and Jungwon can always tell.”
Sunoo isn’t prepared for Niki to know all of that. He sputters out, “That’s just—”
“And Sunghoon,” Niki continues right over him. “He adores you, hyung. Like, he would follow you to the ends of the earth. He won’t ever say it, but we all know. Ask any of them, seriously.”
Sunoo scoffs, but he finds himself smiling. He thinks Sunghoon’s pretty obsessed with him, too, but it’s nice to hear it from someone else.
“And Heeseung loves you like a little brother. He’d never let anything touch you. He is the little brother, and he treasures you just like his family. We are family, hyung. You’re not left out of anything.”
Sunoo stares at Niki in the pitch black, vision adjusted enough to just see the glint on his eyes looking back at him. “When did you start paying attention to things other than food and games, hm?” If he doesn’t tease Niki, he might cry.
Niki giggles softly and then finds Sunoo’s hands to wrap his own around between their bodies. “I love you just the way you are, no questions. I love you now, and I’ll love you when you’re presented all the same. We all will. There’s no reason to rush.”
Sunoo’s bottom lip puffs out slightly, and he holds Niki’s hands tighter. “Niki,” he breathes, shaky with choked-back tears. “I love you too, you brat. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Have a cold bed, maybe,” Niki replies, and Sunoo laughs.
“So cold,” he agrees, and then he flings a leg over Niki’s and pulls him close. They wiggle together in the dark, their arms pinched between their bodies and hair in each other’s faces, but it’s warm and comforting, and Sunoo feels happy.
There are no scents besides Niki’s eucalyptus face wash, but Sunoo feels happy. He’ll be excited when the time comes for him to learn each of their scents, but for now, this is enough.