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There was no one on Earth that could get him out of his head the way James could. Since they were little kids, James would take him by the hand and make him experience the world outside of his safe and studious bubble. It was something that he never realized he needed, but something he couldn’t live without.
Their honeymoon had been nothing short of incredible. He honestly hadn’t expected to spend more than a few fleeting moments outside of their suite, but James always had a knack for surprises. Their week was spent on scuba diving down in the deep sea, and taking hikes to breathtaking waterfalls. Though looking back now, Logan wondered if it was the view of nature or the beautiful man beside him that had him fighting for breath. He could have spent forever there, just the two of them in their own little world.
But good things have to end at some point, and the hectic real world was calling them back. He hadn’t realized how hard the adjustment back to reality would be.
His shrill alarm blared in the dark room, and while he had been awake for at least an hour, he still stared at the red glow of the number with hatred. It wasn’t the clocks fault that time had passed, but since he couldn’t exactly glare at the concept of time, the clock would have to do. He sat up in the bed, stretching the sleep from his muscles and glanced at the cold, empty spot beside him.
James had always been a morning person, a feat Logan himself didn’t understand. But while away in their own island paradise, he allowed himself the luxury of sleeping in, well into the late morning. It was amazing to wake to his husband laying haphazardly against his chest, legs tangled together. His hair would be a mess, and there would be drool pulling out of the corner of his mouth. If James could see himself in those morning hours, he’d be horrified. But to Logan, he had never looked more beautiful in that morning light.
The smell of coffee had brought him out of his thoughts, as he decided he needed to finally get up and face the day. As he made his way down the hall, he noticed a note laying beside the coffee pot.
‘Morning baby,
Got called into the studio early, you looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake you. Have a great day at work, and I’ll see you when I get home.
Love your husband
James’
Logan took the cup of coffee and carried it into the living room, curling himself into the corner of the couch. The note was left on the counter, as if maybe it wouldn’t be real if he couldn’t see it. He was being selfish, he knew that. James had a very demanding job, and he couldn’t always be there to see Logan off with a kiss. And he was being hypocritical. How many nights had James quietly eaten dinner alone because of an emergency at the hospital? The logical part of his brain knew these things happened. But the other part of his brain, the louder part, ached to see James.
He wiped the tears that had started to pool in his eyes and took a deep breath to settle his nerves. He didn’t have time to be upset, he had to go to work soon. So he took one final sip from his coffee that had started to go cold, before heading off to the bathroom to get ready for his shift.
By the time his lunch break had come around, Logan felt like he was going to collapse. He loved his work, the chance to heal people and take care of them was something he didn’t take lightly. But today wasn’t the smooth transition he had hoped for. A code blue was always a concern for hospital staff, and unfortunately as hard as they try, they can’t save everyone. He knew that, but today the feeling of a life lost weighed heavier on his shoulders. He crept out of the hospital's surgery ward, head down to avoid any unnecessary eye contact and rushed out to his car. A few moments of solitude, without the constant beeping and calls for attention would get his head on straight and the rest of the shift would fly by.
He pulled the door to the car hastily and dove inside, letting out a sigh of relief as he sank into the leather seat. He didn’t have long to sit, but he was going to make the most of it. He searched around in the pockets of his white coat till he found his cellphone, noting the several notifications since this morning. He had a couple text messages from Kendall, Carlos and Camille, but he didn’t really have the energy to carry on a conversation with his friends. He made a mental note to reply later, and scanned the screen for any messages from his husband.
The last message was from a couple days ago when James had texted Logan to ask where he had gotten to when he’d lost him at the local market. Logan nawed on his lip, as he weighed his options. On one hand, the lack of texts could mean that James was extremely busy and it wouldn’t be a good idea to call him. But on the other hand, Logan missed him so badly and knew even a minute talking with him would put him in better spirits. The logical part of him lost that argument, and he found himself pressing the facetime contact named “Love of my Life”.
It rang for a long while and Logan thought it might end the call, when suddenly James’ face filled the screen. He beamed brightly at his screen, and it instantly put Logan more at ease. It was amazing that after all these years being James’ best friend, boyfriend, and now husband, that the other man could have such an effect on him. Still he was thankful for it because he could feel the stress of his day melting off his shoulders.
He watched as James quickly looked around the room he was in before heading into what looked like a bathroom. “Hey babe, I was just thinking about you! You on your lunch?”
Logan nodded in reply. “Yeah, I have..” He tilted his head to the side to check the clock on his dashboard, “fifteen minutes left. I just wanted to see you.”
James eyebrows furrowed for a moment, before he spoke again. “Is everything alright?”
Curse James for being able to read him so well. Still he seemed busy as it was, it wouldn’t be fair to unload his own terrible day on the other man. Logan sat up straighter in his seat and gave the brightest smile he could manage. “Does something have to be wrong for me to want to see my husband?”
“Yeah I guess you’re right, I just worry ya know? Your work is so difficult and I don’t want you to get overwhelmed.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and Logan was filled with this intense want to be with him and not just looking through the screen. James lifted his head, clearly being talked to through the bathroom door, although Logan couldn’t hear the other person. “Yeah, I’ll be out in just a minute.”
It seemed that James was even busier than he had thought. He fought himself to keep the calm, easy going facade he had going before he responded. “You seem busy, maybe I should let you go?”
He watched as James sighed, clearly unhappy to have their time cut short. “I’m sorry baby, the record producer wants two clean demos on his desk by tomorrow, and it’s not coming together like it should.” He tilted his head back to the door again before calling out, “I said I’ll be out in a minute!”
“It’s alright, I understand.” And he did understand, he’d been down that road with Big Time Rush before. But just because he understood, didn’t mean he had to like it. “I’ll see you for dinner.”
“Well, actually about that-”
“-You’re gonna have to work at the studio overtime tonight?” Logan finished.
“I’ll make it up to you later, I promise! I’ll have Wednesday all to myself, so I can take you to that little Italian restaurant on 7th street that you like so much.”
That tugged on Logan’s heart tightly, how even with so much going on in his own day, James was still concerned about disappointing Logan. He feigned a smile, hoping that James couldn’t see the sadness in his eyes. “Sounds like a date.”
“Great! I have to get back out there before they break down the door, but have a wonderful rest of your day, I love you.” He blew a quick kiss to the screen.
“I love y-” James had ended the call. “-you, too.” He dropped his phone back in his lap defeated. It seemed like the entire world was against him, and he couldn’t take it. He leaned forward laying his head against the steering wheel, and let out all the frustration and sadness he had been carrying since this morning. His body was wracked so harshly with his sobs, and could barely catch his breath. But everytime he thought he was done, more tears seemed to flow.
When he was finally able to get a hold of himself, he was five minutes late returning from his break. Any longer and he knew he would be hunted down. He fumbled around in the passenger side of the car to open his untouched lunch box and retrieve a stack of napkins. He tried his best to clean himself up, but his red ringed eyes were a dead giveaway. He found he didn’t honestly care, as he headed back into the building.
The rest of his shift went by in a blur. The hospital staff seemed to notice his off mood, and left him to make his rounds in as much peace as possible which he was silently thankful for. When he finally made it back to his car, he tugged off his lab coat and tossed it in the back seat before sliding back into the driver's seat. At least the day was over, and while he would be spending the evening alone, he could relax and let the bad day disappear. He turned the key in the ignition, starting the car and made his way back home with his stereo on silent, not feeling up for any other noise.
When he finally turned onto the street of James and his house, he contemplated what he would make for dinner. Usually they would cook dinner together, but it seemed like a waste to prepare a full meal when he would be dining alone. He was pretty sure there was a frozen pizza buried somewhere at the bottom of the freezer. And while it wasn’t the most appetizing choice, it felt appropriate for the day he had.
When he made his way into the house, he tossed his lunch box and keys on the small table by the door and toed off his shoes, tapping them into place alongside James loafers, and designer sneakers. He made it further into the house ,when he heard a thump from the bathroom down the hall and froze in place. He quickly looked around for a weapon, snatching up the metal paper towel holder sitting on the counter. He wasn’t the most intimidating person, but after the day he had, he was going to take the burglar down for daring to make his day even worse.
He tiptoed down the hall as quietly as he could manage before placing his hand on the knob. He took a deep breath to steel his nerves and readjusted his grip on the metal paper towel holder. He threw the door open, rearing his makeshift weapon high above his head before facing the thief head on.
“Jesus Christ!” The man slammed himself against the wall dropping the bottle from his hands, clearly terrified out of his mind, and Logan stopped in place.
“What are you here?” Logan questioned frantically. “You said you had to work late, and I thought someone broke into the house!”
He watched as James took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm from the fright that Logan had given him. “I know what I said, but I couldn’t help but feel like you weren’t okay. So when I got off the phone with you, I worked as hard as possible to get the demos finished in time to set all this up for you.” James gestured to the rest of the bathroom.
No longer on red alert from the fear of a home invasion, Logan finally took in his surroundings and felt his jaw drop open in disbelief. The room was illuminated in the soft glow of several candles, placed carefully on the counter and edge of the tub. From his spot by the door, he could make out the steam of the warm bath, filled to the brim with lavender bubbles that he could smell all the way across the room. James had even taken the time to lay out a pair of wine glasses and his favorite brand of Chardonnay. The feelings that were blooming in his chest were overwhelming, and Logan burst into tears.
Clearly not the reaction the other man was expecting, he rushed to wrap his arms tightly around his husband, pulling him against his chest. Logan wanted to be able to thank him for everything he had done, but he just couldn’t get the words out as he cried against James' chest. The other man seemed to understand, letting him cry it out while rubbing his hand softly against his back. He didn’t know how long they had stood there together in the bathroom, but when he finally was reduced to the occasional sniffle, he felt a whole lot lighter.
He felt James step back from him slightly, cupping Logan’s jaw in his hands so he would meet his eyes. “You feeling up for that bath? Or maybe we could just eat some dinner and watch TV? Whatever you need.”
Logan smiled up at him softly before responding. “It would sure be a shame to waste such a wonderful bath.”
James nodded, returning the smile before he moved his hands to the edge of Logan’s shirt, lifting lightly to ask permission from the other man. When Logan nodded, he made quick work of removing the article of clothing and tossing it haphazardly against the tile floor. He then continued on to help remove Logan’s pants and boxers before taking him by the hand and leading him into the warm water.
He looked over at his husband with his eyebrow arched, when the other man didn’t begin undressing as well. Instead he rushed out of the room, and Logan fought the disappointment, waiting to see what was happening. James returned moments later, waving a bottle opener in the air for Logan to see. “I always forget the little things. It’s why I need you.” He smiled warmly at the man in the tub, as he set to work opening the bottle and preparing a glass for the both of them.
Logan was hit so intensely with the feeling of love, he wasn’t sure how he could feel something so much for another person. This side of James was something he had known about for so many years, but it never ceased to amaze him. How selfless he could be for the people he loved. Logan considered himself very lucky to be on that list of people.
James leaned over to hand Logan his glass before setting his own carefully on the edge of the tub, and working on removing his clothing. When he was bare, Logan leaned forward so his husband could ease into the spot behind him, bracketing his body between his legs. When he was finally in position, Logan leaned back against James' chest and relaxed deeper into the warm water. This was all he had needed, and suddenly his bad day was long gone.
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” James broke the silence between them. “But I want you to know that you can always lean on me when things get hard Logan. For better or for worse, remember?”
Logan glanced over to their left hands, rested lightly on the edge of the tub, the silver bands glittering in the candle light. “I know, I just didn’t want to burden you with everything, especially since you had so much to deal with at the studio. I guess I had gotten so used to the bliss in our honeymoon, I had a hard time adjusting to the real world.”
His husband was silent for a moment, taking in his words carefully, before he felt James' hand against his jaw turning him around slightly. Very softly James met his lips, and while the angle was a little awkward in the tub, Logan felt the love in the gesture. When they parted, James met his eyes with such a fond expression, that Logan felt his cheeks warm in embarrassment.
“There is no reason we can’t treat everyday like our honeymoon baby. I’ll never stop wanting to woo you, no matter if we are 20 or 80. It’s all the same to me.”
It was that moment there that Logan knew everything was going to be okay. Even with the world against him, having James in his corner meant he could take on anything. Logan leaned back in once more, giving James a long tender kiss before he relaxed back into his chest. “I love you, James.”
“And I love you, always.”