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Jo took a deep breath while holding a pen between her fingers and a paper right in front of her. She didn’t think her life would look like this a year earlier, but she was happy. Her life turned upside down, but she landed on her feet with a daughter in her arms. And she knew she needed to thank the curly brown haired man with eyes of honey. He hurt her; maybe more than anyone else ever had, but she was thankful for him. Looking at her sleeping baby one more time, she smiled and began to write.
“Dear Alex,
I’m writing to you because… well, I felt like it was necessary for me to officially move on.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on erasing you from my memory. Everything we lived together is still very present, and I have a feeling it will always be. I undeniably miss you. I miss you every single day and I miss who I was when you were still around. I was truly myself with you. You know what type of person I am, one that doesn’t easily give their heart to someone, but then I met you and I miss the person I became.
It wasn’t long ago that I felt like the most loved woman on the planet because my best friend was by my side and promising to stand by me until the end of time. It wasn’t long ago but it feels like an eternity has passed since then. So much has happened since you left. Starting by the fact that I’m now an OB resident who lives at what was once Jackson’s apartment, which would probably make you laugh at me for choosing such a bougie place to live, but I’m happy here. I’m happy and thankful for having had you in my life.
You taught me that love really does exist and that it can live in someone’s heart no matter the circumstances, distance or boundaries. You loved me in spite of everything and you taught me that something even greater can come from the spark of friendship. You were patient and you believed, and for that, I thank you. Thank you for the good moments and for the times you stood by me and protected me from myself and from others. Thank you for the times you were an advocate for me when I couldn’t advocate for myself. Thank you for helping shape the strong person I am today and for being a big part of my life for years.
I can now admit that you were the best thing to happen to me because I have an even bigger blessing in my life. I am now a mother to the most amazing, strongest baby girl there is, Luna. My daughter taught me so much about resilience and is the reason I didn’t hit rock bottom once again after you left. Luna also taught me that it was okay for you to leave. I had already forgiven you, but looking at her face as I held her in my arms in our new home for the first time made me understand your decision. Going through this experience made me prouder than ever of you, for standing up for your kids and deciding to give them a world in which their father isn’t merely a blood related person, a sperm donor. Do you know how proud I am of you? You grew out of the hatred you were raised on and unlearned it and decided to give your kids the life they deserve. I’m sure that means a lot to them and to you as well. I know it does.
Don’t know if I’ll see you again someday, but I miss you and I hope that you’re okay.
With all the love in the world, Jo and Luna
Ps.: I’ve attached a couple pictures of the girl who stole my heart. They always makes me smile, and I think it’ll have that effect on you too. I know your kids’ pics make my heart happy whenever Meredith shows them to me”
Alex was in shock, but looking at the three pictures in front of him, he couldn’t help but feel a bittersweet happiness. The first picture was one of a tiny baby, clearly premature, in an incubator. Their tiny hand was wrapped tightly around an index finger. It could be anyone’s, but Alex knew it wasn’t.
The second picture made him chuckle. A sleeping baby with a smile on her face was drowning with her head inside a hat. He recognized the yellow hat instantly, and although the hat was way too big for her. It would be too big for any full term baby anyways, let alone a tiny preemie. Jo’s girl was so beautiful, he thought; his heart expanding by the millisecond.
Holding the third picture, he saw Jo candidly hold the baby in a practically empty living room. Other than boxes on top of boxes, a stroller and a couch were the only things he could see. A couch he couldn’t help but recognize as the one that held so many memories of the two of them as a couple. Jo was looking at the baby and, although the mother-daughter duo was very far from the spot where whoever snapped the picture was standing, he could see an overwhelming amount of love being poured right on top of the baby girl. Alex’s eyes filled with tears immediately. Watching Jo become a mother was something he dreamed about for so long and seeing it, even if it was just a picture, made him even more emotional. Turning the picture around, he found a little description. “Link took this picture the day I moved into my new home. I didn’t realize he took his phone and hated it at first. My ‘new mom’ look didn’t hide my tiredness, but I love this pic now” it read. She sure did look tired, but, in Alex’s opinion, dark circles be damned. She looked more beautiful than ever with a baby in her arms. He ran his fingers across the picture with tears pooling in his eyes.
Alex felt at a loss. Although his heart felt full at the sight of Jo smiling so freely, he felt like part of it all was taken from him. And it wasn’t because of Jo. At least not just because of her.