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“Uncle Cisco!!!”
Two voices sounded from down the hall of the school, and before he knew what was happening, he was tackled around the waist by two flying blurs who, thankfully…didn’t bring them into Flashtime right in the middle of the group of students and their families. And he knew for a fact, despite their young age, they could.
“Oof!” he grunted, doubling over as his wife laughed next to him. Gasps were heard then, and his midsection was freed only for the blurs to tackle her instead.
“Auntie Kamilla!”
“Girls!” Kamilla exclaimed excitedly, bending down to wrap her arms around the two young girls hanging on to her. Despite their differences in height and age, twin hazel eyes flecked with the barest hints of green looked up at her, perfect matches to both their parents. She felt a little winded, like she was being thrown back into the past years ago, Cisco in the S.T.A.R. Labs Cortex, a woosh of wind signaling the arrival of the Flash, and a beautiful, smiling face with the loveliest brown eyes looking up from the med bay to whatever was happening outside the glass walls.
Her heart gave a painful lurch, but she wiped any traces of sadness off her face. These girls were as sensitive to others as their father and as compassionate as their mother, and the last thing she wanted was for them to worry about anything other than the reason she and Cisco were back in Central City tonight—
Livy’s first ballet recital, and Nora playing Odette for the first time in her class’s mini-rendition of a scene from Swan Lake.
“I’ve missed you girls!” she told them, hugging them both as tightly as they were holding on to her. “Are you ready for your performances?”
Livy nodded excitedly, her chestnut curls combed back and tied into a ponytail. “Yeah! We worked super duper hard!”
“I’ll bet you did,” Cisco said, joining the conversation and gently tugging Nora’s ear, who giggled a little and swatted at his hand. “You’re both going to do so well tonight! Who did you hair? It looks great!”
The girls beamed at the praise. “Henry did!”
It was an unexpected answer, and one that punched him in the gut with its implications. He could see a similar feeling pass through Kamilla’s face, the couple glancing at each other before looking away. Cisco cleared his throat, but he was immediately cut off by someone else calling his name, the familiar voice filling him with a sense of comfort and slammed into him with all the nostalgia of times long past at the same time.
“Cisco!”
Tears built in his eyes when said someone enveloped him in a tight hug, and he willed them away as hard as he could when he wrapped his arms around one of the people he had missed the most in the last few years. When they pulled away and familiar green eyes met his, he nearly broke down. Instead, Cisco swallowed past the lump in his throat.
“Barry.”
His voice didn’t crack, thankfully. Both men clasped each other on the shoulders like they had so many times before, studying each other and the subtle changes found on their faces. For Cisco, they were less subtle with the slight receding of his hairline and glasses, and for Barry, Cisco could see the faint lines that were on his friend’s face that weren’t there before. There was a deep joy, he could see, and a deep sadness that he knew would never go away, a sadness that had been there since the day Barry lost his mother.
Kamilla gently let go of the girls to greet the teen standing to Barry’s right, a warm smile on her face. “Hey, Henry,” she said, giving him a tight squeeze.
Henry smiled, returning her hug. “Hi, Aunt Kamilla.”
Nora and Livy both then wrapped themselves around Barry with a “hi, daddy!”, and then Livy broke away to hang on to Henry’s arm after Kamilla let him go. Barry’s alarm sounded from his phone, breaking up their round of greetings as he bent down a little to look at his girls with an encouraging smile on his face. “All right, it’s call time. Ready?”
Livy only really messed up once and Nora stumbled a little during her routine, but on the whole, the elementary school ballet recital went well. It was the girls’ first time in the spotlight anyway, despite the mistakes, and no matter how pared down Swan Lake was, it was still a challenge for a bunch of nine-year-olds.
Back at the house after a celebratory (and needed, they were all plenty hungry) Big Belly Burger drive-through, Barry, Cisco, and Kamilla sat on the patio next to the firepit while the flames warmed their faces. Livy and Nora zipped around the spacious fenced-in backyard while Henry attempting to catch their feet with mini-ice blasts from his hands. The occasional shriek was heard whenever his ice got too close, but the sisters managed to catch each other in time. Kamilla took a sip from her glass of wine.
“Henry’s so patient with them,” Cisco commented, watching them. This was as good a way as any to train them, he supposed. They were still so young, Nora at nine years old and Livy at seven, with no strict training for their powers; he imagined running around and practicing how to adjust their speed, coming in and out of Flashtime with their father as their trainer, was the best option for them at the moment. And Henry, at only fifteen, already had good control over his ice powers—nothing like his mother when she first acquired them.
“MOMMY!!!”
Scarlet lightning, and then his father skidded into the kitchen, three-year-old Henry standing next to the island with tears in his eyes. His mother burst in just seconds later, both parents taking in the scene—their son surrounded by ice, the cup he had been reaching for broken on the too-high counter and frosted mist coming from his tiny hands.
“Are you hurt, Henry?” His father immediately asked, gingerly stepping over the ice to grab him while his mother walked over, stretching out a hand and absorbing the cold until there wasn’t a slick spot left on the kitchen floor.
Henry shook his head, his mother checking him over for any injuries. She smiled after a moment, brushing his hair back.
“Looks like we’ve got another ice meta in the family,” she quipped, his father letting out a playful groan.
“He’s been such a great big brother,” Barry replied, fire and lightning and pride in his warm eyes. “He’s taken care of them so much and in so many ways. He’s smart too, top of his class.”
“Just like his parents,” Kamilla said softly. She took another sip of wine, and finally, when the kids were paying absolutely no attention to them, she allowed her mouth to crumple at the corners, and as her throat closed up, she reached out a hand to hold her husband’s. She knew as hard as it was for her, it was downright devastating for him. When she looked over, her hand caught in his in a near-bruising grip, tears were already swimming in his eyes.
They were quiet for a moment, watching as Nora ran in circles around Henry, who had caught Livy and hoisted her up in the air while the little girl shrieked with laughter. Nora’s purple lightning crackled in her wake, Livy’s more scarlet-tinged lightning fusing with the blue of her brother’s ice.
“Has it really only been five years?” Cisco whispered, his voice a little broken. Barry had to duck his head to swipe at the tears silently making their way down his face.
“Five years is a long time,” he replied. Livy had broken free from Henry’s grip, she and Nora tackling their brother onto the grass. Henry then opened his mouth, spewing a weak, frozen mist toward his sisters, who let out more delighted peals of laughter as they zipped away.
Barry really wasn’t joking; Henry really was incredibly bright and intuitive for his age. He was only four or five when he stopped having accidents due to his abilities, and was the only sibling to have inherited their mother’s ice powers. She had been delighted, had teased her husband every chance she got, had been so kind and patient in teaching their son how to rein in his powers while showing him everything that was possible, everything he could do with them—the blasts, the mist, the ice daggers and icicles, the healing. She taught him how to defend himself, taught him how to take care of his sisters, taught him how to protect others, taught him everything she could.
And then they had Nora and Livy, and she watched then as her husband stepped up to teach their girls, watched her son become a big brother, watched their streaks of lightning and picked them up every time they fell.
And then she was gone.
His father winced a little, pressing the bag of frozen peas to the bruise on his face. The boy barely flinched, his body long used to the cold.
“What happened, son?” his father asked gently, applying the barest pressure in an attempt to treat the bruise as quickly as possible. Henry grumbled a little, pouting.
“They were trying to take Tish’s lunch money,” he responded, Tish being one of the girls in his class. His father filled in the blanks then, blowing out a breath.
He’d have to have a talk with the principal soon, but knowing his wife, she would be on her way and giving a speedster a run for their money once she found out what happened. The front door opened then, a honeyed voice calling out his name before she rounded the corner and promptly dropped her bags to rush over to the kitchen island where Henry was sitting, hands already checking him over for other injuries while she inspected the bruise on his cheek.
She cut a sharp look over at his father, who sighed. His mother let out a breath then.
“You’ll be just fine, Henry,” she said. “If your powers fully reflect mine, then your ice healing should be kicking in soon. And maybe you have some of your dad’s speed healing to help with that too. What happened?”
The next day, his mother took off work, and in their very private, fenced-in backyard, she taught him to ready his stance, and then she formed a dull icicle in her hand.
“Ready, Henry? Here’s what you’re going to do.”
Sometimes, it was easy to forget that Henry only had ten years with her. Nora only had four, and she always ran up to her father or her brother in the earlier days to ask where mommy was, back when the pain was still a visceral thing living in Barry’s chest and clawing it to shreds, trying to escape every time he thought about her. Livy only had two, left with the faintest memories of warm arms and a lullaby sung out of tune.
Nora slept like a rock after her mother tucked her in with her favorite stuffed animal and book, but little Livy quietly climbed out of bed, tugging her bear—Scar, short for ‘Scarlet’, a name she couldn’t quite pronounce yet, a gift from her Auntie Iris and Uncle Eddie—by the arm and padded into her parents’ room, where she attempted to climb onto the mattress on her mom’s side.
The little girl kept slipping, but with her tongue groggily stuck out with her effort, she kept persisting…only to have arms loop around her to pull her up, her mom holding her close. “Couldn’t sleep?” she asked softly, brushing back Livy’s hair and planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.
Livy snuggled in closer to her mom, pulling Scar up next to her. Her mom started humming a tune that sounded a lot like the song her daddy liked to sing, the one that always made her mommy laugh, but it sounded…different. It sounded a little off, but it was her mommy humming it, so Livy loved it immediately. Her mommy hummed it to her all the time anyway, and it was that lullaby that eventually lulled her to sleep.
Kamilla gripped her glass tightly, staring into the flames before dragging her eyes over to Barry. “You did good, you know,” she said softly.
He let out a chuckle that was tinged with disbelief, and Cisco picked up her train of thought. “Caitlin would have thought so too.”
It was the first time they could bring themselves to say her name again, after so long. And it hurt, her absence, more than ever.
Barry looked blankly at the fire, brushing his tears away before they could fall. “I know,” he whispered brokenly. Not for the first time, he wondered how his own father, wrongly locked away in Iron Heights, had managed to go so many years with the pain of losing his mother and separated from his child. It was Barry’s solace, seeing Caitlin in their children every day—in Henry’s knack for taking care of his family and the people around him and in his powers, in the way Nora wrinkled her nose, in laughter or annoyance, and the way she really wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, and in the way Livy persisted against anything that was in the little girl’s way, and the way her chestnut curls, so like her mother’s, framed her face.
Taking a deep breath, he gathered himself for a moment, clearing his throat. “Henry, Nora, Livy, it’s time to get ready for bed!”
The three siblings stopped their tussle, Nora zipping inside the house and coming back out, freshly showered, the scent of the kids’ soap wafting off her with her in her jammies and her hair already brushed back. “Done!” the girl announced proudly. “Even brushed my teeth!”
Barry nodded in proud approval as she dove to give him, Cisco, and Kamilla a hug before zipping up to her room. Henry pulled Livy up onto her feet, padding his way inside with a quick good night to his father and uncle and aunt. Livy, however, pouted.
“But daddy, I wanna play with Uncle Cisco and Auntie Kamilla now.”
With a small chuckle, Barry smoothed the girl’s hair back, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “Uncle Cisco and Auntie Kamilla are staying with us this week, remember? They’ll be here for another few days.”
Livy’s eyes lit up, and in her excitement, scarlet-tinged lightning danced in her eyes and followed behind her as she happily zoomed around the backyard a couple of times. Her father sighed, stood up, and flashed over to her, both speedsters appearing back on the patio with Barry’s hand on Livy’s shoulder.
“Olivia Jean Snow-Allen,” he warned. The little girl instantly obeyed, and like her sister, gave each of the adults a good night hug before she zipped inside the house.
A near-perfect spin.
Having only just started ballet, Nora grinned excitedly at her teacher’s praise. She couldn’t wait to show her mommy, who had been practicing with her at home the past few days! A loud bang sounded at the door, the girl jumping a little when she recognized her brother standing in the doorway, huffing as though he had run all the way to her classroom from…
Henry was supposed to be in his own class in the Big Kids Hallway. A pale Uncle Cisco followed behind him, holding out a hand for Nora to hold, and once they were all checked out of school and outside, hidden in a corner where no one could see, Uncle Cisco opened one of his shiny blue doorways for them to step through, and then Nora, before she knew it, had run out into the room they arrived in to see little Livy, asleep in her Auntie Iris’ arms. But Auntie Iris was crying, and next to her, Uncle Eddie looked…so sad. Uncle Cisco, when she looked back, was crying, and Auntie Kamilla was crying, and Grandpa Joe was crying and Grandma Cecile was crying and Uncle Ralph and Auntie Sue were crying and Uncle Wally, dressed in a weird yellow outfit, was crying, and even Uncle…Mister Harry…looked like he was about to cry.
Just in front of her though, her daddy was in another weird outfit that looked a little like Uncle Wally’s, with a hood pushed back, next to a bed, holding someone’s hand, and there…there were tears coming down his face. Nora looked carefully at the bed, and then the little girl let out a shriek.
“MOMMY!”
They sat around the fire for a long while after that in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, but knowing they were all thinking about Caitlin in some way. Five years was indeed a long time, but some hurts took root so deep that even after these handful of years, there would be more to struggle through before acceptance could fully settle in, accompanied by endless longing. Cisco tightened his hold on Kamilla’s hand, putting a hand on Barry’s trembling shoulder.
Caitlin was part of their team and their friend even before she became more—a companion, a sister, a wife, a mother. Her legacy—her husband, her children, the ways she shaped their team at S.T.A.R. Labs and as a part of Team Flash—continued to save people in Central City every day, saved the world on many occasions.
And when Barry thought about her wide smile, the way she would worry her bottom lip when she was thinking or stressed, her infectious laughter, her warm personality and warmer brown eyes and tender touch, her strength gave him courage to keep walking on the days it felt like his lightning was burning right through him. Her brilliance spurred him on in the things he did, whether at work, saving the city, or being a father. Her joyous spirit reminded him of the good things left to him in life…and maybe that was how his father lasted so many years in wrongful imprisonment, because his mother had been the same way, had had the same effect on everything and everyone around her.
Henry Allen had never stopped loving or missing Nora Allen until the day he passed, and Barry knew he would be the same way; Barry Allen would never stop loving or missing Caitlin Snow-Allen, not until the day he died.
He looked up into the flames as Cisco slowly withdrew his hand, his friend’s touch still warm on his shoulder. The fire in the winter, the poetry of it, nearly made him smile. It reminded Barry of them, him and Caitlin. He was warmth and lightning, and she was the wind that kissed and stung his cheeks at the same time, the promise of frost in the air.
Barry put his fingertips to his lips, pressed a gentle kiss to them, and released it into the night.