Work Text:
“Hey, hey, hey! Akaashi, hey!” Koutarou exclaimed when the face of his high school setter filled the screen.
“Hello, Bokuto-san.”
“How are you? How was your day?”
“I’m good. I miss you. Life is the same as always.”
Akaashi looks tired like he always does. But a light twinkles in his teal eyes as he speaks to the ace. Koutarou wishes he could see those eyes in person. Hopefully soon.
“We’re playing the Adlers tomorrow! It’s going to be a big game!” Since Hinata’s debut, every match between MSBY and Schweiden is big. Anticipation builds, the arena sells out, and the crowd is like no other. Koutarou can’t wait.
“I know Bokuto-san. I have your schedule memorized.” And it’s true. Akaashi pours over the schedule as soon as it comes out, trying to figure out how many games he can attend. For him, there’s nothing quite like seeing his star live.
“Will you watch?” Akaashi won’t be able to attend tomorrow’s game because of a deadline at work. But knowing his world was watching, no matter how, always made Koutarou play better.
“Always.”
“I spoke to you last night
Said everything’s alright
Told you I was doing something special”
“He’s gone Bokuto.”
Silence. Static. Confusion.
“What do you mean?”
Koutarou can’t comprehend what Kuroo’s saying to him. It’s like he’s speaking an alien language. Especially with the way he’s talking about something impossible.
“They rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late,” Kuroo got out. The words tasted sour on his tongue and were harsh to speak. “Akaashi is dead.”
Koutarou barely managed to end the call before his phone fell from his hand. The sound of it hitting the floor was impossibly loud but not loud enough to cut through the chaos in his head.
He couldn’t believe it. There was no way the words Kuroo spoke to him could be true. He just talked to Akaashi last night. He said he was alright.
The volleyball player suddenly dove for his phone and dialed a number from memory.
“Please pick up. Please.”
“Today I got the word
You didn’t deserve
I hung up when I heard what happened”
It’s not possible. It can’t be. Akaashi just told Koutarou he’d watch his game. Koutarou was going to call him afterward to go over it. They’d talk on the phone for hours like they always do and wish they could be in each other’s arms.
Koutarou was going to surprise him in Tokyo next week. He’d finally be able to wrap the editor in his arms for the first time in weeks. They’d reacquaint themselves with each other before going around the city that will always be home. They’d get to go to their favorite restaurants and walk in their favorite park. Koutarou would treat Akaashi to onigiri and do everything in his power to make him smile. They could pretend they were still in high school and that the spring tournament was their biggest worry.
That’s how it was supposed to be.
There was going to be a small party, a reunion of the old Fukorodani team, members from Nekoma, and other old volleyball rivals. Koutarou would have dragged Akaashi there no matter how much the editor hated parties. He needed to relax and let go for a night.
Koutarou was looking forward to partying and getting drunk with Akaashi. They hadn’t done that since the younger was still in college. If Akaashi was especially stressed by work, he might have even smoked a joint. Getting all cute and droopy while Koutarou made sure he was safe.
But now that won’t happen.
“I thought I’d see you I’d see you again
With a joint or a drink in your hand
Now you’re covered in roses instead
What would you have said
What would you have said”
“Bokuto, open up!” someone shouted outside his apartment. “You’re going to miss the bus.”
Koutarou was too out of it to respond. Too out of it to acknowledge his phone buzzing incessantly. Messages and calls coming through. People wondering where he is or offering their condolences. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to acknowledge anything at all. His mind a mess, and his heart shattered.
“Bokuto-san… We’re coming in.” Koutarou thought that sounded like Hinata. He didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything. He was numb to everything.
The front door opened. The sound of three sets of footsteps echoed in the otherwise silent room. Someone gasped as they took in the condition of Koutarou’s living space.
“What… what happened?”
Koutarou’s phone lies in pieces at the foot of a wall. Thrown in a fit of sorrow and misplaced anger. The ace lay motionless on the couch. Eyes red and tears staining his usually joyous face. Disheveled beyond what they’d ever seen and unresponsive to his teammates.
Koutarou knows they have a game. He knows it’s important. But how was he supposed to care when his world stopped turning? When his world was gone?
“Feeling like my soul’s been gravity bound
And I got the city weighing me down
I don’t wanna waste life waiting around
For weddings and funerals”
Koutarou turned the key in the lock and opened the door. He closed his eyes, not ready to face it, but the scent of home and Akaashi hit him full force despite his hesitation. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to do this. So why was he here?
Maybe he wanted to torture himself. Or maybe, he just needed to be surrounded by Akaashi even if the man was no longer around. Whatever it was, Koutarou found himself in the place that was his home in every way except for officially. His name wasn’t on the lease, but he had a key, there was a spot for his shoes by the door, his favorite movies in the living room, his hair products in the bathroom, and half the bedroom closet was filled with his clothes.
No matter how unprepared he was, Koutarou stepped into the apartment and opened his golden eyes. Taking in the place, it almost looked as if nothing had changed. Like life was normal and his other half was still around. Like he could call out, and Akaashi would answer as he always does. With a hello Bokuto-san and a warm hug. Koutarou always told Akaashi to stop calling him that, but now he’d give anything to hear it just one more time.
But Akaashi wasn’t there. He was lying cold and lifeless in a hospital morgue somewhere, and no matter how much Koutarou wanted to pretend otherwise, it was all he could think about. That even though everything in the apartment was just as Akaashi liked it, Akaashi would never again be around to care. And even if his favorite mug was on the counter, his favorite book open on the coffee table, his favorite blanket on the couch, and his favorite jacket out, Akaashi would never come back to them. Just like he would never come back to Koutarou.
“Used to be scared of dying alone
Now I know there’s nothing to be afraid of
I don’t want to waste life waiting around
For weddings and funerals”
Akaashi Keiji was his true love. His soulmate. There is no other soul in the world that could match Koutarou’s the way his had.
He used to be afraid of death. That changed after meeting Akaashi. After getting to know him and learning all his quirks. After having his unwavering support and love. Koutarou’s fear was no longer death; how could it be? Losing Akaashi, his world, was the thing he feared most. Only now, it wasn’t a fear. It was reality. Koutarou has nothing left to fear in life.
“If you had more time
You’d walk down the aisle
I know that you had somebody special”
“Bokuto. They want your input for his funeral arrangements.”
“I can’t… I won’t.”
“What do you mean you won’t? That’s the love of your life! How can you sit here and say you won’t be involved in the planning of his funeral?” Kuroo’s voice was rising incredulously.
“Because he was the love of my life!” Koutaoru interrupts with a sob. “Instead of planning our wedding… I’m planning his funeral.”
Koutarou had the ring, and he had a plan. He knew how to ask the question. How to ask his setter, his best friend, his partner to marry him. It would’ve been perfect. But the chance to marry his beloved, to make him Bokuto Keiji, to even propose to him in the first place was ripped from his hands.
No matter how much Koutarou whimpered and wept, there was no future for them. So much for being the protagonists of the world.
“But no ones wearing white
(We’re) Dressed in black tonight
I still can’t believe what happened”