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Kris, determined as ever, makes their way into the room. A massive, somber figure lay dormant in the corner of the room, seeming to have enjoyed the taste of a now rather moist pillow, now cradled in her arms. But they're not here for her... they think. No, they're here on business. Kris pulls out their flashlight and gets to work.
"Bed quality analysis...
Design: 9/10.
Simply Stellar. The spikes perfectly fit Susie’s brash, cool personality, and the colors representing her are blended seamlessly with the rest of the room. Adorned with a gleaming crown, the bed is a powerful set-piece only outmatched by Ralsei's exquisite choice of carpets. However, I think the bed is rather simple in terms of objective analysis, both in terms of design with regard to the comforters and blankets, as well as the fact that it isn't actually much larger than my own, ill fit for a beast of her size. Nonetheless, she seems quite content, though that could speak more to her quality of living than the bed itself."
With great care, the human drops to the floor with nary a sound. With their beam, they scan the area beneath the sleeping device, stand up, and quietly circle the bed whilst scribbling further.
"Functionality: 7/10
The bed doesn't seem to have any drawers or compartments, but I don't see Susie as overly organized, so this can be overlooked. There is a sizable space under the bed, however, that can be utilized as storage. If, as I suspect, this as an intentional choice, then truly it was made for her and a much more fitting alternative to those fancy boxes that more sophisticated individuals seem to use for organization. I cannot score it higher however as the headrest, while quite lovely with its crown as mentioned before, poses a bumping hazard due to its size compared to Susie herself."
Gently, they deliver a poke and a prod to the giant's arm. No response but a quick puff of air from her nostrils. Perfect. Immediately they spring into action. Quietly opening the nearby fridge, they resupply themselves with some leftover cake and grab the spare blanket.
Like some bizarre, freakish creature, they skitter under the bed, tools in hand, to the narrow corner of the room that lies on the other side. Placing the cake aside the sleeping dragon, they tickle her nose and quickly slither back from whence they came.
Stirring. A low, rumbling grunt. The beast is taking the bait! The moment she rolls over Kris swiftly pulls her blanket off, replaces it with rhe spare, and places the now dormant flashlight where she once lay in an attempt to sustain this advantageous position.
Ever so cautiously, the human releases one foot from the floor, stepping onto the metal spike, and slowly presses down onto the mattress with their hands. They shift their weight until they are fully down, pull up the stolen blanket (along with their notebook of course), and begin to lie.
Kris focuses their hardest on feeling every sensation and vibration with their limited space, gently turning and tugging until their very soul is like one with the sleeping accommodation.
"Comfort: 9/10
Though I am restricted by my methodology, I must say, this is quite nice. The bed is warm compared to the cool air of the castle, and in perfect contrast to the rough exterior of the room, and Susie by extension, the sheets are intoxicatingly soft."
"Overall score: 9/1-"
Kris doesn't finish writing before they let out a quiet expletive. Immediately, it is apparent they had rolled onto the barrier of separation provided by the flashlight. The beast stirs. Kris's immediate reaction is to roll out as quickly as possible. Catching themselves and bending their knees, they roll once again under the bed, seeing Susie’s feet swing over the side, now dangling over their primary path of escape.
"WHO THE HELL'S IN MY ROOM!?" Kris immediately assumes that the rest of the castle is now awake, and stealth will no longer be necessary if they escape the room. Susie notices the flashlight rather quickly as she too falls prey to its obstruction as she makes her way to the floor. "AAH, dammit!", she growls, beginning to traverse her lair. With no better work to do until the coast is clear, Kris decides to quietly finish the inspection.
...Kris cannot finish the inspection. A sense of disappointment, then dread makes itself home deep within them as they see one of their numerous Halloween pencils lying in front of the dragoness. It must have been lost during their evasive maneuvers. After flipping on the lights and claiming the writing utensil, the culprit is clear. "God FUCKING dammit Kris, where the HELL are you?" Kris, obviously, does not respond. This was not the mission objective, and they wish to abort, but the rather obvious plate sitting on the bed makes their bunker the next location of Susie’s impending wrath.
The entire bed begins to move, and light filters into Kris's still adjusting eyes as they come face to face with the primal slits of a mildly irritated dragon.
"Get up, freak." They comply. "What the hell are you doing in my room at 2 in the damn morning!?" Brushing off the dust and crumbs acquired under the bed, Kris begins their tale: "Well, remember when you claimed to have the best bed in the castle?" Kris pulls out a small business card, their visage and name clearly printed on the front. "As a Level 2 Bed Inspector, it is my duty to evaluate the sleeping quality of my companions."
Rolling her eyes, she snaps back, "And you expect me to believe you couldn't do this when I wasn't in the room?" Kris rubbed their arm defensively, "I kinda thought you'd say no to be honest."
Though she felt that she ought to chew them out further, something stopped her. "Well, get cozy: Test it out. I'm hungry, gonna go make Ralsei magic me up some more cake while you experience the best bed in Castle Town." Before fully exiting left the room, she stops and turns back, one hand firmly planted on the doorframe. "Want some too?" Kris couldn't believe it, they were in Susie's bed, about to be eating free chocolate cake with their favorite monster. "Huh? Y-Yeah, thanks, Susie." Then, she left, not with her trademark grin, but with a soft smile, leaving the young human with a warm sensation in spite of the now cold blankets.
"Overall score: 9/10
Though flawed, the bed fits its owner's tastes and needs, and it certainly is quite comfortable. It has nothing over Lancer's Bike's bed, but she doesn't need to know that right now."
Only a moment later, Susie returned with the cake and pushed on Kris a bit. "Scooch." Though now trapped between the wall and Susie, Kris allowed her to crawl into the sheets as she scarfed down the baked delicacy. "So, did Ralsei ask why you were up?" After a brief chuckle, she responded, "I told him I had to bribe the inspector for a passing grade. I think he figured out what I meant, though." Kris took a bit of their own, simply nodding.
Though Kris sat and ate rather quietly, Susie seemed to rather despise the awkward silence and decided to keep pressing Kris since they were around.
"So, uh, how is it. The bed?"
"It's great Susie. I think it fits you, except maybe the size. Seems kinda small for you, y'know?"
She scoffed, giving Kris a playful noogie. "Better not be calling me fat, Dork. I'm allowed to eat as much cake as I want because I'm the strongest one here."
As they sat and talked, Kris realized how much they particularly enjoyed this side of Susie. Much more relaxed than she used to be, and more prone to humor instead of defense. Sadly, though, their plates were empty, and the paper full. It seemed it was time for Kris to leave, though the moment they started to take the blanket off, a scaled hand grabbed their arm.
"WAIT-uh, Kris. You let the blankets get all cold when you took ‘em earlier!" She had an almost contented look on her face, as if she'd truly crafted a sentence she was proud of. "You gotta stay until it warms up, man. I'm cold-blooded remember?"
Kris was flustered, but nodded in agreement, and was pulled back down before they could identify the odd, rhythmic thumping coming from behind Susie.
With two claps, the lights dimmed, and Kris rolled over, ready to sleep at last, at least until the blankets returned to their full heating potential, though they could swear it was already plenty warm. Perhaps it's different when you're a reptile.
This carried on for a few minutes, but the two of them, both pressing for ample room to spread, were simply unable to find comfort. "Screw it."
That was the last thing Kris heard before he was wrapped up by Susie and pulled toward the middle of the blankets, back against her chest.
"Sorry dude, I'm cold and my bed's only as big as yours. I'll let you out in a minute."
Though a bit impromptu, the warm hug was MORE than welcomed by Kris, who allowed themself to ease into her grip as, in spite of her promises, she fell quickly into a deep, deep slumber, mumbling something about "Lov--a-dood", whatever that means, into their hair, which served to replace her damp pillow. Unfortunately, Susie's promise would go unfulfilled, as she near-immediately returned to her slumber.
But Kris decided it wasn't worth disturbing this heartwarming moment just to escape, even if Susie would probably be bothered by it later, so, before surrendering to sleep, Kris made one final edit to their notes.
"Overall score: 10/10
The bed is not a marvel of construction, nor absolutely perfect for Susie, but in its flaws, I have found something truly beautiful, for, without them, I would not be here in this moment, with an equally flawed, yet wonderful friend."
With one, final, deft maneuver, they were able to twirl around despite her grip and return the hug. Truly, there was nowhere else they would rather be. The last thought that hit their mind that night was that maybe, just for today, this was the greatest bed in Castle Town.