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Though they had been in love for years now, Himari remembered her finest moments with Tomoe. The moment in which she fell in love with the tall redhead, and every moment after. Silent reassurances were spoken to herself at night, trying to convince herself that she didn’t like women. It was a lie, but she continued to tell it to herself for months, almost a whole year. Himari didn’t want to face the facts. Looking back on it now, it was an embarrassing thing. Her parents hadn’t been upset, her friends were all already in happy relationships with other women except for Tomoe so Himari wasn’t really an outlier. Still, she had been horrified with herself. She didn’t have anyone to look up to, and her interest in Kaoru was mirrored by every other girl in her school. So what was the harm?
Now, Himari could laugh looking back at those memories, but they hadn’t always been so endearing. She could see it all now…
“Tomoe, have you ever noticed how we’re some of the only people we know whose names match?” Himari had said that absentmindedly as she pushed her pencil around on her notebook. Brainstorming for songs was so hard… Especially with Tomoe’s turquoise eyes piercing into her own emerald ones. It made her heart pound so loudly, Himari worried that the other girl could hear it.
“What do you mean?” Tomoe fixed the other girl with a perplexed stare.
Tomoe looks so cute like that! She’s relying on me for an answer too… Like I hold the key to the problem! It was far from that deep. However, her whole face was aglow with the excitement of explaining such a stupid and simple concept to Tomoe. “Well, we both have a ‘U’ in our names.” Himari gave the other a smug and almost flustered smile. That made the taller girl blink, pause. Silence came.
And then an abundance of laughter. “Oh Himari! That’s a good one! I never woulda guessed that’s what you were tryna say! Ahaha!” Tomoe laughed so hard that she was holding her side. Tsugumi had come over with a tray in her hands.
“Hey, Tomoe, we really appreciate your patronage. But remember you’re not the only ones here.” Tsugumi managed a small smile, and Tomoe slowly reigned in her laughter, mumbling a few apologies. She clearly did feel guilty. Himari was still glowing. Relishing in the cheerful mood that had come from her stupid joke. Tomoe seemed as chipper as ever as she sat there and worked away at the pastry she had ordered. Himari looked back at Tomoe.
“Do you still need help with your homework?” Himari’s question again made Tomoe stare. Himari had always been used to this. Whenever Tomoe was given a question, it received her full and undivided attention. It was actually enviable how the girl was able to focus on something with such a strong sense of conviction. She never seemed to struggle with focus. How unfair… Himari wanted to do that! Everything she admired about Tomoe was something Himari herself didn’t have.
Some of those things were superficial. Her height, her flowing hair, her full lips… Other things were personality traits that they may share in a glance, but it was different. The bubbling confidence that Tomoe had when speaking to their elders or their teachers. Himari was more confident with those her age. Tomoe seemed to have an overall confidence that everyone sensed. It radiated off of her, it showed in her boisterous voice and self assured movements. Himari wanted that. It wasn’t a character like Kaoru’s personality (though she loved Kaoru all the same) it was so genuine. Even if that was how Kaoru naturally was, Tomoe’s personality just seemed so real to Himari. Part of her felt like it was just because they had known each other for so long, but at the same time, it could be anything else. Tomoe was just familiar, in the same way…
“Himari?” Tomoe’s voice cut into her thoughts. “I appreciate the study session, but I think we need a study break. You’re already zoned out.” She gave the other a knowing smile as she leaned forward and pushed a strand of the other’s pale pink hair back. “You really seemed to be thinkin’ about something important, huh?” She smiled, pushing her chair back from the table. The two had already paid, so Himari just followed after Tomoe as she shoved her books and notebooks into her bag. Every movement was hasty, she had almost missed her bag entirely, narrowly avoiding dropping her books onto the floor instead of into the bag.
“Nothing that important! Just tired!” Her words left her mouth hurriedly, she almost seemed frantic as she walked out after Tomoe. She had practically sprinted out of the small coffee shop. “Tomoe,” Himari tried to keep her voice level. “What do you have going on after this?”
Tomoe shrugged. “Nothing. We really don’t have anything going on today, so I don’t feel like anything is gonna happen. No practice, no uh, y’know. No chores. No nothing. Kinda nice to have a free day though.” Tomoe’s arms went up over her head as they walked down the street together. Why was she so cool? Himari wasn’t sure if she wanted to be Tomoe, or if she wanted to be with her.
She knew the truth.
However, it was so much easier to hide those things away. Now it felt stupid to have done so much to hide her feelings. Himari had been shocked to learn Tomoe liked her back. It was stunning to her. Such a simple admission had had Himari in a state of disbelief. Now it felt so stupid. She could reiterate that to herself day after day. Because now, they were together. Looking back on the past, Himari knew that she had acted foolishly. Now all she could do was push forward, with a positive outlook.