Chapter Text
Chuuya wouldn’t consider his life anything special. A little out of the ordinary? Maybe, but anything he had done or anything that had ever happened to him didn’t strike him as special. At least, special wouldn’t be the word he’d use.
If he had learned anything in his life, it would be to not have expectations for his future. No assumptions, no hopes, no nothing. All that would ever get him was hurt and disappointment. Useless hopes would get you nowhere. Which led him to the conclusion that trying too hard isn’t worth much either, after all, everything he works for will eventually get sucked down the endless pit of catastrophe that he calls luck. Motivation vanishes in the blink of an eye if it even dares to show its face inside his mind.
Outsiders who have no business meddling with his life often call him an underachiever. A lazy young adult with no vision for the future. A missed opportunity. Chuuya tried not to let it get to him, knowing he could do much better himself was good enough. He didn't need to prove himself to some random ass person who didn’t even know him. He was free to do as he pleased.
“..And with that you are dismissed. The assignment is due this Monday. Any late assignments will be trashed. I expect nothing but the best from all of you.” Chuuya was pulled back out of his thoughts at the professor’s words. Tuning back in to hear everyone around him stand up and start to pack their things to leave.
The red head sighed, letting himself go limp in the chair, his head resting on the backrest as he pulled his hat lower over his eyes to block out the light from the ceiling.
What a long fucking day for literally no reason. At least it was finally Friday and he got to do whatever the hell he pleased. People always thought him to be some kind of delinquent who would get drunk on weekdays in random apartments and do drugs all around thanks to his appearance, but Chuuya didn't hate himself enough to put himself through a hangover during classes. They are hard enough as they are, thank you very much. And it's also not like he has a lot of people he could or would want to go out and get drunk with, not that he had any desire to do so either.
He closed his eyes and let time pass slowly, relaxing at the thought of having enough time to finish everything he had due. Finally getting a moment to breathe after an overall shitty day.
Chuuya groaned as he felt the white light from the ceiling hit his eyelids again, his hat getting picked off his head. “Give it back,” he whined in a low voice, blindly reaching for his hat, stubbornly refusing to open his eyes.
“I called your name like three times,” the voice beside him said, as they placed his hat back on his head. “But you wouldn’t answer.”
Chuuya sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day and readjusted his hat before sitting up on the chair, raising his arms and stretching until he felt a satisfying pop from his back. He rubbed his eyes with one hand as he stood up, and started to put his things inside his backpack as he spoke.
“Sorry Akutagawa, what do you need?”
The younger man stared at him as he moved, seemingly tense as he ran through his own set of thoughts.
“I came here to ask for a favor.”
Chuuya stopped in his tracks to look the younger man in the eye.
“You? A favor?? Did you hit yourself in the head again?” He chuckled, watching the other’s usually neutral expression turn into a frown as he denied him.
“Yes. To the favor thing. I did not hit myself in the head. I have something to ask you.”
Chuuya gave him a small smirk, letting the other off the hook and turning his gaze back towards his bag, closing it and hanging it over his shoulder.
“Well?”
Akutagawa pouted at the floor for a minute, visibly reconsidering every choice he had ever made.
The red head sighed. “It’s okay to ask for favors, Akutagawa. Whatever it is I’ll help you dont-“
“There’s a party tonight.”
The other cut him off, his words fast and merged together catching Chuuya off guard.
“I want you to come with me.”
They both stared at each other for a second, Akutagawa pretended to cough into his hand in an attempt to break from the hold the other man’s eyes had on him.
“You? Want to go to a party? And you are asking me?? To come with you???” Chuuya inquired, surprise clear in his tone.
“Damn, are you absolutely sure you didn't hit your head?” He said with a chuckle before walking past Akutagawa to leave the lecture room.
“I did not hit my head, jackass!” The other grumbled loudly as he walked faster to catch up. “And I'm serious. I can’t go alone.”
Chuuya pulled out his phone, checking his apps for notifications. As usual, he had none. He quickly put it back into his pocket to look up at the other.
“If you know about this party that means someone invited you, aren’t you already going with them?”
Akutagawa’s scowl did nothing but deepen. “I can’t go with him.”
“So you can’t go with the guy who invited you to the party, but you’re still going to said party?” Chuuya asked with a giggle. “Say that again but slower, my man. I beg you.”
“Chuuya, I'm not joking. I’ve worked really hard to convince myself to go to this party and I can’t force myself to go if you’re not going,” Akutagawa pleaded, the desperation in his voice slowly starting to get to him.
“And you need me to go with you because…?” The red head trailed off, waiting for the other to finish the sentence for him.
Akutagawa stared back at him for a second before sighing in defeat.
“I only know him. He has a lot of friends, knows a lot of people. If I go with him I’ll be left behind at some point, and I don't want to sit alone in a corner with a bottle the whole night.” He admitted. His honesty caught Chuuya off guard.
Chuuya let his words sink in for a moment before giving him a small smile. “You know what, fine. I’ll go with you to this stupid party. At least tell me they'll have enough booze.”
“From what I’ve heard, there will be more than enough.”
Chuuya patted his shoulder before continuing the walk towards his dorm. “Deal. Sign me the fuck up. God knows I need the break from my brain. Text me when you’re ready to leave.”
-
Despite teasing him to no end, Chuuya still noticed the genuine nerves that plagued the younger man’s mind.
He was glad Akutagawa was finally starting to break out of his shell. A shell that only a selected few were able to break down. Hence why he was here, at a party with people he barely knew.
Chuuya watched a gray haired boy smile welcomingly at the both of them before making a beeline towards Akutagawa and dragging him off somewhere unknown. Akutagawa’s anxiety bled out of his system the moment his eyes locked with the other boy’s. Chuuya smiled, feeling sufficiently achieved as he sat down on one of the chairs at the farthest corner. Glass in hand as he absentmindedly scrolled through his phone. Turns out he was going to be the one left behind at a corner with a bottle tonight.
It wasn't a particularly packed party. Just about ten people, give or take, and a shit ton of booze just as he was promised. Chuuya heard someone sit down on the chair beside his. A tall woman with a sharp gaze and a steady smirk stared at him as she sipped her drink.
“Long time no see, huh?” She said with a light chuckle, making Chuuya put down his phone to focus on her.
“Yosano??” He said in surprise. “I haven't seen you in so long, damn.” He said with a smirk as he drank from his own glass, hearing her chuckle.
“We all really went off on our own paths.” She said, looking back at Akutagawa and Atsushi who were playing an incredibly intense match of beer pong from what they could see, people around them cheering them on with slurred words and alcohol induced blushes high on their cheeks.
Chuuya couldn’t help but grin.
“Akutagawa is in good hands, if that’s what you came here to check.” She paused, sipping at her glass with a small smile of her own as she also focused on the two.
“I know you used to take care of him back in the day, but he isn’t a kid anymore.”
They watched Akutagawa land the last ball in the other’s cup, a blush spreading on his cheeks as he smirked with pride, the other guy frowning back at him while cheers with Akutagawa’s name rang around the table.
“Besides, he found really good people.”
Chuuya rolled his eyes at her with a small smile.
“Im not here to fucking babysit him if that’s what you’re implying. He asked me to come with him, so I did. And of course I kept a close eye on him, what happened was a tragedy no one knew how to deal with. He was just a kid.”
“But!” Yosano repeated with a dramatic pause. “He isn't a kid anymore. He can take care of himself now.” She said as she stood up. “Let him be and stop acting like an old man, get the fuck up.” She said with a laugh as she pushed the red head off his chair.
“Come on, let's show these kids how to throw an actual party,” she said before chugging down her glass and smacking it on the table with a defying smirk. Chuuya returned it with just as much emotion, downing his own liquor with a laugh.
-
“OKAY OKAY OKAY!!” Someone yelled across the room, managing to pull the remainder of Chuuya's attention towards the table at the center of the room.
“This shit is getting boring, so who’s up to doing something actually FUN!!” The guy yelled, getting a couple cheers from random people spread around the room.
“Raaanpooo, get off the table! Every time you come up with an idea someone gets hurt!” The boy standing beside Akutagawa yelled over the commotion. His head was leaning against Akutagawa’s shoulder with an alcohol dazed blush prominent on his cheeks.
“You! Atsushi!” The guy, Ranpo, if he had heard correctly, paused for a second to collect the few brain cells he had left. “Are the reason this is boring as fuck!”
Atsushi’s expression morphed into one of fake hurt, Akutagawa moving his hand to hide a chuckle before getting a slap on the shoulder from a pouting Atsushi.
“Anyways! Let's summon a ghost, guys,” Ranpo continued, talking as if it were the most common thing ever, like he does it every time he’s bored. If Chuuya is judging his character correctly then he probably does.
“Oh HELL no,” Chuuya heard his own voice ring in his ears, face hot and knees wobbly even though he was sitting down again.
“I dont fuck with that shit,” he finished, hearing a couple of people agree with him. He wasn’t sober enough to identify their voices.
“See? Other people agree with me find something else we can fucking do, I’m bored,” he groaned, hearing Yosano chuckle on the chair beside his before speaking up.
“I, for one, think it’s an incredible idea! What ghost are we summoning Ranpo?” She asked enthusiastically as she got up.
She leaned into Chuuya’s ear to whisper conspiratorially, "Unless you're too much of a pussy to do it.”
Chuuya felt his woozy mind boil with anger, chugging down what was left of his drink for a second time before getting up and joining the small crowd.
"Aight bitches, how we summoning this ghost?" He demanded in a slur of words, hearing Yosano laugh somewhere in the room.
The so-called ghost summoning went as well as you would imagine. Considering they were a bunch of half drunk idiots that weren't actually following a specific ritual, it was no surprise that nothing happened. Ranpo kept acting as if he were some sort of priest among them all, coming up with a multitude of different rituals that the others went along with in dazed laughs and countless drinks.
Eventually they got tired of trying to get a ghost to just randomly spawn between them and after what Chuuya felt was their millionth attempt they finally gave up and found something else to fool around with.
Chuuya realized that if he got any more wasted he wouldn't be able to get back to his dorm on his own, and he wasn't about to have someone carry him back, again. He's had more than enough black out drunk parties in his lifetime thank you very much. He would never admit it to anyone but he is incredibly lightweight. His alcohol tolerance was in the negatives, no matter how much booze he has constantly been consuming since the ripe age of 16. Was it healthy? Obviously not, but was it worth it? Absolutely. Besides, it's not like he can go back to try and change what 16 year old him did. He learned to accept that a long time ago. Or at least he likes to think he did.
After staring at the ceiling for what he deemed long enough, Chuuya pushed himself off the floor where he had been sitting, leaving his bottle behind as he went to look for the guy he had promised he would come here with. Funnily enough, Akutagawa spent most, if not all of the night, somewhere else, not like Chuuya would complain though. He got to catch up with someone he could've sworn he would never see again, and Akutagawa finally seemed to find someone to lean on. He was proud of the kid for learning to open up again. Seems like he was faring off far better than he was.
"Hey, Akutagawa," he whispered while pushing lightly on the other's shoulder. He was sitting on a couch alongside who he believes to be Atsushi, both of them dead asleep. Atsushi’s head leaned on his shoulder while Akutagawa’s rested on the other’s head.
Akutagawa startled awake, looking around quickly before his eyes landed on the weight beside him, calming down. He looked up to meet the other's eyes, looking slightly guilty. "Sorry. For dragging you here. I didn’t think-," He paused midway through his apology with a yawn, making Chuuya chuckle.
"It's fine don't worry about it, but it's late so I'm going back to my dorm," the raven glanced at the other still sleeping boy with an expression Chuuya wouldn’t exactly call a fond, but knowing Akutagawa the way he did, it was close enough.
“Come on I know you’re comfortable and everything but we’ve gotta go.”
The other looked between him and Atsushi, before settling his eyes back at the ground, making the other smile.
“It’s fine if you wanna stay here at his place, I don't mind,” he saw the other stutter through words, trying to get a response before giving up with a sigh.
“Just make sure to use protection,'' he said jokingly, watching the younger’s ears turn red as he scowled.
“It’s not like that!” He whined between gritted teeth, still keeping his voice hushed so as to not wake the other.
Chuuya chuckled.
“Yeah yeah, whatever you say loverboy,” he said as he waved, already walking towards the door.
-
After saying his goodbye to a very drunk Yosano, and promising to meet again later, something the ginger found himself highly doubting they would actually do, he started the walk towards his dorm building. His brain felt fuzzy because of the lingering booze, his thoughts felt like a mushed up ball of every emotion he tried so hard to escape.
In the middle of the entire mess that was his mind, his conversation with Yosano decided to make an unfortunate reappearance, bringing back memories and emotions he preferred suppressed, yet now he seemed to struggle to keep them at bay.
He thought about Akutagawa. He had grown so much. The way he interacted with people he barely even knew was testament of that. It was out of his comfort zone but he took it in stride. As Chuuya’s mind kept going round and round on how his friend had changed for the better, at least in his opinion, he slowly started thinking of himself. Had he changed at all?
He doubted it. He felt the anger start to boil up in the hands hidden inside the pockets of his jacket. He glared at the ground as if that would fix any of his problems. Fingers curling into fists and nails digging into his palms. A familiar, comforting burn.
He climbed up the stairs, his body moving out of pure muscle memory and spite. He stopped at his door, pulling out his keys and walking into the domesticity of the small flat.
A kitchen, a small table, two chairs, a bed, a small closet, and a door leading to the bathroom were all Chuuya had inside his home. It was small but cheap. His sister already paid for his classes, the least he could do was pay for his own apartment. He’d still have to find a way to pay her back in the future though. He pulled off his jacket, hanging it on a chair as he walked towards the small fridge.
His thoughts were still a mess of emotions that threatened to spill from his fingertips. Against his better judgement, he pulled out a beer from his tiny fridge, taking a long swig in hopes of ridding himself of the meddling memories. He sighed in relief when his thoughts quieted down once again, returning the air to his lungs.
Chuuya put the bottle down and walked over to his closet. He pulled out a worn out vintage My Little Pony t-shirt and sweats, throwing them over his shoulder and onto the bed. He discarded his shirt and kicked his shoes off. He walked over to the clothes he picked out, stretching his arms before pulling the new shirt over his head.
Just as he reached to take his pants off as well, a hand shot out from underneath his bed, iron grip latching onto his ankle with freezing cold fingers, making him shriek and fall back with a loud thud.
“JESUS FUCK!” Chuuya screamed as he pulled his ankle back toward himself, trying to fight off whatever was under his bed, that is until he heard an all too familiar laugh, loud and obnoxious making the redhead feel a migraine coming on.
“That’s what your mom said last night,” the annoying voice wheezed.
“God I fucking hate you,” he mumbled as he stood back up again, looking down at the man who was still laughing.
“You should’ve seen your face, you looked so fucking funny oh my god!” Dazai yelled as he crawled out from underneath the bed. “I can’t believe you fell for that!” He said breathlessly as he stood up from the floor, bandaged hand covering his mouth as he tried to stop laughing.
Chuuya fixed him with a sharp glare, picking up his bottle and chugging down almost half of it for what felt like the hundredth time that night.
“Slow down, chibi,” Dazai said with a teasing smirk. “You’re too tiny to be drinking like that, your small body won't be able to take it.”
Blue eyes continued to dig holes into the other as he sighed exhaustedly.
“If looks could kill,” the brunette said with a breathy chuckle, getting nothing but an eye roll in return.
“Leave.” He finally spoke to him, walking over to his bed and continued to change his clothes. Dazai leaned into the wall with an unamused expression.
“So rude, is this how you treat all of your guests, chibi?”
Chuuya sighed, rubbing his face with his palms before grabbing his almost empty beer and settling into his bed. He grabbed his phone and scrolled through random things, trying his best to ignore the other man in the room.
Dazai pouted at him comically, sitting on his bed with a bounce and leaning uncomfortably close to the redhead.
“Whatcha looking at?” he teased, getting a punch to the shoulder, hard enough to genuinely hurt, making him fall off the edge of the bed and land on his ass.
“Hey!” he whined, feeling slight worry when he looked up at the other’s expression.
Eye bags were prominent under his sharp gaze, a frown high on his face as he stared the other down on the floor. If Dazai were a little less observant he would’ve missed the shine of tears in the other’s blue eyes before he looked back at his phone.
“Okay, what is wrong with you Chuuya.” His voice turned serious, sounding more like a demand than an actual question.
The other refused to meet his gaze, eyes glued to the screen, even if they weren’t focusing on a single thing.
Dazai took Chuuya’s phone away from his grip, annoyance dripping in his tone as he returned the same glare he received.
“Look at me.”
“Give it back and leave.”
Voice cold as stone, the other stared back with empty eyes, too tired to preserve the fight they held seconds ago. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, Chuuya cutting the moment off with a loud groan, running his hands over his hair and pulling. Hard.
“Hey, stop that,” the brunette said, voice softening as he put down the phone in order to grab the other’s wrists. “Talk to me, you called me here for a reason didn’t you? What is it?”
Chuuya pulled his arms away and into himself with a harsh flinch at the other’s touch. His eyes darted over Dazai’s face, for once actually seeing him. After another moment of silence, the redhead’s voice rang in the room. It sounded almost fragile, something the feisty redhead was not. Dazai didn’t dare to look into the cause.
“Called you..?”
“Yes?” Dazai answered with another question, not sure what the confusion was.
“Dazai, you are dead,” Chuuya spoke up again, hands rolled into tight fists close to his chest as the emotions he had been trying to avoid broke loose from the cage in his brain. “You killed yourself four years ago.”
The brunette stayed quiet, eyes scanning the other’s expression in detail over and over.
“No shit,” he said, voice empty and detached. Chuuya had gotten used to hearing him talk like that. It didn’t make it hurt any less though.
“But you called for me, and I promised I’d be here if you needed me, so here I am.”