Chapter Text
He thrived on change. And even then it wasn't enough to just explore options; he had to push the limits to remain satisfied. Perhaps it was in his blood; past down through the generations. His mother was the same way. She could never stay in the same place for long before something would happen and they were off to another city, state, or country. And like his mother, his career seems to change with the tide. However much he loved the idea of not knowing what tomorrow would bring him, it reassured him to know he would always have one constant in his life.
Most siblings spend their childhoods together and upon adulthood drift apart. The brothers never saw much logic in social standards and consequently have never spent much time away from one another. The past taught them that being away from each other only brought bad luck. They told the press that they shared the same dreams and goals in life; therefore, it only seemed natural that their lives would remain intertwined. Only together could they put their dreams into reality. Their bond sparked a music career and is one of the driving forces behind their success.
North Dakota (April 2, 2007)
"Shannon." His voice was thick with sleep as he was still caught between the conscious and unconscious world. Once he opened his eyes and untangled himself from the blankets, the stillness of the bus became apparent. He pulled back his curtain and saw the neatly made bunk of his brother. Stepping out into the hallway and removing his ear plugs, he could hear voices coming from the front. "Shannon." This time his voice was louder and clear of sleep but still not answered.
He saw no sign of his brother as he pasted through the divider. The dread that he felt upon awaking was growing. "Tomo, where's my brother?"
"He was gone before I woke up." Tomo replied through bites of his breakfast.
"He left about an hour ago mumbling something about not having enough caffeine on the bus." Tim answered Jared's question while lying down on the long bench with his eyes closed.
"He should be back by now then." He could feel his heart beating in his chest.
"I'll give him a call and see where the hell he is." Tomo had the phone to his ear before he finished his sentence.
The sound of Shannon's phone could be heard coming from the back. "He was pretty out of it when it left. He must have left it behind." Tim stated the obvious as he sat up and faced the other two.
As soon as the factory-standard ringtone was heard coming from the back of the bus, Jared's heart began to beat faster and his chest began to tighten. The dread that he felt upon awaking was increasing. "Could someone go find him please?"
"I'll go see what I can find out." Tim heard the panic in Jared's voice and thought Jared would be more comfortable waiting with Tomo. Or at least he would be more comfortable with the arrangement. "He probably is outside somewhere."
As the door shut behind Tim, Tomo began to see the physical effect this was having on his band mate. Jared always appeared to be in control of everything. Even when he wasn't, he had perfected the art of pretending like he was. Seeing Jared like this worried the younger man. "Hey, why don't you take a seat. Shannon is probably just helping set up."
Jared knew it was irrational, but could not seem to catch his breath and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Tomo's reassurance fell on deaf ears. It was happening again and there was no way to control it. That pissed him off more than not knowing where Shannon was.
Tim had to ask three different people before he was told where exactly Shannon had gone to. He was right in what he told the others; Shannon had went to get coffee. And now he was talking with the drummer from the local opening act. Tim called out across the empty auditorium to get Shannon's attention. However, the sound from the drum kit was too loud and he only got his attention once he was a foot from the man.
"Hey, Shannon. Can I talk to you?"
"Yeah. What's up?" However Shannon's attention was still on the drummer.
"Your brother is asking for you." Normally he would have told Tim he would be there in a few minutes but Shannon heard something in Tim's voice. And once he turned around and gave the bassist his full attention, he could see it in his eyes. The worst possible scenarios were rushing through his head.
"I'll catch you later man." Shannon called out to the drummer as he jumped down from the stage. Once they were walking alone, Shannon tried to get some information out of his friend. "What's wrong? What happened?"
"Nothing happened really. He just woke up and wanted to know where you were. I told him you went to get coffee but you forgot your phone so we couldn't call you. Jared asked if someone would go look for you, but his voice was shaking and he didn't look right."
"He didn't look right?"
"Yeah. I don't know, just not right. I mean it's Jared, he is always...the way he is. But he wasn't when I left." When Tim finished, they were almost back to the bus and Shannon still didn't have any answers.
Tomo heard the bus door open and was hoping that is was Shannon. Jared's breathing was getting worse and he had a thin layer of sweat on his face. The only time Tomo had ever seen the man sweat was when he was on stage. Typically he was always cold. He had finally gotten him to stop pacing and sit down when the door was opened.
"Jared." Shannon called out as he walked inside. Jared had his arms around his brother by the time the door was closed. Once the shock wore off, Shannon could feel him shaking. "Hey, look at me."
Jared pulled back and blue met brown. It had been almost five years since this had happened and Shannon thought maybe they were over for good. "Okay. Good. Keep looking at me and follow my breathing. In and out. In and out." Shannon's voice was soft as he held onto his brother's arms. He paused between each even breath. "In and out."
After five minutes of staring at his brother and following his calming voice, his breathing slowed down and his chest loosened. Once he felt back in control, he turned around to face the other two men. The others had simply watched on in confusion as Shannon got his brother back under control. Jared was angry and embrassed that his friends had seen him like this and quickly turned back to his brother. "It's over."
"Tomo, can you get a blanket out of my bunk?" Shannon kept his eyes on his brother who was looking at the floor. He knew that Jared hated showing weakness, especially in front of people that looked to him for direction.
"Yeah, no problem."
Shannon led his brother over to the bench and guided him down as he sat himself. "When did you go to sleep this morning?" Shannon asked as he moved Jared down so his head was on the arm rest and his upper body was across Shannon's lap. Shannon's words were spoken so that only Jared could hear them.
"Some time before eleven." Jared answered looking at his hands. Tomo handed the blanket to Shannon and Shannon placed it over his brother.
"Jared, it is barely three o'clock." Shannon's tone was stern but calm. Jared didn't answer, he just curled up into his brother's chest and closed his eyes. Exhausted from what just happened, he breathed in the calming scent of his brother as he immediately drifted off into sleep.
"Ok, what the hell was that?" Tomo questioned the drummer while trying to keep his voice down. Tim's face shared his concern. "I have never seen him like that."
"That was something that Jared wishes you never saw. Jared used to have panic attacks all the time when he was younger. As he got older, they were less and less frequent. This is the first in a couple of years. I was hoping they were gone for good. They probably came back because he hasn't been sleeping enough. Plus he pushes himself too hard." Shannon looked down at his sleeping brother; brushing some hair out of his face. "If this happens again, get me as soon as you can. Sometimes I can stop him from getting this worked up. Oh and, he is going to pretend like this didn't happen. So just go along with it."