Chapter Text
One could spit out a moving carriage and odds are they’d hit a love story. Shops are flooded with cheap novelizations of will-they-won’t-theys and have been for as long as people have been able to write. Fewer are stories on losing love, perhaps because people don’t want to imagine that something so tragic could happen to them. Or, perhaps, the very premise hints at betrayal and hurt and abuse, and who wants to cozy up to a story built on such pain after dealing with the day-to-day pain of their own lives?
But, for every story of finding love, there are probably three of love lost – either love that was never meant to be, love that was taken abruptly, or love that simply faded away with time. While in many cases this heartbreak makes one reach for the wine and tissues, sometimes something truly beautiful can arise; sometimes, love is meant to end, people are made to grow apart, and whether or not they find love with another someday, that love they shared isn’t lost to them or to the world, and that love in fact strengthens them and guides them to where they’re meant to be, even if it’s not together.
These cases may be rare, but their value shouldn’t be diminished. There isn’t shame in separation, and sometimes no one does anything wrong. Sometimes, love just gets… a bit complicated.
During the evening of his first wedding anniversary, Zuko finally realizes what’s been putting him in a sour mood these past few weeks. He knows everyone’s noticed it: Mai, with all her patience, certainly has, as well as the council and various staff members at the palace. He’s admittedly been a bit on edge for a few months, but his angry outbursts have subsided since Mai gave him a stern-and-well-deserved lecture; still, in the days leading up to the present, he’s been curt and rude to anyone he crosses, not to mention pretty bad at being the Fire Lord. He thanks the spirits that his Uncle, Aang, and Sokka had helped him fill his cabinet with reliable ministers who were picking up the slack during his slump. While he hasn’t been outright abusive, he knows he’s been a regular boar, but at long last, he knows why.
He enters his and Mai’s room, basking in the warmth of the blazing fire. There are ample rose bouquets adorning the priceless furniture, and most notably, he sees Mai, looking shy and a bit flushed in a new set of underwear. On the bedside drawer stands a not-so-full bottle of red wine and an empty glass. Her pale skin glows in the firelight, and while he’s seen her quite a bit today as they went through his full, romantic itinerary, it seems she’s adjusted her hair and makeup for their nighttime activities. She is truly the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and he smiles at her as he makes his way to their bed. She smiles up at him, but as has been the case for some time, the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
He sits on the bed and turns toward her. He grabs her hands, which are alarmingly chilly, despite the warmth of the room.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” she responds.
“You look amazing,” he says, eyes roaming down her body. “I have the most beautiful wife in all of the Fire Nation – no, all the world.”
She laughs. “And you look… well, you didn’t change since dinner, I see.”
“Yeah, impromptu meeting, unfortunately. Also, if I tried to dress up, you’d just upstage me.”
“Maybe we just need to find you something lacier, then. I’m sure you could pull it off,” she teases. “Or I could.”
He chuckles. Being with Mai, both tonight and these past few years, it felt… right. Easy, now—though of course they had their rough patches prior to his coronation. But, despite all that, he knows he needs to voice his thoughts now, consequences be damned.
“Mai,” he begins. “I think I need to talk to you about something.”
She raises a brow, looking unimpressed.
“Sorry, I need to talk to you about something. Something important.”
The corners of her mouth quirk upward at his correction. During their marriage, they’d butted heads over communication issues, but both have been making efforts to be more effective in that regard.
“Okay, let’s talk then.”
He nods, then takes a deep breath. She squeezes his hands, likely in an effort to be reassuring, but damn if her nails weren’t a bit too sharp for it. Still, the slight pain serves Zuko well in grounding him.
“I love you,” he says. “You are my best friend, and truly an amazing Fire Lady. I don’t think I could’ve made it through all this if you weren’t there to listen to me, to advise me, and to tell me when I was being a complete idiot.”
She gives him a few moments, then nods. “Okay. I love you too, Zuko. I… I know I don’t say it a lot, I’m not a huge romantic. But, I do. And I love that we’ve been able to talk together, about so many things.”
“Me too! I trust you, more than I trust anyone. But,” he pauses, and she waits. “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
He expects a more visceral reaction – a shout, a slap. But, she barely moves.
“Um,” he continues. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… I don’t think I can give you the love that you, as a wife, deserve. Not anymore. And, it’s not anything you did! Like I said, you’ve been perfect to me, more than I deserved, for what I’ve put you through, and it’s not like I’m not attracted to you, anymore, or anything, I mean,” he gestures vaguely at her body. “Look at you, like damn. I just—”
“Zuko,” she interrupts his ramblings, and at her stern tone he instinctively lowers his face. “No, don’t do that; look at me.” He complies. Her expression is far from angry. Not quite warm, either, or sad, but just… understanding. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Huh? Uh, well… I tell you everything. And this concerns you, so…”
“Do you think every Fire Lord loved their wives to the end?”
“What?”
“Did you know that you have the right to have any number of wives, consorts, whatever you want.”
“Well, that’s how they used to do it, but that’s… not right.”
She eyes him, appraising, then she nods. “Okay. I’m glad you told me, then.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t cast you aside, or cheat on you, just because of this. You’re my friend, and… well, no one deserves that.” He squeezes her hand. “I just want to do right by you. It’s only fair that you know how I feel. I don’t want us to be insincere with each other.”
“Yeah, that… that makes sense. Wow,” she laughs bitterly. “I had a feeling this was coming, but it still fucking hurts.” Tears threaten to spill over, and she pulls away her hands to swipe at them. “There were a lot of ways for this conversation to go and this one’s... a lot.”
He moves toward her, wrapping his arms around her. She melts into the embrace and takes a few deep, calming breaths.
After a minute or so, Zuko clears his throat. “So… you were expecting… this?”
She nods against his chest. “It’s been clear for a while that we’ve been drifting. You’ve been good, of course, but… that spark wasn’t there. It was like we were going through the motions just to keep up appearances. For some time I thought you were just stressed, but, you weren’t looking at me the same way you used to. I almost thought… the worst. But, I know you wouldn’t do that to me—you’re too kind. Still, I figured you’d want to broach the topic of ending things soon.”
His hand, which had been idly running through her hair, freezes. “What?”
She looks up at him. “What do you mean ‘what?’”
“End things? You think I’m breaking up with you?”
A range of emotions flash across her face – confusion, anger, even pity, Zuko thinks, then finally, annoyance. “We’re not in love. Wouldn’t it make sense to get a divorce?”
Zuko hadn’t thought of that, actually, and Mai immediately deduces that from his bewildered expression. She groans then pushes him aside. Scooting past him, she walks to her dresser, where she begins to strip out of her top.
“Um…” Zuko begins.
“Shut up, I’m changing.” Sure enough, she slips into her preferred sleeping dress before walking to her vanity. She plops down in the velvet-cushioned seat and begins removing her hairpins and makeup. “So, you’ve decided to tell me on our anniversary that you’re not in love with me, but you don’t want a divorce?”
“Well, when you put it like that it sounds stupid.”
She snorts. “Yeah, you think?”
“Wait a minute…” Zuko’s brain finally catches up to the situation. “Earlier, you said ‘we’re not in love’. So, you’re not either?”
She meets his eyes in her mirror for a moment before removing one of her false eyelashes. “Yeah… it’s… I don’t know how it happened. We were like… bonsai trees, planted together. But the poles and strings making us grow one way were no longer there one day, and we just… started growing apart. Or maybe we were forced to grow together but were then allowed some freedom and it happened… or something.”
Zuko takes a few moments to parse through her words. “What the hell was that? That was like one of Uncle’s weird analogies.”
She laughs. “Yeah, he’s been rubbing off on me, I guess. Sorry, just trying to pass on some wisdom.”
He smiles. “Well, don’t quit your day job, I guess. But… I think I get what you mean. We’re both so… young. And we fell in love even younger, and got married so young, and I wouldn’t change that, but now… We’re… different. Our love, I think, is different too.”
She rotates in her chair. “I can’t believe I’m not mad right now. I should hate you. Last time we… broke up, it wasn’t pretty. But… this isn’t a break up, I guess?”
“No,” he muses. “It’s more like… redefining our relationship, maybe?”
She hums, then turns back to her mirror. “Could you braid my hair?” she asks.
He crosses the room to her and begins to brush her hair. The contact comforts her, and she leans back toward him.
“This is nice,” she says, stifling a yawn.
He chuckles. “What would you do without me?”
Despite his jocular tone, her face turns serious. “I… do you know what would happen to me, if we got divorced?”
He frowns as he began to part her hair. “I know that in our society, divorced noblewomen fare far worse than men, if that’s what you mean. It’s not right.”
“Imagine, separation from the Fire Lord. I would be marked as some kind of treasonous vixen. Hell, people would want my head before I give away your secrets. And you… your own reputation would tank for even marrying me in the first place.”
“Then it’s a good thing we’re not getting divorced,” he says. “You and I are good for each other. Just… not in that way anymore. I won’t make you go through that, Mai. Whatever happens, we’re going to figure this out together, okay?”
“Promise?”
“Of course. Neither of us… did anything wrong. And if anyone calls your honor into question, they’ll have to go through me. I hope you can trust me on this.”
She pauses, then smiles up at him. Zuko hasn’t seen her smile like this in far too long. “I do trust you. With your power, a lesser man could sweep this under the rug, have another wife or lover in a week and have me disappeared.. But, I know you. I love you, still, and we’re going to make this work.”
He smiles back at her, then wordlessly finishes her braid. He kisses the top of her head and, holding hands, they fall into their bed and into a restful sleep, clutching each other tight far past sunrise.
It isn’t surprising that they are allowed to sleep in the morning after their anniversary night. When an attendant arrives a bit before noon with breakfast, the pair look well-rested and chummier than ever, eyes bright with laughter as they share stories. The attendant leaves them their food-laden trays and bows before retreating quickly, not wanting to witness any of their marital bliss.
Zuko and Mai enjoy their small feast and continue their gossip. Both feel lighter than they had in months, the weight of their relationship shift no longer looming over them like a dark shadow. It almost feels like when they had first fallen in love, like a new getting-to-know-each-other stage, but there is a comfort in knowing that the romance wasn’t there anymore and that they could just focus on being each other’s friend.
“So,” Mai says around a chocolate-covered strawberry. “We do need to figure out how we’re going to move forward from here.”
Zuko nods. “Right. Like… do you still want to ever have sex?”
She rolls her eyes. “Typical man, that’s your first question.” She swallows her bite. “I… I don’t think I do.”
“Okay. What about kissing, and cuddling?”
“I’ll take a kiss every now and again. And you know how I feel about cuddling.”
He laughs. “Okay, so cuddling. But, what about sleeping together, generally? Should we have separate rooms? Beds?”
She hums in thought. “We may need to revamp the wing. What if we each have a room, but we also have a room for when we want to be near each other?”
He nods. “I think that could work. Oh, are we… telling anyone about this? I don’t want any gossip to start because we stop sleeping together.”
“Maybe for now we keep it to ourselves. The staff will know about the rooms, of course, but we can just say it's due to sleeping preferences. A lot of couples sleep separately because one person likes the room too warm, or they snore. I don't think people would bat an eye at that.”
“Okay, sounds good. We weren’t really big PDA people anyway, so I assume you’re alright attending functions and sitting next to me?”
“Of course, I’ll still be the Fire Lady and do what I need to in that role.”
Zuko sips at his tea. “Okay, um… what else is there?”
“Well,” Mai flushes. “There’s a chance one of us may fall in love with someone else.”
“Really? We barely fell in love with each other.”
She smacks his shoulder playfully. “Oh shut up, it could happen. And in that case we should be prepared.”
“You’re right. Well, I’m not going to be seeking out anything, so, I won’t be bringing anyone to bed.”
“Well,” she says. “I wouldn’t begrudge you that. If you want to have sex or date someone, I wouldn’t deny you that.”
He frowns. “I don’t know… that seems… disrespectful to you, in a way…”
“Do you think it would be disrespectful if I slept with someone?”
“Well, no, I think you deserve to seek your own happiness, and I wouldn’t stop you.”
“Exactly,” she smiles. “That goes for the both of us. And, this is just in case. Like you said, I’m also probably not just going to go on dates randomly. We’re both a bit too busy for that.”
“That’s true. What if…” he pauses.
“What if what?”
“What if we have this… sort of separation,” he says. “And we realize that we were wrong, and that we are in love?”
“Well, in that case, we’d just be together again. Fully, like the world thinks we are. I mean, if we grew apart, isn’t it possible for us to grow together? Love is… complicated like that.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” He reaches out and takes her free hand, squeezing it. “No matter what, though, you can talk to me about it. Whatever you think is best for you, I’ll support it. You’re my best friend, my wife, and I will keep you safe.”
She smiles. “Thank you. Communication is good. I already feel like we’re reaching a whole new level of intimacy. I want to be with you, even just as your friend and confidante. I love you.”
He pulls her hand up to his lips and kisses her knuckles gently. “I love you, too.”