Work Text:
Goodbye Lisbon
He had a plan. If Jane were to survive ending Red John’s life, then he had a plan of what to do next. His plan only really works thanks to many shady criminals who are indebted to him after some poker games that didn’t go their way, but definitely went his. It was the only reason why he took part in them, well, that and to kill some boredom and allow him to let loose during the few hours he wasn’t hunting a serial killer. Taking suckers money whilst consuming copious amounts of whiskey seemed to quell the pain for a short period of time. That pain has… changed now – like his plan it looks like.
Two days ago, he killed Thomas McAllister. Shot him and then choked the life out of him, feeling his last breath disperse into the air and the almighty sense of relief which followed. Briefly, he contemplated taking his own life there and then, but he hesitated when he thought about Lisbon, and he knew that he couldn’t do that to her. She has already lost so much in her life and even though he must go away now, at least she can think of him as alive rather than seeing images of his corpse plastered in the media. However originally his plan was to run, leave, straightaway. He would call in his favours and disappear firstly out of California and then out of the US entirely, to somewhere with extradition laws on his side. Probably South America.
Something stopped him though, rather someone, from leaving immediately. Staying in the state for an extended period is risky but he couldn’t leave without seeing her one last time. The call that went to answer phone wasn’t enough and now he is chancing his freedom for… he isn’t sure what.
Over the past couple of days, he has been thinking about what he could do. In that time, he has made acquaintances with some rough sleepers who are squatting in what can only be described as a drug house. He hasn’t been using, he’s not even touched a drop of alcohol because his mind must stay sharp as he remains alert at all times, looking out for FBI agents or anyone from The Blake Association holding a grudge. He ditched his three-piece suit and acquired some… interestingly smelling clothes from one of his newest acquaintances of baggy blue jeans, a white-ish tee and a brown hoodie and he has even adopted a more southern accent – this is probably unnecessary.
If anyone were to see his face, he would be picked out in a second, but no-one will be identifying him by his curls because they’re no more as he now dons a shaved head, something he hopes he never has to do again. Jane runs a hand, nervously, over his bristly hairs with a deep breath before pulling up his hood in attempt to conceal his identity. “It was good to meet you, Billy.” He tells the owner of the clothes who simply gives him a non-committal hum, already too clouded by today’s lack of sobriety.
The walk to Lisbon’s is perilous, he decides, after just five minutes. Even though he is sticking to all the cut throughs and alley paths – despite being some fifteen miles away – he still has this constant feeling of being watch and he knows that her place will be closely monitored also. The thought makes him deeply unhappy because this isn’t what she warrants. He may now be liberated, his being lighter and that continuous suffocating sensation gone but that doesn’t mean her life drastically changing is fair. She and Cho and Grace and Rigsby, all sacrificed everything for him and that friendship they showed him will never be forgotten during the next stretch of his life.
Jane pauses in between a Chinese takeaway and a laundrette, leans against the wall, and hits the back of his hood-clad head on the rough brick, wondering what the hell he is doing. The plan was simple, in his own way; kill Red John and then become a criminal on the run. Yes, that may be technically what he is doing but he wasn’t meant to still be in Sacramento two days later when his face is all over the news and the FBI are hunting him. Over the past few years, he has buried any “deeper” thoughts about his partner away, tried to pretend they weren’t there so he could obsess over his cause, but now his cause is done that has become much harder to do.
It is late afternoon and if he were to stop this right now then he could maybe be on a boat tomorrow out of here. That would be the smart thing to do. However even though Patrick Jane has been hailed a genius in the past, he also can be dumb, really dumb. This is something maybe he will realise in hindsight but currently, on seeing a UPS driver climb out of his truck, a new idea has struck, and this is definitely one that has been fuelled by sheer desperation.
With one unfortunate UPS driver now sleeping, in a hypnotised state whilst slumped against a dumpster, having been shed of his uniform cap and polo shirt and instead is wearing Jane’s hoodie, the mentalist has taken the role as a delivery driver. He even has the specially modified truck to show for it.
His newest plan doesn’t involve him waltzing up to Lisbon’s front door with a parcel, no, her shock would immediately notify the FBI detail inevitably stationed outside her home of his presence, but the disguise should allow him to get close enough without causing too much suspicion. The thrill of the chase, another scheme, is enough to stop him from thinking about his deepest fear. This is just temporary, after he has his goodbye, he will be gone, out of her life, most likely for good and that will be a lonely time. A decade ago when he joined the CBI, he was alone, properly alone, but through the years of him causing chaos as their consultant he gained a new family, one, like his actual family, he won’t see again. That doesn’t bear thinking about, not yet, he wants to bask in the success and relief of his mission first for a little longer.
When he turns onto her street, he is sure to keep his head down as he drives, noting the obvious government vehicle with blacked-out windows as he does. Their lack of movement as he parks up tells him that he hasn’t been spotted and his ruse has somehow worked and briefly he smiles, even allows himself to chuckle, but that is quick to stop.
He can’t get out. He can’t try and talk to her. It would be too risky, not just for him but more importantly for her. If they haven’t already arrested or charged her with being an accessory to his crimes then his presence would most likely instigate that and he can’t, won’t, have that on his conscious. He has only just managed to control some of his guilt from past mistakes, now isn’t the time to add more to his already long list. “Shit.” He curses with a sigh and grips tightly onto the steering wheel as he prepares to start to the engine, not caring if it looks odd to FBI’s prying eyes. He has already eluded them once in a car chase and even in this questionable vehicle, he believes he could give it another crack.
His hand stops on the ignition because he watches as her front door opens and she steps outside. Even eighty or so feet away he can detect her distress, her nervousness about being under law enforcement’s thumb whilst having to deal with such massive change. Her shoulders are hunched, and her arms crossed, making her body small as she walks the short distance to her car. Her dark hair is scraped back into a ponytail, and it takes her a few attempts to unlock her vehicle probably due to a shaking hand. Jane considers where she could be going and although he is relieved about her lack of incarceration, he does find that a tear escapes him and trickles down his cheek, leaving a trail in its wake.
He is quick to wipe it away, needing to hide his physical emotional reaction from the rear-view mirror, not wanting to see himself in such a state. It would just set him off. He doesn’t have any regrets about what he did but he does have regrets about who he has hurt in the process, especially Teresa Lisbon.
Her car swiftly reverses off the drive and harshly turns into the direction his own vehicle is facing. He views it, her, disappearing off into the distance and he even quietly utters a weak, “goodbye Lisbon” as she leaves. The government vehicle passes him by in pursuit of their mark and he has to do everything in his power not to chase after them, to stop them, to make them leave her alone.
As send offs go, it isn’t very momentous but to him it feels like some sort of closure, his second bout of closure in just a few days. Jane clears his throat, to rid it of any poignant croakiness that he’d rather bury in this moment before finally turning the key in the ignition to continue with his original plan.
Silently wishing that this goodbye, isn’t for good.
Dear Lisbon,
I hope that you are doing okay.
There is probably a lot that you want to know, too much for me to write in a single letter but I wanted to write something, even if it is just so you know that I am alright.
I am somewhere the FBI cannot touch me, maybe one day if I send another letter, I will give you more details but right now I think the less you know, the better. It was a plan that I had for too long but for a time did not think I would ever implement, but we got him, we got Red John.
I somewhat trust that the FBI have come to the correct conclusion regarding the case but in case it was not obvious, Sheriff Thomas McAllister was Red John. I do not know why he did what he did or how he ran rings around us for so long, but I do not care. What mattered to me was his demise and I got that, and it felt so freeing that I cannot put it into words.
Leaving was not easy and you probably will not believe me about that, but it is true. Leaving you and the rest of the team to deal with everything is more than troubling but I had to do what I did, and I am not sorry for that. I am sorry however for any pain, anguish, upheaval I have caused you because you never deserved that.
I stopped by your home two days after we last saw each other. I did not try to interact with you because I knew the potential dire consequences of that and perhaps it was also down to cowardice. I just needed to see if you were okay and if the FBI were leaving you alone. I do not think you were, and they definitely were not which made me angry, but that anger was only directed at myself.
I can only assume the process of clearing you, Cho, Rigsby and Grace is long and tedious, but they will get there in the end. None of you are guilty of my crimes. They will see that. I know they will.
I am going to miss you and I hope that you find happiness in wherever life takes you next.
Goodbye Lisbon,
U No Hoo