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Miya Atsumu is one step too late.
He realized as his eyes trail after your smiling figure hand on hand with the man he dare not compete with. You were smiling beside him, eyes crinkling in happiness wearing a pretty dress he was certain your boyfriend picked for you. There is an air of elegance in your bearing whenever he sees you with him, a completely different woman transformed for the public’s view.
It’s a small private gathering he finds himself in and the one place he sees you both out, unafraid of exposing your affection to the world, all loving and sweet. He sees his hand travels down to your waist, thumb rubbing affectionately against your clothed side, leaning closely to your ear while whispering something that made you giggle. There is a soft, intimate smile on his senior’s face. A look of something foreign coming from the most rigid person Atsumu ever knows.
Atsumu hears the laughter of his brother cackling abnormally with Akagi that made him tear his gaze away from the couple. He sips from his glass of champagne he initially has no plans of drinking as he hears another round of congratulatory messages to Aran’s engagement and he smiles along with his peers.
Bitterness floods his thoughts as he stands excusing himself for restroom.
Kita Shinsuke is one lucky man to have your affection.
That should be him. That place beside you was the spot he always had. He got there first.
But there is only one person he can blame for.
It’s all his fault. He’s an idiot for not being honest about his feelings way earlier.
He liked you for a long time now. When you both starred in a sappy romantic comedy as a couple. When he kissed you on set and it felt good. It started with the teasing of his coworkers, his fans, telling you both of the great chemistry you both shared on and off cam.
He hasn’t completely recognized the soft gaze he sends your way during practices, the desire to constantly accompany you whenever he can, the want to constantly make you happy and see that smile blossoming on your face.
Or the sudden squeeze of his heart when he heard his senior ask more about you.
He remembered ever feeling uneasy at the question of your identity and curiosity of your background while Kita was scrolling through your instagram page. He remembered stuttering a reply as he masked his emotions with eagerness then at the idea of hooking up someone like Kita to a woman, because he was unsure of where the discomfort stemmed from.
“Oh, Kita-san wants to know _____? Like romantically? Like to go on a date with?”
“I think she’s interesting.”
He said quite a lot of things about you that time. Surprisingly. The amount of information about you that left his mouth also left him astonished that he was pretty much bragging about you to him. It was all too confusing for him too. How he knew quite a lot of stuff. How he knew of your likes and dislikes inside and out. There was a tiny spark in his head that took quite a while for him to register.
It started after your commercial with Kita’s company and you told him that Kita indeed ended up asking you out.
And it dawned on him. The tweak of pain he felt in his chest was due to the fact he didn’t like the thought of seeing you with another man or the thought that it’s not him who lights up your face with a smile. Or how he was too dumb to let you slip through his fingers. He watched you get taken right in front of him and it was basically him who handed you on a silver platter to Kita.
Atsumu looks at himself through the bathroom mirror, an image of regret reflecting in it. He likes you too much. No, he loves you too much. He couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you together with Kita. It’s a pain worse than when he injured his shoulder in a stunt for an action movie. Even he couldn’t believe he’d end up so lovestricken like this.
He sighs as if the action is enough to unload the heaviness he feels in his heart. He can’t find himself the courage to go back inside the function hall to see you closely sitting and flirting with Kita. He could go back to his hotel room and go through his script for tomorrow’s filming but that would be too rude of him to leave when he promised to accompany the others to get wasted tonight.
In the end, Atsumu leaves the restroom and crashes into you.
“Ah. Tsumu, look where you’re going,” he hears you giggling, voice slightly slurred from intoxication.
“Woah there missy. It’s you who should slow down. Ramming down a person like that, I can sue you y’know,” Atsumu jokes as he helps you from wobbling on your feet.
“You look pretty tonight.” His words come out even before he can think of them and he curses inwardly because he swore not to get involved with you anymore.
“Oh thanks.”
He should go back now but being alone like this with you was something that kept his feet from moving. He wants to stay even a few more minutes like this and have you all by himself even for a short while.
“I thought you were going for that black dress you showed me weeks ago. You looked quite excited receiving them.”
“Oh that…” Your voice falters.
He felt petty asking that because he knows exactly the answer to that question.
“Shin thinks I’m showing too much skin.”
“Shin said my skirt is too short.”
After all, as someone of the few who knows of your relationship and as your closest friend in the entertainment industry, you confided in him quite often about your troubles with Kita and his restrictive personality. How he’s too controlling and mindful about public image that he tells you quite often of what to do.
But you love him anyway, you insisted. He may act like that but you told Atsumu of how sincere Kita of his actions were. Atsumu couldn’t refute your words because indeed, Kita is a kindhearted man and he had been on the receiving end of it too, quite often in fact. Even he knows just how impeccable his senior is in his mannerisms and character, it’s just that he didn’t expect to find out just how possessive and dominant he can be in a relationship.
Not gonna lie, he sometimes thinks of stealing you under him. See, if he still has a chance of having that affection too and make you look his way. The amount of times he thought of confessing to you, just to take your attention, and make you think about him too even if it’s wrong had kept him awake sometimes.
The urge is strong whenever he sees you crestfallen like that because of Kita. When he sees you crying because of a fight with him and his unwillingness to compromise for you, or when you talk about Kita’s jealousy that sometimes hinders your work as an actress. He heard it all and he thinks he can treat you better.
He talks with you for a while here, outside. About your future plans, about anything. He was pretty much keeping you back here.
“Oh, I see. Then I’ll support you in your new movie. I think it would be great for you to have an international exposure and if it’s received well, it would be the turning point for your career.”
“Thanks, Tsumu. I think so too. That’s why I’m doing a lot of research to make sure I get it right.”
He nods at your reply and shifts on his feet.
“By the way… You know, Shin and I have been talking about marriage too….”
Atsumu’s jaw dropped at the news and suddenly, he felt pressed at the information. One thing only occupied his mind: it’s game over for him the moment you tied the knot.
“Marriage? Isn’t it too early? You just met a year ago though. Are you sure you even wanted to marry Kita?” The panic in his voice was quite obvious at the rapid fire of questions escaping his lips.
He can’t have that. He can’t see you getting married to Kita.
Atsumu has always been an impulsive man and the way he constantly listens to the voice in his head with no thoughts of the consequences that comes after will surely come to bite him in the future. But he didn’t care. Not now when you’re mere inches away from him.
He doesn't know whether to blame it on the tiny amount of alcohol that went in his system or the fact he’s just a scum with a strong desire that overruled his moral compass but he kissed you anyway. Took you by surprise as he leaned down to capture your mouth as a way to express his romantic interest in you.
The shock in your face as you back away swiftly felt like a punch to the gut. You looked like you sobered up when you blinked as if trying to process the reality of what just transpired. You opened your mouth to say something but the voice from behind you made you immediately clamp your mouth shut.
“______,”
Fear traveled down his spine at the familiar voice. Goosebump littered his skin.
“Kita-san, that-”
“Shut it, Miya. We’ll talk.” Kita’s tone was too cold, his gaze even more intimidating as he approached you and handed you a bottle of water to drink. “Let’s go.”
You take the water and follow after his trail. The silence was heavy and overbearing. The tension as you both go and left Atsumu behind made him rethink his life choices. He fucked up. That he did, big time. And the thought that he possibly got you into trouble too snapped him into sanity again.
Did he regret it though?
He’s unsure.
Miya Atsumu watches you disappear from his sight. And possibly from his life too. He doesn't know.