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Vernon might have been drunk.
He wasn’t entirely sure if it was the alcohol or the sheer exhaustion that weighed down his bones as the night crept on. The cameras had long been turned off, but a contingency of them were still rallying upstairs. Vernon could hear their offkey crooning and peels of laughter from outside, the wall length windows barely holding back the sound. He had slipped away after helping clear the table (as much as thirteen drunk men considered “clear”) and stepped out into the night air. A cool breeze was just enough to make his nose start to run as he walked around the building, never straying too far.
Though he loved the deafening chaos Seventeen brought with them to every set, there was nothing like the silence of his nightly walks. He wasn’t sure when he’d picked up the habit, but it had become essential to end his day or even start his morning with a bundled up walk in the dead of night. He focused on the sound of gravel under his shoes and the steamy warmth of his breath, almost meditating as he wandered.
On his way back he found himself at the trampoline, barely touched despite their revelry. He was almost dizzy with sleep at this point, so he climbed inside to take a quick rest before heading back inside. He flopped down on his back, letting out a heavy sigh as the trampoline bounced beneath him. He glanced over at the camera in the corner, confirming with relief that the red light was no longer shining. The gentle sway of springs and soft night air quickly worked against him; within a few breaths, Vernon fell asleep.
His dream began vaguely, barely shapes and colors behind his eyelids. They slowly swam together, making him feel dizzy and light. He heard his name from somewhere far away, and a familiar laugh. The voice poured more color, more substance into his brain until the shapes became a body, soft and round and warm. He could feel his breath quicken, every part of his body buzzing with heat. He wasn’t sure where his hands were, but he could feel smooth skin underneath them. The laughter grew louder, echoing in his skull as something, someone wrapped around him. A smile formed in front of him and he pressed his lips to it, sinking into an ocean of warmth and feeling and—
“Vernon!”
Vernon startled awake, the first waves of orgasm quickly receding as he regained consciousness. The plastic cover of the trampoline rustled loudly in the still night. He must not have been out that long, it was still pitch black when he opened his eyes.
“Vernon! Finally, there you are,” a voice called, not unfamiliar and certainly not quietly. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, didn’t you hear me calling? You can’t just wander off without telling anyone!”
The trampoline bounced violently as another body stepped onto it, and his head knocked against the nylon webbing. It thankfully shook out the last tendrils of his dream before Seungkwan flopped down next to him.
“Oh sorry, were you sleeping?” Seungkwan chuckled.
Vernon shook his head, swallowing around the cottony feeling in his mouth. “Not really. Just closed my eyes for a bit.”
Seungkwan hummed, obviously not believing him. The trampoline sagged underneath them, and Vernon struggled to keep from sliding into the middle. Seungkwan however, had a different plan. He threw his hands up over his head and let his body roll down the little slope, slamming into Vernon with a small “Oof!”. He threw a leg over Vernon’s torso, barely missing his still very sensitive crotch, and sighed against Vernon’s neck. Seungkwan was warm, impossibly so. He was always warm, but it only got worse when he’d been drinking. Vernon wrapped an arm around him out of habit.
Seungkwan breathed against his neck again, and he accidentally let out a shudder. “It’s cold out here, why don’t you sleep inside?” Seungkwan murmured, slipping his hand under Vernon’s puffy jacket to snuggle closer.
“I like cold,” Vernon grumbled. His brain was mush at this point, and three word sentences were all he could manage. It’s not like he and Seungkwan didn’t cuddle constantly, but it wasn’t helping his heart return to a normal pattern after whatever that dream was. Maybe he was just drunker than he thought.
They laid there in silence for a bit, and Vernon thought Seungkwan had drifted off until he let out a small laugh.
“What?” Vernon asked. “What’s so funny?”
Seungkwan shook his head, repositioning against Vernon’s shoulder. “Nothing, it just… This kind of reminds me of the old days.”
“I don’t remember ever having a trampoline.”
Seungkwan scoffed, “No, not that part. Just you know, when we used to sneak away from the dorm.” Vernon stayed quiet, so Seungkwan kept on. “We used to run out of the building so fast, like we were committing a crime or something. We’d even leave pillows in our beds, like that would fool anyone. Do you remember?”
Vernon nodded. He remembered. He remembered like it was yesterday, the feeling of Seungkwan’s hand in his as they ran together, the wind against their faces and stealing away the sound of their laughter. He remembered the rhythm of the streetlights and the sound of their feet. He remembered the convenience store attendant and her kind smile as she ran up their late night treats. He remembered the dark alley they’d slip into on the way home, the concrete wall cold against his hands as he pressed Seungkwan into it. He remembered the lingering taste of strawberry ice cream.
Seungkwan seemed to remember that part too, pulling his leg back from over Vernon as he cleared his throat. “Dumb kid things, I guess,” he whispered. They were quiet again for a minute or two. Something in the air settled around them. It was different than usual. Not uncomfortable necessarily, but charged enough to keep Vernon wide awake. He heard everything: the distant shouts and music from the house, the crickets in the bushes next to them, and the steady breathing below him. Seungkwan gulped, and it almost startled him.
“Vernonnie, can I ask you something?”
“S-sure, whatever,” Vernon whispered.
“You’re my best friend, right?”
Vernon blinked. His mind raced for a moment before blurting, “Yeah, of course.” He hoped that wasn’t the wrong answer. Why would it be the wrong answer? He couldn’t think straight.
“So you wouldn’t lie to me, right?” Seungkwan continued.
“Of course not.” Vernon was much more confident in that answer, but panicked a bit when Seungkwan paused. He sighed, and Vernon could imagine him puffing out his cheeks with the force of it. He wished it wasn’t so dark. He liked seeing Seungkwan’s pouty face.
“Do you think I’m sexy?”
Vernon couldn’t keep a small laugh from escaping, nervous energy bursting out of him. Seungkwan sat up to smack him across the chest. He threw up his hands. “No, no! I’m not laughing at you, I’m just— you just surprised me!” Seungkwan seemed unsatisfied. He could almost make out that pout in the darkness. “I’m sorry, really. I didn’t mean to laugh. I just, I really was not expecting that question.”
Seungkwan finally plopped back down. “I just… I don’t know, there are some fans saying I seem more manly now. Or like… that they see me as a man now. But I can’t tell if they’re joking. And even if they’re not, doesn’t that mean they didn’t see me as a man before?”
“I really don’t think they’re joking,” Vernon frowned. He’d seen the same comments himself. He agreed that something about Seungkwan had shifted recently; maybe it had something to do with his new friendships, or maybe the concepts they were coming out with. There was an air of relaxed confidence around Seungkwan now that Vernon had never seen, and more than anything it was incredibly alluring.
“Then do you think they’re right? Do you think I’m more sexy now?”
“I don’t think manly and sexy necessarily mean the same thing.”
“So you don’t think I’m sexy?”
“Seungkwan,” Vernon huffed. “I think… I just think you’ve changed. We all have. And whether that means you’re more manly or sexy or whatever, I don’t know. It doesn’t mean you weren’t before. It just means you’re a little different now.”
Seungkwan seemed to think for a moment, and Vernon hoped he’d be satisfied with that answer. After what felt like hours, Seungkwan whispered softly, “What happened to us?”
Vernon shrugged. “We got older. We were really young when we debuted, you know. I guess we’re just more mature now. The whole group really, our whole vibe. The fans are just noticing that, I guess.”
“No, I mean…” Seungkwan shifted, rolling over onto his tummy to prop himself up on his elbows. “Whatever happened to us ?”
Vernon’s mouth went dry again. “What do you mean?”
He could hear a soft clicking as Seungkwan fiddled with his fingernails. “You know what I mean... The two of us.”
A lump began to form in Vernon’s throat. He was completely blindsided by the question, and heard himself rambling before any coherent thoughts had formed in his brain. “We… we got older—”
“Did getting older mean having to give you up?”
Vernon shoved his elbows underneath himself, so he could blink into the darkness at Seungkwan’s face. “What— what do you mean giving up? You’re the one who wanted to stop.”
“I didn’t— Oh my god, I didn’t want to stop. Didn’t you want to stop?”
“Are you kidding me? You’re the one who said we should. You literally said, ‘We should stop doing this.’”
“I said that?”
“Yes! You said those exact words, I remember it like it was yesterday!”
“Well I didn’t expect you to agree with me!”
“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Vernon couldn’t tell when they had started yelling.
“I figured you… You just walked away! You didn’t even say anything!”
“I thought you were breaking up with me, Seungkwan! What did you think I would say?!”
“NO or something! I thought maybe you would fight a little harder for me than THAT!”
“You BROKE me!” Vernon roared. They’d both made it into a sitting position, and Seungkwan flinched as he snapped. He took a deep breath, scooting back to give Seungkwan space. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “It’s just… That was the worst day of my life.” Seungkwan gasped, but Vernon didn’t let him interrupt. “When you said we should stop, I just… It was like the floor dropped out from under me. I had no idea what happened, what I had done to make you angry, and I just… Yes, I walked away. I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” His voice had dropped to a whisper, as if the world was watching.
“I didn’t think— How could I not— Vernon, it’s you, it’s always been you. How could I just— How could I ever stop loving you?”
Vernon heard a tiny drop hit the nylon, and he realized Seungkwan was crying. Or maybe it was him. He sniffed. Maybe they were both crying.
“Then why would you say something like that?” he asked shakily.
Seungkwan sighed. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I was scared, everything was so scary and I just… I couldn’t imagine our future. The idea that you would want me forever, that you wouldn’t want to— I didn’t want to hold you back.”
“Seungkwan, that’s fucking insane.” Vernon heard a tongue click, and could picture the eyeroll that came with it.
“I know! I know that now, obviously. But when you just walked away, I thought… I convinced myself that I was right. That you had gotten tired of me. And eventually, everything went back to normal so I just thought you’d gotten over it and so should I. I thought if I was…” Seungkwan stopped abruptly, and shook his head.
“If you were what?”
Seungkwan shook his head again, almost violently. “It’s stupid.”
Vernon slowly scooted back towards Seungkwan, like approaching a wild animal. He reached a shaking hand up to cup Seungkwan’s wet cheek, his heart leaping as Seungkwan leaned into it with a sigh.
“I thought if I was just your friend,” Seungkwan finally whispered. “I thought if I could be your best friend again, then I could stay by your side forever.”
Vernon’s vision blurred as tears filled his eyes. He sniffed, blinking up towards the plastic roof. “You’re right,” he whispered. “That is stupid.” Seungkwan laughed gently, and Vernon gently swiped his thumb across his cheekbone. “Of course you’re my best friend, Boo. But you’re also the love of my life. And I swear to God, I will spend every day proving that to you until you get it into that big head of yours.”
“Does that mean…?”
“That means, Boo Seungkwan: will you be my boyfriend? Again?”
Seungkwan nodded. He let a small distraught noise before collapsing into Vernon’s chest, and they flopped back onto the trampoline with a small bounce. They pressed into each other as if they could fuse into one being, the familiar warmth seeping deep into each other’s bones. Vernon pressed a small kiss to the top of Seungkwan’s head, pleased with the little whine it elicited. He didn’t expect the line of kisses travelling up his chest in return. His breath hitched as Seungkwan mouthed up the side of his neck, the air shifting around them once again.
With one hand against the small of Seungkwan’s back, he flipped them in an instant. Seungkwan’s hands automatically wrapped around the back of his neck, the movement still so natural after years out of practice. Vernon pressed their closed lips together just once, but Seungkwan pulled him back in to lick against his bottom lip. They kissed like no time had passed, every movement a dance they could never have forgotten. Vernon finally pulled back to catch his breath and stare down at Seungkwan in the first pale hints of dawn.
The fans were right: Seungkwan was older, more mature, more alluring. The way his eyelids dropped in anticipation, his mouth hung open just slightly as he waited for Vernon to move again. Young Seungkwan might have captured his heart, but Seungkwan now was downright dangerous.
His open mouth turned up into a wry smile. “Vernon, are you shaking?”
Vernon huffed. “Because I’m nervous, asshole!”
“It’s okay, don’t be. I’m not fragile,” Seungkwan chuckled.
Vernon sighed. “You may not be fragile, but you’re still precious to me. And I never want to hurt you ever again.”
Seungkwan gulped. “You can’t promise that.”
“Then I promise that I’ll try. Now will you please let me make love to you? I’ve been waiting for literally years.”
That finally made Seungkwan flush, his hands tightening in Vernon’s shirt. “Here?” he said in a small voice.
Vernon shrugged. “The cameras are off. I don’t want to wait.”
Seungkwan pushed against his chest weakly. “We’re on a trampoline for godssakes. What if the members see us?!”
“It’s like four in the morning, they’re all blackout drunk anyways.” Vernon leaned down to nip at Seungkwan’s neck, but Seungkwan pushed him away again.
“Sure, but…” Seungkwan looked actually distressed, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Vernon sat up, now not sure if the way his eyes glistened were just left over or not.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you… Do you not want this?”
Seungkwan scoffed, “Of course I want this, idiot. I’ve had stupid dreams about your stupid dick for years.” Vernon’s brain screamed, but he tried to keep a straight face. “But I want our first time— Well, our second first time— to be special.”
“And I’m guessing trampoline in the middle of the night isn’t special?” Vernon grimaced, knowing the answer.
Seungkwan laughed. “No, I don’t think trampoline in the middle of the night is special. Romantic maybe, but not for sex.”
Vernon nodded. They shuffled out of the trampoline house clumsily, mainly because they refused to stop holding hands for even a second. They walked back to the vacation house in silence, Vernon focused on cooling his arousal. The dewy dawn air was helping, but a glossy-eyed and wrecked-looking Seungkwan was not. As they made their way up the steps, he found it hard to even look in his direction. “Maybe we should sleep separately,” he suggested, ignoring the offended scoff he got in return. They had slept in the same bed nearly every night even when they were being “friends”. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle myself,” he continued. “Not with you looking all good and sexy the way you look and the amount that I am in love with you and your stupid ass.”
Seungkwan let out peals of laughter, Vernon’s favorite song. “I love you, too? Then I guess I’ll find somewhere else to sleep.” Seungkwan walked him to an empty bedroom, respecting his wishes and stopping at the doorway. He leaned against the wooden jam with his arms crossed, a small smirk at the corner of his lips. “Can I at least get a kiss goodnight, then?”
Vernon felt his stomach flip. Current Seungkwan was definitely too dangerous. He cupped his face in his hands and pressed a long, languid kiss to his lips. He licked against the roof of his mouth and felt Seungkwan’s moan vibrate against his palms. Seungkwan’s hand snaked up under his shirt to cup a quick squeeze on his ass, and Vernon pulled away with a start. “That’s not fair,” he panted.
Seungkwan giggled, pressing one last kiss to the corner of his lips. “Dream of me,” he whispered against Vernon’s ear, before pulling away with a little wave and turning back down the hallway. Vernon shamelessly watched him as he went, his mouth still a little agape in shock. He ran his hands over his face, grinning as Seungkwan’s whisper played over and over in his head.
“Already did,” he chuckled, and shut the bedroom door with a quiet muffled click.