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"Do you think Charles and Camilla ever sleep together?"
"No, not at all, not that it would be morally wrong or anything if they did though," Francis said. "That's probably just you projecting your desires."
"Oh, that makes sense," I said, feeling dumb. Of course the twins weren't sleeping together! That would be incest, and it would be very creepy! It was just my own mental perversions and fantasies about banging them. I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed though. The thought of them together was super hot. "Wow, this is awkward." I said.
"Yeah," said Francis. "I sleep with Charles though."
"Oh," I said.
There was a silence and we both smoked our cigarettes attractively.
"Have I told you how heterosexual and not gay I am before?" I asked.
"Yeah," said Francis.
"Well just so you know, I'm only attracted to women, especially ones who remind me of handsome men, and that's why I speculate about guys' sexualities so much. Because I'm so straight, I'm very good at detecting when other people are gay. Also just so you know, I'm not attracted to you at all."
"Yeah me either," said Francis. "That's why we made out. Also why I invited you to sleep with me when we first met."
I was startled. Francis held a cigarette between two fingers before putting it to his lips and taking a long attractive drag.
"You should stop smoking because it's bad for you," I said. I wondered if Judy was free to do coke with me in a parking lot tonight.
"Shut up, there's no way smoking would ever have negative effects on my health." said Francis. "Also you talk stupid."
"I hate you," I said.
"No please don't hate me," he said.
"You're so annoying," I said. "By the way is it weird that when I see Camilla I think about forcing her to have sex with me?"
"Yes, that's creepy," said Francis. "Also she's leading you on."
I was startled.
"At least she's not sleeping with her twin brother," I joked.
"What a silly goofy fellow you are, Dick," said Francis.
"Don't call me that it sounds gay!" I said angrily. I didn’t understand what made angular, elegant Francis with his slender fingers think I might not be straight.