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If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in a river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh, uh oh
Julie heard the squeal of tires on wet pavement, a horn blaring above the song on the radio. She looked up from her phone just in time to see headlights, then everything went dark.
**
Julie's eyes blinked open slowly. Her head hurt. She definitely felt aches and pains where she didn't remember having done anything.
She looked out the car window, not understanding why she was looking at grass instead of the road. Slowly turning her head to her left, she searched for her mom.
Seeing her curly hair, with her head turned away, Julie slowly reached out to get her mom's attention. When her hand touched her mom's arm, she felt something warm, wet. Pulling her hand back, Julie looked down and saw red.
That’s when she began screaming.
**
There were flashing blue and red lights, a sound piercing her ears, and voices she didn't recognize. She thought she heard the words "shock" and "blanket," then she heard a voice she knew.
"Julie?! Jules!! Rose! Oh, my God, Julie!!" Luke's voice had a note of panic that Julie had never heard before. It didn’t sound right.
Why was he so panicked? Why was he calling her by her mom's name? They had just seen each other yesterday, and everything was fine. They were supposed to get together today, once he finished his shift. Was she running late? Was that why he sounded so scared? Maybe he thought she wasn't coming, but she was right here.
She rolled her head in his direction, smiling. "Luke! Am I late? You know I hate to be late," she murmured, then, "Wait, why are you still in your uniform? I thought we were meeting after your shift? Did you have to work late?"
Luke sniffed, shining a light into her eyes as his own eyes ran over her face. "Everything's gonna be okay, Julie, we got you. Just keep your eyes on me, okay?" Luke's voice broke, and Julie's heart broke with it.
"Luke?" Julie lifted her hand, laying it on Luke's cheek gently. "What's wrong?" As she pulled her hand away, she noticed red on his cheek where her hand had just been. "Luke! Oh, my God, you’re bleeding! We need a paramedic, Luke, why are you bleeding?!"
Luke huffed out a soft laugh, cradling Julie's hand in his. "It's okay, Jules, I am a paramedic, remember? I'll get it taken care of."
Julie smiled gently, then closed her eyes. She was so tired. Why was she so tired? Maybe she would ask Luke if it was okay for her to take a quick nap before they headed out. He still needed to shower and change out of his uniform, anyway.
**
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh,
And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
Ray, Alex, Willie and Reggie were in the Emergency waiting room when the ambulance arrived at the hospital. Ray jumped up when the gurney his wife was on was wheeled in, Julie following closely behind it. He gave her a questioning look, and she answered his unasked question with a quick, “I’m fine, Papi, they needed to give Mami all their attention. I’m just a little sore.”
Ray gave Julie a quick and gentle hug before she pushed him away, indicating for him to follow after Rose.
Before the boys could reach Julie, a nurse approached her. They couldn’t hear the conversation, but they could see Julie adamantly shaking her head no. They appeared to argue for a few more minutes, but Julie continued to say no, and the nurse eventually left her alone.
As soon as the nurse had left, Alex went to Julie and gently wrapped her in his arms, with Willie and Reggie hovering nearby.
"Julie," he whispered, his face buried in her curls. "Luke called us. We were so scared. Are you okay?"
Julie smiled wanly, trying to downplay how badly her head hurt. "I'm fine, guys, really. Just worried about Mami. There was a lot of blood, and I don't think any of it was mine."
Reggie stepped forward, tugging her from Alex's arms, and wrapping her up a bit more enthusiastically. Julie winced, sore where her seatbelt had been, her head aching worse with every movement, but buried her face in Reggie's neck before anyone could notice.
"I'm sorry you guys were scared," she started. Stopping when she realized she hadn't seen Luke since she stepped off the ambulance with her mom, she lifted her head from Reggie's neck. "Where's Luke? Is he okay?"
Willie stepped forward and pulled her away from Reggie's reluctant arms, wrapping her up as gently as Alex had. "His shift was over, so he went to shower. He should be here soon. He was really worried about you."
Julie tried to smile, snuggling closer to his chest. "I'm okay, Wills. Just worried about Mami. Do you think they'll let us back to see her soon? How bad was she?"
Willie smiled softly, running his hand over Julie's curls in a soothing manner. "I know Luke was pretty shook up, but that's bound to happen when you roll up on an accident involving friends. I'm sure your dad will come out and fill us in as soon as he can."
Julie nodded against Willie's chest, only allowing herself to relax when she felt Alex's arms surrounding her from behind.
Wriggling an arm out, Julie held it out and waggled her fingers at Reggie. She needed every little bit of comfort she could get, even if Reggie’s enthusiasm often trumped his gentleness. When he wrapped his arms around Alex and Willie, burying his face in Julie's hair, she relaxed a little further.
A soft sniffle from the doorway caught her attention, and Julie lifted her head from Willie's chest.
Luke was standing there, watching his friends, his entire life, and he was having trouble controlling his emotions. It wasn't something he generally struggled with, but when he had recognized Rose’s car, thought that he might have lost Julie without ever getting to tell her… Anyway, his emotions were a little raw.
He approached the group slowly, not wanting to startle Julie with his tears. Getting as close as he could without touching anyone, Luke whispered, "Jules? Are you okay?"
Untangling herself from the other guys, Julie turned and threw her arms around Luke. "How's my mom, Luke? Please. The medics in the ambulance wouldn't tell me anything!"
Luke grimaced, keeping his nose buried in the coconut scented curls he loved. He took a moment to think, trying to find a phrasing that wouldn't send Julie into a spiral of panic. With a deep breath, he quietly said, "She's in pretty serious condition, Jules, but you know I'm not a doctor. She's in good hands here, you know that."
Julie nodded, then started looking around the waiting room, being careful not to move away from Luke's embrace. "Alex, where's Carlos? Why isn't he here?"
Alex glanced at Luke, then met Julie's eyes. "Carlos was hanging out with us when Luke called. We took him to Victoria's house. We didn't think he needed to be here for this. Not until…"
He trailed off, but Willie stepped in. "Not until we know just how serious things are, Julie. He's still so young, and there isn't anything he can do here, other than worry."
Julie nodded, then started shuffling her feet towards the hard plastic chairs along the wall, still refusing to let go of Luke.
With a fond huff, Luke swung Julie into his arms and walked over to sit down. Julie snuggled closer, tucking her head into the crook of Luke's neck.
"Hey, Luke," she murmured. Luke shuddered as her breath ghosted across his neck. "If I fall asleep, wake me up as soon as my dad comes out, okay?"
Luke looked down sharply, already shaking his head. "No, no, no, Julie, I can't let you do that. You can't sleep right now, come on, sweetheart, no sleeping."
Julie smiled sleepily. "You called me sweetheart," she slurred. "I like the way that sounds."
Luke felt the flush race across his face, and studiously ignored Alex, Reggie and Willie, all of who were trying to catch his eye, standing close enough to have heard his slip.
He closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to enjoy the slight weight in his arms. He had been in love with Julie for years, but the time had never been right to tell her. Either she was dating someone or away at school or he was afraid she would reject him. He always had an excuse ready, no matter which of his boys asked him about it.
He felt her breathing change, her breaths against his neck coming more slowly, her chest against his rising more deeply. He knew he probably shouldn’t have allowed her to drift off, but he would let her take a brief nap, then he would wake her before any harm could be done.
Now, as he looked down at the beautiful woman sleeping in his arms, he decided it was time. He had let too many years slip past. Wasted. He couldn't get that time back. He had almost lost Julie today, and he couldn’t let another hour pass without telling her how he felt.
He looked back up, meeting first Alex's eyes, then Willie's and Reggie's. Speaking quietly, so as not to wake Julie, he said, "I'm going to do it. I'm gonna tell her, as soon as she gets a little bit of a nap."
Alex's face broke into the brightest smile Luke had seen in quite a while, and Reggie actually squealed out loud. Willie just smiled softly, saying, "We're happy for you, man. We'll be sure to clear out as soon as we hear how Rose is, so you can talk in private, okay?"
Luke smiled gratefully, then buried his nose into Julie’s hair again. Now that he had made up his mind, he could barely contain his giddiness. He was going to tell Julie he was in love with her! His natural bounciness came back, and he jostled Julie enough to wake her.
Sitting up slowly, she looked around groggily, taking in the plain white walls, the hard plastic cream colored chairs, and the fact that she was sitting on Luke's lap.
Before she could react, her dad walked into the waiting room. He took a brief moment to take in where Julie was sitting, how Luke's arms were wrapped securely around her, and he smiled softly. Looking at Alex, he nodded his head towards the pair and mouthed, "About time."
Alex merely nodded back and smiled happily.
Turning back to his daughter, Ray spoke softly. "Your mom is going to be okay. They took her straight to emergency surgery for some internal bleeding, but they were able to find it and get it stopped. We'll be here for at least 48 hours so they can keep an eye on her, but the chances are excellent that she will have 100% recovery."
Julie climbed off of Luke's lap and wrapped her arms around her dad, holding him with everything she had in her. "I'm so glad. I love you, Papi."
Ray kissed the top of her head, then turned back to the boys. "I can trust you to take care of my daughter, yes? I want to get back to recovery and be there when Rose wakes up."
Willie spoke up then, grabbing Reggie by one arm while Alex grabbed the other. "Actually, Mr. Molina, we were just about to head down to the cafeteria. We'll bring a snack back for Julie, I'm sure she doesn't want to get too far away, and Luke can stay here to keep her company."
Ray gave them all a considering look, but he knew how Luke felt about his daughter. He and Rose had known for years, even if Luke thought they were oblivious, so if the boys were trying to move things along, Ray would keep his nose out of it. He approved, anyway, for whatever that mattered, and had no intention of standing in the way.
Smiling at them all one last time, Ray headed for the door, with the three boys following close behind him.
Julie turned and smiled at Luke, who said, "Jules, can we have a talk?"
She smiled wider, replying, "I think that's a good idea, but I need to run to the restroom. I'll be right back, okay?" She stepped forward, bent over and wrapped Luke in a quick hug, then headed for the door, her cheeks flushing.
Luke looked down, scuffing his shoes across the floor, practicing what he would say when Julie came back. He heard the door open as Julie left, but before it could close, he heard a thud and people in the hallway shouting. Looking up before the door closed completely, he saw Julie's shoes.
**
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
Luke was in the hallway, sitting on the cold tile floor with his back against the wall.
Too long.
It had taken him too long to get to her.
It was all his fault.
He never should have let her take that nap. He shouldn’t have let her convince him that she was okay, and that he should concentrate on Rose. He should have escorted her to the bathroom, instead of letting her walk away. Should have, could have, would have. He slammed his head back against the wall, tears streaming down his face.
He had tried, with everything in him, he had tried to get to Julie. The doctors and nurses surrounding her had kept pushing him back, not allowing him to see her, to be with her. Nobody would tell him anything, because as far as they were concerned, he was nothing to her. Nothing.
They weren’t wrong. He was nothing to Julie. He wanted to be her everything, but he had lost his chance.
More tears blurred his vision as he found himself surrounded by Alex, Reggie and Willie. They wrapped him in their arms, surrounding him on all sides, and the four boys sat that way, until Ray came down the hallway.
Alex stood first, helping Luke get to his feet. Willie and Reggie stood as well, never letting go of Luke. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the floor, but Alex and Willie could read Ray’s face, and their holds tightened.
At the feeling of their hands tightening around him, Luke’s legs collapsed underneath him, an ungodly wail escaping.
**
And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by…
Luke hadn’t been to work since she died. He hadn’t shaved, hadn’t showered. Refused to answer his phone. He sat on his couch, his mind torturing him with the words he had never been able to say.
Alex had finally gone over and used his spare key to get in, just to make sure Luke hadn’t done something stupid.
He approached Luke carefully, not wanting to startle him. “Luke, hon, we have to get you ready. The funeral is in an hour.”
Luke looked up, eyes dull and lifeless. “I’m not going. I can’t. Alex, I can’t do it, I can’t, I- I- I-...” He burst into tears, unable to continue.
Alex sat on the couch beside him, not flinching away from the tears pouring out of him, even when they stained his dress shirt. “Shhhhhh. I know, Lu, I know, but you will absolutely regret it forever if you don’t go. Deep down, you know that.” They sat there that way for as long as Alex could let them get away with it.
He wrestled Luke into the shower, then went to look through his closet. He pulled out a bag from the local dry cleaners, glad to see that the suit had gone to the cleaners after the last wedding Luke had to wear it to.
When Luke stepped out of the shower, Alex gently helped him shave, then coaxed him into his shirt and suit. He tossed the tie on the bed. He refused to put Luke through anything more.
Taking his hand and carefully helping him into the car, Alex drove him to the church.
...the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?
I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
Rose had chosen an open casket for the funeral. She put her own black dress on Julie, because she couldn’t bear the thought of her beautiful girl being put to rest in any of the bright clothes that were in her closet. The pearls that were around Julie’s neck were supposed to be given to her for her wedding day.
They were never meant to be worn against black.
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Ray and Rose had asked the boys to sing. They knew it would be challenging for them, but they also knew it was what Julie would have wanted.
Luke had refused. If he couldn’t sing with Julie, he wouldn’t sing at all. He had told her once that no music was worth making if he wasn’t making it with her, and he stood by that sentiment. Music was Luke’s life.
Luke’s life was over.
Alex and Reggie had chosen a cover, not sure that they would be able to make it through a song that Julie had helped write.
Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
Luke had managed to sit through the song, through the funeral. Barely. If he hadn’t had his boys, he would have fallen apart long before now.
Ray and Rose had opted to skip the graveside service, not wanting to make their family and friends watch Julie being lowered into the ground. They wanted her remembered as she had been: vibrant. Bright. Alive.
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls.
Luke shed his suit jacket, loosened his collar, and dropped to his knees in front of the casket.
He had lost his chance.
Forever.