Work Text:
Days seem sometimes as if they’ll never end
He met them when he was starting to believe in himself again. He looked over across one of the many shelves, and met big blue eyes looking back at him. He startled, and knocked back things before hearing a joyous, rollicking laugh from the other side. That was when he learnt that, perhaps, he could love someone else other than his mother.
Sun digs its heels to taunt you
Their name was Thana. They always had different coloured hair, like they couldn’t decide which colour to stick with. It would range from a bubblegum pink to a cerulean the next. He would ask how they would change their colours so often, all while self-consciously touching his own maroon locks. They simply winked and grinned, whispering that it was a secret. (They used flowers.)
But after sunlit days
He would always save her from trouble, since they were always a witty troublemaker, mischievous but never actually doing great damage. They would hang out on a tremendous, elephant-sized tree they had found, hanging from its sturdy branches or weaving flowers onto its branches, feeding the birds and the squirrels nuts and berries they found.
One thing stays the same
He fell, as he grew with them and his mother gazing from a distance, smiling softly. They would take his hand and they would venture into the eternally moonlit woods, magnificent and undisturbed. They would whisper about themselves until the rays of light peeked through the leaves, sharing things they would tell no one else, wishes and dreams and passions. They would ramble about birds, and animals, while feeding them the ripe, succulent berries they would buy from the nearby stores, or feeding them lovely green pistachios they would pick off branches.
Rises the moon
They would stare at the star-littered sky, the dusk coming as a promise of starlight, of those brilliant pearls of the nighttime that sit as if cushioned upon pure black velvet. Thana would point out constellations they had learnt with their mother, ranging from small, minor ones to ones they had to crane their necks back to see the whole thing. Thana would giggle as he tried to stretch his neck further, and a pink would bloom across his cheeks as he stared at them. They would grin fondly at him, as his heart stuttered and spluttered, beating out of his chest.
Days fade into a watercolour blur
Thana would tell him that sometimes they wouldn’t know who they were. That they felt they could fall through the steady ground at any time into a never-ending rabbit hole, like those whimsical tales spun on silk. They would tell him that sometimes, days faded into an ominous, vague blur, wan and waxy as they went into a frenzy. It would come to pass though, but now that he was here he held them through the panic, through the salty tears that soaked into their clothes.
Memories swim and haunt you
He told them about how his “father” had treated him and his mother, hits deep inside his chest. He told them about how he couldn’t stand the sight of his burnt hands, at his white locks. They would hold his hands softly as they traced the scars. The next few days, if he sobbed as they handed him a pair of leather gloves lined with gold thread it was their own to keep.
But look into the lake, shimmering like smoke
Rises the moon
He would tell his mother all about them, filling up the conversations they had as his mother laughed and smiled softly, seeing the gradual change in her son. She was glad he had found someone to depend on, whether friends or more. She wearily sighed as her lungs hurt even more, chopping up herbs. She hoped that this person would be there for him when she left.
Oh-oh, close your weary eyes
He noticed Thana becoming even more tired by each passing day, their eyes losing its beautiful shine he had seen when he first met them. He didn’t say anything in fear of losing them, but now, he wished he had. If only to spend more time, or to try to save them, he doesn’t know. It was one thing that he would come to regret, the decision and “what-ifs” haunting him each day after.
I promise you that soon the autumn comes
They got together on the autumn solstice, in the seemingly never-ending day, autumn coming after as chattering leaves of gold and scarlet curling around them, wind tussling their hair as they laughed and loved and cried.
To darken fading summer skies
Breathe, breathe, breathe
Real love is a protector, a defender, a ride-or-die connection that stays with you for always and in all ways. It is raw and it will roar for you if required. It will stay with you in quietness and be your comfort. Real love will celebrate with you, and raise you up. Real love will be okay with your sadness and kiss the scars you hide from others. Thana never pressured him to say the three words, although they said it several times back. He finally felt love from someone other than his mother, and for a while he was content. He leaned his head onto theirs, as they watched the leaves billow around the rising sun.
Days pull you down just like a sinking ship
That wasn’t to say their relationship was smooth sailing. Thrown glasses would see to it, ripped papers and screaming matches and spilled ink told you.
But in the end, they apologised to each other, loving each other despite it all, the shine briefly returning to his dear’s eyes. They loved each other and wanted to put in the work, and so they did.
He didn’t notice them getting gaunt, their pallor becoming paler by each passing day. He thinks, maybe if he wasn’t wearing rose-tinted glasses, he would have noticed.
Maybe, there would have been more time.
Maybe, he could have actually mustered up the courage and said those three words.
Floating is getting harder
They soon were bedridden. The bedsheets silently wrinkled around them, as they wearily took breaths, lungs expanding with every effort-taking breath. He gripped their hand deathly tight, knuckles whitening as he prayed, to whoever was out there to heal them, so that they could wander again into the woods and hang from the mossy branches, so that they could watch nights of richest blues that become the purest black, hugging the brilliant stars that littered across them, talking deep into the night.
But tread the water, child, and know that meanwhile
He brought water and food to them everyday, his visits longer than a measly hour as he would ramble to them about his mother and a bird he had found and named Fay. He discovered new things and experimented on, telling Thana all about how he had done it and what happened. He still couldn’t bring himself to say those three words, but he could tell they didn’t take any offense to it. They would listen with a bittersweet smile, as the light of the moon peeked through the curtained windows.
Rises the moon
They got better soon. Muscles filled in gaps, lungs healed and they finally found the strength to walk with him, holding hands tight, comfort seeping into their bones as they felt like they could finally breathe properly and days didn’t seem so bleak or bitter anymore. Fay cawed, her beautiful night-like feathers shifting as she settled on Thana’s shoulder. He smiled fondly and fed her nuts. They had time.
Days pull you up just like a daffodil
They laughed as they threw soil onto each other, having planted the forget-me-not's in his mother’s garden. They played around for a bit, before remembering they could trample the herbs and the already growing flowers. They grinned sheepishly at his mother smiling exasperatedly, knocking their shoulders together. His mother turned back into the house, wrapping her scarf tighter around herself as she shook her head. They giggled a bit out of breath, before pecking each other and picked up the watering can.
Uprooted from its garden
They were hanging in the shops one day, browsing berries and nuts for the woodlife they had come to know before Thana coughed and heaved, bending over in the middle of the shop, holding her arms around her chest and one clasping her mouth. He alarmedly steadied her, as he briskly nodded to the people in the shop, leading them out slowly. They let go of their mouth to find dark, new blood collecting in their palm, before their eyes rolled back and collapsed. He distantly remembered himself screaming.
They’ll tell you what you owe, but know even so
He sat by their side as their heartbeat slowed. He watched their chest go up and down, salty tears trailing down his cheeks. He begged whoever was watching them, or whoever was up there to save them.
Rises the moon
It wasn’t fair. They had just gotten better, what happened? What happened? He kept asking himself as he tightened his hold on their hand.
You’ll be visited by sleep
“You have to stay, you can’t go yet, please,” he sobbed hysterically.
I promise you that soon the autumn comes
He started humming a lullaby his mother used to sing for him, stumbling on notes and words but yet still the same.
To steal away each dream you keep
“I-I love you, please, you can’t go yet!” he pleaded to nobody, as he watched their breath go shallower. They squeezed his hand slightly, weakly, and he lifted his eyes to see them delicately smile. It slowly faded as he watched their chest rise and fall for the last time.
“Breathe, breathe, breathe.”