Work Text:
I’m sinking to the bottom of my ocean of murky feelings, the oxygen escaping from my lungs in the forms of sad, fat bubbles of air as I choke on nothingness.
I felt like I was getting better with my life, I didn’t think about the past since I met you that much anymore. But in truth, I started to get attached to you, forgetting about the Others, and you became an anchor (because I was weak to be an anchor for myself, I still am).
I know you will say Good Bye one day, soon. But I ignored that little nagging noise in the back of my head, tried to lull myself into a false, easily shattering dream. I told you I don’t believe on promises from men anymore, but I started to hope that you will be different (how naïve I was, drunken promises are falser than the others), but you didn’t prove any different from the Others. You didn’t lie, didn’t promise anything in your clear moments. And I don’t fault you, we talked about our thing that was between us. It's my fault that I started to get attached to you, had feelings (Can I even call it love?) that I shouldn’t have.
I’m happy for you, that your life finally starts to turn for the better, truly happy for you. it was just too sudden (I’m lying, I hope you know it) and I’m left behind heartbroken (again, how funny).
I lost my hold on myself, my reality when you said Good Bye.
I feel left behind, sinking to the bottom of this dirty, incredibly cold ocean.
Who will hold me up now, when I’m too weak to support my weight? Who will I turn to with my mundane problems? Who will I listen to?
You didn’t even leave the country yet, but you feel far away. I (will) miss you.
Truly, how stupid of a thing I am to dare to hope that I finally found someone I was comfortable with.