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Simon was confused. That wasn’t an extremely unusual feeling, but this was an extraordinary situation. He had three best friends, and he loved the three of them more than anything in the world, but they were also driving him crazy. He had always tried to be the best friend he could possibly be, and help his friends in everything he could, but this was something he had no idea how to fix.
He met Kate first, on the very first day of school, back when she was still an inch taller than him. He had annoyed her until she had decided they would be friends forever, and he couldn’t have been happier. Some time later, Kate introduced him to Deena, and warned him not to mess with her. A warning he promptly ignored. Then, when the grumpy curly-haired girl burst out laughing at one of his jokes, he knew they’d always be friends. Lastly, he had found Sam by himself. He heard somebody crying in the girl’s bathroom and he simply walked in, determined to help. Sam had been crying for a reason he couldn’t remember clearly anymore but was willing to bet had something to do with her mother. He had taken her hand and led her back to Kate and Deena. The rest, as they say, was history.
Except for the fact that, as soon as they all started high school, the girls somehow, someway, collectively decided to lose their minds and not warn him in the slightest. By the time junior year rolled around, everything blew up in their faces.
Everything started with Deena, surprisingly, considering she was usually the best at hiding her feelings. One day, the two of them were sitting on the bleachers, watching Kate and Sam practice with the other cheerleaders, and Deena punched him in the arm.
“Ow! What the fuck dude?” He exclaimed, rubbed his arm, and turned to look at Deena.
“Were you staring at Sam?” the brunette asked him.
“No!” He replied. “I’m trying to telepathically tell the coach to let me join the cheerleaders. What’s up with your violence?”
“I’m sorry,” Deena mumbled. “I don't know what's happening to me. It’s just… Sam.”
“What happens with Sam?”
“I don’t know!” Deena whispered and avoided his eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about her, and I’m suddenly nervous when she’s close to me. It feels good but also like I might be sick.”
“Oh…”
“If you tell anyone I will kill you though,” Deena said, finally looking back at Simon’s eyes and his understanding smile.
“I won’t say anything, I promise,” He said.
Simon kept his promise. Not because he didn’t want to say anything, but because as soon as he tried, his plan backfired.
“Hey Sam, can I ask you something?” Simon said.
“Sure. What’s up?” Sam replied, without looking up from her work. It was just the second time that Simon asked her to paint his nails for him, and she didn’t want to make any mistakes.
“What do you think it means when you can’t stop thinking about someone,” he told her with a sly smile, “and they suddenly make you nervous. And they make you feel really good but also a little bit sick.”
“Oh my God,” Sam whispered, and looked up at him with a face of pure terror. “How did you know?”
“Know what?” Simon pouted, seeing half of his finger smeared with black nail polish and Sam’s hands shaking.
“That I have a crush on Kate?” Sam explained. “I mean, not a crush crush, you know? Like, a little crush, like maybe I never wanted to be a cheerleader, I just wanted to be close to Kate, you know?”
“Huh,” Simon squinted his eyes, wondering what little crush really meant in Sam’s mind, and worried about how complicated the little world around him was getting.
Simon considered all three girls his best friends, but he’d always have a special connection with Kate. They were platonic soulmates in a way just a little more perfect than when it came to Sam and Deena. Not that he’d ever say it out loud. So, he knew he had to do something. Only Kate would know what to do. When the time was right, and the two of them were hanging out by themselves one day, he simply asked.
“Do you like something? I mean, someone? Is there a person, girl, someone you like? I mean, romantically? Like-”
“Simon,” Kate interrupted her with a roll of her eyes. “I get it. Yes, there’s someone, but it doesn’t matter.”
“ Is it me?! ” Simon asked, beyond distressed at the simple idea of how complicated everything could get. But a simple look from Kate told him he was wrong. “Okay, no. But why doesn’t it matter? Isn’t that like the most important thing in high school?”
“No,” Kate scoffed. “The most important thing is getting perfect grades, succeeding in as many extracurriculars as possible, building up my resume, taking every chance and opportunity to become a star, and leaving Shadyside forever and… okay, fine , I like Deena.”
Simon hummed and nodded his head slowly, trying to act like his mind wasn’t blown with the effort of doing the math necessary to understand what was going on. “Really?” He asked as delicately as possible.
“No!” Kate scoffed again, but then slightly softened. “Okay, maybe. I don’t know. It’s complicated, okay? Deena is the only girl I tolerate. She’s just… different.”
“Alright…” Simon continued to nod in his most inconspicuous way. “What about Sam?”
“What about her?”
“Nothing! Nothing,” Simon shook his head and did his best at changing the subject as quickly as possible.
For a long time, nothing really changed. Not drastically, at least.
Kate became cheerleading captain, and Sam trailed after her like a lost puppy. Deena joined band, and constantly messed up while staring at Sam in her cheerleading outfit. Worst case scenario, Kate let another girl fall because she had been staring at Deena in her band uniform. In the middle of it all was Simon, now the official school mascot and sweating through the green paint on his face while trying to decode the complicated dynamic revolving around him.
Considering that none of the girls seemed willing to do something about their feelings, Simon determined that only he could solve this puzzle. He started paying closer attention to his best friends, taking notes in one of his notebooks, and doing some… experiments.
To give Kate and Deena a moment of privacy, he asked Sam to paint all his nails like a rainbow, which took a lot of time but also ended up being a lot of fun for them, but not enough for the other two girls, who ended up in a huge fight at the end of their afternoon by themselves. Next, he let Kate and Sam have a moment to themselves by spilling his green face paint on Deena’s hat, having to run away from her for a while, and having to wash the stupid hat for her afterward. Neither Simon nor the hat suffered permanent damage, but when they got all together again, the other two girls weren’t speaking to each other and Sam was on the verge of tears.
Perhaps it was because it was the first idea that popped into his mind when Deena was the first one to admit her feelings. Maybe it just made more sense for some inexplicable reasons. Or he felt protective of Kate and frustrated by the other girls’ obliviousness. But he had a tiny little favoritism for seeing Sam and Deena together. So, if he went a little out of his way on his third experiment, well, he had his reasons. Besides, his brother Tommy had gotten that pair of concert tickets almost for free and Kate didn’t even like that band at all.
“ How could you? ” was the first thing Kate said to Simon when she showed up at his house the night of the concert.
“Come in, m’lady,” Simon invited her in with a dramatic gesture and she playfully swatted his arm.
When the two of them got comfortable on the living room couch, she repeated her question. “How could you? Give the tickets to Sam and Deena, I mean. You know I like Deena.”
“Do you?”
“Excuse me?”
Simon took a deep breath and considered his options, if he said the wrong thing, he could be in trouble. But he was so confident he knew his best friend and things had to go back to making sense again. “I mean,” Simon stuttered a little, “No offense to Deena, I love Deena, but don’t you think you deserve better?”
That surprised Kate, who widened her eyes and couldn’t help but laugh. She could tell he was just trying to make her laugh, both of them were well aware that despite her tough exterior, deep down, Deena was one of the best people they had ever met.
“It’s complicated,” Kate sighed. “I’ve known Deena my entire life, she’s my best friend, and it’s hard to draw the line, you know? If she’s the only girl I sort of like, that I tolerate, and doesn’t annoy the shit out of me, then I guessed I really liked her. But it’s supposed to be more than that, right? And then, I don’t know, Sam . Something changed. I had a feeling she was stealing my best friend, I got jealous, and I thought that must mean I’m in love with Deena.”
“But you aren’t?” Simon tilted his head and waited for an answer but, after a couple of seconds of silence, he felt compelled to add. “It’s okay if you don’t know. If I’ve learned something these past months is that all four of us are pretty stupid.”
“Speak for yourself, dumbass,” Kate scoffed.
That made the boy laugh happily and wrap an arm around Kate’s shoulders. “I’m going to ignore all those times you called Deena your best friend,” he said, “so I can ask, are you going to be okay?”
“ Of course ,” Kate replied, as confidently as she could. “I mean, do you see me crying around for Deena , of all people?”
“She’s not so bad.”
“Not what I want to hear right now, Simon.”
“She’s the worst ,” Simon grimaced and shook his head, “Sam will probably hate her!”
Kate laughed along with him, and leaned into his embrace. She had a lot to think about, and maybe some of it would hurt, but the simple idea of starting to move on from her confusing crush on Deena already made her feel like a weight lifted off her shoulders.
“You know? I kind of hate that those two will make a stupidly good couple,” Kate said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah,” Simon replied with a fond chuckle. “Well, let’s see how their date tonight goes. Worst case scenario, you and Sam still have a chance.”
“ Wait what?! ”
After the concert was over, Sam and Deena picked up cheeseburgers for dinner and drove around Shadyside until they settled on the side of the road to sit on the hood of Deena’s car and talk with each other about every little thing they could think of. At the beginning of the night, Deena had been a bundle of nerves about her not-exactly-a-date with her crush. During the concert, she felt on cloud nine, watching Sam sing and dance to her heart's content. By the time the concert was over, Deena had regained her confidence, she was feeling more certain than ever about her feelings for Sam, and nothing could ruin her night. Besides, it was Sam’s turn to freak out.
The blonde had started her day completely calm and relaxed, simply excited to enjoy a concert with one of her best friends. But then, during the actual concert, something had changed. Maybe it had been the way Deena looked at her, as if she really was everything she thought she could never be for somebody. But maybe it had a lot to do with the way she felt with Deena that night. She felt free, happy, so much like herself, like never before. Sam realized that must have been the first time the two of them spent so much time by themselves and, as much as she adored her other friends, she was happy to be just with Deena right then and there. When they locked eyes during her favorite song, for a second, Sam’s entire life stopped making sense, and by the next terrifying second, everything clicked in a completely new way. She couldn’t look at Deena the same, couldn’t stop overthinking every look, every smile, every touch. She felt almost unbearably happy, and like she could be sick at any minute.
“Can I confess something?” Sam said during a lull in their conversation, not long after Deena found the guts to take her hand and make both of them realize how perfectly they fit together.
“Anything,” Deena smiled at her.
“I thought Kate and you were dating.”
The idea made Deena chuckle. “Really?”
“Yeah… And I wasn’t exactly happy about that,” Sam nodded, and attempted a laugh that came out more than a little sad. Her blue eyes were especially vulnerable when she met Deena’s eyes again. “It was very confusing, really. I felt a little excluded, maybe jealous. I thought ‘why not me?’ And I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. So I might have believed for a little while that I liked Kate…”
“Oh…”
“But I don’t!” Sam quickly blurted out to avoid making things worse. “I don’t. I just… I admire her. Don’t tell her I said that though. I’m realizing maybe I didn’t want to date her, I only wanted to be more like her because, well, maybe then you’d like me .”
“ Oh ,” Deena whispered. Suddenly a lot of things were making a lot of sense, but all of that could wait. If Sam was saying what she thought she was… “Sam, can I kiss you?” Deena asked, feeling her heart beating faster and louder than ever before.
The gorgeous smile that Sam sent her way was almost the best thing Deena had ever experienced. Almost , because a second later Sam was kissing her. Sam was kissing her and absolutely everything in their lives, even if just for a second, made perfect sense.