Chapter Text
“You ready?”, Akaashi asks with a fleeting glance at Kenma. “We’re about to go on air.”
Kenma sighs and murmurs an affirmation, reluctantly putting his phone away.
Akaashi takes a deep breath and starts to count. Three…two…one…
“Good evening to all burdened souls who are miserable enough to tune in this Monday evening to our little university radio show. This is Akaashi with my co-host”, he looks at Kenma expectedly, who sighs again and introduces himself.
“Kenma.” He says point blank. And after another stern look from Akaashi, adds “Good evening.”
“Right. Kenma, my reluctant as always co-host, everybody.” Akaashi finishes.
“Well, I never said I want to be here.” Kenma grumbles, looking longingly away to the door.
“Well, our fans love you and you get a language credit doing this, so stop complaining,” Akaashi fixes his laptop screen and opens his email. “Welcome to ‘Fix you’, where we give our unqualified opinions and advice to your real problems and where we definitely won’t fix you. Today we have a lot of new emails from our listeners.”
“You guys keep sending them, even if I beg you to stop every time.” Kenma says into the microphone.
“Because we’re passionate about helping people and they know we can do it.” Akaashi defends himself.
Kenma scoffs, “He said, like he’s not doing this for the psychology credit.”
“Anyway,” Akaashi continues, “I say we get right into it.” He opens the first email from the few marked ones, while Kenma chuckles. “Our radio manager picked the emails we’re going to read today, so if we don’t get to your email, send a private message to Kenma, he’ll be happy to help you on Instagram.”
“Hey!” Kenma exclaims, throwing a paper ball at Akaashi, which he dodges easily.
“Okay, first one is from ‘Gryffindor4Eva’ and it reads like this:
Hey Kenma and Akaashi, love your show. It keeps me company on lonely evenings. My Trouble is this exactly – I am lonely. I have friends, but that’s just not enough anymore. I’d like to finally meet a guy this Fall. Problem is, I will never be brave enough to just walk up to a person and introduce myself to meet them, and dating apps are kind of... embarrassing. I have a couple and I even got some matches , but no one ever texts me. What do I do???
Sincerely,
Gryffindor4Eva.” Akaashi stops reading and takes a deep breath.
“Well, this is the kind of Trouble we get a lot of.” He sighs. “People are lonely.”
“Well,” Kenma says, rolling his eyes, “people need to learn to be alone. Romance and relationships are overrated.”
“You have a boyfriend.” Akaashi states, rising his eyebrow.
“So?” Kenma asks. “That doesn’t change my opinion. “
“All right, then.” Akaashi has learned long ago not to overthink anything Kenma or Kenma’s boyfriend says. Or does.
“Okay, listen,” Kenma takes a deep breath. “You need to really make up your mind here. If you really want a romantic relationship, you have to take charge of finding it. Sometimes waiting until it just happens naturally is not the right thing to do. Because it does not always work out that way. I understand talking to strangers can be intimidating, so I suggest you start small. Text first on your dating apps. With some practice it’ll be easier. You could also take up some new hobbies or activities, which could make meeting new people easier in a comfortable environment. You don’t have to talk to random strangers, you can make contact with people that you already have something in common with. It’ll take some time, but it’ll be worth it, because in the end, you can find your person that way. What I’m saying is, you have to decide what do you want more. A relationship or an indefinite amount of waiting and being sad.”
“Yeah,” Akaashi says after a brief pause. “I think that’s why our fans like you.” He looks at Kenma with a smirk.
“What do you mean?” Kenma asks, confused.
Akaashi doesn’t reply him, but talks into the mic. “I agree, Gryffindor4Eva. Take charge of your life. It might not be the answer you want, but I believe it’s the answer you need.”
Kenma scoffs, looking at his own computer. “That being said, I got the next Trouble.”
“Wait,” Akaashi interrupts, “Did you take charge in the progress of your relationship?”
Kenma chuckles. “Nah, I just let him wear me off until I finally agreed to let him make me his boyfriend.”
“Yeah, sounds about right.” Akaashi smiles. “Great advice, though.” He laughs.
“Well what about you?” Kenma asks, rolling his eyes. “Did you even have the relationship talk with your boyfriend?”
“Actually, yes,” Akaashi replies. “We were friends for a long time, until I realized we were acting way more like a couple than only friends, so I suggested we made it official. It made sense, at that point.”
“Mhm,” Kenma looks away to hide his smirk. “It was only rational.”
“It was.” Akaashi agrees, pretending to not hear the laugh in Kenma’s voice. “He was a bit confused, though. It took him a few minutes, but he agreed it was logical in the end.”
“I bet he cried with happiness.” Kenma murmurs under his breath, hiding his face, still.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Kenma says, clearing his throat. “Like I said, I got the next one. It’s from ‘KenmaIsTheBest’ and they say…”
“Picked that one randomly from the list, didn’t you?” Akaashi laughs.
“And they say:
Hi Kenma, hi Akaashi, thanks for this show, I love it. My Trouble is this. I think I’m too popular. While it may sound crazy or like I’m bragging, I am truly not. Thing is, I have a lot of friends from different social groups. I take on a few different activities and therefore have made numerous friends throughout the years. But those friends are from very different social circles and all together have nothing in common, so I hang out with each of them separately. I have tried before to connect a few of them together, but it did not go well. I don’t want to lose any of my friends, but it’s getting a bit too much. Sometimes I just want to chill at home by my own for the whole weekend, but I always have something scheduled up. And it’s not like I spend all my time with the same friends, I meet up with them like once a month, but still, I’m always busy with socializing. And I feel this pressure to not show any preference, because I love all my friends. They’re just very different. I’m so tired, I really don’t know how to not go absolutely mad, trying to navigate a very busy social life, studies and still have time for myself. Do you have any ideas?” Kenma stops reading.
“Wow. I don’t think we get lots of similar problems on this show.” Akaashi says, after a brief pause.
“Yeah, I think I give more advice to lonely and heartbroken people than anything else.” Kenma agrees.
“Well, listener, it would be awesome for you and our previous listener to get together. You could introduce them to different people and activities and they could take some of your social business of your shoulders maybe.” Akaashi laughs a bit. “But really, I think you should prioritize yourself in this situation. I’m sure your friends love you just as much, so they will understand if you take a month or a couple of weeks to yourself. We all need to chill sometimes and you won’t last sane much longer if you take all of this upon yourself. You should tell your friends that you’ll see them next time, because you really need to reload a bit. If they get offended and don’t understand you, they might not be much of good friends to you after all. If you skip one social gathering, nothing much should change in your friendship, except you’ll be more relaxed, rested and more eager to meet them because you have had time to miss them.”
“Yeah, or,” Kenma adds, “lie.”
“What?”
“Lie.” Kenma states, like it’s obvious. “Say you’re busy with a project and you can’t meet them. And tell this to all of your friends. Suddenly, you have a whole month to yourself to chill, relax and no social anxiety or guilt. Everyone thinks you’re busy with your studies or something and everyone’s chill. You have time for yourself and no one feels betrayed.”
Akaashi just looks at him. “That’s kind of evil. And rude. And you really shouldn’t lie to your friends. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“Yeah, I’m sure they’ll understand too, it’s just way easier.” Kenma shrugs.
“You’re a menace. Anyway, listener, you should take time for yourself, one way or another. Take care of yourself as well as your friends.”
“Yep, do that.” Kenma agrees. “Do we have time for another one?”
“You’re so lazy, you just want to go home and play on your computer.” Akaashi looks at Kenma with accusation.
“I’m not denying that.” Kenma just shrugs not looking ashamed at all.
Akaashi smiles. “Yeah, okay, I think we actually do have time for one more Trouble today. Let’s see,” he pauses, scrolling through the emails. “Okay, let’s do this one, it’s a short one. It’s from ‘BigBoi’ and they write:
Hi guys, love your show. My Trouble is as follows. My girlfriend has been asking me to do all this kinky stuff to her in bed but I’m not sure I’m up to it. How do I satisfy her while also still being comfortable with it myself?”
A long silence falls in the studio after Akaashi reads the email.
“Do we… have to answer this?” Kenma asks, looking through the glass to their manager who is cackling in her supervisory seat.
“Um…” Akaashi starts, but falls silent again.
“Well…” Kenma tries, bravely. “I think you could do some research on it, maybe find something you might also like and start small. Maybe you’ll realize you like some of that stuff and you’ll be able to meet in the middle, making everyone…um… satisfied.”
“Listeners, if you could only see Kenma’s face, it shines brighter than any stop light I have ever OOOF what are you STOP,” Akaashi tries to shield himself from Kenma, as the other boys hits him with a notebook.
“Shut up, I’m just trying to answer our fan’s question, oh my god.” Kenma says, voice high and embarrassed.
Akaashi laughs, “Okay, stop hitting me. Anyway, I agree with Kenma, it’s obvious he has some experience in this and knows what he’s OH MY GOD ouch stop, I’m just kidding, seriously, I’m joking!” Akaashi yells, half laughing, half seriously fearing for his life.
“I think your boyfriend is a bad influence on you.” Kenma says, finally settling down. “Anyway, this is all we have time for today, listeners. We’ll be back on Wednesday, where we try to give you the best advice we can on your capital T troubles, so send them our way.”
“Yeah, do that and we’ll see you again next time. If I survive, I am being attacked pretty hard.” Akaashi looks at Kenma warily, rising his hands to protect himself just in case.
“He probably won’t,” Kenma says, throwing a glare at Akaashi. “Goodbye for now.”