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Giyuu-san,
Kanzaburou arrived with your letter this morning and every time he arrives, I always make sure to give him a treat for his daily travels. He likes snacking on peanuts the most. It is quite a surprise that he is still able to diligently send in your letters. I’ve grown fond of him but sometimes Inosuke tries to chase him away for fun. He would stay by the roof for a couple of hours or maybe until Inosuke goes on to his next new thing to fester with.
But I am glad. Kanzaburou coming in the early morning means I get to hear news about you. Reading your letters makes me happy.
It is wonderful to hear about your trips around the town and your adventures with finding your next favorite food. Does the salmon taste different from each izakaya you visit? Does it pair well with your favorite daikon? I’ve noticed you talk about that dish quite often. When you visit, I’ll ask Urokodaki-san where we can get the freshest salmon. Or maybe we’ll catch it ourselves! We like to go to the river and catch some fish for Nezuko to cook. And maybe, we can start planting some radishes in our small garden. You are always welcome here in our home as part of the family.
By the way, how was your trip to the hot spring with Uzui-san’s family? How is he? How about Makio-san? Suma-san? and Hinatsuru-san? The bath must’ve been so relaxing. I’m glad you had a good time!
Do you have other plans for visiting different places? More than that, how are you now? How is your arm? I hope you are resting and feeling well all the time. I pray for your wellness, as always.
Giyuu-san, I’m really happy that you’re no longer blaming yourself and closing off to other people. The water does not seem so overwhelming, so in need of conquering anymore does it? I think it's odd how we first drown then we eventually learn how to swim but guess life is strange like that.
It was the first thing you’ve ever taught me. I will always remember what you’ve said. Don't cry. Don't despair. Those words brought me to where we are today. You were my first ray of hope. For me and for Nezuko.
And so when you wrote to me these lines in your last letter, I was shocked and intrigued. Allow me to quote you: So I thought I’d grow so accustomed to fear that I felt confident that nothing would scare me anymore. But I was wrong. Tanjiro, this might sound silly but allow me to ask or just even say this out loud. Is there such a thing as fear of love? Because I think I am, I think I am afraid of love. Does this mean I am less capable of holding it with my own hands? I know that I am the adult here but lend me some of your wisdom because I don’t know what to do anymore other than to trust the words of a fifteen year old. I don’t trust Uzui-san. Urokodaki would only talk to me about marriage. Well...not much options here.
Admittedly, the last lines really made me laugh out loud. I don’t think you should be asking for love advice from Uzui-san. I’ve heard the things he says to Zenitsu and... But going on, I could feel every ounce of hesitation poured in every stroke of ink and how this fear, you speak of, bled through the paper you were writing on.
As I was thinking of a way to answer your question, I looked back to the person who taught me the most about what love is--my father. You see, he grew very frail during his last years but the thing about him was that he was preserving and didn’t give up despite all odds. His illness didn’t mean he was weak, in fact, he was very strong to the point that he was fearless. I’ve grown to realize that he was like that because he was so full of love. And I see you the same as him, Giyuu-san. You are strong because you love people even way beyond the limitations of life.
So to answer your question as best as I can, I think you do not have to be so afraid of love. Why should you be afraid of something that you already have?
Here is what I’ve learned from fighting all those demons and growing familiar with despair: the most important thing when remembering our own humanity is to know that you are just as capable of giving back the love that you receive everyday from the people around you. It is something innate, found at the very core of individuals. Our nature is to be good, to be kind, and to be loving. And in that, wanting to reciprocate love and kindness makes us strong. Rage, loneliness, grief--all come from love. If you feel that you have not done enough loving or not received enough love, know that nothing is wasted. There's so much we can give because the world is an unlimited supply of love because we give back and we give back to each other. If it must, just let it overflow!
Love is the greatest parting gift given to us by those who have left ahead. I have faith in that. Believe that is enough reason to move forward.
I think this is how humanity has survived for so long ‘till today. It’s because we all choose to continue the cycle of love spurring across generations. It’s like the cycle of water filling us with life with the rain, the lakes, the rivers, and the ocean. We erase that fear and nurture it in our own hands. We hold on to it.
I hope this answers your question. I think I got a little carried away there. Well, I look forward to your next letter, to Kanzaburou pattering on the window. Urokodaki wants me to write you to take care. Everyone sends the same too. Come visit us soon. Nezuko wants to see you.
Also, please send my greetings to Uzui-san and Shinazugawa-san.
Best regards,
Tanjirou
P.S.
Are you falling in love with someone Giyuu-san? Is it someone we know?
P.P.S.
Is it Shinazugawa-san?