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"Well, isn't that a nifty new gadget!" said Princess Carolyn, turning her coffee cup back and forth on the surface of the table
"Isn't it, though?" said Mr. Peanutbutter as he held up the new sliding-keyboard cell phone. "It's so convenient — look, it even has a full keyboard!" He enthusiastically opened and closed the sliding keyboard of the phone several times.
"Mhm, and you still manage to plod along at a breakneck pace of five words a minute," said Princess Carolyn, raising her coffee to her lips and taking a sip. Mr. Peanutbutter paid little mind as he mashed away at the miniscule keys on the diminutive device. Princess Carolyn sat her coffee back down on the table and crossed her leg over the other. "So, spill — who have you been texting so flirty-flirty that you need a full QWERTY?" she prodded.
"What?" said Mr. Peanutbutter, looking up from the phone. "Oh, yeah! So — get this — there's this barista down at the Starbucks I go to-"
"Right," interrupted Princess Carolyn, "because propositioning your waitress is socially acceptable for some reason."
"Right? I don't know why it never crossed my mind before," chuckled Mr. Peanutbutter, blissfully ignorant. "And I think we've really been hitting it off."
Princess Carolyn rolled her eyes. "Well, decency be damned, I guess. So, whatever — details! Details!" she said, snapping her fingers.
"Sure," said Mr. Peanutbutter, looking back down at the phone. "So we actually met met at this one fundraising event-"
"You mean the one where you and Jessica-"
"Do not," Mr. Peanutbutter held up his hand, his eyes becoming glassy and distant, "finish that sentence." He forced a blank smile. "It has been out of my mind all day," he said, gradually returning to a more relaxed state, "and I would like to keep it that way if we could."
"Sorry, PB," said Princess Carolyn, taking another sip of her coffee. There was little left, and she upended the cup and drank it all up.
"So, where was I — ah, yes!" Mr. Peanutbutter continued. "So, yeah, as I was saying — this girl was working with the caterers that evening."
"Uh-huh," said Princess Carolyn, swirling the empty cup reflexively in her hand.
"So we exchanged numbers," explained Mr. Peanutbutter, typing away at a text message and sending it off. "And now we basically talk all the time!" Ding! The phone buzzed with the sound of an incoming message. "See?"
"Uh-huh. And does this chick happen to have a name?"
"Diane," said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Oh — she is such a delight!"
"She sounds like it," said Princess Carolyn, still swirling the empty cup in her hand as if some magic would manifest more coffee from her monotonous motion. "Come on, PB, details — where's she from? What's she like? What's her favourite song? Maybe you can hum along?" she said.
"Where to begin?" said Mr. Peanutbutter. He picked up a piece of honeydew from the fruit plate on their table. "But, before we forget — do you want any of this delicious, refreshing fruit?"
"I'll pass," said Princess Carolyn, wrinkling her nose. "It's basically all honeydew, which everyone knows is a trash melon."
"Really? That's a little bit harsh, isn't it?" said Mr. Peanutbutter, popping the piece of fruit into his mouth and continuing to speak as he chewed, to Princess Carolyn's chagrin. "I happen to think it's a wonderfully mellow and refreshing fruit experience — and if it's good enough for Geddy Lee-"
"Neil Peart wrote those lyrics and you goddamn know it," said Princess Carolyn. "But we're getting off track here — tell me about Diane."
"Well, she's a major cutie patootie for starters," said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Uhm, let's see — she has a March birthday," he said.
"That's exciting," said Princess Carolyn. "Careful — those early spring girls can be nuttier than a pecan log." She sat the empty coffee cup back on the table and leant forward. "Is she a Pisces or an Aries?"
"Vietnamese, actually, I think," said Mr. Peanutbutter.
"Uh- yeah, sure, that was the answer I was looking for," said Princess Carolyn in confounded sarcasm.
"Oh— did I mention that she's from Boston?" said Mr. Peanutbutter.
"Oh, one of them damn yankees, huh?" joked Princess Carolyn.
"I actually think it's the Red Sox they like out there," said Mr. Peanutbutter.
"No- Mr. Peanutbutter, it's a figure of-" She paused, realised she was fighting a losing battle, sighed, and continued: "Actually, let's just move on. Anyway, I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you."
"Thanks, Princess Carolyn," said Mr. Peanutbutter, reaching for another piece of honeydew.