Work Text:
“You're so pathetic.”
It wasn't as if he hadn't seen it coming. He'd known since they'd began that it wouldn't last, couldn't become anything more than just temporary madness. Zaal had known it too, he was sure. Maybe that's how he knew exactly what to say to rip the ground out from under him.
When Han returned to his own apartment that night, it welcomed him like it always did. Empty, thoughtless. It wasn't like Zaal's home, in that it didn't feel like a home at all anymore. It was a cold and dead thing. Pictures in holo frames of him posing with his father, Rael. Once they would've looked alive. If only the people captured still were.
Dust settled over everything, a soft reminder of how long it'd been since he'd even paid attention to this place. With Zaal he was in another world, somewhere bright and warm. He hadn't felt quite so heavy. Here everything dragged him down.
He made his way to the liquor cabinet. The only well used thing in the whole apartment. He avoided the brandy, reaching instead for a bottle of vodka and a shot glass. He'd probably abandon the glass eventually, but for now it made him feel less desperate.
War was coming. The moment that snake Xen had created her arc gun, he'd known. They couldn't give up this chance to strike. It was what every family in the Fotilla dreamed of. He wasn't so out of touch. He'd had his own mother tell him the stories of the wide open sky and thousands of Quarians free to live unconfined. No ships, no suits. Space to grow. He and Zaal agreed on that at least.
Just that they'd had entirely different ideas about how it should be done. He was an aging warship, he realized now. War was all he knew. Peace... he didn't know what to do with peace. He hadn't had a moment of peace in his whole life. Had he? Had he already finished half of what was left in the bottle he'd grabbed?
With Zaal, he'd thought maybe that was what peace was like. At least, when he'd learned Zaal would never stop fighting him out side of closed doors. When he could let his guard down and fall asleep next to him.
The war was the last straw. Zaal couldn't look past that anymore and Han knew. He knew and he did it anyway. He shook Xen's hand for the holos and knew Zaal wasn't watching. Still, he went there before he came here. A foolish pathetic hope that maybe it'd be the same when they were alone.
The bottle rolls away from his hands when he tries to grab it from it's place on the floor- empty. The world's shifted sideways. He's laying on the couch. Right. It hasn't actually flipped on it's side. It'll still be there tomorrow. In a poorer state than it was yesterday, thanks to him.
He doesn't want to leave this day behind yet, because he can still remember where he woke up and how much warmer it was than here. It's no surprise to him when he glances at his omni and it's nearly morning. Time moves quickly when you don't want it to.
He flips through his messages quickly. There- starred important and read. One of the first.
TO: h.gerrel
FROM: z.koris
I wonder, Han, have you ever eaten anything besides nutrient pastes? Really, I wouldn't be shocked. My place at 8, if you feel so inclined to start taking your health into your own hands. (And by 'if you feel so inclined' I mean you'd better show.)
Zaal