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It’s been a week and he’s angry. She left him, and he’s reeling from a case that it’s not going the way it’s supposed to go, so he does the only coherent thing he thinks he can do. He looks for answers. He straightens himself as soon as he reaches her apartment door and the moment he’s about to knock on her door he listens to one of his dad’s songs. But not any of his songs, the saddest one the record, his dad gave her, has. He turns around and goes back the same way he came.
Of course the first time they’re face to face it’s at Mike’s engagement party.
Robert Zane’s house it’s full of people, but the one he wants to talk the most is busy talking to some guy in a suit. And here he is, wearing jeans and a white shirt because Mike told him it was casual attire.
Donna's wearing a flower dress that is making her look like a goddess and suddenly he's thinking of Sunday’s afternoons walking through the park with her, laughing about whatever story she's saying.
“You’re staring” Of course it would Jessica the one catching him lost in thoughts
“I was not”
“Keep telling yourself that, maybe you'll believe it” (Like any other lie he told himself about her)
Before he goes, because Mike and Rachel’s smiling at each other is making him feel something is tugging at his stomach (it’s definitely their smiles, it has nothing to do with seeing Donna beam) he runs into her.
“Hi” it’s almost shy, and there’s no trace of her smile.
“I was leaving”
She doesn’t answer anything, just shakes her head and turns around. (She’s used to it)
She’s going home after a way too long day with Louis, is not that she’s suffering after the choice she made, but she misses him, she misses their dynamic, and she’s going home, because if not she will cave in and see how he’s dealing with the case he shares with Louis. The case that’s the reason why she had a horrible day. The elevator doors open and she’s ready to step inside when a leggy brunette comes out.
“You know where Harvey Specter's office is?”
“Yes, that way” she’s trying hard to use the best poker face she has, hoping her feelings doesn’t giving her away.
She's too lost in her own thoughts to hear the classic sound the elevator makes to know she has missed it.
“The problem is it doesn’t mean a thing!” Harvey is pacing around the room
“That’s why It’s called meaningless sex Harvey” The older woman looks at him almost laughing, it’s oddly comforting that this person is a reminder of Donna and his father, and that’s probably the reason he hasn’t quitted already. This woman challenges him in a motherly way.
“It used to be simple”
“You’re not talking anymore about these nightly encounters you are having”
“No” he’s defeated, and sits down on the couch he’s refused to use for many sessions.
“For what you told me, it could be simple” Dr. Ford looks at him inquiringly and he loosens his tie.
“It’s complicated”
“Why?”
He’s going to his office when he smells her perfume, flowery with a hint of apples, and she’s right by his side. (Almost like the old days)
“Quentin knew about the affair” He stops in his tracks and grabs her elbow, she steps back immediately (as if his touched has burnt her) looking at him with her big eyes and he closes his own for less than a second because it hurts. (His talks with Dr Ford are making him name the emotions for what they really are)
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I trust you to know how to have the upper hand” he swallows what he wants to say. Come back, I miss you, I need you, Why did you leave? He knows the answer to that.
“Donna… thank you”
“Don’t tell Louis” She walks away again, but this time he can see that her walk is not as intent and bouncy as it used to be, and her palms had turned into fists.
The next morning there are flowers on her desk, no card, no message. But she knows who sent them.
She’s at his new assistant’s desk so he fastens his pace to not give her an opportunity to run. Emily is babbling about something and Donna is smiling, Emily is efficient, she knows what to do when he asks for things, she’s quick on her feet, also she’s clumsy, and fresh out of college. (And has a crush on Donna, but who wouldn’t?)
“Mr. Specter I have rescheduled your appointment, is tomorrow after lunch” Donna turns around as soon as Emily has said Mr. and her smile has faded. He hates this.
“Thanks Emily… Donna”
“Harvey” Just a nod with her head, and again she walks away.
There are two tickets to the Jazz festival and he knows where they come from.
He’s standing on her desk, and she wishes Louis would just keep talking so she doesn’t need to go out. But the endless list of things to do, had been done, it’s time to go home.
“I’m not accepting these”
“Good afternoon Harvey, how are you?” she retorts taking her purse from under the desk.
“Donna”
“A client gave them to me, I thought you would enjoy them” She’s looking at him while she gathers her things “Consider them as a thank you for the flowers”
He opens his mouth and closes it, straightens his shoulders “Wha – How...”
Donna interrupts him arching her eyebrows and making a thin line with her mouth “I’m Donna”
He’s out of sorts; he realizes he doesn’t know how to do this, try to be them again. “But there are front sits”
“I know” she has a knowing smile
“Come with me” she was definitely not expecting that and her face gives her away, he smiles in return, similar to a boish smirk.
“No Harvey” and just as he was smiling he stops.
“Donna, they were given to you” he leaves one of the tickets on her desk, wearied he walks away.
They’re numbered sits and he’s sure she won’t be coming, only 5 minutes left for the first band.
4 minutes
3 minutes
2 minutes
...
The band is not playing yet, and she sits by his side, the piano starts humming and he doesn’t even has the chance to tell her… tell her what? You look beautiful, I love you, come back, I miss you, I need you. He looks at her and she has her eyes closed, feeling the rhythm, her hands on her handbag. His hands are itching to take hers in his own, but he can’t because he had everything and he let it go away, so he taps his fingers on his legs, following the music.
When the last band stops he can’t help himself “I’m glad you came”
“I’m glad too, they were amazing” However, that’s not what he meant.
“Did you see the moustache on the last pianist though?”
She smiles mischievously “I know! I swear Pippi Longstocking was living on his face!”
He smiles contently now. Maybe they can go back. Only he doesn’t want going back anymore.
“Say something to her”
His hands are with the fingers closed into fists and he’s pacing the room, again.
“I can’t, it’s too late”
“Are you dead?”
He looks at his shrink, the woman sure can exasperate him, with the short questions and the know it all face.
“Of course not”
“Then it’s not that late” She puts her pen down and her notepad on the table next to her. “Look Harvey, when you came I almost asked why because I had to squeeze words out of you, now you’re closer to admit what you’re feeling, what you want” He stops, standing still with a beaten pose and barges in “I want to be happy”
“I’m not entitled to say what will make you happy”
“But you know”
“I guess who… but can you?”
He advances and doesn’t say a thing, she feels like a prey swearing he can hear the loud thumps her heart is making. Leaning forward with his eyes on her lips, she knows this is a moment, one of those he sure won’t talk about the next day, or neglect that even something happened, and she would step back if it wasn’t for the desk that’s already pressing against her thighs. “Stop, I can’t do this again” so he steps back, looking at the floor and lets her leave but not before grabbing her by the elbow, looking piercingly at her eyes “There’s no again Donna, because I’ve never tried to do this… I was aiming for everything, but I guess is too late” She feels she’s held to the ground, and her face probably is similar to the first time he said he loved her. She’s expecting him to walk pass her, leaving her dumbfounded in his office, but when her brain starts to function again she notices he’s standing in the same spot.
“Everything?” and she’s trying not to smile while she turns around, because she’s afraid and confused and at the same time the adrenaline doesn’t let her control her emotions, and she thinks she probably looks giddy.
“Yes, everything” And his face is of pure acceptance at what’s he’s feeling. Her eyes shine, and he doesn’t wait for her to say something, He brings her to him, grabbing her by the waste, their chests colliding, his lips crashing into hers. Her hands move from his lapels to the back of his neck, and his hands are everywhere at once. They know they can’t do this, not at his office with the glass walls everywhere.
They step back… she steps back because he’s against the desk and there is nowhere to go, not when she’s in front of him, her chest flushed, and gasping for air while trying to compose herself. He looks for her hands again, tugging her closer. “Harvey” her tone is cautious.
“Just give me a minute, and we’ll go” he lets go of her hands because he needs to grab his jacket, she’s already at the door and he joins her, putting his hand on the small of her back.
He needs to touch her to know he’s not dreaming, she’s there and he finally took the leap to what he had in front of him for more than a decade. A chance at happiness.