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"San Lang?" Xie Lian reached out to keep his husband in bed as he felt the mattress shift. "Where are you going?" He yawned.
Hua Cheng paused, voice soft and calm. "Go back to sleep gege, I'm just going for a walk."
Despite how steady he kept his voice, Xie Lian knew his husband too well by now, even with sleep still blurring his vision. Sitting up, he looked up at Hua Cheng, searching his face and finding exactly what he'd suspected.
"You had a nightmare."
"I'm fine, gege, really, go back to sleep." Hua Cheng insisted gently.
"Come here." Xie Lian sat up.
That quiet order was all he needed to give in, crawling back into bed, though not quite touching still.
"Was it about me or about you?" Xie Lian asked, because he knew those were the two categories the dreams always broke down into. On nights where they were about Xie Lian, his husband needed reassurance that he was safe and whole. On nights where they were about Hua Cheng, he needed Xie Lian to love and hold him. It wasn't that the nightmares were frequent necessarily, but they weren't uncommon for either of them unfortunately.
"Me," Hua Cheng admitted softly.
"Come here," he repeated, reaching out to pull Hua Cheng onto his lap.
Though still a bit shy about asking for it when he was in a bad space, Hua Cheng always eagerly took the affection Xie Lian gave. A bit clumsy with his too long limbs and shaken up mental state, he settled himself on Xie Lian's lap, tucking his face in the crook of Xie Lian's neck to kiss the reassuring rhythm of his pulse.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Xie Lian asked, now fully awake. He didn't mind losing sleep for this though. Making sure his husband felt as loved and happy as he always made Xie Lian feel was worth a year's worth of sleepless nights.
"No," Hua Cheng murmured.
"What does my San Lang need?"
Hua Cheng hesitated. Xie Lian had spent a good deal of time spoiling him and getting him comfortable being vulnerable, but fresh from nightmares that reaffirmed his old insecurities, it always came harder. Still, Xie Lian was a patient god and an even more patient husband.
"If my San Lang doesn't know what he needs, he can also tell me what he wants." He offered, hoping the language change would make the hurtle feel easier.
Slowly, Hua Cheng nodded. "If your highness could keep holding this lowly one?"
"Always. This god is always happy to hold his precious husband." Xie Lian corrected gently, but firmly, not wanting to leave any room for doubt. "What else does my San Lang want?"
Hua Cheng shook his head, letting Xie Lian rock him and rub circles on his back.
Xie Lian let him be for a moment, letting Hua Cheng settle down a bit before he tried again. "Can my San Lang open our communication array?"
"Yes," came the response in his head, Hua Cheng's grip tightening as he pulled Xie Lian as close as he could manage.
"So good for me," Xie Lian praised. "My devoted husband, always doing what I ask."
"Anything for your highness," he promised.
"Will my San Lang indulge me?"
"Always."
"Will my San Lang be selfish? I love when my San Lang asks for things," he encouraged in their array.
He could feel the tension in Hua Cheng's body for a moment as he tried to war with himself. Xie Lian did not falter, keeping himself reliable and constant with his gentle hand and rhythmic rocking. After a long moment, the tension snapped and Hua Cheng relaxed into him.
"For now this is truly all this one wants. Will his highness give me a few more minutes like this?"
"Of course." Xie Lian rested his head on his husband's.
The night moved forward slowly until at last Hua Cheng began to shift, pressing another kiss to Xie Lian's pulse as he moved to pull back. In the dim light, Hua Cheng's good eye seemed to glow. Xie Lian had never known black could be so bright.
"Beautiful." He whispered, out loud and without much thought.
Hua Cheng seemed a bit startled, but soon the word settled over him like a warm blanket. "Gege is the beautiful one," he responded within the array. It seemed that was easier than talking for tonight.
"My San Lang clearly hasn't looked in the mirror then." Xie Lian smiled, reaching up to kiss his forehead, trail kisses down the bridge of his nose, then one to each eye, each cheek, his lips, and even his chin.
Hua Cheng closed his eye, drinking in the affection. “Gege is more beautiful than all the stars in the sky, there’s no need to look in a mirror.”
“If I’m the stars, San Lang is the moon. Constantly changing forms and yet always recognizable and lovely. Whether new or full or somewhere in between, people cannot help but stare.”
“Gege,” Hua Cheng breathed, voice strained even within the array.
Xie Lian was never sure where he got the words to say such bold things. He suspected such poetic lines, said rarely though not impossible to hear from him, came from the same place as the bold declaration that the little boy should live for him that he’d made as a young god. Such incredible things were said from somewhere bold and confident and princely. But as long as Hua Cheng liked them, he could handle it.
“It’s true.”
Hua Cheng was completely relaxed in his hands, utterly undone in a few short sentences. Or maybe it was everything, not just the words but the way Xie Lian was holding him—had been holding him— too.
“San Lang is my favorite person. He is more than worthy to stand by my side,” Xie Lian assured him.
“Your highness,” he spoke out loud that time, a quiet, broken prayer.
“My husband,” Xie Lian soothed, kissing his brow as if blessing him.
“Yours,” Hua Cheng promised, almost urgently, as if it were very important. “I’m always yours.”
“En.” Xie Lian moved a hand up to cup his face, thumb lightly caressing his cheek.
Hua Cheng leaned into the affection as if chasing it, though it didn’t hide from him or try to leave.
“San Lang is my most precious treasure. I used all my luck the day I got him to fall for me.” Which, in an odd way, was actually true. Though Xie Lian wouldn’t lose his luck for a few more years after that encounter, it was the start in a way.
He hadn’t regretted it before and he could find absolutely no regrets now that that dirty little boy had grown into the man he had married.
Hua Cheng opened his eye again. “Your highness—“
“Husband,” Xie Lian cut him off.
“Yes?”
“San Lang doesn’t have to be formal with me. I’m his husband,” Xie Lian reminded. He was fine with the address most days, but not when Hua Cheng was in a state of mind like this. They were equals and he had to make sure his husband remembered that.
“Husband,” Hua Cheng repeated.
“Yes?”
Hua Cheng leaned in to kiss him, light but not hesitant. He knew he was wanted. He knew he was loved, here, in their bed, in Xie Lian’s arms. “I love you.”
Xie Lian smiled, every bit the benevolent god even with his hair messy with sleep. And in his eyes Hua Cheng was worthy— more than worthy even.
“I love you too,” Xie Lian murmured like a blessing.
And Hua Cheng let himself sink back into the protection of his God’s arms, wanted and worthy and loved. It did not matter how many nightmares he had to remind him of the past. Xie Lian would always be there when he woke to remind him of the future.