Chapter Text
JR's not face is surprisingly solid and real as they stare at Jepe's conspiracy board. The out of the way meeting room in Eyedol Games HQ has long been taken over by Jepe's squawking insistence that they have been promoted and they are now a manager who deserves a private office. It's fine.
"This company is being bled like a stuffed pig Mac, and I got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out, take a look at this." the NotManager shouts.
"Jepe. I'm going to be real with you. I can NOT take you seriously when you're wearing his face." JR stares at the conspiracy board harder. "But I take your meaning. They're all connected".
"That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay?"
"Not my name" JR says evenly "But yeah. The letter repo is doing well. Really confusing the Unmarked. Accidentally making you and your lil idiots Relevant. It's fine" JR manages to frown without cracking their face.
"But I'm not agreeing with your conspiracy wall. For ONE, these aren't Quotidians. They don't do romance the way you guys do. Let me show you how it PROBABLY works". JR pulls out a white board marker and starts making changes.
"So FIRST of all, you got the dynamic between NotAMinotaur and the EyeKiller ALL wrong. They're CLEARLY a solid rainbow, I mean, did you SEE that entire Egg Incident? Classic slapstick. The physical comedy between the two of the them is pretty much peak comedy. NotAMinotuar is just the ultimate Manzai straight man and he couldn't ASK for a better foil than the EyeKiller."
They add a post it note with a scribbled rainbow to the graph.
"Now, GRANTED that's not enough for a full on TROVE, but that's fine, we're early in the timeline yet, and honestly? I kind of hope it stays platonic like this. You don't often see such a pure rainbow interaction like this and I just don't see how it could be improved with any other charms".
JR points to another section of the conspiracy board.
"And you're definitely wrong that Tyrfing there hasn't actually had enough time to connect to anyone. His interaction with the EyeKiller was, sure, unconventional, but DEFINITELY Pot-O-Gold. Classic reversal of fortunes as the hunter becomes the hunted. Gotta love that."
A Pot-O-Gold scribble gets added on.
"Now, YES, obviously if a pot-of-gold interaction leads to DEATH its usually nullified, but unconditional immortality for the duration of the Apocalypse does nothing if not change some rules so..." they shrug.
"THAT is probably the bulk of our SIMPLE one off charms, NOW we get to get into the meat of things." JR rubs their hands then grabs several post it notes at once.
"So take Wanda and the Closer, right? They START out simple, sure: classic Moon, you gotta love that, game recognizes game. But then something interesting happens: Once Wanda gets out of that coffin and messes around with this place..." JR whacks one of the walls for emphasis "Suddenly that classic moon vacillates right into a pot-of-gold reversal of fortunes and stays there. The Closer goes from having all the answers to suddenly understanding nothing, and let me tell you, I LIVE for that shit."
A scribbled Moon with an arrow leading to a very shitty drawing of a pot of gold is added on next.
"And you gotta contrast that with how Wanda and the FAQWriter interact!" The hint of a spiraling grin spreads across their face slowly. "Solid diamonds, in BOTH senses of the word. You really get a feel that that flower chick FAQWriter was the only thing keeping Wanda sane for a while! BUT THEN!!! In the middle of trying to playfully diamond up Wanda, FAQWriter takes it from good to great: a SOLID horseshoes gambit as lucky break after lucky break has them BOTH come out looking clever as fuck! Not only that but you see a hint of stars (in FAQWriters favor, ofc) in their competing actions with Eyedol. They BOTH get meaningful yet playful value from their relationship! It's great! "
JR's start of a grin retreats a bit "Though I wouldn't go so far as to say they have a full on TROVE just yet? I'd want to see more of that star and I'd worry that so many right handed charms is going to destabilize things. Sure, diamonds will balance that a bit but there's such a thing as TOO much play, you know?"
Diamonds (somehow in two fonts despite being hand drawn), Horseshoes and a greyed out star goes up onto the board.
The spiraling grin springs back into place as JR begins pacing and gesturing wildly.
"But that has NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, you hear me, on FAQWriter and The Closer!!!" a post it note with "OTP" written on it is plastered front and center on the white board.
"Look at this shit! LOOK at it! You start out with an interesting star gambit from The Closer, not her usual thing, obviously, but you can imagine she was feeling a little vulnerable what with the whole being laid off thing. POINT is, she issues a remarkably straightforward challenge to FAQWriter and BAM does FAQWriter bat it back with an INSTANT pot-o-gold gambit with her flat out renting out space in the Gopher server. God, what a fucking chad. And then she ups that gambit to fucking astronomical levels by going back in time to *secretly become the historical figure The Closer admires most on ACCIDENT* on FUCKING ACCIDENT? Fucking hell what a horseshoes move that was. So all of this is masterful, but ultimately predictable right? So far we're staying on the right hand side, pulled over there by The Closers vulnerability? But then what does the FAQWriter do? She meets The Closer in the middle, acknowledges her vulnerability and adds a little diamond playfullness into the mix!!!???"
JR has pulled up a dozen javascript consoles and is rapidly printing out logs of the sheer off-the-chartsness of this gambit.
"So then, and you didn't hear this from me, but THEN that little bit of leftwards movement from the FAQWriter flips The Closer from full on defensive right side charms ALL THE WAY OVER THE FAR LEFT with HEART!!! The balance seesaws right the fuck over to that side and we're left with a BEAUTIFUL fucking hearts-diamonds-pot-o-gold DIAGONAL tic-tac-toe. FROM A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE VERTICAL COLLUMN VACCILATION ONE!!! It's...God it's..."
JR is somehow crying tears of raw beauty despite not having any eyes.
"They should have sent a poet."
JR slowly, reverently adds post it notes detailing the star-pot-o-gold shift, the horseshoes, the diamonds, and the heart.
"If this trove doesn't outlive us all I'll eat my hood."
Jepe Rilvia finishes gaping at this display and finally speaks up. "Will you settle down and have another cup of coffee?"
"No I will not settle down! This is SRS BUISNESS Jepe!"
"There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay?"
JR stills.
"You...you have a point." They begin frantically sorting through pinned documents and yarn connections "You have a point!"
"How could I be so blind???"
They finally string a thread between NotAMinotaur and Tyrfing.
"They both don't exist, Jepe!" JR draws a HUGE balloon circling both of them, not even bothering with a post it note.
"Both of them are copies of copies! Tryfing has *big* tsundere energy. Have you *seen* the way he teaches NAM to do moon chores by framing them as gruff complaints about his work ethic? Ah, this has so much potential! In fact-"
The door opens with a crash, overturning several Wendy's Brand Propaganda Posters Jepe had been collecting and an Intern stumbles in, eyes wide. "I! Uh! I thought this was a meeting room?"
"Jepe! I keep telling you! You need to update the org chart to list this as an office!"