Archive of Our Own

It wasn’t often that Sophie had the opportunity to do something nice and romantic like this for her and her husband. When they were at My Cottage, it wasn’t like they had plenty of time for just of the two of them now they had Charlie and Benedict spending a lot of time painting, but they were at Aubrey Hall for the week with just Kate and Anthony and the three boys and the nurses had taken the three boys off, Anthony and Benedict had gone out to do some work and then would be back and Kate said Anthony had work to do and she would make herself scarce so that Sophie could have time with her husband, so Sophie was excited.

It was nearly Christmas and the rest of the family was due to arrive in a few days but as the two couples wanted some time just the four of them, they had come ahead. Charles was not quite 9 months old, and Benedict’s showing at the gallery the week before had been amazing and so well received by the ton that everyone was clambering for his and his wife’s attention, despite shunning them last year and so they decided they needed the peace, so they had made the decision to leave London for the country early for Christmas.

Sophie had planned a lovely evening for her and her husband, she had gotten some wine from the kitchen, a little picnic and had it set up in the joining room with all their favourite picnic foods, a roaring fire and she had donned some new negligee that she had saved as a treat and wore the dressing gown she knew Benedict loved the most and she sat and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

With no sign of her husband.

When he had left he had promised he would be back for dinner, but this was now a good two hours past their usual dinner time and there was still no sign of her husband.

Her heart felt tight, and she felt worried, changing her dressing gown to something more suitable for wandering around Aubrey Hall, and she went to see if maybe he was in Anthony’s study and hadn’t seen the staff that she had instructed to send Benedict upstairs, or maybe he hadn’t seen Kate who had promised to say the same thing if she saw them first…

The knock and subsequent check of the Anthony’s study showed it to be empty, she made her way to the dining room, the family room, even checking the room where Benedict would usually sit and draw when at Aubrey Hall, with no sign of her husband, anger and upset swelled in her stomach at her husband not coming home.

She made her way to the library and knocked on the door “come in” came Kate’s voice, she was perched on the chaise that was in there, a blanket over her lap, a book on her lap as she peered at the door, expecting it to be her husband.

“Oh Sophie, what are you doing here?” Kate said looking confused “what is the matter?” she said as she took in the look on her sister in laws face.

“Have you seen Ben or Anthony?” Sophie asked glancing around

Kate shook her head and looked at the mantle, it was nearly 10pm “No, have they not come back?” she asked, and Sophie shook her head

“It appears not…” she said with tears forming in her eyes “he told me he would be back for dinner, I thought perhaps maybe he just hadn’t gotten the message, but if they were going to be late back surely they would have written a missive?” Sophie asked.

“let’s go see, perhaps we missed it when we took the boys and Newton out earlier?” Kate said taking Sophie’s arm and they walked out and found Milton. “Milton have any missives arrived from  Lord or Mr Bridgerton?” she asked her husband’s Valet.

“No Milady, nothing has come all day” he said 

“And neither have come back from their visits to the village this morning?” she asked

“No Milady the carriage is still out” he said.

“Thank you Milton, that will be all” Kate said as the butler gave a bow to both women and walked away as Sophie sniffled.

“They just haven’t come home, though Ben promised he would” she said sadly.

“I am sure they have a good excuse” Kate said, though she wasn’t entirely sure that wasn’t true, if something had happened or had come up, they would have written. Neither of the men would have wanted to worry their wives at being out of the house all day.

Anthony usually wanted to be back in time to kiss the boys goodnight, but Kate had said the nurse had them tonight but hadn’t let on about Sophie’s plans and was wondering if that had something to do with it.

“Perhaps… I am just going to go get Charlie and go to bed” Sophie said, her heart breaking, sadness in her voice that broke Kate’s heart.

“Soph…” Kate said putting a hand on her sister’s arm.

“No Kate, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter anyway; I am not sure what I was thinking trying to do something like this anyway… I’ll get someone from the kitchen’s to come clean up the food in our room later” she said, not wanting to cry in front of Kate.

Sophie didn’t like crying in front of anyone. It felt so much like last Christmas, when she had tried to seduce her husband and he had blown her off, though it was a misunderstanding, it stung… whenever she tried to seduce her husband, tried to something impromptu, something like this, it just… seemed to fall on its face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Sophie said sadly and walked off towards where she knew the nurse had taken all three boys.

She needed her son, she wanted to hold her son close and go to bed. Holding Charlie, she was sure was the only thing that would stop her from breaking her heart tonight and crying herself to sleep.

Kate watched as Sophie walked off looking rather forlorn and rage building in her that Benedict would do this to Sophie, that he would break a promise to her, and her husband and brother-in-law better have a good excuse otherwise she was going to murder them both.

She had two sons, Sophie had one, they could raise the three boys together. Most of the family listened to her anyway rather than Anthony, and she was sure if Violet knew what had happened she’d likely approve of her actions. Technically she had the next three in line for the Viscountcy so surely offing the Viscount and his brother would be easy…

Kate waited until she saw Sophie round the corner and moved swiftly, she knew exactly where both men would go when they got back, and she was planning to wait for them and give them a piece of her mind, and Sophie’s on her behalf.

~*~

The business with the stewards and the landlords had taken a little longer than Anthony and Benedict had anticipated when they had left after breakfast and by the time they were done, they were cold and in need of a drink and the landlord had asked if they could buy Lord and Mr Bridgerton a drink in the tavern for their help and being so close to Christmas both men had agreed.

“We can’t stop too late I promised Soph I’d be back for dinner” Benedict said as they sat in the carriage to the tavern.

“Fair enough but I imagine Kate would have ordered a late dinner tonight, she said the nurse was taking the three boys for a little sleepover in the west wing tonight” Anthony said “so we can have a few, it’s not often we get to see the tenants and it helps just, keep them happy” Anthony said, Benedict nodded, he had to agree and so they settled down for one drink, with the intention of only having one.

But one drink had turned into ten more after that… and before either man knew it was nearly 10pm.

They had been laughing, joking, and playing cards with the tenants, with the men who had taken over their father’s farms and land, men who they had seen and played with as children and they had been having a good time when Anthony glanced at his pocket watch. “We are probably going to have to make a move, it’s 945” Anthony said with a grimace.

Benedict who had totally forgotten about his promise to his wife and had been telling a Mr Staples about his wife, had slapped his brother on the shoulder “I’ve just ordered another round, we shall have these then head back, the girls will be fine!” he said jovially, his words a little slurred and more than a little in his cups.

Both had forgotten about dinner as the landlady had brought over some roast venison and vegetable stew for the table and the two men had eaten happily enjoying their evening.

They finished their drinks, bid everyone adieu, and climbed into the carriage back to Aubrey Hall, it was now nearly half ten and both men were more than a little tipsy.

“That was a bloody good evening” Benedict said with a happy sigh, loosening his cravat.

“It was, it’s been a while since people, other than our wives, who just wanted to spend time with us as people and not because of who we are” Anthony said with a smile

“It was good to catch up with the people we grew up with, it’s been a weird, few years with the changes in everything” Benedict said with a happy yet drunk smile

“Indeed, changes for the better though” Anthony said with a smile.

“Very true, we are both happily married and with boys of our own now” Benedict said.

“We are, and I am sure you and Soph will have a few more to add to your brood” Anthony chuckled.

“I hope so, though I think she’s a little worried after Charlie’s birth” Benedict said with a shrug “but if I have just the one I will be happy, its more than I thought I’d ever get so I’ll take whatever God intends for me” he said

“I’ll drink to that” Anthony said.

“One more in your study before we retire then?” Benedict asked as the carriage pulled up outside Aubrey Hall.

“Sounds good” Anthony said, and the two men chattered as they made their way through the halls they had grown up in as they walked to Anthony’s study where the good Brandy and Whiskey were kept for a nightcap.

As it was now nearly 11, most of the staff would be in bed, both men had assumed their wives would chattering away in the drawing room, as they usually were when they planned on being out late.

But they hadn’t planned it this time, and when Anthony opened the door to his study and saw the figure of his wife sitting in his seat, a single candle lit, halfway burned down, the look of fury on his face, made more striking from the flickering light of the candle, he felt his blood turn to ice.

“Close the door” she said, her voice cold and her eyes glinting in a way that had even Benedict feeling a little fearful wondering what was going on and he pushed the door closed.

“K...Kate…” Anthony stammered “what’s wrong?” he asked, his stomach swirling with anxiety. Trying to wonder what was going on, the alcohol fogging his brain as he watched his wife get up from the seat and walk around the desk looking thunderous

“What’s wrong?” she said, venom in her voice as she glared at not him but his brother “what’s wrong? What time is it?” she asked her eyes narrowing on Benedict who felt his entire body shrink.

Now he understood what Anthony meant about his wife being terrifying when she was angry.

“Erm… erm… 11?” Benedict stammered out.

“Precisely…” Kate said “and nice to see you both coming home smelling like you’ve rolled around in an alley with stale beer” she said looking disgusted.

“We had a few drinks with the tenants… what is wrong with that?” Anthony asked his brow furrowed

“Under normal circumstances… nothing but remind me… Benedict what did you say to your wife before you left this morning?” she said turning to Benedict.

Benedict felt his stomach drop to his toes “er… I… I can’t… I don’t remember” he said blinking trying to rack his brains.

“Well let me remind you” Kate hissed, her voice dangerously low. “We’ll be back before dinner my love… I promise” she repeated

Benedict’s stomach churned and he felt sick. “Oh fuck” he said as the words hit him as he looked at Kate and then at Anthony.

“And I told you” she said pointing at her husband “that the nurse was taking the boys tonight. Did you not think with that tiny braincell of yours that it might be for a reason”?

“Kate… where is Soph… I need… I have to apologise to her” Benedict said

Kate shook her head “Don’t bother. She went to bed an hour ago, completely heartbroken. She had planned a nice romantic night for you both in your rooms, she never had a reason to doubt that you would break a promise to her… yet you did. You went out and got completely out of your fucking cups!!” she said, anger laced in her voices.

“She went to get Charlie and went to bed, desperately trying not to cry in front of me… do you have any idea what that’s like? Watching your best friends heart break in front of you because of her IDIOT husband!” she snapped at Benedict who shrunk down.

“God she’s going to hate me… I totally forgot… I said… I remember saying just one… but… but…”

“One turned into god knows how many!” Kate snapped

“At least Ten” Anthony said

“NOT HELPING” Kate snapped at her husband “and don’t think you’re getting away scot free here either!” she said looking at her husband furiously “he told you as well, you were there when he promised to be back for dinner!” she snapped

“But!?” Anthony stammered

“No buts!” she snapped “Both of you, get upstairs, I can’t even look at you right now… go and get a bath because you both reek! You smell like the fucking tavern.” she said to both men pointing at the door.

“But we…” Anthony said unable to help himself, but the look on his wife’s face caused him to stop in fear

“If you even say what I think you want to say, I am going to pour every single bottle of your brandy and whiskey in this estate into the fire” she hissed and both men turned on the heels flung the door open and ran from the room.

Benedict didn’t even look back at his brother as he ran in the direction of his room, hoping Sophie would be there, maybe she would be awake still, maybe she would let him apologise.

She was there but not in their bed, she was in the adjoining room, her beautiful face tear stained, and Benedict felt like the worst heel in the world as he saw her lying there, her arms around their son, who was sleeping peacefully in her arms, his little hand wrapped around her blonde curls.

If he woke Sophie, Charlie would wake and scream the house down and he would never get a chance to apologise.

With a resigned sigh, he placed a very gentle kiss to both his wife and son’s head, both of who’s noses twitched in an identical way which made his heart hurt even more and went to have the bath that was drawn.

As he moved into the room where his bath was drawn he saw the picnic blanket that was set out, some of the foods still out, the bottle of wine sat there, two glasses poured out untouched and his bath was set up staring at what he had missed, and he had never felt more ashamed of his actions.

He set about washing himself quickly, washing off the stench of beer from his skin in the lukewarm water, Sophie had obviously had the bath drawn for the two of them to share which again made him feel worse, before brushing his teeth, pulling on his sleep shirt, and crawling into the bed, the vast cavernous bed and had a fitful night sleep.

He never slept well without Sophie now, knowing she was mad at him and that was the reason she wasn’t in the bed with him, made his sleep even more disturbed, but that didn’t stop him sleeping past his wife.

When he woke the next morning, the bed next door was empty and the bed was made, the food and remnants of last night was packed away, the bath empty and no sign of his wife.

He had to apologise to her today. They never fought for long, they rarely fought, they weren’t Anthony and Kate. They talked; they didn’t go to bed mad… so last night was hard. He was tired, his head was pounding, and his mouth felt fluffy, but he had to find his wife to apologise.

He entered the breakfast room, Kate and a rather sorry looking Anthony were sat there, Edmund and Miles eating their breakfast, Charlie sat on Sophie’s lap, Sophie didn’t even look at the door when Benedict walked into the room.

Charlie let out a squeal of excitement at seeing his father but still Sophie didn’t react, and it hurt Benedict more than he thought. He walked over to them, wishing his brother, nephew’s, and sister-in-law a good morning, kissing his son on the top of the head and when he went to kiss Sophie as was traditional, when she was up first, she turned her head from him, meaning all he got was hair.

He was in a lot more trouble than he thought. “Soph…” he said.

Sophie just shook her head and stood up and turned her attention to Kate, ignoring her husband “I am going to take a walk around the grounds” she said settling Charlie on her hip.

“I’ll grab some toast and join you” Benedict said

Sophie just shook her head and looked at her husband for the first time, a coldness to her usual green eyes as she said, “No thank you” and walked from the room, leaving Benedict standing there, mouth open, his heart in his toes at the coldness of his wife’s manner and tone and the way she had just dismissed him

“She’s very hurt Benedict” Kate said as Benedict stared at the door contemplating following her. “Give her some time, the fresh air of the gardens should clear her head, she’ll listen at lunch” Kate said.

Benedict just nodded and sat down, staring at his food feeling ill, hoping that she was right, but he didn’t have much time to wallow as Miles chose that moment to throw some of his potatoes at his uncle.

Benedict tried to distract himself by painting that morning but the only images that would come to him, was his wife in the spare bed, the food, and the blanket in front of him as he bathed last night, the cold look on his wife’s face, a look he hadn’t seen since the day she punched Lady Penwood and it killed him.

He sat by the window and watched and waited for his wife to come back in for lunch, he eventually saw her a little before lunch was due to be served, walking back towards the house, wrapped up in a warm coat, a hat covering her beautiful curls, both her and their son red flushed cheeked looking so happy and peaceful and maybe he thought, maybe prepared to forgive him, so he got up and ran towards the door were Milton and Sophie’s maid where helping take her coat and gloves and hat from her.

“I’ll take Charlie upstairs to bed before I have lunch, he needs a nap after our walk” Sophie said to Poppy who smiled and bobbed a curtsey

“Very well Mrs B” she said with a smile taking her coat up the stairs

“Sophie!” Benedict said, wincing as he noticed Sophie freeze.

“What do you want?” she said, her voice still cold.

“I’ll help you with Charlie” he said, hoping that she would take the offered olive branch and let him help.

“I can manage” she said, not looking at him

“I know but I want to spend some time with my wife and son” he said.

Sophie detached the carrying and handed him Charlie, Benedict smiled thinking he was winning “You take him, he needs a nap. Your wife isn’t sure she wants to spend time with you yet” she said her voice cold as he took Charlie from her and his mouth fell open

“Soph… please” he said, his voice pleading.

“No Benedict. You promised. Promised… and I take them seriously which you do not seem to. So, no. I am not prepared to listen to you. I was awake when you came in. I could smell you. You decided getting drunk with your brother was more important than spending time with me your wife, so No… you can’t just pick and choose when it suits you” she said “so...no Benedict. Just no” she said as she turned around and walked off, she felt tears forming in her own eyes as she walked away, disappearing through a door in the opposite direction of the dining room.

Benedict was about take off after her, but Charlie started to cry.

Charlie didn’t like it when his parents fought, he had no idea what was going on, but he didn’t like it and he was tired and cranky from being outside with his mama all morning in the gardens with her singing to him.

Benedict sighed, he knew his son needed his nap and had to take him and then he needed to fix this. He needed to make it up to Sophie, he hated this. He had forgotten, but he had to admit it wasn’t the first time he had forgotten… and that was probably half of the battle.

He had forgotten when at My Cottage, Sophie had planned romantic nights like this as a break from his painting and he forgotten, he had gotten so engrossed in his paintings that he had forgotten and found Sophie either crying in their bed, or asleep on the blanket in their drawing room.

The last three times she had done something like this for him, he had forgotten… he had hurt her again and in front of their family this time…

He needed to make this right and he was going to need to help

“Kate!” Benedict said 45 minutes later bursting into the dining room, where Kate was sitting with the boys, Anthony in his study working on the ledgers. 

“Benedict?” Kate said looking up from wiping Miles’ face from the soup he managed to get everywhere.

“Soph is still refusing to talk to me” he said a little distraught.

“Do you blame her?” she asked raising a brow, looking at her brother-in-law, her brows raised “and before you answer, remember we tell each other everything… and I mean everything” Kate said

Benedict groaned and sunk to a chair “no, I don’t but I don’t do this on purpose!” he said running his hands into his hair.

Kate sighed “Edmund, can you take Miles upstairs and go see Mrs Johnson, Mama needs to help Uncle Ben clean up his mess with Aunt Sophie, then we can play this afternoon okay? And tomorrow afternoon Uncle Ben is going to take you and Miles out for Sweets okay?”

Edmund nodded in a way that reminded Benedict of Anthony and he took Miles’ and looked at his Uncle “Auntie Sopi isn’t going to go away is she?” he asked, the innocence in his voice as he looked at his uncle.

Benedict shook his head “No Neddy, I was just a bit of an idiot, like your papa sometimes is with your Mama… and your mama is going to help me make Aunt Sopi happy again okay?”

Edmund nodded “good, Auntie Sopi is the bestest!”

“We loves Auntie Sopi” Miles’ added with a toothy grin

“Me too trouble, go on upstairs and we can go out tomorrow okay?”

Both boys nodded and hurried out of the room as fast as their little legs would carry them and as the door shut Benedict sighed.

“God, I really fucked up if they’re asking if she’s going to go away!” Benedict groaned with a sigh.

Kate leaned over and put a hand on Benedict’s arm who was tugging his hair “they’re 5 and nearly 3 Ben, they don’t understand what is going on. We stopped arguing in front of the boys when Ned burst into tears one day when I walked out and went for a walk and Anthony thought I’d left as he couldn’t find me when I was sitting in the gardens” she said rolling her eyes.

“Anthony is nothing but over dramatic” Benedict said with a groan.

“Exactly… but back to you…” Kate said raising a brow.

“Yes I know… I don’t know what to do! She wouldn’t even let me go with her to put Charlie to bed, she just handed me him and walked off, I think she’s wandering around the guest wing…” he said with a sigh.

Kate shrugged “it’s her way of thinking, just to walk and think” Kate said. “After years of being trapped in that little room can’t really blame her can you?” she asked

Benedict groaned “no…”

“Ben I know it’s easy to forget about her past, to forget what Sophie went through but she can’t. It isn’t that easy, even now, she still worries about it all. Promises are sacred to her, don’t make them if you don’t think you’re going to keep them”  Kate said sternly

“I don’t mean to forget them Kate” Benedict said a little defensively. “It just got away from me last night…”

“And the times before that?” Kate asked her brow raised

“I get distracted easily, when I get engrossed I lose all sense of time” Benedict said

“But can you at least see it from Sophie’s point of view? You promise these things, and don’t show up… don’t follow through. She’s so used to disappointment, so used to be let down… I don’t know how many times she’s told me she thinks this is all some sort of dream that she’s going to wake up one day and still be in that stupid attic room that evil bitch kept her in…” Kate said, looking directly at Benedict.

Benedict swore and nodded “how do I fix this? Please Kate… I hate that she’s not talking to me. We never fight. We never don’t talk. I can’t take more of this, it’s only been a few hours and I miss her, I hate myself for forgetting…” he said

Kate nodded “I know you do, she knows that too, but it doesn’t mean she is going to make it easy for you” Kate said.

“I know that, she’s spent too much time with you” Benedict said “If it was going to be easy she would have spoken to me at breakfast” he said.

Kate nodded “okay, well you need to make it up to her… I assume you saw what she had planned for you last night?”

“The picnic blanket and the wine and the food?” he said nodding “I had to look at it whilst I bathed…” he said looking down at his plate.

“Yeah, that would be it… she was going to get them to clean it up but I’m guessing she left it to prove a point” Kate said with a little proud smile on her face.

Benedict gave his sister-in-law a pointed look “Stop being proud of her and help me!” he pleaded.

“God I swear, you Bridgerton boys share a braincell and Gregory owns it most days…” Kate said rolling her eyes.

Benedict opened his mouth looking offended.

“Oh, don’t be offended, you didn’t recognise Sophie for like 2 months. Anthony tried to tell me he wouldn’t fall in love with me, and Colin is still running away from his feelings, so don’t try and tell me you have brains!” Kate said as Benedict closed his mouth and let out a huff of indignation and opened his mouth again

“And yes I’ve heard your spiel before, I know why… but just think for a moment, what is it that you’ve forgotten, what is it that Sophie was trying to plan for you both” Kate added,

Benedict looked confused for a moment “erm… a picnic? Wine…?”

Kate rolled her eyes “Benedict I swear to God, I could strangle you. For someone who has the romantic love story in the family, you are as thick as Berbrooke when it comes to it…” she said slapping his arm, “she was trying to have a romantic evening, just the two of you… you didn’t exactly get a courtship, or the promenades or the walks in the park, she wanted a romantic evening just the two of you!” Kate said, “Honestly I get more sense from Miles!”

“Oh” Benedict said sheepishly “I never thought of that… usually we have some food and I just drag her off to bed”

“And she’s still married to you?” Kate said with a smirk on her face. 

“Buggar off” Benedict said

“Do you want my help or not?” Kate said

Benedict nodded

“Then take the criticism, Sophie and I tell each other everything… we have no secrets” she said with a wicked smirk.

Benedict groaned “I knew this would bite us in the arse one day” he said. “What do I do, how do I fix this?”

“Give her the romantic evening she wanted, not in the bedroom, take her somewhere else in the house, you know Poppy will help you prepare anything and take Charles for the night if needs be” Kate said “Anthony and I are to dine out tonight, so do something impromptu, unexpected and romantic for your wife” Kate said, slowly as if she was talking to her three-year-old son.

“But where?” Benedict said scratching his head,

“The Library?” Kate suggested

“Oh, good idea, If I get Poppy not to order dinner, and just tell Soph that I am in the art room, she’ll think I’ve gotten distracted again and I can be sat in there waiting, she will ask Poppy to bring some meats up to bed, along with Charlie and come get a book and then I can surprise her!” he said brightly as he stood up from his chair, a spring in his step.

“See! Romance!” Kate said with a sigh. She loved her husband’s family, but they were exhausting.

Benedict moved and hugged Kate “thank you” he said with a smile

“Just… don’t do it again. Otherwise, I will actually just kill you, and probably Anthony as well, me and Sophie can raise the three boys together” she said with a sweet smile on her face that Benedict, if hadn’t know better would have thought was meant as a joke but she was actually sure Kate meant it.

“It won’t, I promise” he said a little scared for his own safety as he added, “and I mean to keep this one” he said when Kate opened her mouth to say something and without another word he ran out of the room in search of Sophie’s trusty maid Poppy.

He found her pressing Sophie’s dresses for when the rest of the family arrived, she had had to order some new dresses as hers were a little tight around the breast area and didn’t want to fall out of them in front of his family. 

He explained what he wanted to do, what he needed Poppy to do and her help. Poppy nodded, she knew her Mistress and Mr Bridgerton rarely fought and if he was going through this effort to make it up to her, she was more than willing to help so she agreed and promised to play her part. Benedict thanked her and dashed off to the kitchens for the second part of his plan before ordering a bath, he still felt like he smelt a bit from last night and wanted to ensure he was fully clean and ready for his wife. 

He didn’t expect anything from her tonight, he just wanted to make things up to her.

After his bath, he dressed and made his way to the gardens to get some flowers, and then into the library to set it up, hoping she would come…

~*~

Sophie hated fighting with her husband, but she was hurt. 

Benedict was not a quiet man and she had heard him coming in the room, she hadn’t opened her eyes, she had been able to smell the beer on her husband and she had to fight the tears again as she lay there, not moving.

He had forgotten about her and had gotten drunk instead and it broke her heart.

She had woken up and seen her husband sprawled on the bed, he hadn’t tried to wake her up, he had seen the food as the bath was filled and his clothes were piled next to it… and it just made her feel worse.

She had kissed her son’s head and gone to breakfast and tried to pretend, tried to ignore the pain in her heart, in her stomach and her soul.

She hadn’t let her husband kiss her that morning as she knew she would cave, and she could smell him, she could smell that intoxicating warmth that anchored her, that kept her safe, but she didn’t want to give in. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to be upset, she wanted an apology.

She had walked around the gardens, around the estate with her son, singing songs to him, talking to him, telling him stories as he giggled against her chest until she knew it was closer to lunch time. 

She was still upset, but she had been prepared to listen to her husband until he had said he wanted to spend time with his wife and his son…

That had stung, did that mean he didn’t want to spend time with her last night. Was that why he had stayed out? She handed him their son and walked away again, she couldn’t, the pain in her heart was too much and she strode away, it didn’t matter that she was hungry. She could manage hunger, she had managed hunger before. She had managed everything perfectly well before Benedict.

She walked around the entire guest wing of Aubrey Hall, looking around all the rooms, spending the entire afternoon lost in her own thoughts, wondering if Benedict would come and find her. Wondering if she just stopped here, would any of them come looking for her… Kate would, Kate would come looking for her. Posy would if she was here but otherwise… she was almost sure she could sit here, and no one would find her until she wasted away to nothing.

The whole thing felt so familiar and painful, as memories of her childhood, of wandering through Penwood Park alone, pretending she had a family, pretending she had someone who loved her… pretending, raced through her memory. 

But she wasn’t pretending anymore… was she? She had a husband, who supposedly loved her, she had a son. She had the wider hips to prove that she had a son, the ring that was on her left hand proved she had a husband… but why did this hurt like it had when she was 11…

Wishing and praying for someone to find her and declare that they loved her, that they missed her and had been looking for her for hour. To take her back to her real family… but she was supposed be with her family now… she toyed with her ring, she thought of her son and let herself cry as she sat in the middle of the ballroom, much like she had as a child and wished… well she wished for someone to find her.

After a few hours and her stomach really starting to grumble, Sophie spotted a clock, it was nearly time for dinner, with a sigh, she made her way back to the private residence, figuring she was going to have to show her face for dinner but as she walked into the main house, it felt very quiet and Poppy came walking out of the kitchen’s, fresh linens in her hands for Charlie’s crib. “Oh, Mrs B, I’ve been looking for you”

“Sorry Poppy I was in the guest wing. Is everything okay? Is Charlie alright?”

“Yes Ma’am, he’s sleeping at the moment. Everything is fine but Lord and Lady Bridgerton have gone for dinner tonight at the Earl’s home, so dinner wasn’t ordered tonight” she said 

“Oh, has Mr Bridgerton not ordered anything?” Sophie asked with a frown, she had forgotten herself that Kate had said they were going over to George and Billie’s tonight, George wanted a hand with something and as they didn’t know Sophie and Benedict had travelled early with them, they weren’t invited, and Sophie and Benedict hadn’t wanted to impost.

“He’s been in his art room since he brought Charlie to the nursey…” Poppy said.

Sophie felt her stomach churn “Of course… never mind then, I’ll just, can you ask cook to make me a sandwich as I missed lunch, I’ll just get a book and retire for the night” Sophie said sadly, fighting back another set of tears that was coming on. She was so weepy at the moment, she wondered if she was getting close to her courses.

Poppy nodded and curtsied “I’ll have Charlie sorted for you Mrs B and sort something out for you” she said with a small smile on her face, having played her part beautifully.

Sophie felt sick and sad. Another night by herself, Benedict likely wasn’t going to surface tonight if he was painting, if he had forgotten to eat, then she knew he would be in there for the night, she should order him some food as well, but at that moment she didn’t feel exactly charitable towards her husband.

He had forgotten about her last night, he had forgotten to order them food tonight, he hadn’t bothered to come look for her, despite seeing where she had walked off to…

She felt hurt. She fought back tears as she made her way through the grand house.

The entire thing feeling far too familiar. This whole day felt like she had been pulled back to being a child, alone and forgotten as she wandered around a large estate, wishing for someone to find her. Someone to save her and to be her anchor… 

She fought back her tears, she refused to cry when the staff might see her, she was stronger than that. She would get her book, she would get into bed, then she could fall apart.

She contemplated not going to the library, but going to her husband, and shouting and screaming at him, but she just didn’t have the energy. She wasn’t one for shouting and screaming, she hated fighting with him, she hated being angry with him, but this was his mess.

He had caused this, she could be stubborn, he knew that. She wasn’t going to cave; he was the one who said he never wanted to go to bed angry with each other, but this was going to be the second night in a row…

She walked down the corridor to the library unaware of what was waiting for her, she didn’t even pay attention to the fact the door was partly open as she pushed it open and stepped in.

Her heart stopping as she walked in the room.

Benedict standing in front of her, having heard the click of her shoes as she walked down the corridor towards him.

The fire was roaring, there was a blanket set on the floor, a basket on the floor next to it, a bottle of wine, two glasses and a record player sitting next to it as Benedict stood facing the door looking sheepish at his wife, a bouquet of winter wildflowers in his hand.

“What’s going on?” Sophie asked, as she found her voice after they stared at each other for a few moments.

“A long overdue apology” Benedict said as he walked towards Sophie, who took a step towards her husband, pushing the door with her hand, as she walked forward and crossing her hands over her chest.

“I am sorry Soph… I am a world class idiot for forgetting my promise to you last night, for not coming to look for you today but I wanted to make it up to you, if you will let me…” he said gesturing towards the rug and the fire.

Sophie blinked and looked at it. “Benedict…” she said softly, the softest he had heard her voice all day and he grasped at the straw and took another step forward.

“I am an idiot Soph. I am sorry. I have the worst memory and I know I get engrossed in my art, in whatever I am doing, and I forget about you and it kills me that you’ve been alone all day, that you thought I’d just… abandoned you last night” he said as he approached her slowly.

“You are my world, and you consume my heart and it’s a crime that I forget a promise to my wife, to the other half of my soul…” he said softly, stopping in front of her, dropping to his knees, so she had to look down at him.

He had to get his words out, he had to say this, get his apology out, beg his wife for forgiveness, “I love you Sophie. I love you and our son more than anything I ever thought possible, and I get so lost in things because I want to give you everything, I want to provide for you, but I forget that sometimes, all you want… all you need is me”

“All I ever want is you” Sophie said, tears in her eyes “that’s why it hurts when you forget… it’s… it’s like when I was a child. Forgotten about” she said so quietly that it broke Benedict’s hear.

“Oh Soph… oh my love it is never like that, it will never be like that” he said

Sophie snorted “Ben it was like that today. I’ve been wandering around a huge country home, alone, wondering if I just stopped there would someone come and find me? Would anyone even care…? It was like I’d been transported back to being 10 wandering around Penwood Park, pretending I had a family, pretending I was anything other than who I was… and it felt like that all over again” she said, a traitorous tear falling down her cheek.

Benedict put the flowers on the table next to them and pulled his wife into his arms, she didn’t fight him, but she didn’t melt into him like she used to. “Oh, my love… if I had known…” he said as he wiped her cheek with his thumb

“I will always come back to you, I will always come find you. I would always care… I wanted to come finds you, but I also wanted to make it up to you. I thought this… everything that you had tried to surprise me with last night would help but I realise I should have come after you first… then done this but Soph… I promise, this is all real. I love you; you have my heart; you are my everything and if you need a reminder then you need to remember the words engraved on the inside of your wedding ring” he said softly as he stroked her hair and her cheek.

Sophie sniffled.

“What does it say?” he said to her, running his thumb over her ring.

“I’ll be your anchor” she said quietly.

“Exactly. Soph, you’re my home, my heart, just… occasionally I am not in possession of what Kate is calling the Bridgerton Braincell” he said with a self-deprecating smile.

Sophie giggled, she and Kate had talked about it. “No, I don’t think you are” Sophie said with a watery smile.

“Are you alright?” he asked her, gazing down at his wife, her green eyes a little red around the rim but sparkling a little more now.

Sophie gave a weak nod of her head and a sniffle “yes and thank you for this…” she said gesturing her head towards it. “I was getting very upset walking here; Poppy had told me you were in your art room…”

“I know, I asked her too” Benedict grinned at her “she was in on it, she’s looking after Charlie for us tonight, so I can spend some time with my wife, and give her the romantic night she deserves, and I got cook to prepare all your favourites” he said, “if you will let me escort you to the rug as it will be more comfortable for us both?” he asked.

Sophie got up and nodded, Benedict took her arm and walked her to the rug, Sophie spotting all her favourite treats in the basket, their favourite wine open, one of her favourite books by Byron on the side and as Benedict put the music box on, she noticed it was her favourite music echoing through the room as they settled down on the rug.

Benedict pulled her closer to him, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her head “I love you” he said softly.

“I love you too. Even when you are a massive idiot” she said with a small smirk.

Benedict chuckled “well I am glad you love me even then” he said.

Sophie turned around and leaned up and kissed him softly saying “for better or for worse” she said repeating their words as she let her lips move with his.

“Til death do us part” he grinned “though even then I do not wish to part from you” he said holding her close, vowing that next time Sophie made him promise anything, he would drop everything and he wouldn’t even go to his art or get distracted… Sophie was his world and he vowed on the day they legally became man and wife that he would do everything he could to make her happy and he vowed there again, as he read to her, as they talked and ate, and she fell asleep against him there in the library at Aubrey Hall, almost like he was renewing his wedding vow, that he would never be the reason his wife cried again.