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They’d met in a stuffy mass of loud, sweaty people, the booming bass in his ears, a friend introducing him to a dozen people he didn’t plan on speaking to ever again. A noisy, raucous bar. Ranboo can’t even recall the first words they exchanged, lost in a haze of strobe lights, color, and alcohol, but he does remember earlier that day, slugging around his messy apartment, trying to avoid going out that night. how different things would be if he hadn’t gone out, if he had never met him. If he had never crossed paths that fateful night, how dark his world would be without him. Then warmth swirls in his chest, and something tells him it would be exactly the same. Different night, same person, his person.
Somehow, they would have found each other.
He was just leaving the bar, grateful that a free taxi pulled up in time. A voice called his name and he turned, his head spinning from the alcohol.
“Hey, Ranboo, right?” Tubbo had called after him, in that soft British accent of his. “Do you mind if I hop in?”
Ranboo could barely remember Tubbo from their brief interaction during the night, but he said, “Yeah, of course,” and nodded, sliding into the leftmost seat and holding the door open for him. The brunette had seemed nice enough, but Ranboo hadn’t really wanted to talk to anyone, and certainly not someone he barely knew. The night had been long, too long, and any attempts at small talk would only push his brain past its capacity.
“Where to?”
“The place on Cornelia Street,” Ranboo murmured. Tubbo told the taxi driver his respective address, and they sped away from the downtown district to head into the crappy college apartments on the other side of town.
An awkward atmosphere settled over the car, that feeling of dancing around a person one didn’t quite know, but Tubbo just smiled with gratitude and grace. Ranboo couldn’t help but notice what a wonderful smile it was, all dimple-y and soft edges, bright and aglow, even in the dim light of tinted windows.
“Thank you, really. Been waiting for a taxi, and I’ve just really wanted to get out of there all night. Not, uh, not really my environment.” Those eyebrows shot up occasionally in an animated way that made Ranboo want to trace over them with his fingers, memorize them.
“Yeah, me neither. I’m exhausted, honestly,” he said, sighing, pushing the intrusive thoughts out of his mind. The two fell into a comfortable silence, something Ranboo rarely experienced with others, and they stared out at opposite ends of the same streets together. The car skidded and took an abrupt right, sending a drowsy, unbuckled Tubbo crashing into his side. The driver mumbled an apology as Tubbo began to ramble.
“Oh, jeez! Sorry, physics and gravity and shit.” Tubbo began to move away before Ranboo wrapped an arm around his shoulder, effectively stopping his shifting. Tubbo looked up with those big gray doe eyes, blinking. He avoided his innocent gaze, even though he didn’t want to. The sight of those eyes just took him aback.
Who knew gray could be such a warm color?
“It’s fine,” he murmured, his mind distant and foggy, the bittersweet taste of vodka diet coke lingering in his mouth. This wasn’t him, this wasn’t his brand, he knew that, but something about the boy with the pretty smile took all that away, left him with a blank slate to start anew.
Neon billboards shined from the corner of his eye. He hesitantly looked back at Tubbo to ask, “Is this alright?”
Tubbo rested his head on the side of Ranboo’s chest, so warm and close, leaning into Ranboo’s side. His voice came out muffled and quiet. “Yeah, I think so.”
They spent the rest of the car ride like that.
Tubbo’s breathing deepened, and Ranboo shut his eyes, his hand moving to stroke the crown of Tubbo’s head. They stayed silent, soaking up each other’s tender touch along with the low rumble of the car engine. Dim light shone in from the bright shop signs and the creaky streetlights, leading them home. The driver was silent, and Ranboo occasionally opened his eyes to steal glances at the boy in his arms.
But it all came too soon.
The familiar landmarks began to inundate his blurry eyesight. He knew his place was close, just a couple minutes away, and eventually he would have to break away from the drowsy, warm tangle of limbs he found himself in. Still, he didn’t want to speak, even if he did.
He leaned down to murmur, resisting the urge to kiss the soft skin of his forehead. “Tubbo… we’re almost at my place.”
Tubbo seemed to understand what that meant, tensing up slightly before beginning to move away. He quickly unwrapped his arms from where they had ended up around Ranboo’s waist as he mumbled, “Oh, okay.”
Ranboo’s heart defied his mind, ordering his own limbs stay put. Tubbo looked up at him, confused.
“If you want,” he started, “You don’t have to move.” Gently, he tucked a strand of brown hair behind the smaller’s quickly reddening ear.
“I… I don’t want to move,” he whispered.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Instead of hugging Ranboo’s waist, Tubbo placed his hand on Ranboo’s thigh. Ranboo lay his free hand over Tubbo’s, absentmindedly running his thumb over the back of Tubbo’s hand. Fingers brushed against skin, leaving only heat in their trace. There was a burning in his chest that he couldn’t attribute to alcohol.
The driver pulled up to Ranboo’s building. He paid. It was only at the last moment that they let go of their embrace, the warmth disappearing into thin air. His heart longed for five more minutes with the boy, just to hold him in his arms. His heart asked how it would feel to belong to someone.
They stepped out into the humid city air as Tubbo asked the driver to wait for him. Tubbo smiled, his glances fleeting and nervous. “Um, can I have your number?” he asked.
“Yeah, of course.” He smiled, eternally glad Tubbo had asked. His hands fumbled to unlock and hand his phone to Tubbo.
As Tubbo made a new contact, words began to spill out of Ranboo. “Did, uh—did you want to come upstairs? Just to hang out,” he quickly added. He had no idea why he was asking in the first place. “I know it’s pretty late, but…”
But I don’t want you to leave, his mind finished.
“But?” Tubbo asked, handing him back his phone.
What should he say?
He fidgeted with his phone, averting Tubbo’s gaze and searching for the right answer in his mind but finding only empty space. Somehow it felt like for the first time in so long, surrounded by the muggy polluted air and the raucous, distant car noises that he could finally breathe. Air: beautiful, fresh, and crystal clear.
And this feeling—he couldn’t describe what it was, but he knew it was something freeing, something full of longing, like summertime strawberries and hot tea on cold nights, like autumn leaves crunching under his feet, like the flowers of first springs—and oh, that’s what it was: flowers. Something so beautiful he felt he couldn’t live another moment without the sensation blossoming in his chest.
How could he put that into words?
Ranboo stopped smiling. He placed his phone back into his pocket and took in a deep breath, trying to find some semblance of courage within him. He breathed out slowly before taking Tubbo’s hand in his own, making gentle eye contact.
Slowly, he placed a soft kiss on his knuckles.
“But I feel like there’s something here.”
They stood on the sidewalk at 2 am and felt the cosmos shift.
Tubbo broke the silence, scoffing and smiling up at him, straight in the eyes.
“My god, you are a fucking charmer.”
Ranboo laughed, knowing full well it wasn’t the whole truth. “Well, it’s not just that, I guess. You made me… sleepy. Which is weird, because I can’t ever fall asleep. It’s not something that happens. I’m just—comfortable with you, I guess. ”
They were both silent for a moment, the only sounds the soft sputtering of the taxi engine and old water droplets dripping down the drains. Tubbo smiled, laughed a little and kept staring at him in the eyes, almost as if to try and decipher him.
Ranboo had always felt taken aback by true, transparent eye contact. It felt like others were reaching into his soul and tearing him apart from the inside out, like they were ripping out a piece of something they didn’t deserve. He didn’t like that; he was vulnerable to somebody’s whims and fancies, without any control over himself. And all that for one moment of eye contact, just one, that felt like it could take everything from him.
But Tubbo didn’t rip out Ranboo’s soul, or shred his limbs, or prod at his brain, or even take a peek at anything that wasn’t meant for him. All Tubbo had done was reach into Ranboo’s chest, and in his hands, he held Ranboo’s heart.
Ranboo looked up to the stars.
Don’t break it, he prayed.
He looked at the ground and spoke, mindlessly cracking a joke to distract himself.
“And besides, I am very well known for being a charmer,” he said, overly serious and sarcastic, and Tubbo laughed. It was a wonderful sound.
“Difficulty sleeping? Are you troubled? Better not turn out to be a serial killer,” Tubbo murmured as he waved the taxi driver off.
He studied Tubbo’s features before looking down, stuffing his hands in his pockets and laughing quietly. “Yeah, I mean, you would probably die, so.”
“Eh, it’s not really about that,” Tubbo said, walking towards the entrance of the apartment. Ranboo instinctively followed, mesmerized. “It just would be a shame, because…” Tubbo turned to look at Ranboo, his lips parted, surprised to see him so close. He blinked and continued.
“I’ve just always wanted to have something with someone.”
Ranboo reached out and hesitated, his eyes flicking up to meet Tubbo's as though he were asking for permission. When Tubbo nodded, he gently placed his hands on Tubbo's waist. Tubbo made a little noise of surprise but didn’t protest, only placing his hands on Ranboo’s hips in return.
Slowly, lips found their way to lips. Tubbo kissed back, threading his fingers in Ranboo’s hair. They kissed, tender and gentle and passionate and all-consuming. Hesitantly they pulled apart, breathless and alive. They stared at each other for a moment, eyes flitting back and forth before Ranboo stumbled back, immediately releasing Tubbo and rubbing the back of his head where Tubbo had mussed with his hair.
“Sorry,” Ranboo apologized. “I’m really sorry. That wasn’t the most polite thing to do, was it?” He chuckled nervously, kicking at a stray pebble on the concrete and avoiding Tubbo's eyes.
“No, it wasn’t,” Tubbo agreed before placing his hands on Ranboo’s hips, pulling him close enough to whisper, the heat of his breath hot on Ranboo’s skin as he continued.
“But I liked it.”
Tubbo broke away, giggling at Ranboo’s flustered expression and took his hand. the funny feeling in Ranboo’s chest magnified by a thousand times, filling him with a beautifully dizzying sensation, one that stripped away all rational thought, leaving him only with…
“Let’s head inside, shall we?”
He stared at the beautiful boy in front of him and nodded, his heart drunk on something far stronger than the drinks in the bar.