Chapter Text
~~ Abstract ~~
Baekhyun traces the roundness of his cheeks, the sharpness of his jawline, the puffiness of his eyes. By not really touching it, just a ghost of a touch. Too scared of Chanyeol’s even breathing to disrupt. Too scared that the other will wake up. Too scared of the questions that will be on his tongue. The hope that will shine on in his eyes.
Baekhyun is not scared of many things. But love is what he is terrified of.
Love once broke him to the core. And no matter how long it has been, no matter how much he has moved on in life. There is a part of him that is still standing at that point in life. A constant reminder of pain, like an albatross, hung around his neck. Dragging him down with his weight, the constant feeling of being chained never leaves him.
“I do love you”, he whispers or maybe he just whispered it inside his head, too scared for those words to be out in the open.
“But I am incapable of being in love. Because last time nearly ruined me. I am still dealing with the aftereffects of the previous heartbreak. And no matter how much I tell my heart you are not him. The moment you show me love, all I can see is HIM and his betrayal.”
A lone teardrop falls right on Baekhyun’s cold palm, only a hair away from Chanyeol’s cheek.
Worried that if he stayed anymore, he wouldn’t be able to control the sobs that are fighting to come out. The reason for them being unexplainable by Baekhyun if the other wakes up. Baekhyun quickly leaves the guest room. Leaving behind a part of him with the taller who is sleeping with a twin heartache. The only difference, the reason for Chanyeol’s heartache is Baekhyun’s cowardice to accept the true love that Chanyeol gives him.
‘This is for the better', the words sound unconvincing even to his own ears but Baekhyun gives it no head. He knows if he stopped and actually listened to his inner voice, he will be rushing back to that room. To the man, he has left sleeping lone and cold. To the man who loves him unconditionally and is unaware that Baekhyun does too. So Baekhyun does the only thing he has trained himself to do and feels what he has conditioned himself to feel over the years.
Baekhyun pretends he can't hear his inner self. He pretends that his heart isn’t aching for the other. He pretends the wetness of his eyes isn’t there. He pretends to be just a shell. And goes back to his room. To sleep in his cold, uninviting bed that embraces him like a vile serpent ready to choke him to death.
tbc.