Archive of Our Own ^beta

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r/AmITheAsshole

Posted by u/DokkanNS

AITA for deleting a certain idiot’s Twitter account after he called me a scrunkly scrimblo?

I, DokkanNS, (17M) have known this person - who I’ll call Not-My-Friend - since we were toddlers. Not-My-Friend (also 17M) has always been an idiot in my standards, but I’ve consistently tried to tolerate him. We’re stuck together, I have no other choice, duh. Lately, he’s gotten more access to socmed tho, and I just let him be at first because what could possibly go wrong?

Anyway, fast-forward to two weeks after he created a twitter account. I was on my way to club when I saw him with two idiot twins who I’ll called Piece-of-shit 1 and Piece-of-shit 2. I won’t elaborate on it further but being with Piece-of-shit 1 & 2 is never a good thing. And so I followed them to the twins dormitory and there I saw them making fucking deez nuts and ligma jokes like that’s the best form of humor they could come up with. My disappointment was unreal.

Naturally, I scolded Not-My-Friend the moment he arrived home. He promised to never use those words again, and I held onto his promise because he never goes against them, unlike myself. But then, 3 weeks later, when I went to his class to hand over some papers he’d forgotten, I saw him hugging harassing their teacher’s cat while saying “my little meow meow didn’t do anything wrong he may have killed some people but that’s all in the past” and i just went?????how did he fit that into an actual real-life conversation.

It was around that time I began to realize how deep Not-My-Friend had gotten into internet lingo. He’s at the stage where he will try to make an Amogus reference whenever he sees a red trashcan or the letter A. His humor, his vocabulary, as limited as it already had been, has taken a turn for the worst.

And then. I saw it. He called his classmate - who I’ll call Dunce - “my spoingle my little onglydoople silver 💗💗” like, what the fuck even is that? And why was he being so needlessly affectionate?

That night I confiscated all his gadgets and reprimanded him for breaking his promise. He was crying as I did that, but no, this was for his own good, I won’t let him walk that kind of path and dishonor himself even more because it’s my job, not like I care who he calls his little onglydoople

I was shocked when he talked back though. “I can’t believe you DokkanNS!” he told me. “And to think….to think I thought you were…you were…”

That was when he called me that.

“I thought you were a scrunkly scrimblo….a little…spoingle…maybe even a mipy….” he said. like, what the fuck????? Even little onglydoople sounded more cute and endearing than that.

I flipped. I deleted his Twitter accounts, I uninstalled that stupid bird app, and I erased every trace of twitter lingo in his goddamn phone.

“I…I trusted you, DokkanNS!! I thought we were best friends, I thought you said you’d be the only one who would never betray me…” Not-My-Friend said, finally, in coherent language, before he went back to his room and cried for god knows how long. I’ve already tried to make him come down for dinner, but he won’t talk to me anymore.

So, tell me, AITA? I’m open for criticism, if he doesn’t eat anything, I’m screwed

Update: He went down when I pretended to fall asleep on the lounge sofa. He ate for a bit and left after draping a blanket over me.

Update: No I’m not jealous of Dunce and I am not gay

Update: good god he just installed tumblr

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r/AmITheAsshole

Posted by u/DokkanNS

AITA if I left my dorm because everyone here is being annoying?

Hello, DokkanNS here. Again. You all had a lot of questions on my last post - some of which I don’t even want to answer because fuck you - but guess what, I’ve returned, with an entirely new struggle that’s connected to the previous one but is far more WORSE.

This happened a week after my fight with Not-My-Friend. We still haven’t talked, and he’s obviously avoiding me… I find this weird, of course, because we usually just avoid addressing our problems and force ourselves to stick to the status quo (it’s kind of like, our thing), but…he’s acting this way because I deleted his Twitter? Seriously?

I was advised to…not blow up on him just because I disagreed with how he behaved. As such, I didn’t say anything when he installed Tumblr, and I didnt protest when he started using Discord either. Still…I feel like I’m slowly getting less involved with his life, and while that doesn’t particularly bother me….it’s bothering me I just feel like I should continue to supervise him. Just not as intensely as before.

Anyway, moving on, our fellow dorm students have apparently caught wind of our issue. And so - as payback, apparently - they’ve taken it upon themselves to be as annoying as possible at every given moment.

For instance, No-Eyes B began…using tone indicators. In real life. And I get that it’s useful on social media but must he end every sentence he speaks with slash j slash srs??????? Why can’t I be surrounded by normal people for once?

He approached me just the other day, inquiring about the menu for that day’s banquet, and he kept going, “DokkanNS-vice dormhead how much potatoes are we gonna buy? slash gen. DokkanNS-vice dormhead should I buy dates along with that? slash j. hehe” with a straight face, and I just…stared at him with look of someone who just can’t anymore.

And that’s not even the worst part. No-Eyes A had been working on something since the day he first saw Not-My-Friend walk out on me, and today he finally decided to reveal it. I won’t send it here for the sake of my own sanity because that would reveal my identity, but it was a photograph of me. YASSIFIED.

He deadass told me he clicked this “slay” button, and oh boy did I want to sLAY HIM. I get that they aren’t exactly in good terms with me, but this is just outright bullying.

So AITA if I leave the dorm temporarily? To get away from all this… Everything will probably get worse without me watching over them but asgfsahsjskajgdjans

Update: I decided to leave. I heard Piece-of-shit 1 from the Shittiest dorm also did something similar, so… yeah. I suppose this will be okay. Maybe I’ll try to go to LitAF-senpai’s dorm, I’ve always been interested in their technology anyway

Update: I packed my bags and went to Not-My-Friend’s room before I left. He was sitting on the side of his bed, with his back turned to me. I think he knows what I intend to do.

As per the advice you all gave on my previous post, I apologized for calling him out on his cringiness. But I added that I just can’t handle the way things are in our dorm, and that I’m going to leave temporarily for the sake of my peace of mind, and so I can avoid ousting him again because wtf is this leadership Not-My-Friend

He turned to me quietly, a sad smile on his face.

“I understand, DokkanNS,” he said. “I wish you all the best, and I hope this fight of ours won’t last long, too. Still, despite everything, please know that…”

…

“…I’m never gonna give you up. I’m never gonna let you down. I’m never gonna run around and-”

I deserted him. He’s a lost cause.

[yassified jamil:]

[yassified jamil, christmas version:]

[faceapp is a curse.]

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r/instant_regret

Posted by u/DokkanNS

here to escape from my dorm's cringefest

[Description: The attached photo is of Ignihyde Dorm, though it might not be viewable as of now.]

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r/AmITheAsshole 

Posted by u/DokkanNS

AITA if I killed a god?

The title sounds extreme, I know. But I’m not exaggerating. I am serious about this. Never in my life have I had such an intense desire to outright off someone. Usually I’d just hypnotize them and destroy the populace’s opinion about them and gaslight them into thinking it’s really their fault until I can drive them away but the prospect of something as heinous as murder has never ever crossed my mind…until now.

This is DokkanNS, and this is my third r/AITA post about my struggles. All because of cringe-ass motherfuckers. I fucking hate my life.

Okay, so, the last time you guys heard from me, I was leaving my dorm, yes? And I was heading to LitAF-senpai’s dorm. I’d planned to stay there for a while until the sitch at Snakepit dies down.

LitAF-senpai and I are chill with each other, generally, although we aren’t that close. We’ve danced together, we’ve done the Moe Moe Kyun-Kyun ☆ together once (It was during that time he tried to get me into Gakemo), but today I can’t help but feel betrayed.

Apparently he found out about all that’s happened to me so far because - also apparently - his younger brother Kerosene regularly looks stuff up on Reddit for God knows what. He found out about what happened, thought it was funny, and in an uncharacteristic moment that he will surely regret in the years to come…he told me a joke that is essentially the evolved version of DEEZ. FUCKING. NUTZ.

The conversation went like this:

“hehehehe DokkanNS-shi, since you’ve come to the Fire Nation, surely you must know Ensemble Stars.”

“what.”

“and you must know rei sakuma, yea?”

“rei sakuma-”

“yes, sakuma. sAKUMA DI–”

SEE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY RAGE NOW.

THAT WAS WORSE THAN A DEEZ NUTS OR LIGMA JOKE.

YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE AN INSIDE JOKE TO SOMEONE WHO ISNT PART OF THE FANDOM YOU’RE JUST EMBARRASSING YOURSELF. (Jamil's personal opinion)

Like hell would I know who Rei Sakuma is?! Like hell would I su---AGSFAGSGSGS at this point I don't even know why I vent in this site I don't even know why I'm talking about this here. I SURE AS HELL KNOW IM NOT THE ASSHOLE THIS TIME AROUND. you guys don't even give me good advice anymore most of you just make fun of me. ALSO KEROSENE BETTER FUCKING STOP ME BEFORE I STRANGLE HIS BROTHER. WITH MY BRAIDS.

I’M ONLY STAYING HERE FOR ONE NIGHT. Tomorrow I’ll sleep in the cafeteria if I have to! Or I’ll hijack Ramshackle-and-Roll Dorm! If I see LitAF-senpai one more time I don’t know what I might do. 

Update: I’ve calmed down a bit now, and I acknowledge I might have been…over-the-top earlier. I’ve been bombarded by such people for these past few weeks, though, you can’t blame me for losing my shit. If I was a more unstable person this would happen more often.

Guh, I hope things won’t worsen tomorrow… I can’t take this anymore… Screw asking "AITA" I'm not the asshole anymore, I'm the victim.

Update: I received a message from Not-My-Friend earlier. It contained one single photo.

[Description: The attached photo is of a scrunkly Jamil nui, with the caption "awww the scrunkly 🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺double tap now if you'd scrunkly the when 😆," alongside a typed message of "I miss you :((( -Dj Khalim." As funny as that is, however, the photo might not be viewable because what the fuck, AO3.] 

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r/AskNRC

Posted by u/DokkanNS

I think our unofficial school therapist has finally lost their mind. Can someone please check in on them?

For context, I’ll have to begrudgingly leave the link to my previous r/AITA posts here: [1_2_3]. And yes, this is DokkanNS again, and while this is still slightly connected to my current problem, I’m mainly posting this out of genuine concern for Therapissed.

I left the Fire Nation early this morning, went through classes as usual—LitAF-senpai was now hiding in shame, Kerosene was trying to apologize to me at school, and Not-My-Friend was still avoiding me despite spamming my inbox—and I was about to set up camp in front of Ramshackle-and-Roll dorm that night when Therapissed saw me and screeched like a pterodactyl.

They soon invited me inside after they’d calmed down a bit, and they asked me what was wrong. Typical Therapissed behavior.

I explained bits of what happened: what went on at Fire Nation, the uprising at my dorm (that WASN’T started by me, this time), and finally the awkward situation between me and Not-My-Friend.

“Aren’t the two of you....always awkward?” Therapissed quipped. I think their Shitcat’s personality is rubbing off on them.

Anyway, I elaborated about it even further… Not-My-Friend’s obsession with socmed, the deez nuts jokes with the Piece-of-shit twins, the…disgusting onglydoople shenanigans with Dunce, and finally…

“He called me his scrunkly little scrimblo,” I told Therapissed. “Maybe even a spoingle…or a mipy.”

That was when things started to get weirder, actually. Even weirder than all these cringe-ass stuff that’s been consistently happening around me lately.

You see, when Therapissed heard what I said, they gave me a look of horror. They paled, they looked like they were about to faint any second now. I tried to call the ghosts for help, maybe call the ever-responsible Birdman, but Therapissed stopped me.

“He…he called you his scrunkly…scrunkly little scrimblo?” they asked. I nodded. “And a spoingle? And a mipy?” I continued to give them a confused nod. I thought maybe they'd finally gone crazy because they only eat cup noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Suddenly, Therapissed rose from their couch and said with a grave face, “So it has begun.”

And naturally, I was like what-the-fuck? when they suddenly pulled me by the arm and dragged me towards the door. When we finally got out, Therapissed then proceeded to throw my stuff outside (gently, if i may add, they’re probably afraid i’d overblot because of the utter ridiculousness of this all), and they closed the door on me…and locked me out.

As you’d expect, my reaction wasn't pretty. Therapissed could only reply with “I’m sorry DokkanNS!” as they sobbed.

“I don’t want to get dragged into this! I have…I have too much at stake!” they added, and I heard them add even more locks to the door. “I don’t want to be forced to… Not anymore…”

It was then that I felt guilty for all the times we’d dragged Therapissed into solving our problems---you shouldn’t really leave those things up to another teenager, Birdman---and I was about to apologize (for all that's happened, for all that will happen) but then they suddenly went on...

“I don’t want Justin Bieber’s songs to play on loop! He will…he will play them on loop if I help! So I can't help you anymore!!!”

I was dumbfounded. I just stared at the Ramshackle-and-Roll door and wondered if I should commit arson or something. But I’ve committed enough atrocities, so I restrained myself.

All I could do was screech “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?! WHO IS HE?!”

“JUST REMEMBER: BEWARE OF THOSE RED EYES!” was their sole reply.

And then the dorm fell silent. I resumed to setting camp outside to cope.

Edit: Disregard the fact that I still refuse to return to my dorm and please check in on Therapissed if you can and give me some food, too. I’ve already texted Asdfghjkl but I’m still a bit worried..

I’m exhausted today. I’ll think of their warning after I sleep it off.

Edit: No fucking way am I getting any sleep

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r/FellasIsItGay

Posted by u/DokkanNS

Fellas, is it gay if I miss him just a bit?
if i miss the sight of his smile,
the sound of his voice,
the way he drives me crazy even as i'm away;
though i'm only admitting it now
because i'm sleeping in a makeshift tent
in front of a haunted house.

Fellas, is it gay if wished I was with him now?
just someplace else
away from everyone else
where his smiles are mine and mine alone
and we aren't anywhere near these chains that bind us;
i just wish he was with me
and we'd be free to go anywhere.
anywhere that isn't a makeshift tent
in front of a haunted house.

Fellas, would it be arrogant of me to wish that i'd have treated him better?
that i'd seen past his facade a little earlier
that i'd noticed the melancholy behind his sweet smile
that i'd taken the chance to make every moment with him worthwhile;
i wish i'd have cupped his face with my hands
when i had the chance 
so then i'd kiss all his tears away,
and he'd do the same to me,
and i would cry because the person who genuinely cherished
and treasured me more than anyone else
was right beside me all along.

if only i'd communicated,
if only i didn't believe
what everyone else led me to believe;
maybe then, the two of us would be okay
maybe then, i wouldn't be in a shitty makeshift tent
in front of a haunted house.

Oh, is it too late to make things right?
I don't want to be apart from him anymore
I don't want to be in a makeshift tent 
in front of a haunted house...
not anymore...

Chapter Text

r/FellasIsItGay

Posted by u/DokkanNS

[This post has been deleted.]

Chapter Text

r/TodayIFuckedUp 

Posted by u/DokkanNS

Hello, I go by the username DokkanNS, and I don’t know how exactly this came to be, but today I fucked up. How so? Well…let me just say that the spirit of Christmas has taken over our school’s most spiteful student (maybe because of me?), and now I’m on the run from this chaos alongside a certain prideful, headache-inducing mancub.

You might be confused by the absurdity of all this; you might even think it isn’t necessarily bad for someone as spiteful as Octoshit (bane of my fucking existence) to be overcome by the Christmas spirit. After all, wouldn’t it be heartwarming to see the fish avatar of greed being all charitable without any of his signature ulterior motives? jk he’s awful either way It’d be easy to think that that’s what took place, right? Hah, if that really were the case, then you’re terribly mistaken. What happened was beyond any sane person’s imagination.

It all started earlier at 3 AM, when one of my basketball colleagues–Asdfghjkl–woke me up by shoving a strawberry tart into my mouth. That got me panicking, naturally, and my first instinct was to delete a poem I had no idea I’d written and posted on Reddit, as well as slap Asdfghjkl’s face using my phone. And yeah, he…had a lot of complaints after that…

Disregarding his bruise, Asdfghjkl afterwards asked for clarifications about what happened, even though the details as to why I was sleeping in a makeshift tent in front of a haunted house were already obvious in this post, which I knew he’d read.

He also asked about why I still haven’t made up with a certain Not-My-Friend–an issue that isn’t any of his business–but I successfully diverted the subject by pointing out that Doraemon (Asdfghjkl’s heterosexual life partner) was struggling because of their friend, Therapissed.

“Why are you self-quarantining for Justin Bieber reasons?!” I heard Doraemon scream, all while Asdfghjkl grumbled about missing out on Red Menace-senpai’s twitter live as he approached to help anyway. I left them shortly after.

Despite my aversion from the topic, however, I figured that Asdfghjkl was slightly right and that I did need to have a more decent talk with Not-My-Friend. Especially if I considering Therapissed’s warning…

Oh right, for context. as this is another subreddit Let me just…[links: 1_2_3_4]. There. Backread there. If not, good riddance, piss off, ciao.

Anyway, fastforward, I decided I’d meet up with Not-My-Friend. By “meet up,” by the way, I mean I planned to ambush him somewhere in school. He’s avoiding me, after all, so I can’t meet him thru normal means. Hence, I tailed him after classes, and I soon found him entering…the Shittiest dorm. And regardless of whether or not you’ve read my previous posts, let me tell you–going to the Shittiest dorm is a terrible idea. What was he doing here again?

I begrudgingly infiltrated the fish mafia’s lair, following Not-My-Friend as closely as possible. Eventually, we found ourselves in the Shittiest lounge, where my dormhead soon began conversing with the Shittiest trio: Piece-of-shit 1, Piece-of-shit 2, and…Octoshit.

They talked for quite some time. I couldn’t make out all of it, but their exchange basically went like this–

“What’s your wish, Not-My-Friend-san?”

“My wish…? How about you, Octoshit? What’s your wish? Even if it’s just for this Christmas.” : D

“My…Christmas wish?”

“Yeah! Here, listen to this neat song…!”

Then they proceeded to listen to a song from Not-My-Friend’s phone (it sounded very upbeat), and…the Shittiest trio began acting weird, all of a sudden. I mean, they’re always weird in the worst way possible, but they were hanging their heads down low, and Octoshit was muttering, “I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need…” while Not-My-Friend was just…smiling all throughout, and this entire situation was generally–for the lack of a better term–creepy.

The twins later said something like “And I…”, which was followed by Octoshit saying (or singing?), “Don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree…” And yeah, I should’ve taken a hint right then and there, but apparently having only 3 hours of sleep takes a toll on your memory, and it thus takes a while for you to realize that they’re quoting one of Mariah Carey’s Christmas songs. You know the one.

“I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know…” At this point, Not-My-Friend began whistling about as he left, but I lagged behind a bit because…I might have considered asking Octoshit if all his monetary crimes had finally gotten to his head. Just for a millisecond. Still, unfortunately, that was a fatalistic move on my part, since directly after that, our eyes met…

“All I want for Christmas is…you…and your power, DokkanNS-san…”

The way I fucking shuddered.

“The one before you is your master. Snake Whisper. Stay the fuck away from me,” I chanted just as I turned to dash away. My spell settled in, fortunately, but Pieces-of-shit 1 & 2 gave chase just as quickly.

“IJUSTWANTYOUFORMYOWNMORETHANYOUCOULDEVERKNOWMAKEMYWISHCOMETRUE–”

It was absolutely horrifying to listen to them sing that song so cheerily as I ran for my life, and I think my perception of Mariah Carey has been scarred permanently. And as I bumped into some cabinets and ornaments so they would fall and block them, I made the mistake of looking back and–oh god, did they change their clothes into those allegedly sexy Christmas outfits? Someone please bleach my eyes.

I ran out of the Shittiest dorm with a huff, and just when I’d finally gotten through their mirror, I bumped into PussN’Sandals’s boobs chest.

“Hey, watch where you’re going,” he scowled, looking as pissed-off as ever. “I’m already having a bad enough day because UwuRuggie suddenly started an eating contest because of the Pokemon urge to be the very best, like no one ever was, so would you kindly fuck off–”

I could hear the chanting of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” from not too far away. They were getting nearer. As such, I didn’t have time to think twice—I grabbed PussN’Sandals’s wrist and ran straight to the Decapitation dorm. I am so gonna regret this later.

Update: Why the fuck is Asdfghjkl telling Doraemon pick-up lines? “Hey, did you just fart? Because you blew me away”????? Asdfghjkl???????

Update: I couldn't think of a better nickname than PussN'Sandals okay. It sounded better in Shrek.

Chapter Text

r/TodayIFuckedUp

Posted by u/DokkanNS

This is DokkanNS and...TIFU again, I kidnapped a dorm leader.

Y’see, I accidentally kidnapped - no actually screw that it might’ve been intentional - I kidnapped the dorm leader of Decapitation dorm.  I had an accomplice though, PussN’Sandals, who’s been glaring at me for the past 30+ minutes because he dislikes his nickname, apparently, and also  because I made AngyAnt (said dorm leader) sleep on his lap. We...might have hit him with a blue flamingo earlier.

Anyway we’re currently hiding behind one of YASbitchSL@y dorm’s bushes, and Im surprised we lasted this long without anyone noticing. I will take this opportunity to inform you of the chaosfuck we encountered just earlier, as if I don’t write out my thoughts, I might as well go into overblot again, hm? 

So. Earlier, I got chased by Octoshit and his lackeys. To make things worse, they were wearing smexy Christmas outfits as they did so. To make things even worse, the bastards were singing All-I-Want-For-Christmas-Is-You all throughout.  Most horrifying thing I’ve seen.

I bumped into PussN’Sandals somewhere along the way, I dragged him with me to Decapitation dorm, and there we were greeted by Asdfghjkl asking Doraemon if he just farted because he just blew him away. Awful pick-up line, awful timing for us to walk in on ‘em. I had never seen Doraemon look so appalled. 

It didnt end there though. He also said something along the lines of “Was your mother  a beaver? Cuz DAMn!”  and “If you were a Transformer you’d be Optimus Fine!”  and it was just so painful to watch a guy who ghosted  a girl bc he realized he was part of the lgbt resort to these tactics just he would stop being friendzoned by the one guy he liked. It was just pitiful.

The subtle cry for help Doraemon gave me was more pitiful tho, especially when Asdfghjkl fell to his knees and asked him, “Do you have a band-aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you”.  Sadly, before I could do anything to assist not that I had the intention, PussN’Sandals just handed over one of the flamingos they used for crochet. Then, we left the poor boy to suffer.

Sadly, the hilarity only ensued from there, like it always does, and we soon crossed paths with CATERpillar who immediately asked us if we were S-R-S or J for leaving Doraemon there. I honestly thought that CATERpillar was in on the cringefest too, but then I realized that that’s how he always talks.

I informed him of whats been happening in the school...and to my surprise, he actually believed me. He said that he had just escaped from his dorm’s vice leader too (even said that their vice was being mad sus), and that he had a lead to the truth behind all this cringe. We were just about to make our escape when suddenly...he appeared.

[Description: Nendo Trey holding a toothbrush threateningly.] 

“It’s him.” I remember CATERpillar saying in utter horror. “It’s the Trey-tor.”

[Description: Amogus Trey. Edited by my friend, Hugh Bootee.] 

Trey-tor appeared, a toothbrush at hand, a sadistic smile on his face as he approached us. I could hear the Colgate theme song the entire time he took a step nearer... Never in my life have I ever felt threatened by a man holding a toothbrush.

Now, this was the part where things went even crazier. Decapitation's dorm head, AngyAnt had just arrived, and he bore witness to this scene. Of course, Trey-tor just gave his leader a saccharine smile as he always did, and afterwards he motioned the toothbrush to AngyAnt (he was pointing it at PussN'Sandals earlier because his breath probably stinks). Then, they had this ff. conversation just before the latter could ask wtf was happening:

“AngyAnt...You brush your teeth three times, right?”

“…Only two times because brushing thrice can wear down my tooth enamel and irritate my gums. But more importantly, what is going-”

Trey-tor tutted.  “Don’t you know the song, AngyAnt? Brush brush brush, three times a day~ Brush brush brush to keep the cavities away~”

Beside PussN’Sandals, CATERpillar was sobbing. I don’t blame him tho, Trey-tor didn’t really give the song any justice.

ANYWAY back to the topic at hand, Trey-tor rushed toward AngyAnt, claiming that he’ll demonstrate how to brush teeth correctly, and just right before his toothbrush attack hit their dorm leader, CATERpillar tackled the sussy baka wtf am I saying . 

“GET DORM LEADER OUT OF HERE!” he said in between toothbrush thrusts. “I DO N O T LIKE OR SUBSCRIBE TO THIS!” AngyAnt looked shocked .

AngyAnt then went on about how, despite not understanding whats happening, he still had the responsibility to protect Decapitation, and…PussN’Sandals just had enough at this point and he just bonked AngyAnt with a nearby blue flamingo. He then carried him like a sack over his shoulders, and scowled at me to “fucking go.”

Right before we left though, I sought to ask CATERpillar about his lead… All I heard him scream was “RED!!!” before his voice was drowned out by toothbrushing noises.

……And, that’s how we got to this current situation. Hiding in YASbitchSL@y dorm. Earlier I was typing this because we fucked up and kidnapped AngyAnt, but I have now realized that that was the best choice to do at that time. Now, I think we’re fucked up because we are currently surrounded by YASbitchSL@y mob students, because guess what? I took an entire hour to type all that and now I’m regretting everything.

---

[] [this was the song trey sang. it's the taglish version since i couldn't find a full english one. still catchy tho amiright]

Chapter Text

r/TodayIFuckedUp

Posted by u/DokkanNS

Hello, DokkanNS here. This is the continuation of what happened in my previous post. I really didn’t want to share this part though…but whatever. I have time to type this out right now so I might as well.

From the incident at the Shittiest dorm, to Decapitation, and to what happened at YASbitchSL@y dorm, you’d think that it’d be unlikely if I had yet another TIFU experience within today. If that’s what you thought, then you thought wrong.

…What? What’s that? You already knew that shit would escalate even further? Well, fuck you then.

Going back to where I left off last time: we were now surrounded by YASbitchSL@y mob students. PussN’Sandals looked like he wanted to kill me more than those mob students, while AngyAnt was still unconscious. On PussN’Sandals’ lap. Yes, he never really stood from his position because he didn’t want to wake up AngyAnt. How sweet.

“Why have you intruders set foot into our territory?!” YASbitchSL@y mob student A said with indignation, preparing to throw a glove at us. “We will not forgive this transgression. FITE ME YOU BITCHE–”

“HALT! Do not attack DokkanNS, PussN'Sandals, and AngyAnt!”

Suddenly, a light shone from above us. Where the fuck did that come from, the sun was already setting. We all looked up, and there we saw Le chasseur d’Amour (he insisted that that’s what I call him) descending from said light like some random trying-hard angel. PussN’Sandals grimaced the moment he came to view.

“Why the fuck does he need to do that,” I remember him grumbling as he harshly shook AngyAnt awake. “Why is everyone in this godforsaken school so needlessly dramatic. I am so tired.” You and me both, bro.

“MY BELOVED YASBITCHSL@Y RESIDENTS, do you not recognize these three lovely men???” Le chasseur d’Amour said the moment he stepped onto the ground. He motioned to us before continuing. “They are all esteemed leaders of the other dormitories! Everyone who knows who they are, say it with me in unison!”

And then they said useless shit in unison.

“PUSSN'SANDALS, THE KING OF BANANACLAW DORM!”

“ANGYANT, THE KING OF DECAPITATION AND THE LIEGE OF TREY-TOR!” [Trey-tor, stops brushing teeth: Excuse me what]

“And lastly…!” Le chasseur d’Amour held me by the shoulders and pushed me toward his people. “DokkanNS! His bond with Not-My-Friend goes beyond that of master and servant! And most of all…HE IS OUR MESSIAH.”

PussN’Sandals and a now-awake AngyAnt gave me a quizzical stare. Naturally, I replied with a look that went, “How Tf am I supposed to know????”, because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, LE CHASSEUR D’AMOUR????? THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING.

....And yes, I said that last bit out loud.

Le chasseur d’Amour merely smiled at me before he replied.

“Why, you must know that we, YASbitchSL@y, dedicate ourselves to the pursuit of beauty, DokkanNS. And beauty doesn’t only come in the form of outward appearances.” He walked to the center of the grounds dramatically, afterwards motioning to his dorm’s residents. “And what exactly is the most beautiful thing in this world, my dorm students?”

“LOVE, VICE DORM-LEADER!!! 💕💕💕”

“And you, DokkanNS, you wrote something so full of genuine love and emotion that we just couldn’t help but make you our Messiah! We read your post in r/FellasIsItGay, and—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—” I covered Le chasseur d’Amour’s mouth as panic surged through my body. “DO NOT SPEAK OF— DO NOT TALK ABOUT— SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH YOU—”

But unfortunately, this action of mine only signaled the mob students to begin…reciting that dastardly poem. And so we were met with this.

“…Oh, if only I’d communicated~!” a YASbitchSL@y mob student said as he fell into the arms of another mob student. “if only I didn’t believe what everyone else led me to believe…”

“Mob student Z…” A fucking Kdrama scene was unfolding before me. Kill me now.

Mob student Z looked deep into his companion’s eyes; clasped his face, uttered in a dying voice, “...maybe then, the two of us would be okay… maybe then, i wouldn’t be in a shitty makeshift tent…in front of a haunted house.”

Then his arm went limp. He played dead, good for him. The other mob student held him even tighter as he cried out to the heavens.

“Oh, is it too late to make things right?! I don’t want to be apart from him anymore…! I don’t want to be in a makeshift tent in front of a haunted house…not anymore…”

I didn't need to look back at PussN'Sandals and AngyAnt to know I was being judged. These bastards.

Thankfully, LesPoissons (the dorm leader of YASbitchSL@y, i tried to nickname him MaterialGworl but he got pissed at me) called us into YASbitchSL@y's lounge right before the other two could verbally express their disappointment in me. We entered their lounge, and while I found it to be odd that LesPoissons himself invited us in, I still felt a little relieved. 

.......Not until we found a bathtub filled to the brim with money bills right at the center of the lounge, with PetitePomme wallowing inside it, wearing shades and all. 

LesPoissons sighed as he went back to "raining" money bills on PetitePomme. I just looked on, but I really felt like I missed out on something ridiculously funny.

“What have you lot come here for,” LesPoissons said as he continued showering PetitePomme with money. He glared at the Bananaclaw dorm leader. “And you, PussN’Sandals, don’t you dare laugh or else–”

The bitch in question hollered. LesPoissons rolled his eyes in response.

AngyAnt was still confused as ever - he literally just woke up right after we abducted escaped him from his dorm, and the first thing that greeted him was that rendition of my poem, too (poor kid, but I feel more sorry for myself)- and he asked LesPoissons as to why on Earth he and PetitePomme were acting this way.

He didn’t ask about what happened earlier. I’m pretty sure it’s because YASbitchSL@y students pull of stunts like that regularly, making shit like that one of their norms here.

LesPoissons then explained that PetitePomme apparently found a video posted by…Soup Dawg?…that depicted the two of them. In the video, PetitePomme was showering LesPoissons with money, just as they were doing now, except vice versa, and that video became the precedent for their current situation. He said that they’re doing this because “it’s only fair”.

…I don’t really wanna drag this on any further because I’m running out of time to type but…we eventually convinced LesPoissons to come with us. Le chasseur d’Amour also advised us to go to DiasomnyaaaUwu dorm and seek Malleus' help there, as that place is the last spot the cringe could ever reach.

LesPoissons then ordered PetitePomme to go and free the other first years (if he could), promising him 2 weeks of legibility to disobey his orders if he complies. The last image of PetitePomme I could remember before we left was of him…jumping out happily from that tub of money.

Anyway, it suffices to say that other than those absurdities from earlier, not much of the cringe has affected YASbitchSL@y as much as it did to the other dorms. I still wonder about that whole tub ordeal though…

So, I guess today didn’t end that badly? No wait actually it did, a trace of that poem still exists. In Le chasseur d’Amour‘s and his lackeys’ brains. Life still sucks.

Update: Hello, it’s me again, I just looked up that video LesPoissons was talking about and…

[Original link: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CW0sS3elTLH/?utm_medium=copy_link | Yes, it is real]

…it’s from a freaking meme Snoop Dogg posted.

Update: I scrolled through the comments, and I found who mentioned PetitePomme on that meme.

It was Not-My-Friend.

Chapter Text

Welcome to Team "FREE THE SCHOOL FROM CRINGE"

This is the beginning of this server.

RedMenace: 🐋🐋🐋

RedMenace: whale whale whale

RedMenace: who do we have here

— DokkanNS breakdanced into the server

DokkanNS: please stop

DokkanNS: we're here to stop the cringe, not to be a part of it

RedMenace: said the young’un who breakdanced his way here

DokkanNS: i am not in control of the discord algorithm

RedMenace: but you’d definitely do that tho

DokkanNS: i would not

RedMenace: 🤨🤨🤨

DokkanNS: i hate this server already where is everyone else

RedMenace: i’m afraid it is only us two for now, the others haven’t accepted my invites yet

DokkanNS: why are you here since the beginning

— FREESH_AVOCADOO yelled his way into the server

FREESH_AVOCADOO: YOU INSOLENT FOOL

FREESH_AVOCADOO: OF COURSE REDMENACE-SAMA HAS BEEN HERE SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING

FREESH_AVOCADOO: HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN HERE SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING

FREESH_AVOCADOO: SINCE THE TIME OF THE BIG BANG, SINCE THE TIME OF THE DINOSAURS, SINCE THE DAY ADAM AND EVE DISCOVERED THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

FREESH_AVOCADOO: HE HAS EVEN BEEN HERE SINCE JESUS CHRIST WAS CRUCIFIED FOR OUR SINS

RedMenace: i’ll leave the truth of FREESH_AVOCADOO's words to your interpretation, but just to be clear

RedMenace: i have lived long enough to know that jesus christ does not exist in twisted wonderland. maybe ask Therapissed about him

RedMenace: do not approach me about religion

RedMenace: also i’ve been here since the beginning because who else could have possibly created this server

FREESH_AVOCADOO: :gasp:

FREESH_AVOCADOO: REDMENACE-SAMA CREATED THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!

— LitAF hacked his way into the server

LitAF: lmfao big bang

DokkanNS: what the hell are you doing here

LitAF: oh DokkanNS-shi

LitAF: hey

DokkanNS: don’t hey me

DokkanNS: we were no longer in the hey base when you cursed me with rei sakuma

FREESH_AVOCADOO: Rei Sakuma?

LitAF: SAKUMA DICK ROFL

DokkanNS: disappointing. so disappointing

RedMenace: LitAF, it pains me to tell you this but 

RedMenace: please be aware that your days are numbered

RedMenace: it may be hilarious, but please don’t mentally scar FREESH_AVOCADOO like that. that is my job

DokkanNS:

RedMenace: at least respect it

LitAF: k

LitAF: nyway i’ve come here to apologize to DokkanNS-shi

LitAF: and help u lot with ur plan

LitAF: to defeat the cringeass school hijackers

DokkanNS: is your apology sincere?

LitAF: ye

LitAF: i swear on the honor of sugoma

DokkanNS: sugoma?

LitAF: 

DokkanNS: :sigh:

DokkanNS: 

LitAF: WTF

— PussN'Sandals twerked his way into the server 

PussN'Sandals: is this seriously what i pay the internet for

RedMenace: you're using diasomnia's Wi-Fi, you are not paying anything

PussN'Sandals: doesn't make the image above any less traumatizing

LitAF: THIS IS BULLYING

DokkanNS: I DON’T CARE

DokkanNS: and as far as i’m concerned, you deserve it

DokkanNS: now can we please start this meeting who else isnt here

PussN’Sandals: unimportant people. now more importantly, why the hell is this my name here

RedMenace: that’s what DokkanNS always calls you in his posts so

PussN’Sandals: but why

DokkanNS: i’d gladly reply to that but that would make me send feet pics

DokkanNS: and if i did, it would be at your expense

DokkanNS: so i won’t

PussN’Sandals: ...but couldn’t you have called me anything other than freaking PussN’Sandals

DokkanNS: what do you want me to call you? Ror Ror?

PussN’Sandals: i shouldn’t have expected anything from someone whose username is DokkanNS

LitAF: yeah and he thinks it’s so cool lol

DokkanNS: 

LitAF: DAMN IT

— Dunce bulldozed his way into the server

Dunce: DokkanNS sometimes sharing isn’t caring

DokkanNS: i didn’t expect to hear that from you Dunce

Dunce: it had to be said

Dunce: also why is FREESH_AVOCADOO hiding in my closet

Dunce: it was funny at first but now im just worried

RedMenace: i’m just relieved he didn’t stay long enough to see LitAF’s true roots

LitAF: OK im sure that DokkanNS will keep spamming that whenever he has the chance so

LitAF: just don’t show that when Kerosene’s around. you’ll give him a crisis

PussN’Sandals: interestingly enough, you never decline that you are the lovechild of those two weirdos

LitAF: please im 18 ik how to NOT dignify schoolyard taunts with a response

RedMenace: where’s the internet speak, why are you quoting lines from the hamilton musical

PussN’Sandals: makes me wonder how long you’ve been “18”

PussN’Sandals: i know what you are :))

LitAF: say it. say it out loud

— LoneWolf howled into the server

LoneWolf: isn’t this

LoneWolf: that one scene from twilight

PussN’Sandals: oh LoneWolf you’re alive

— MaterialGworl catwalked into the server

MaterialGworl: LoneWolf you watch twilight?????

MaterialGworl: also wasn’t my username LesPoissons?

PussN’Sandals: why does he get a username change and i don’t

LitAF: PussN’Sandals you haven’t told me what i am yet :(((

DokkanNS: GODDAMNIT LETS JUST START THE GODDAMN MEATING

DokkanNS: *meeting

RedMenace: meating

Dunce: meating

PussN’Sandals: meating

MaterialGworl: meating

LoneWolf: meating

FREESH_AVOCADOO: meating

LitAF: meating

DokkanNS: 

LitAF: i fucking hate you

LitAF: moirai homies no longer

— PetitePomme rode a Magical Wheel into the server

— Doraemon rode a Magical Wheel into the server

Dunce: aww they’re matching

PetitePomme: i only managed to bring black LoneWolf and Doraemon. we couldn’t save Asdfghjkl

Doraemon: it was too late for him…

Doraemon: if only i was stronger

Doraemon: if only i didn’t cringe at his pick-up lines so easily…

DokkanNS: they were horrible though so i don’t really blame you

— AngyAnt crawled into the server

AngyAnt: Trey-tor and CATERpillar! we have to save them! 🐜

LitAF: aww AngyAnt emoji

AngyAnt: why does this always appear when i type 🐜

RedMenace: HAHAHAHAHAHA

RedMenace: i should’ve made MaterialGworl’s end with 👁️👄👁️

MaterialGworl: ugh

PussN’Sandals: …come to think of it, didn’t CATERpillar warn us

PussN’Sandals: about “red”

DokkanNS: come to think of it…youre right

DokkanNS: and also

DokkanNS: “RedMenace has been here since the beginning”

DokkanNS: coincidence? i think not

Doraemon: didn’t Therapissed mention that we should beware of “red eyes”?

LitAF: RedMenace’s eyes are Magenta tho. if there's anyone with red eyes that would be

AngyAnt: magenta is red🐜

LitAF: no its not

AngyAnt: magenta is red🐜

LitAF: no its not

PetitePomme: red is sus. eject him

LitAF: we don’t even know who red is

AngyAnt: MAGENTA. IS. RED.🐜

LitAF: MAGENTA IS NOT A COLOR

MaterialGworl: how is that relevant to the case at hand?

LitAF: look, i came here to help u guys. i was honest when i said that

LitAF: but ur accusing RedMenace right from the get-go

LitAF: just over some measly info u call “evidence”

LitAF: now’s the time for real evidence

FREESH_AVOCADOO: evidence?

Dunce: oh you’ve recovered

LitAF: shush

LitAF: i did some super magical high tech IQ shit

LitAF: and i’ve traced all these incidents to one common denomin8tor

LitAF: Not-My-Friend

Dunce: What?!

DokkanNS: …

LoneWolf: come to think of it, Not-My-Friend-senpai was the last person to talk to RuggieUwu before that mukbang contest began

PussN’Sandals: that was mukbang?

Doraemon: and DokkanNS-senpai’s past posts also mention Not-My-Friend-senpai talking to Octoshit-senpai

AngyAnt: i heard from CATERpillar about this before. he had talked to the twins too🐜

PetitePomme: and he was the one who mentioned me on Snoop Dogg’s post too…

PussN’Sandals: what about the whole thing YASbitchSL@y pulled off

MaterialGworl: oh, that’s just how they usually are

PussN’Sandals: ew

MaterialGworl: 🤬

Dunce: but that can’t be…

MaterialGworl: no it really is

Dunce: sorry i meant Not-My-Friend

MaterialGworl: oh

PetitePomme: but wait! most of these were mentioned in DokkanNS’ posts!

RedMenace: you knew all along, didn’t you?

DokkanNS: i had an inkling

DokkanNS: but i refuse to believe that he’s the one behind this

PussN’Sandals: heh, why? because the only shot of that greenhorn prince doing crap like this is if someone else is controlling him? like you did?

DokkanNS: …

Dunce: DokkanNS…

LitAF: ik u have this whole love-hate thing going on with him

LitAF: but, sorry DokkanNS, the evidence stacked against Not-My-Friend is way too high rn

LitAF: he’ll be our main suspect

DokkanNS: alright alright. i’ll concede

MaterialGworl: but you’ll still believe in him, won’t you?

DokkanNS: of course i will. it’s my job

Dunce: is it really just because of that? i don’t think that’s the case

LitAF: none of us are convinced lol

AngyAnt: that poem was really telling… 🐜

DokkanNS: goddamnit not the poem again–

Dunce: poem?

DokkanNS: i

DokkanNS: it’s just

DokkanNS: i don’t know myself

DokkanNS: i spent years believing that my situation got even worse because he never noticed anything. because he didn’t know enough

DokkanNS: but lately i’ve been made to realize that that might not be the entire case

DokkanNS: that maybe i’m also someone who didn’t know enough. at least, when it came to expressing my own self

DokkanNS: when he called me his scrunkly scrimblo

RedMenace: pfft

Dunce: dad don’t laugh

DokkanNS: i deleted all his socmed apps and reformatted all his phones

LitAF: wtf man

DokkanNS: when i could’ve handled it better. there was always the choice to handle things better

DokkanNS: because you know? even when he always dragged me into his problems, included me in all his whims

DokkanNS: he was always willing to listen when it counted

DokkanNS: he was always. actually there you know. and i thought no one was.

DokkanNS: and i could’ve handled it better. i couldn’t handled it better instead of leaving the dorm. i could’ve handled it better instead of just leaving his messages on seen

DokkanNS: i could’ve handled it better when he was acting cringe

LitAF: this is just ruining the heavy mood

DokkanNS: i could’ve handled it better when he called me his scrunkly scrimblo. spoingle. mipy

LitAF: the heavy mood is ded

DokkanNS: and back then…i could’ve handled it better instead of betraying him too

LitAF: and the heavy mood is bacc

LoneWolf: “if only i’d communicated…”

PetitePomme: “if only i didn’t believe what everyone else led me to believe…”

AngyAnt: "maybe then, the two of us would be okay…"🐜

Dunce: “maybe then, i wouldn’t be in a shitty makeshift tent…in front of a haunted house…”

DokkanNS :

DokkanNS: you know what? FUCK every single one of you

DokkanNS: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MEMORIZE THAT?

DokkanNS: i understand PetitePomme bc he’s a YASBITCHSL@Y student

DokkanNS: but LoneWolf???? AngyAnt???? Dunce????

LoneWolf: PetitePomme told me

AngyAnt: it was such a great composition that i memorized it the first time i heard it 🐜

Dunce: i was on r/FellasIsItGay when you posted it

DokkanNS: WHAT

DokkanNS: WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE

Dunce: i

Dunce: i wanted to ask why it made me so happy when Not-My-Friend called me his little onglydoople…

DokkanNS is typing…

LitAF: love is war love is war love is waaar

RedMenace: i suppose the meeting has ended then?

AngyAnt: WE HAVE NOT STRATEGIZED A SINGLE THING 🐜🐜🐜

RedMenace: well, at least DokkanNS got to open up in front of all of us 😇😇😇😇

Dunce: all of us?

LoneWolf: all of us are dead

PetitePomme: LoneWolf-kun you’re a huge fan of mainstream media huh

Dunce: no wait i mean

Dunce: did Malleus-sama ever get invited to the server?

RedMenace: ah.

RedMenace: I forgot

FREESH_AVOCADOO: HOW COULD YOU FORGET???

Dunce: he doesn’t even have a nickname of his own…

LitAF: poor malleus-shi… always left out

PetitePomme: WE DON’T TALK ABOUT MALLEUS NO NO NO

PussN’Sandals: we don’t talk about malleus

PetitePomme: :gasp: you know the song, senpai?

PussN’Sandals: no i just wanted to say that

DokkanNS is still typing…

Doraemon: this server is in flames…

MaterialGworl: :sigh: let’s just have a meeting in person

RedMenace: yeah that is an excellent idea

RedMenace: this meeting is adjourned then!

Doraemon: let’s do our best to save the school and our allies, everyone!

PetitePomme: LETS SAVE THE SCHOOL FROM CRINGE!!!! WOOOH

DokkanNS is still typing…

... 

DokkanNS:

DokkanNS: ...tomorrow. i’ll listen to what Not-My-Friend has to say. and i’ll talk it out with him. I'll handle things better. 

DokkanNS: definitely. 

LitAF: i hope this school burns to the ground

Chapter Text

r/AskNRC

Posted by u/CATERpillar

Cater Diamondo is no more. I am now Mikey Mouse! Call me that, will ya?

Ever since i watched tokyo revengers 😏, i realized that this Cay-cay is in the wrong country, year, and generation. I totes feel like. like I'm supposed to be in Japan 🇯🇵 and have my own gang of homies4life 🧍🧍♂️🧍♀️ Not an NRC student who. who whatever 💪so starting from now on, this Cay-cay is gonna go cray-cray. I am now Mikey-kun, the leader of Toman Gang! ❤️

If y'all normies don't like this mindset, DNI 👊👊 I don't need oomfs who will just be pests to my life and my gang. If you mess with me we will mess your life 💀💀💀

"Nobody thinks delinquents are cool these days, right? In my big bro's time, there were tons of biker gangs around here. They'd rip through the city on their super-loud motorcycles. They were all bold as hell, fighting all the time, but they took care of their own problems. What's so lame about that? That's why I'm gonna make a new age of delinquents."

Chapter Text

r/AmITheAsshole

Posted by u/DokkanNS

AITA? There is no if. Just AITA.

I bet all of you would say yes.

Anyway, hi. DokkanNS here. It’s been a long time. I wish I wouldn’t have to keep posting this, but if I didn’t I’d probably be convinced somewhere in a not-so-cringe future that this was all just part of some weird nightmare, and that it never happened at all.

As horrible as it may have been, I want to at least remember this so I have a reference on how I should react if someone ever called me their scrunkly little scrimblo someday.

(What I should do in those sort of situations? Don’t delete their social media accounts. It will get worse.) 

The problem is… I still don’t know how I’m supposed to react. And I don’t know how to resolve this chaos either. We’ve been planning for hours on end on how to defeat the, uh, cringe hijacking at school. Or should I say we're trying to plan...? 

At first, it was an online meeting, but that didn’t work out. So now we’re meeting each other face-to-face in Diasomnia’s lobby and. And the only thing they’ve arrived at is to use the nicknames I gave them to protect their identitities as actual nicknames they go by in real life.

“By the way, why are you guys calling me MaterialGworl here, too?” I heard…MaterialGworl ask to LitAF-senpai. “Wasn’t my nickname different before?”

“Yeah, but apparently that nickname was because Jamil-shi didn’t know French and he was actually calling you a fish the entire time.”

“WHAT.”

Author, why do you always put the blame on me????

“...He gives MaterialGworl a chance for a nickname change, and lets me suffer with...this.” He was standing adjacent to me, but I could just hear the contempt in PussN’Sandals voice. “Maybe we should stop calling him DokkanNS and start calling him Whoopee.”

Please don’t.

“Stop complaining. I don’t even have a nickname.” Malleus Draconia said, pouting as he crossed his arms. PussN’Sandals rolled his eyes in reply.

“Oh, please. Don’t you already have that weird nickname Therapissed gave you? What was it again? Hornton–”

“AHEM. We should probably discuss the matter at hand seriously this time.” RedMenace interrupted with a cough, surprisingly acting responsible despite trolling us since earlier. “We need to figure out how to combat the cringe legion.”

Don’t call them that.

“It’s about time we decided that.” AngyAnt was the next one to reply. He’d been trying to get everyone to focus since earlier, and it took all that Doraemon had just to make him calm down. “I propose by restraining them all and giving them a talking-to until they come to their senses.”

“That wouldn’t work, I think. Knowing the way we’ve been, restraining them will probably lead to some injuries…” PetitePomme’s voice was back to its usual whisper-y self. MaterialGworl must have scolded him for his behavior at Discord before.

Now… there’s something you have to know about us group of students. We never get good things. That was apparent in how this…mishap…had gone so far, but it became even more apparent now that this foreboding grin spread across RedMenace’s face.

It couldn’t be good. And I was proven right, because do you know what he said?

“I propose that we combat the cringe legion…by being more cringe!”

Like, that doesn’t even make any sense? We were all against it, save for Malleus who didn’t know what being cringe was (FREESH_AVOCADOO says he’s a Chad), and AngyAnt was the loudest. But just as much as he was loud, he also got…convinced pretty easily.

RedMenace said that it’s like…vaccines. The way vaccines are made to fight again viruses or infections by containing a small amount of the greatly weakened of the bacteria or virus… He likened this situation to that? Did he just subtly say the cringe legion was like a virus?

Anyway, that…managed to convince him. I don’t even have the heart to tell him that it doesn’t have anything to do with the matter at hand…

So, we were gathered there. Begrudgingly preparing. I saw Doraemon chuck in a bunch of eggs in his bag. Isn’t he scared that they’d crack? We were almost ready to proceed right after we’d finished, but RedMenace stopped us.

“Not dressed like that you aren’t, young men!” Then he did exaggerated hand movements with his wand, chanting, “Bibbidy-bobbidy-boo!”

We were then–for the lack of a better term–magicked into our Union Birthday clothes, with a few exceptions such as PussN’Sandals who was wearing his outdoor wear (the one with the leopard print?), Doraemon wearing a pink jumpsuit (that also has a leopard print…?), and AngyAnt who was still wearing his dorm leader uniform.

“YAS BITCH! SLAAAAY!” RedMenace hollered right after. He was waiting for this chance, wasn’t he?

We asked for an explanation why we were wearing our union birthday outfits. RedMenace said it’s because it made us look japorms: a term he got from Therapissed that I don’t really understand.

But judging from how I don’t really like this outfit because of my socks and bowtie, I can guess what it could mean.

(I wanted to take them off because they looked horrible on me. They declined because they said that’s the entire point of this get-up. I hate them.)

Dunce tried to comfort me… But I can’t really say I appreciate what he said…

“Just look at PussN'Sandals, DokkanNS. I think it's just because you lack the confidence. Do you have any insecurities?”

We are not going there. I will pretend I never heard that.

AngyAnt was baffled as to why he was the only who didn’t change into different clothes, but RedMenace took him away so he could get a special makeover… This is just a bad omen, really.

Anyway. We then set forth to fulfill our mission; Malleus very easily teleported us to the school courtyard. There, we ended up seeing a face we hadn’t expected to see…

…and a song we hadn’t expected to hear…

“There lived a certain man…in Heartslabyul long ago…” The voices boomed. We were bewildered. Not too far from us we could see a huddle of people carrying a throne—and seated on that throne was someone awfully familiar. “He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow…”

“WHAT.” FREESH_AVOCADOO couldn’t believe his eyes, and neither could we. Asdfghjkl was seated on the throne, wearing the dormitory clothes meant for the Heartslabyul dorm leader.

For a moment, we silently thanked RedMenace for taking away AngyAnt from us earlier…

“Most people looked at him with terror and with fear, but to Wonderland chicks he was such a lovely dear…”

What song even is this. It’s a bit…inappropriate? I’m pretty sure this isn’t in any of Heartslabyul’s rules.

“Asdfghjkl…” Doraemon looked like he was about to cry. How did he even say that out loud? “I can’t believe you turned out like this just because I didn’t react alright to your pick-up lines…”

I was about to tell him that wasn’t the reason why Ace reached that state, but the song…kept distracting me… It kept distracting all of us, honestly.

“Tra-Tra-Trapolla, lover of the Queen of Hearts. There was a cat that really was gone~”

“Leave this to me, everyone.” Doraemon stepped towards Asdfhjkl’s direction all of a sudden, a bunch of eggs at hand. “I will be the one to face him.”

PetitePomme protested. But Dorameon was quick to reply (with a smile, at that!) as he bid him goodbye.

“Don’t worry, PetitePomme. I read Pick-Up Lines for Dummies while we were at Diasomnia. I’ll be fine…”

Then he went away, prompting us to make our quick escape. We could only hear, “Tra-Tra-Trapolla Heartslabyul’s greatest love machine~ It was a shame how he carried on~☆” as we fleed with a heavy heart.

We thank you for your sacrifice, Doraemon.

Update: Why the fuck is AngyAnt's hair white and why is everyone recognizing him as Kaneki Rosehearts? 

Chapter Text

r/AskNRC

Posted by u/DokkanNS

Forgive me for the awful edit, but who is this lost child? This is not the AngyAnt I know.

Sorry for the jumpscare. It scared the shit out of me too and I was the one who did the editing. 

…It happened when we least expected it. We were still sullen over Doraemon’s sacrifice and horrified over Asdfghjkl’s descent to the darkness. We had just turned towards the farthermost corridor when we were greeted by shiny white teeth, a set of toothbrushes, and a terrifying smile.

“Hi, hello, chaps,” Trey-tor said as he threateningly brandished toothpaste onto the seven toothbrushes he held in hand. “Has everyone brushed their teeth already?”

No words were said as we gave each other a glance. We immediately scattered, and Trey-tor immediately gave chase.

“Please don’t brush my teeth! My meemaw always said my teeth were so white they reflected against the sun!” PetitePomme cried, almost in anger, as he prepared both of his fists just in case the hat-wearing dental care maniac went his way. “IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO PUNCH YOUR TEETH OFF YOUR FACE, TREY-TOR-SENPAI, DON’T COME NEAR ME.”

It was remiss of him to say that. The one Trey-tor managed to catch up to wasn’t him, nor was it LitAF-senpai (though I wish it was), and it wasn’t any of the others as well.

It was me.

Why is it always me?

“Ouch!” The bitch tugged at the ends of my hair. It was painful. I wanted to curse at him and his entire lineage but I had to keep my mouth shut, lest that toothbrush got shoved in. God knows where that thing’s been.

“AHHHHH THE MONOGATARI SCEEEENE!!!” LitAF-senpai exclaimed. I wish he would have said more useful things.

My life then flashed right before my eyes. Why is Not-My-Friend all I see? That’s just sad. This is all sad. I hadn’t even have the chance to talk things out properly…

And when he called me his…scrunkly little scrimblo…spoingle…mipy… I actually…

“TREY-TOR CLOVER. AREN’T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF?!”

Thank fuck FREESH_AVOCADOO exists. Trey-tor stopped doing what he was doing, instead turning towards where the mint-haired first-year stood.

“HADN’T YOU BEEN TOLD THAT BRUSHING TEETH TOO MUCH CAN HARM THE GUMS?” FREESH_AVOCADOO was indignant. He crossed his arms and looked at the vice dorm leader in utter disdain. “AND TO THINK I HELD YOU IN THE SAME REGARD AS MY FATHER.”

Capslock is painful. Anyway, that seemed to do the trick to shut Trey-tor down. He fell to his knees, looking down at his toothpaste-covered hands. It must have looked like blood in his eyes.

“Your father…who is a dentist…” he murmured. “I… What have I done…?”

We all went silent. We exchanged glances yet again. What now?

Hesitating, I tried to reach out to him and comfort him, maybe, and maybe even pull at his choppy hair for revenge, but we were all disturbed by the huge-ass stage that materialized out of nowhere.

It was bright, and it was loud. One lone figure stood at that stage. Someone familiar, but unfamiliar all at the same time. He looked like he stepped out of an entirely different series genre, and when he clasped his microphone and broke into a song everything became clear.

“Oshiete, oshiete yo,” AngyAnt sang, his voice expressing the emotions he always hid away behind his perpetually red, constipated face. “Sono shikumi wo… boku no naka ni, dare ga iru no?”

“…AngyAnt?” Trey-tor spoke up in disbelief, eyes now glued to the singing figure in front of him. “No… This isn’t AngyAnt… This is…”

“Kaneki Rosehearts!”

RedMenace popped up beside us somehow. He now rested his head atop Trey-tor’s tilted hat. How has that still not fallen?

“Whaddaya think about the makeover I gave him? Nice, right?”

“So you were behind this?” MaterialGworl said in disappointment, giving RedMenace the side-eye. “For a minute there I thought AngyAnt was a goner.”

“He was very hesitant to do this, but when he heard he could save Trey-tor and CATERpillar this way, he immediately agreed,” RedMenace poked the clover on his fellow vice leader’s face as he revealed this. “What a good dorm leader you have, Trey-tor.”

That was the last straw for the poor, green-haired man. He began to cry.

“Kowareta, kowareta yo… kono sekai de. kimi ga warau nani mo miezu ni~”

“AngyAnt… Thank you… Your voice sounds just like…Natsuki Hanae…”

Directly after that, CATERpillar came to join in the fray, all bloodied and toothpaste-draped, but when he saw that Trey-tor was back to normal, he was overjoyed. It also seemed as if he brought many other cringified Decapitation students along with him.

Of course, what made him happier was the absolute spectacle their dorm leader was heading as of the moment.

“ANGYANT-KUUUUN!! YOU’RE AMAZING, CAN I REQUEST FOR YOU TO SING MEME BY MIKOTO KAYANO OF MILGRAM–”

He winked our way after saying that. We then took that as our cue to leave the scene; it would take numerous concerts in order to save their entire dorm…

“A-another song?! Ah, that’s it. OFF WITH YOUR HEADS, ALL OF YOU–”

Orrrr maybe not. Anyway, that's a problem for them to solve. Keh. 

Chapter Text

[A SUMMARY OF THE EVENTS THUS FAR] 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

Kalim: "WHY??? WHY WON'T YOU JUST CALL ME YOUR SCRUNKLY LITTLE SCRIMBLO???"

Jamil: "CALLING YOU MY SCRUNKLY LITTLE SCRIMBLO KILLED MY GRANDMA OKAY????"

Jamil, crying: 

Kalim: *gasp*

Scarabia Student A: "My uncle broke his wrist because of that scrimbloness once!"

Kalim: "How...how did calling me your scrunkly little scrimblo kill your grandma? Was I being too cringe?"

Jamil: "I was the one being cringe."

*Jamil enjoying his childhood with Kalim*

"JAMIL LOOK OUT!!" *grandma saving jamil from the "you shouldn't treat your master like that" shit adults said*

AAAAAAHHHHHH

Jamil: "GRANDMA NOOOO"

Jamil: *resists the urge to call kalim his scrunkly little scrimblo, thus resulting into this godforsaken fic*

Chapter Text

r/NightRavenCollege

Posted by u/ScaraStudB

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DISHONORABLE DIRE CROWLEY—Sir please check your emails your school is dying Lord my dorm is on fire

Good day, Sir. You probably don’t know me. I don’t have a legitimate face after all, but…I’m Scarabia Student B. You know, the subtly softboi-like side character from the Scarabia dorm? Yes, that’s me. I am writing this to request aid because of the chaos that has ensued within Night Raven College. It pains me to say this, but…I think that this all happened because of me.

…Okay, maybe not. I know I don’t have a presence that warrants such a hefty amount of self-blame. I just wanted to act cool and act like I have the world’s burden on my shoulders for once, but seeing as how my best friend Scarabia Student A is convulsing to the skibidi toilet song, I believe I must get straight to the point now.

NRC has attained the era of cringe. It’s like some sort of virus. The Skibidi Virus, I’d like to call it. Everyone is behaving as if they have no such thing as dignity, behaving in real life just as they would on the internet. Which is horrifying both in a funny sense and a fridge horror sense. The world’s sense of humor seems to have a defect now; everyone I’ve ever known is beginning to act so cringe that I am now questioning my sanity.

Honestly, I thought that our dorm leader Kalim Al-Asim was just being his usual self when he began to act strange, but I didn’t think that would be the start of this pandemonium. I wish we’d listened to vice dorm leader Jamil when he said something was off… We thought he was just being a dramatic bitch again, sorry Jamil ☹ You always have a resting bitch snake face so we thought you were being…you know.

Anyway, Sir Crowley!!! Please save us!!! Where are you during our hour of need?! Also where are your henchmen why isn’t the Ramshackle prefect here? Don’t they always somehow appear in order to help the main cast by, uh, just being there and some shit? Did the balance of cringe disperse because they suddenly disappeared?

Also, I…I don’t have much longer, I think. Scarabia Student A is gone… The Skibidi lore was too much for him. I’m next. I’m definitely next. I—

You see my face going skibidi, skibidi
Doo-dee-do

o-dee-pee
Going skibidi, skib

i-oop

You see my face going skibidi, skibidi
Doo-dee-doo-dee-pee
Going skibid

i, skibi-oop

I'm p

reparing for a war
Toilet papers on the floor
Skibidi, yeah!

I'm preparing for a dump
But don't you try to flush
Skibidi what?

Skibidi what?

Skibidi who?

Skibidi, yeah!
Skibidi what?

Skibidi who?

Skibidi, yeah!
Skibidi what?

Skibidi who? Skibidi,

yeah!
Skibidi what? Skibidi who?

Skibidi, yeah!

You see my face going skibidi, skibidi
Doo-dee

-doo-dee-pee
Going skibidi, sk

ibi-oop

You see my face going sk

ibidi, skibidi
Doo-dee-doo-dee-pee
Going skibidi, s

kibi-oop

Chapter Text

TIME CHECK – 2:30 PM

2 and a half hours until Internet Shutdown

“He’s cutting off our what?!” Jamil screams at his phone, eyes widening at the entire Reddit thread he’d just read. “I already have so much on my plate because this stupid ScaraStudB revealed our names in his Reddit post, and now we have to deal with this shutdown? It’s our only method of communicating! And Crowley thinks it’s a good idea to cut off our…our…”

Idia grimaces at his screaming and mutters quietly, “…Our dicks?”

The anti-cringe team is currently hiding at the legendary makeshift tent in front of a haunted house (aka Ramshackle Dorm). They arrived there in the hopes of reaching out to the Ramshackle prefect, but they were only met with tired sobs and horrified murmurs of Justin Bieber’s Baby—clearly, something traumatic transpired within the dormitory, and they had been too late to mitigate it.

Malleus almost swore to decimate whoever this “Justeen Beaver” was, but Lilia placated him in the nick of time, claiming that that person was beyond the reaches of Twisted Wonderland.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

“I don’t think it’s such a bad idea… The internet shutdown, I mean,” Silver manages to voice out as he tries to pat Jamil’s back. The latter hisses at him in response. “The cringeness’ main influence is the internet after all. Without it, wouldn’t it be easier for the cringe legion to come to an end?”

Ortho nods at this. “I think so, too! Though I don’t think the cringe vs cringe tactic we had before was too shabby. After all, it worked with getting most of Heartslabyul back to their senses!”

“I get what you mean. However…” Vil narrows his eyes at the aforementioned Reddit post before heaving into a sigh. “As much as it might be the greatest ace up our sleeve, it could also cause mental damage to those affected by the cringe. Not that they are mentally well as of the moment…”

Leona sighs. “You suck at explaining,” he says as he attempts to stretch whilst inside the tent, much to the chagrin of everyone else. They were very crowded, you see. “What prissy boy here means is that the sudden internet shutdown might trigger a withdrawal reaction among the infected.”

Epel furrows his eyebrows at that, but he nods anyway. Beside him, Idia shudders at the prospect of the internet disappearing.

A sigh of exasperation is heard from the center of their huddle. Jamil seems to have calmed down just a bit.

“We have to find Kalim, and quick,” he says, a dull determination set alight in his eyes. “According to the thread, he’s playing Roblox at the Headmaster’s office. If the internet shuts down while he’s playing Roblox, then…”

Everyone shudders. The reason behind their fear was so self-explanatory that this author won’t even explain in-depth all too much, aside from mentioning that their little sister once got disconnected from the internet while playing Roblox and it resulted in the phone getting thrown at the author and subsequently nearly breaking their nose.

“...By the way,” Epel asks, finally, after staying quiet for quite some time. He looks at his companions and tilts his head. “Why is it only us seven here? Where are the others?”

A rustle is felt from outside the tent, followed by a shout from Sebek—“MALLEUS-SAMA AND LILIA-SAMA WENT TO FIND THE HEADMASTER, THE POMEFIORE VICE DORM LEADER WENT TO ALLEGEDLY SPREAD LOVE, WHILE THE REST LEFT BECAUSE LEONA’S FEET ARE TOO STINKY.”

Vil’s facial expression contorts into a grimace. “Ugh, I knew something was reeking here.” Leona retaliates by moving his foot closer to Vil’s face. “You crude man, get your foot away from me!”

Idia pinches his nose, shaking his head. “That’s hardly the issue atm Vil-shi. The question is: who farted?”

An awkward silence follows that statement. All of a sudden, everyone else inside the tent were now pinching their noses, all while muttering “not me” in succession.

Silver senses everyone’s discomfort and tries to take the blame, but Sebek quickly chastises him for it.

“QUIET, SILVER. YOU SMELL LIKE DAISIES AND ROSES NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.”

Ortho tries to take the blame just for the lolz, but Epel scolds him. 

“Ortho-kun, if it were you then it would smell like gas in here.”

“Farts are already a kind of gas.”

“That's not what I mean and you know it.”

After a few beats pass, Idia surrenders while still covering his nose, speaking in a nasal voice. “I lied, no one farted, but we should get out of here before someone really does.”

Jamil facepalms, and his thought echoes that of the author’s—What the hell is even happening in this story?

Chapter Text

r/TrueOffMyChest

Posted by u/DokkanNS

I deleted someone’s Twitter account & app after they called me a scrunkly scrimblo and now I have to face the consequences of my actions.

A week ago—yes, just one week ago, this only happened within such a short amount of time even though it feels like it’s been going on for 2 years or more—I deleted a…friend’s Twitter account after he called me their “scrunkly little scrimblo, maybe even a mipy.” It really fucked with my head, you see, because he was so chronically online that he was beginning to use internet lingo in real life as well. And it wasn’t only me whom he called by such a weird endearment (he called a classmate of his an “onglydoople.”) So, yeah. I guess I got jealous.

…God, I hope I don’t have any irls who will find this. Though, considering what I’m planning to do later, I should already let go of any other semblance of shame I might have…

Going back to what happened because of my deletion of his Twitter, havoc began to ensue within my school. I don’t want to elaborate on it any further, it’s just…heinous. At the same time, it’s also made me reevaluate many aspects of my life, both within school and outside of it. I guess that’s what happens when you end up camping out in front of a haunted house…

I won’t be able to type after this. Our internet will be cutoff by our useless headmaster within an hour and a half… We’re currently on our way to dissuade my friend now… My other comrades have already split up, and the fate of the entire world now lies in my hands and in my dignity. Which is awful by the way because if ever this fails, I might just overblot a second time.

Thank you for listening to me. Please give me any advice you might have. Lord knows I need it.

If I don’t make it, please tell my family I love them. My hoodies will all go to my sister. My special curry recipe will be donated to those in need. My snake merch will be buried 6 kilometers northeast of the stall I almost burned down as a kid. My basketball will be donated to the museum.

Please remember my final words: I wish this story could’ve just been your typical socmed AU. FML.

Chapter Text

Jamil’s heart drums against his chest as he inches closer and closer to the headmaster’s office. Dread wells up from within the depths of his void heart—and it occurs to him that the end was finally fast approaching. All of this madness, this mindfuckery… It would soon be over. He should be happy about this, right?

He definitely should. If he heard any other person sing “sticking out my gyatt for the rizzler,” he would probably single-handedly incite the end of Twisted Wonderland himself.

Following closely behind him was Idia, Epel, Silver, and Sebek. Walking beside him, on either side, was Vil and Leona. Everyone looked worse for wear except for Idia and Silver—this was because Idia looked the same way he always looked (aka the same aesthetic that charmed Eliza), while Silver was immune from looking and smelling bad because of his innate Disney princess powers.

Every other person they were with during the Discord meeting had thankfully reconvened a few minutes earlier, before they eventually went their separate ways to absolve the damage in other parts of the college. Jamil suspects that they just wanted a way out of trouble though. That's why he made Ortho follow them.

…Not that it mattered to him, now that he thought about it. After all, considering what he was planning to do to reconcile with Kalim, having a lesser amount of people to silence would be all the better for him.

“We’re here,” Vil announces once they arrive in front of the headmaster’s office. Jamil inhales sharply again before he tentatively reaches out to open the door.

The heavy door creaks ominously as Jamil pushes it open, revealing the dimly lit interior of the headmaster's office. The air feels thick with tension, suffused with the weight of impending doom over the monstrosities they would soon face. As they step inside, the group tenses, except Leona because he’s nonchalant like that.

A few somersaults away from them is a white-haired boy, twirling around a swivel chair while playing with his phone. An unnerving smile is on his face, and his eyes are dull, seemingly like he was in a trance. To this, Silver pokes at Jamil lightly, squinting at him as if to say, “You didn’t hypnotize him again, did you?”

Jamil glares back at him. “He’s obviously playing Roblox, shut up.”

After that telepathic exchange with his fellow second-year, he then takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what is to come. He knows that this moment will determine the course of their future, perhaps even the fate of Twisted Wonderland itself. With shame hardening his heart, he steps forward, his companions following suit, a united front against the storm that threatens to engulf them.

"Kalim," Jamil begins, his voice steady despite the tumult raging within him. "Stop playing Roblox and talk to me."

“Jamil? Huh, huh, wait, what does it mean when a message pops out and says I’m being kicked?” Kalim stops twirling and looks around him in a futile effort. “I don’t feel anyone kicking me.”

“It means that you suck so bad at the game and they don’t wanna play with you—ow!”  Idia speaks up but is soon silenced by Vil stepping on his foot.

“…Oh, really?” Sadness surfaces into his expression as he stands up from the swivel chair. He then smiles wryly. “I guess even people online don’t want to hang out with me.”

Jamil feels a pang on his heart after hearing that. He purses his lips before inhaling deeply and slamming his hands on the table in front of him.

“Don’t say that! You’re not a loser, you’re…you’re…” he gulps. “…you’re more than that. You’re a rizzler.”

Everyone except Kalim (who now has stars in his eyes) looks at Jamil with the greatest what-the-fuck look they could muster. This doesn’t deter him and he continues despite the tinge of red spreading across his face.

"You're not just any rizzler, Kalim," Jamil says as earnestly as he could, his voice gaining strength with each word. "You're the ultimate rizzler! The king of the rizzlers! No one can match your level of rizzleness!"

“What the fuck is going on,” Vil whispers to Leona.

“I have no fucking clue,” Leona whispers back.

Going back to Kalim, his eyes widen in shock, his expression shifting from one of dejection to one of tentative hope. "You really mean that, Jamil?" he asks, a hint of disbelief lingering in his voice. Jamil eagerly nods, mimicking Azul whenever the bitch got close to securing a business deal.

"Absolutely, Kalim. You're unique, you're special, and you're worth more than any online validation," he says, his words ringing with sincerity for once. “I know that I put off saying this for so long (read: one week) but you... You’re my…you’re my scrunkly little scrimblo, too.”

“…Maybe even a mipy?”

“Maybe even a mipy.”

“Is this how people confess their love lately? This wasn’t what Master Lilia told me…” Sebek whispers to Epel.

“How is Jamil-senpai not dead already?” Epel whispers back.

Meanwhile, Silvers remains silent as he watches the scene unfold before him, his fists clenching.

A small smile then tugs at the corners of Kalim's lips, a spark of confidence igniting within him. "Thanks, Jamil," he says softly, his gratitude evident in his tone. "I needed to hear that."

And with that, the tension in the room dissipates, replaced by a sense of camaraderie, understanding, and most of all, secondhand embarrassment. Jamil's unconventional pep talk may have raised a few eyebrows, but it also succeeded in lifting Kalim's spirits and reaffirming their bond as friends. Or whatever the hell they were, because the entire shitshow they have gone through might have made them become more than just regular human beings.

But anyway.

“So, come on. Cease this madness...and return to normalcy with me,” Jamil declares thereafter, reaching out to Kalim like he's asking him to take ibuprofen together.

“Jamil...”

As they exchange a meaningful glance and Kalim reaches towards him, Jamil knows that no matter what challenges lie ahead, they'll face them together, armed with the power of friendship (yuck) and a healthy dose of rizzleness—

“Ah, wait, before we leave! Let’s do a Tiktok challenge!” Kalim suddenly cheers as he hugs Jamil by the arm. That entire moment was for nothing, after all. “No, wait, let’s all practice first!”

“...No, really, Kalim, let’s not—”

“Idia! Can you play Gangnam Style on the school speakers for me?” Kalim bats his eyes at Idia. “Please?”

The Ignihyde dorm leader grumbles yet concedes anyway, clicking a few things on his tablet until that specific song eventually began blasting on the speakers.

Najeneun ttasaroun inganjeogin yeoja

Keopi hanjanui yeoyureul aneun pumgyeok inneun yeoja

Bami omyeon simjangi tteugeowojineun yeoja

Geureon banjeon inneun yeoja

“What the fuuuuuuuck,” Jamil bemoans while Kalim tugs him outside the room.

“Come on, let’s break into a dance mob at the courtyard!” the Scarabia dormhead cheerily announces, and suddenly everyone realizes why the cringe virus had spread as prominently as it did—no one could say no to Kalim. He was just too cute. Truly a rizzler.

Naneun sanai

Najeneun neomankeum ttasaroun geureon sanai

Keopi sikgido jeone one-shot ttaerineun sanai

Bami omyeon simjangi teojyeobeorineun sanai

Geureon Sanai

As the infectious beats of "Gangnam Style" fill the air, Jamil finds himself being dragged along by Kalim, who seems to be filled with an unstoppable energy. Despite his protests, Jamil can't help but feel a sense of amusement and endearment at Kalim's boundless enthusiasm. The scrimbloness was now getting to him, maybe even a mipy.

Shit, maybe he was gay.

With Idia's begrudging assistance, the song blares from the school speakers, echoing through the corridors of Night Raven College. Soon, the familiar melody has everyone tapping their feet, unable to resist the catchy rhythm.

Areumdawo sarangseureowo

Geurae neo hey geurae baro neo hey

Areumdawo sarangseureowo

Geurae neo hey geurae baro neo hey

Jigeumbuteo gal dekkaji gabolkka

Oppan Gangnam style

Before long, they find themselves in the courtyard, surrounded by a growing crowd of curious onlookers. Kalim wastes no time in launching into the iconic dance moves of the bygone dance, his enthusiasm contagious as others begin to join in. Majority of the student body joins them as they dance to the lyrics of “Op, op, op, op, Oppan Gangnam style.”

Jamil can't help but shake his head in disbelief and exasperation at the absurdity of it all, but as he catches sight of Kalim's beaming smile, he realizes that sometimes, it's okay to embrace the silliness of life.

(If happiness is cringe, then why not be cringe forever, after all.)

(Just kidding, can someone please get him outta here.)

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A few moments later, Lilia and Malleus arrive at the sight of everyone dancing. Lilia is carrying Crowley inside a sack behind his back.

Angered that he wasn’t invited to dance Gangnam Style, Malleus incites a heavy thunderstorm onto the premises of the college. It causes such huge collateral damage that Crowley has to call for a month-long suspension of classes right after.

As the storm rages on in tune of Malleus’ misery, Lilia smiles serenely as he mentally applauds himself for introducing Twitter to Kalim back then. Yes, he was the main influence of all this chaos, and he was also the one who threatened the Prefect with Justin Bieber songs so they wouldn’t interfere.

But what the students didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them, would it? Hehe.

Cringe is life.