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The Feeling in Between

Summary:

Izuku feels it, and Katsuki doesn't.

Notes:

idc if this is out of character let me self project

i edited this because i started thinking about my ex TOT

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Two pro heroes watched the sun set on the water in front of them. The receding orange haze gazed upon them with warmth, while the growing night sky enveloped them in frigid feelings. Deku and Dynamight were on a one day vacation for the holidays visiting their childhood homes. By the end of the day, they ditched their parents to visit Takoba Beach. It was rare for them to be so relaxed, for a moment allowed to just simply exist. And they chose to spend it together, reminiscing about the moments that led up to this one. They did this until the sun set, and the moon brought along the stars.

There was something about the midnight that always reminded Katsuki of Izuku, and Izuku of Katsuki. To Katsuki everything about Deku was reminiscent of the stars, his freckles, the way his quirk lit up, and his night owl tendencies. To Izuku, Katuski was an explosive enigma that could only be comparable to a supernova. 

Izuku has looked up to Katsuki for effectively an eternity. It was everything about his “take no shit” demeanor and heroic drive that pulled Izuku in, and the tough love of someone who stayed was enough to keep him there.

The first time Izuku looked up to Kacchan was at the age of four, when Katsuki got his quirk. It was that moment in time that cemented both their futures as heroes. Something so explosive should not have been a children's toy, let alone such a troublesome kids toy, but it was, and to Izuku, it was beautiful. Izuku couldn’t tear his eyes away from something so pretty, so heroic, no matter how impending the burn was.

The second time was in middle school, as he was shoved to the ground. Izuku by no means was endeared by this behavior, or even forgiving of it at the time, but he knew Katsuki was going to be something more important than what he was. No man with such a conviction to be a hero could turn into someone Izuku couldn’t love. 

The third time was when Kacchan was attacked by the slime monster. Perhaps it is morbid, or even cruel of him, but it was the first time Kastuki felt truly human to Izuku. 

The fourth time Izuku looked up to Kacchan was in class at UA. Years of note taking came into play as Izuku watched Katsuki train. Izuku strived to emulate his style, after all, who wouldn’t want to become their own image of victory.

The fifth time was as Kacchan apologized, falling, only to be caught by the person he shouldn’t have loved most. 

The sixth time was as Izuku was on his knees, mutually fulfilling a human desire they shared.

Now, both Izuku and Katsuki were sitting side by side, looking up at the countless stars. The times Izuku has looked up to Katsuki could be condensed down into six moments, but six is a misrepresentation of something more like an infinity. And throughout the entire process of Deku’s life, Kacchan had left him blind. 

The sound of the soft waves pulling and pushing was broken by the booming voice of Katsuki. “The beach has gotten shitty again,” he said.

“No it hasn’t Kacchan you're just an ass,” Izuku replied.

“No, I mean look at the sand over there, it's filling up with trash.”

Izuku thought back to the endless hours he spent training by tidying up this beach. As a wave returned to the ocean, did Izuku return to the very place he became shatterproof. Izuku felt pathetic for it, but the image of Kacchan picking up the heavy metal in front of him was the only thing that got him through some days. “Maybe we should clean it up.”

“Yeah right, that ain’t my job.” Katsuki turned to face Izuku at this point, “Maybe we should get Round-Face to do it, she’ll float all this shit into space.”

“That's actually kind of a good idea. Maybe Ochaco can start a whole climate campaign by floating the trash islands in the ocean out of the water. Tsuyu can come along too ‘cause she works great in the water. We can put a news crew on the boat to capture footage and the islands can be disposed of in whatever way the environmental security hero commision sees fit. It would be great for her public image...” Izuku continued to mumble about clean-up campaign ideas for a minute, and Katsuki just listened.

“Deku shut the fuck up.”

“Sorry”

“It’s a good plan, you should talk to her about it.”

Izuku just smiled in return. 

Katsuki looked out to the scene surrounding him. “I saw you cleaning up this beach once, in middle school,” Katsuki started. “I thought you were crazy, but it's also the first time I realized that you might be strong, and that made me so angry.”

“And now I’m higher than you on the hero ranks,” Izuku said with a cheeky smile.

Katsuki gently shoved him, “You asshole.”

“Only for you Kacchan.”

They turned and stared at each other for a while. Katsuki looked at Izuku in debate, he looked at his green eyes and pondered what to do, tell, kiss, or leave. Although Izuku was none the wiser; He only looked at Katsuki with desire. He was first drawn to his crimson eyes, like a moth to a flame, and then to his strong nose, and then his soft pink lips. And then his neck, skin smooth like velvet. For someone who knew Katsuki so well, he should’ve known there was something keeping the blond so hesitant. Perhaps it was the burn in his stomach and darkness surrounding him that distracted him from Katsuki’s wary look. Izuku leaned in and peppered kisses down the blond’s neck.

Katsuki placed a hand on Izuku's shoulder and looked at him, “Stop,” he said.

“Why?” Izuku said with a laugh, “There’s no one around.”

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to hurt you again.”

Izuku no longer held a lighthearted sentiment, “Kacchan…”

“I like someone, and I’m going on a date with him this weekend.” Katsuki paused in thought, “I shouldn’t have been alone with you without telling you.”

“Oh.” Izuku's eyes began to water.

Izuku confessed to Katsuki at the end of third-year. After pining for a year, the courageous man could only work up the nerve to confess to Katsuki due to the fact that he was graduating a week later. With a love note in hand and a little alcohol in his system he walked up to Katsuki’s door and barged into his room. He was met with an expected (but unexpectedly nice) rejection, and that was it, for a while. But hero work is tiring; they started hooking up five years later, for the reason that was mutually agreed upon as “relieving stress”, and Izuku fell for him all over again.

“You like me again don’t you?” Katsuki asked, already knowing the answer.

“Kacchan I’m in love with you.” A tear finally fell, but Izuku's voice remained strong. 

“Shit.”

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay, I just honestly thought you’d be over me by now.”

“I don’t think I ever will be.”

“Deku don’t say that.”

“It’s true! Whenever I date someone it’s great and I don’t feel for you anymore, but they always break up with me and then I fall all over again.” Izuku broke down into sobs, and Katsuki just held him in his arms.

“You’ll find your forever person, it’s not me Izuku.”

“But what if it is!”

“Deku.”

Izuku laid down in Katsukis lap, and looked up into his eyes. “Kacchan, what does romantic love feel like to you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You do, if you didn’t know it you wouldn’t have said anything.”

Katsuki stayed silent.

“Why don’t you feel it for me Kacchan? You love me platonically, and none of that “you’re not my friend bullshit” you love me, you love people, because I’ve seen how you love people. And you like having sex with me cause god, we’re so good together. And you feel all this the same, I know you do, so why the fuck do you not feel the stupid romantic in between feeling when it’s all I ever feel with you.”

For a second, it looked like it was Katsuki’s turn to cry, and then his expression turned “neutral” again. “I just don’t,” he said.

Izuku looked to the stars. “Do you wish you did?”

“I’m not answering that Deku.”

Izuku sighed, “Can I just stay here for a bit, before we part ways and get all awkward again.”

“Yeah.”

And so they stayed. For an instantaneous moment, Izuku could pretend Katsuki was his. And in the next moment, he could silently reprimand himself for it. He felt loved and rejected and suffocated and free all at the same time in Katsukis arms, and he thought that this would mark the end of all non-business related contact between them. It didn’t. Both men stayed side by side, as friends and as protectors of Japan. And Izuku stayed in his cycle of loving someone else and then Katsuki all over again (for a while, at least). And Katsuki stayed with the person he went on a date with that weekend. And Izuku was genuinely happy for him. He always was, until the indefinite, infinite, end.