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Clarke had always been obsessed with nature, sketchbooks filled with the trees, plants and streams around her. She was obsessed with the emotions that crossed peoples face, the ones flowed through peoples eyes, and hid in tense hands. Cultures consumed her, always wanting to learn more about the costumes of the people around her, wanting to assimilate.
Always in a hurry to get to the new art exhibit in between biology classes, Clarke breathed in the life around her always making her late for the next thing. She took any elective she could get to learn more about religions, mythology, and the sky above. Each class was a twirl of thoughts, and knowledge, sucking her into a black whole of information.
She had theories, hundreds of them, all wrapped with a complex bow that she could never untie. Her friends tugged on her hair all the time, asking her to stop living on the clouds for a second, and to join them down on earth. Nothing kept her attention for long, life was too complex, too interesting to be distracted by things as the new hottest guy.
Clarke was twenty when the phone call came, all she could hear were the cries of her mother, making out dad and dead in between them. The knees gave out as she fell down onto the earth she had cherished for so long, the world became gray, and all beauty disappeared. Her dad was gone.
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Lexa had always lived in the stars, since childhood she knew that there would be a time in which she'd have to flow down onto the earth, but the sky had always been her home. She rebelled against her parents wishes, wanting nothing more than to escape the chains of their expectations. Her life became a swirl of drugs, alcohol and sex, doing everything she could to shame the image of her parents. Wanting nothing to do with the family that was never there, but always wanted her to be the best at everything.
It was an autumn night when she met Coastia, the wild child of her father's business partner, making her fall in love with the fire in her smile. Lexa's life took a turning point for the worst, getting sucked into the party life of Costia, living fast and high every night. What had been a way to slight her parents had turned into a way of living, following her love blindly. Each month was a new experience by her side, each month she got sucked deeper into the sky.
Half a year had passed before life brought down hard into the earth, destroying her world as she knew it. A phone call had managed to suck away the life she had inside of herself, sobs stuck in her throat as everything crumbled around her. Costia was gone.
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Her art studio hadn't been opened in months, nothing could make her crack that door open, life and it's beauty and disappeared from her world months ago. Nothing inspired her anymore, not even the angry words that were exchanged between her mother and her. Their relationship hadn't been the best in her dad's life, and with his death it had turned sour, bitter. Clarke couldn't help but blame her mother for her dad's passing, after all if it wasn't for her mother's need for more this wouldn't of happened. They had plenty of money, why did he have to take more hours? Even now they had enough money to continue living the life of spending they were accustomed to.
Clarke had changed majors. What good can being a doctor be when not everyone could be saved? Books became her escape, a new addiction to forget the old, loosing herself in the words of people and their worlds. Her mother had fought for her to stay in school, and as a compromise she became an English major, allowing her emotions through flow with a new medium. Words.
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She spent four months inside of a clinic, allowing the thousands of dollars her parents paid in doctors and psychologist to cleanse herself of the memory of Costia. The with drawls were torture as she hallucinated about her still alive, about her love in her arms, breathing. Lexa got better, she followed her mother's instructions, and joined her father in business meetings. Her mask was impenetrable, hiding every single emotion that she felt, if she felt anything anymore.
Love is weakness, Lexa. Remember that.
After the pain she felt, she didn't want to feel anything else, for anyone. All she could worry about was becoming the best in her classes, and making sure that she listened to her father as he showed her the ropes of his company. The company was everything she had to worry about now, only that. She didn't allow herself the smallest pleasure of the sky anymore, wanting to forget every star and constellation above her. Everything reminded her of the girl with the fire in her smile, she wanted it all gone.
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They met on their way to classes, bumping into each other, apologizing without looking as they walked away. Each time it was the same half arsed apology, going about their lives without looking at each other. Except that one time, they both had books in their arms, and as they bumped into each other their things flew out of their hands. Hurried shits escaped their lips as they picked up what they could, running to class before it was too late. It's not until they are both sitting down that they realize not all of their books made their way with them, no. Some of the books don't belong to them, and the only thing they can remember about their owner is their voice.
A name is written in neat letters on one of the books Lexa holds, giving her a sigh of relief as she finds a clue towards who has her books. She goes around asking for a Clarke Griffin, until a girl named Octavia tells her where to find her, but only if she gave a good word about her to Lincoln. Nodding in agreement she leaves the girl behind, hurried steps carrying her towards Clarke, sitting in a small desk in the library. It's the first time she breaths a little easier, looking at the girl with the sky in her hair and the clouds on her skin. She coughs a little, trying to get the other girls attention.
Clarke's head snapped up in surprise, eyes crossing for a second before they focus on the person who had made the noise. Biting down on her lip, she looked at the girl, eyes studying her in confusion. Who was this girl with the earth on her hair, and the trees in her eyes? Why had she approached her? Was she in her desk?
She cleared her throat. “Yeah? Do you need something?” Clarke whispered in confusion, looking down at the books on the girls hands. “Oh! My books!”
“Yes. It seems we mistook each others books for our own. I was just here to return them,” Lexa replied, looking stiffly at the girl.
Clarke frowned, had she said something to offend the girl? It hadn't been her fault that their books had fallen. Well, she should be paying more attention to where she was walking, but that didn't mean this girl could talk to her like that.
“Well, thank you. I really did need them, your books are right here,” she pushed the books towards the girl, nodding.
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Lexa couldn't stop thinking about Clarke, not about her eyes or the beauty mark above her lip. It felt like she had known her from somewhere, like there was a thread connecting them, and she wanted to cut it in half. Who was this girl to make her feel again? To make her weak. Costia had had a fire in her smile, but Clarke had the stars in her lips and the constellations on her skin. What was even worst? Lexa wanted to fall in love with those constellations, wanted to memorize every single one of them.
When she was younger, her grandfather had always told her that the marks that made our body were a lifetime with their soul mate, and each scar was a lifetime without them. The scars that made her body were many, but the freckles and other marks overpowered them. The moment she saw Clarke, she realized that there was something deeper in those eyes, a pain that felt kindred to her own. What if this was another lifetime with her soul mate? Another mark to be added onto her skin, she didn't want anymore scars.
No. No. Lexa. Remember. Love is weakness.
What's another scar in a sea of them?