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The bitter wind bit at your cheeks as you were finally relieved of your watch. The parapet of the tall worn stone walls provided an excellent vantage point but the night air left you exposed to the elements. You couldn’t imagine how people back in the day possibly had watchs set up around the clock in a place like this.
Pulling the cowl of your hood over your wind bitten cheeks more, you descended down the drafty and dark stone staircase to the third level of the building. Even in your exhausted state you easily picked your way down the stone steps, avoiding the cracked and broken ones with ease. Over the span of a few scouting missions, this ancient fortress has been well picked through and flagged for hazardous zones. Commander Erwin had plans to make this an eventuality working fortress again to help expand out of the Walls. It was still mostly in good condition, heavily fortified with hundreds of yards of flat grassy lands around it and a steady river running nearby to provide water.
It was a good plan aside from the fact that the entire building got teeth-chattering and bone-chillingly cold at night due to its spacious rooms and halls. Beautiful but brutal in the cold.
After a few more minutes you stumbled quietly out of the staircase and onto the third floor. There was a series of rooms lining both sides of the long corridor which opened up to a large common room at the far end. Sets of boots were placed outside each door signifying the number of occupants inside. You were a Squad Captain and like other squad captains, you only had to share a room with one other person unlike the lower ranking scouts who were crammed three to four in a room.
There were also limited supplies this go around as well and the entirety of the scouts were left to share what little bedding they had slowly stocked up at the castle during the last few visits.
No one had expected the sudden rainstorm that assailed the group which drove them to take shelter for much longer then expected. Commander Erwin eventually ruled that the night would be spent in the fortress with a dozen pairs of scouts keeping watch through the night, rotating in and out every two hours so everyone had a turn and everyone got as much sleep as possible.
So at three in the morning you counted the sets of boots outside the wooden worn doors till you finally landed at the last door with only one pair sitting neatly to the left of the door frame. They were on the smaller side you noticed as you placed yours beside them and quietly opened the door.
You were so exhausted at this point that you didn’t care who you were sharing the sleeping roll with and you began to haphazardly loosen the straps of your gear so you could sleep comfortably. No one would be stupid enough to completely remove all their gear outside the walls. So you dealt with it. It wouldn’t be the first or last time that you slept with the harness on.
You heard shuffling deeper in the dark room as you carefully removed your weapons and the mechanical components of your gear and laid them out so you could easily buckle them on incase of emergency. You were mildly aware of the other captain in the room and as you unclamped your cloak you made your way to the shadowy figure, now sitting upright in the bedroll.
“Have you warmed up the sleeping bag for us?” You said quietly as you approached and knelt beside the figure and fanned your cloak out over the occupied bag. It was a thick almost canvas like thing but lined with a soft wool and only marginally wide enough for two people.
The figure grunted and climbed out of the bedding surprising you out of your sleepy stupor. You looked up then as the figure rose to their feet and wrapped their cloak around their shoulders tightly. You immediately registered the figure as Levi as he made a gesture to the bed roll.
“It’s all yours.” He replied with a slightly gravelly voice as he turned to walk away. You had known Levi for some years now and although you weren’t ‘besties’ you were friendly with each other and had grown used to one another. Being through as many battles together as you two had often had that effect. So you were surprised but not shocked at his actions now.
“It’s just a sleeping bag.” Levi paused mid step and looked back at you with an unreadable expression. You noticed now how he trembled slightly in the cold air but you chalked it up to him removing himself from the warm bedding.
“I’m alright.”
“I didn’t ask if you were alright you old geazer, I said it’s just a sleeping bag. It’s not the first time we’ve shared a sleeping bag either, so get in already.” You said as you slipped inside. It felt like nice laying on something soft but it was surprisingly cool still leading you to think that Levi had only arrived here a few minutes before you had. He stood there unmoving a moment as if weighing his options before seeming to come to a conclusion and slip back into the bed roll beside you.
You could feel cold radiating off the other captain as you both laid back to back with your cloaks thrown over top to add extra layers for you both.
A few more minutes passed and you could feel the trembling figure beside you still shaking soundlessly before you rolled over with an idea.
“I’m cold Levi, can we cuddle?” Levi seemed to catch his breath at that but didn’t move. You didn’t move closer or push as you didn’t want to pressure him to be any more uncomfortable then he probably already was.
“Brat. Do I look like I’d warm you up at all?” He huffed out after a moment and you kicked his foot lightly with yours.
“No but everyone knows that sharing body heat is the best way to warm up.” You retort sensing that he’d already made up his mind and you place a hand on his shoulder lightly, mindlessly adjusting the strap of his gear as you wait for him to respond.
He halfway turns toward you and you can barely make out his darkened cheeks. “I won’t tell a soul either if you're worried about that.”
This time Levi kicks your feet as he puts his back to you again.
“Tch. Fine.” You yawn a bit with a smug smile on your face as you curl up around the slightly smaller man and you press your cold nose into his soft hair as you slip an arm under his head as a pillow and the other wraps around his chest and finish by draping your leg over his.
“Comfortable?” Levi huffs out sounding irritated but he shuffles back against your body a bit trying to leech some of your warmth.
“Very.” You say with a chuckle and you pull him more firmly against you for added measure. After a few moments you could feel the warmth in the sleeping bag begin to defrost your bones a bit.
You were reminded of the time by the heaviness in your eyelids as you closed them and breathed deeply, enjoying the warmth of another human next to you. As awkward as something like this could be, you always found sharing warmth with another human soothing and it eased a bit of the loneliness inside you.
As you began to drift off you realized that small muffled sounds were coming from Levi and you opened your eyes curiously. You realized then that you had been absentmindedly carding your fingers through his hair and Levi had his face muffled in your arm.
Slowly you curled around the brunette more as you pet hit hair softly and you realized that his trembling from earlier hadn’t stopped in the slightest. Proping yourself up on your elbow you peered down at him and watched as he hastily scrubbed his eyes with the back of his fist at your movement.
“Levi? Are you hurt?” He shook his head and you placed your hand gently on his face, wiping away what you now realized we’re tears from his cheeks.
“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask again as you hold his face steady so he couldn't look away from you. You could feel heat from his cheeks in your palm as you continued to stroke his cheek lightly.
“No, please Y/N. I just want to sleep.” After a moment you nod and lay down again and resume stroking his hair softly. You didn’t want to push him but you could feel the deep gnaw of concern in your stomach at stoic Levi’s sudden display of vulnerability. You began to question if you had bolted the bedroom door or not, as you wanted to protect the man in your arms from anyone intruding on him in this state.
Just as you were about to excuse yourself to check the bolt you felt Levi turn in your arms with a choke little noise and suddenly he was pressed chest to chest with you and his damp face was slotted into the crook of your neck. You could feel his silent but heaving breaths as his arms wound around your chest and he clung to you. All previous thoughts about leaving the bedroll immediately vanished as you wrapped your arms securely around him and held him close.
“…sorry.” Levi’s voice was quiet and wet with tears as he murmured out the apology. You pet his hair and sushed him softly as you held him a bit tighter. Your actions though only seemed to spur on more ragged and choked sobs as he clung miserably to you.
He wasn’t the first person to cry like this on your shoulder, and you had cried your fair bit on others as well. Nearly no one had ever seen Levi cry but with being in the Survey Corps and seeing what you all witnessed and went through on the daily, it seemed even humanity's strongest had their limits. You all had to be strong but everyone had to vent it out somehow.
“Don’t hold it in Levi, it’s just me, it’s just us.” You whisper into his hair and a moment later a ragged sob rips out of his throat. It seemed to pour out of him after that loud and painful sounding as you held him tightly and smoothed his hair away from his face and pressed your face into his hair as a few tears of your own slipped out. You murmured soothingly to the man in your arms as you held him until the shaking stopped.
“Water?” You offered as Levi drew back a bit and gave a small nod as he drew in deep and exhausted breaths. You reached back beside the bed and pulled your small pack toward you. You fished around a second before your fingers caught the mostly full canteen of water and passed it to Levi. After a quick thanks, he downed a few big gulps before passing it back to you. You took a drink as well before setting it aside and returning to wrap your arms around him.
“I can’t remember the last time I was held like this.”
“Like how?” You are caught off guard by the sudden confession as you rearrange the bedding around to cacoon you both with Levi still tucked into your arms. Levi’s fingers dig into your shirt back a bit more as he let out a breath.
“Like someone cared.” You paused a moment before throwing your leg over his waist and using it to hug him as close as ever to you. You stayed silent for a long while as you gently scraped you nails through his dark hair and undercut.
“You’re really nice to hold.” You muttered aloud earning a more normal Levi-like scoff.
“Do you have no shame in saying cheese crap like that at all?” He huffed but you could feel his face heat up against your skin and you grinned.
“Should I be ashamed that I find you comforting?” You retort and Levi kicks your foot again. You laugh and nuzzle your face into his hair causing him to groan and weakly push at you. You were embarrassing him but he also didn’t want to lose the small amount of affection being shown to him.
“Don’t mock me brat.” He grumbled out and began to attempt to turn away from you. You held tight though not letting him.
“I am being very sincere when I say that, Captain.” Levi paused mid struggle and you could feel a faint trembling begin again. Wordlessly Levi repositioned himself again and slotted his face back into the crook of your neck seemingly deciding it was the warmest spot and safe from your gaze.
The two of you stayed intertwined like that in each other’s embrace till you woke the next morning.
As you both got ready and adjusted your skewed harnesses, you both wordlessly helped one another with the buckles and a comfortable silence stayed till you both left the room.
Something that night shifted between you two though. During missions and meals you both somehow drifted toward one another mindlessly and as you sat or stood your shoulders or legs maintained some form of contact.
Sometimes it was a little more intentional as you placed a hand on his shoulder or his on your back as you discussed plans and tactics with the other scouts. Some of the others had noticed this new closeness as well but no one commented on it. The ones keen enough to notice the difference between you two also noticed the dark under Levi’s eyes had disappeared as well.
Aside from that your rays remained relatively normal but your night routine had drastically changed. You weren’t sure how it happened but without really communicating it you both found your way into each other's rooms and embrace after dark fell.
It was an odd solace the both of you discovered in each other’s arms.
It was a comfort that carried you both through years of hardship and heartache that followed. You felt a little less lonely with the grounding weight of another human against your chest and your heart ached when the intrusive thought about losing this- losing Levi- crept in; but Levi, with his blunt and sarcastic remarks, was always pressed into your skin to stave them off.
You looked back on that day in the frigid fortress and smiled often. It may have been just a sleeping bag but it was the first night of many with the best sleep of your life.