Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

sukai has never seen someone bright, painfully so that it blinds him.

keigo stands out so much that everything around him becomes dull and boring to look at, maybe including himself, sukai thinks as he stares where keigo stands across the room along with a bunch of other seniors in front of the class. they’re briefing the freshmen about how the orientation process will go for the next two weeks.

sukai thinks shion would probably freak out if he told him he’s looking forward to the orientation weeks. it doesn’t necessarily mean that his best friend has successfully convinced him to go. sukai only went today because he wanted to see if something interesting would turn up. he just didn’t think it would be a senior with a soft gaze and an equally soft smile.

“are you out of your mind?”

the comic books scatter out on the floor as shion springs into a sitting position on the couch after sukai told him about keigo.

“i didn’t do anything.” sukai replies matter of factly.

“yet,” shion rolls his eyes then goes to get himself a glass of cold water. “look, i’ll support you no matter what. just... don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“coming from you?” sukai raises a brow at his best friend who nearly chokes on his cold water.

“in my defense, shosei likes me back!” shion puts the glass down on the table and clicks his tongue when the condensation makes the corner of the comic book he’s reading wet. “and he’s not my senior."

sukai watches as the dark blue haired guy goes back to lay on the couch to continue reading the newest volume of re:zero book, his back on him and that’s his cue to leave because he knows shion will not be available for the rest of the day. sukai feels sorry for shosei that he has to share a boyfriend with a fictional two dimensional character.

“hey? are you home?”

when sukai hears the voice on the other line he feels like he can finally unwind. “yeah, what’s up?”

sukai goes quiet, contemplating on how to make it sound less crazy for his sister. “you know, today i-”

“is everything okay?” she asks because apparently sukai has gone quiet for quite a long time, which probably makes her worried.

sukai shakes his head even though she can’t see it. “no, it’s perfect here.” he says and decides that it may not be the best time to tell her sister yet. what was he even thinking? he made her worried too now.

“you sure?”

technically, sukai isn’t lying. it’s everything he could ever ask for. a spacious dorm and his best friend as a roommate, a prestigious college and a major he’s actually interested in. so perfect that it would seem like he’s being ungrateful if he complained. “yes! can you tell mom i said hi?” he misses his mother but he’s too drained to catch up.

“okay. please take care.” her sister says with a voice that he only gets to hear when she thinks he’s not listening.

sukai smiles a genuine smile. “got it.”

after the line gets disconnected, he sighs and leans back against the headrest. he recalls the thing he said to keigo, the confession. “shion, i’m sorry,” he says to himself, “i think it’s too late.”

-

as expected, keigo is still as bright as usual, so in anticipation, sukai brings sunglasses. apparently keigo thinks it’s funny and he laughs really hard that his sides hurt while sukai just pretends he gets why it’s funny and laughs a little at how ridiculous the whole situation is.

sukai misses how keigo’s cheeks turn just a darker shade of pink after the laughter dies down. the rundown scribbled in keigo’s handwriting on the board should be their priority now, if sukai is not mistaken.

“can we continue?” he clears his throat.

“right!” keigo looks mildly embarrassed and begins explaining to him about the rundown and whatever it is they need to prepare for the orientation but of course, sukai gets lost in his thoughts again, embarrassingly enough that it’s still obvious even with sunglasses. “...is there something on my face?” keigo pauses to ask him, and seems genuinely curious.

sukai blinks. “no?” 

“okay…” keigo nods, uncertain but goes back to write on the whiteboard.

“sorry, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” sukai rubs his nape. he’s not regretful about everything he’s said to keigo, though, but he would never do it again if it makes the senior uncomfortable.

keigo pauses to give him a once over. “i know and it’s fine.”

“really? you still can have other people to change with me if-”

“sukai.” keigo is using his ‘senior voice’.

sukai straightens his back. “yes?”

“it’s. fine.” keigo says with a glare but sukai doesn’t tell him that it turns out to be cute instead of intimidating.

sukai can feel the corners of his mouth stretch into a grin. “then i’m glad.”

“you’re really something, you know?” keigo shakes his head before going to review what he’s written on the whiteboard.

sukai replies in a soft voice which probably goes unnoticed because keigo is now immersed in the activity of listing off the stuff they need to prepare, “so i’ve been told so many times.”

-

it would take more than the sun to bring sukai down. but it takes little to anger him. especially if you take someone he cares about into account. he almost snaps at one of the seniors for leaving everything to keigo after he sees keigo almost falls unconscious. he takes him to the infirmary where it’s cool and quiet and far from the unpleasant heat and prying eyes.

“can’t you at least say no?” sukai folds his arms over his chest, somehow still can feel the anger even after the seniors have clarified that he doesn’t know keigo is not in his best condition.

he passes keigo the cold beverages he bought from the vending machine.

keigo rolls his eyes but accepts it anyway. “i do it because i want to.”

“that’s great and all but someone almost got hurt because of it.”

keigo stops drinking before he can choke at what he’s just heard. “what? now, why did you make it like it’s my fault?” sukai sees how the senior frowns and pouts and he decides that it’s not the best for his heart.

sukai laughs, but really, he just wants to see the pout stay. “i was kidding.”

“no, you’re not,” keigo replies, pointing an accusing finger at him which he easily brushes off. “ but i’m glad no one got hurt. thank you.” there’s a soft, grateful smile when keigo says this and it makes sukai’s heartbeat just a little bit faster at the sight. he wonders if he’s doing well in hiding it.

“look at yourself,” sukai nods towards keigo. “you’re pale as a sheet.”

keigo sputters, “you didn’t just-”

“stay here and get some rest.”

sukai cuts him off, then turns around to make his way to the door and leaves, hoping his attempt at hiding his ridiculously red face is really not that obvious.

-

the orientation week miraculously passed without any significant problems and sukai is immediately thrown into weeks of classes, a blur of other bunch of activities that he definitely didn’t look forward to due to the absence of a certain senior. he doesn’t want to see how many nights out it would take for his classmates to get sick of it. sukai has certainly had enough of being the only sober one at the end of the night, no matter how good they will treat him in the morning for dropping them off at home safe and sound.

“it’s good that you get along.” shion deadpans, taking a sip of his iced coffee.

sukai stares at a plate of chocolate cake on the table that he ordered, suddenly losing his appetite thinking about how many times his classmates have puked all over his jacket. “it is, i guess,” he replies, doesn’t really think so but he decides not to give it much thought. “do you want my chocolate cake?”

shion looks up from his laptop. “you sure? i’m going to save it for shosei.”

“really, i will never understand why shosei is dating you.”

“oh, come on,” shion pulls the plate closer towards him, claiming it as his possession. “you’re just jealous that my love life is better than you.” 

sukai rolls his eyes. “you’re just very lucky that it makes me mad sometimes.” he shakes his head then gets out of his seat to which shion raises curious eyebrows. “i’m going first.” sukai replies to the silent question.

“your class starts in like two hours though?” sukai is amazed that his best friend even paid attention.

“yeah, so?”

at this point, shion has probably realized his intention when sukai’s gaze is drawn towards the dessert container right next to the cashier. “aaaah,” he exclaims in an understanding tone. “damn, are you really the sukai i know from elementary school?” shion feigns hurt but sukai just waves a dismissive hand before leaving the table with shion embarrassingly yelling, “good luck! remember, safety first!”

sukai thinks, as he makes way towards the cashier while pretending he doesn’t know shion, he will be dealt with later for sure.

-

keigo is not in his class, nor is he at the places where sukai has several times run into him. he’s made friends with some of the seniors he worked with during the orientation weeks and they know whom he shows up for. while sukai is feeling kind of grateful, he’s still a little embarrassed that basically everyone knows he’s hitting on keigo. he doesn’t really mind it, though. he’s just not used to it.

maybe keigo has gone home. sukai just hopes that everything is okay. it’s been so long since they ran into each other in the hallway. he tries not to be disappointed as he takes out his phone to send keigo a text. he realizes they didn’t talk much and most of the topic is about academics or college stuff that sukai never really cares about. that makes him wonder, keigo might not receive his attention well.

sukai deletes everything he’s typed and locks his phone, starting to wish he’d bought a different cake instead, so that he doesn’t have to throw away a chocolate cake for the second time today--or make shosei eat it twice (because he’s not giving it to shion). a strawberry shortcake would be good to cheer him up and sukai is a little sad he doesn’t have it.

or maybe he should just eat it to avoid shion’s questions when he gets back to his dorm later. sukai is thinking about going back to the cafe to eat it when someone calls out to him.

he’s not sure if it’s the deprivation but the feelings of seeing keigo for the first time come back and sukai can barely contain it right now. it’s a struggle to appear otherwise and he thinks anyone will know from the way sukai stands frozen in his spot.

“hey, i thought you’ve gone back.” sukai greets when keigo is within a close proximity for a more private conversation.

the senior nods and confirms, “but i went back to get my folder that i left in the club room.”

sukai nods as they start walking together towards the stairs and out the building. “have you… have you eaten?” it’s the first time he feels nervous around keigo. he can feel his palm start sweating.

“no, why?” keigo asks with a smile.

sukai holds out the paper bag in his hands. “if you want, please take this.”

“oh, what is this?” keigo sounds half-amused.

“a chocolate cake,” sukai mutters. “i don’t know what you like so i just got you the same one i got earlier. i didn’t eat it and ended up giving it to my friend, but don’t worry, it wasn’t because the cake was not good.”

sukai finally turns his head to meet keigo’s eyes when the senior is silent. he heaves a sigh and says matter of factly, “sorry, i talk too much when i’m nervous.”

keigo is laughing but sukai doesn’t really feel offended. it seems like he always finds their interaction somehow amusing. he doesn’t blame him, though. he also thinks it’s funny that keigo is not pushing him away and still wants to be around him, although he’s not exactly acknowledging the whole pursuing thing either. that’s probably why it’s funny. but sukai finds that he doesn’t really care.

“i like anything, really.” keigo takes the paper bag and peeks inside.

“please don’t say that just so i don’t feel bad.” sukai says seriously.

“why would i do that?” keigo replies. he looks quite serious too.

sukai sighs in relief and continues walking. he hears keigo’s footsteps catching up behind him. “then i’m glad.”

“do you want to eat it together?” 

sukai is too stunned to reply.

-

keigo’s room is neat just as he expected and everything is so organized. there are a lot of things that sukai thinks would usually be found in an art gallery. somehow, it’s so keigo even though they barely even know each other in that sense. sukai thinks it’s a very comfortable place to live nonetheless.

and apparently, keigo doesn’t have a roommate.

“make yourself at home.” keigo says when he notices him just standing around. it’s just that the interior design fascinates him more than the urge to sit and rest his legs.

he does take a seat on the couch as keigo starts preparing the cake, though. it isn’t long until keigo calls him over to the dining table when he’s done, the chocolate cake sits in the middle of the wooden table along with two small forks. it honestly looks more delicious than it did in the cafe earlier. he is not trying to imply the importance of having the right person at the right moment (sorry, shion).

“let’s try it!” keigo puts his palm together before digging in right away in which sukai follows suit.

“it’s good.” sukai mumbles, surprised but also not really because shosei recommended the cafe--he has come to trust shosei more than his best friend.

keigo smiles. “it’s good? i’m glad.”

sukai nods and eats more, not caring about how he should be the one to say that instead of keigo. it feels good to know they both are finding it for the first time and sukai is just grateful he decided to let shion have the cake. “there’s chocolate right there.” sukai tells keigo when he looks up and points to the corner of his own lips so keigo can get an idea where the chocolate stain is but he confuses right with left, so he reaches out without realizing in his desperation to wipe it off himself.

keigo freezes.

sukai gently wipes it off with his thumb and leans back in his chair.

“don’t wipe it on your jeans!” keigo’s voice stops him and sukai blinks. well, he’s not going to do it if keigo says so. sukai watches as the senior goes towards where he keeps the napkins and gets one for him to rub the chocolate stain off his fingers.

“thanks.” 

this time, it's keigo desperately trying to hide the reddening of his own cheeks.

Chapter Text

here comes the part where sukai finds himself slowly despising college, the exams. it’s not like he’s experiencing exams for the first time but he really couldn’t care less if he was in high school where he hasn’t met keigo yet. he never thought much about it because he was never struggling with his academics--one thing his best friend will always tell him about how jealous he is. but this time, it’s different. he’s in college and even if he finds himself not struggling with classes yet, it’s the pressure to get his act together or else he will get left behind.

so participating in a group study is one of his efforts to stay focused. it’s not bad at all actually, he gets to know more about a bunch of classmates he doesn’t usually hang out with since he was the last one to pick a group. takumi is a quiet, hardworking fella. and sukai really appreciates ren’s contribution in leading the group, the guy is surprisingly good at tutoring too and babysitting another dude called syoya.

“sukai, can you walk with me to the dorm?”

sukai turns his head to find takumi’s pleading eyes. he looks scared for some reason but sukai chooses not to ask and agrees since he thinks it would be nice to have a companion back to the dorm. shion hardly ever walks with him because his faculty building is on the other side of the campus. sukai walks takumi to his room and goes back to his own after making sure that everything is okay and he’s not in some crazy shit like being chased by a gangster or something.

he doesn’t expect to be pleasantly surprised when he arrives in his own room, however. shosei is there and shion tells him that he will be sleeping over for a week because he’s finished with all his exams. it’s always good to have shosei around because he’s obviously more normal and behaves like an adult and also because shion tends to cause less trouble when his boyfriend is around.

“well, at least a good thing happened this week.” he says to himself quietly with a sad smile as he stores his bag in his room and goes to third wheel the lovebirds in their little movie marathon. and even though he still hasn’t seen keigo in like days, sukai has no choice but to keep going with his life and hope he will be able to see him later with some good news.

-

the following days, sukai finally sees keigo in the hall but then before he can go to him, takumi appears asking for his company yet again. this time to the library. sukai only agrees because he’s grown curious as to why takumi was so afraid that night and why they are becoming more and more like friends. not that sukai mind, takumi is probably everything he needs as a classmate and a friend.

when they reach the library, takumi tells him to wait while he returns the books he’s lent for the group study, which is something sukai was and still is thankful for. he takes a seat in one of the unoccupied chairs, listening to music from his earphones because he really doesn’t feel like seeing walls and walls of words anymore for at least another two weeks.

it’s making him sleepy, takumi is taking longer than expected. sukai feels like he could fall asleep any second but he’s really curious so when his pink-haired friend is not showing up, he decides to look for him. he thinks he’s rounded the library three times but takumi is nowhere to be found. he should be easy to spot with that pink hair but there’s no sign of pink hair inside the library and he starts to panic. what if his friend is actually being chased by a gangster and they got him this time?

down the hallway, there’s a classroom that is never really used for lectures, at least not for the first years and sukai hears some kind of a commotion, so naturally, he goes in there. he finds takumi and some seniors and he’s quite surprised to see keigo there. the seniors were their mentors during orientation weeks but sukai doesn’t know what business they have with takumi which makes his friend cower like a scared cat. it somehow bothers him.

it’s probably the first time sukai feels angry in a while that he doesn’t even remember to greet keigo even though he really wants to see him. he needs to get takumi out of there and maybe ask for an explanation from keigo later. sukai drags takumi out of the classroom by the hand when a senior that he notices is close to keigo tries to get takumi to say something.

he doesn’t care if it looks so rude. he also doesn’t care if takumi doesn’t want to be dragged out by hand not so gently. but he probably would care if he’s seen how keigo’s face falls at how quick he moved to save takumi.

-

takumi finally tells him about what he did during the orientation weeks. the senior’s name is junki, he was his mentor and they got into an argument and takumi proved him wrong. since then, junki has been following him around and takumi thinks he’s getting revenge. he finds that it’s scarier than getting into an argument with the guy. he also tells him that junki almost always trying to talk to him about anything that takumi has no idea what to say because he is not interested in soccer at all.

sukai, no matter how stupid he is about this stuff, immediately gets that junki is not seeking revenge. he wants to see how it’ll play out now but before that, he supposes they need to talk first to clear the one-sided misunderstanding. sukai decides that he will not tell takumi yet about his plan. “what do you think about him?” he asks after a long pause, making takumi’s ears perk up.

“HE’S SCARY!” takumi yells as if his feelings aren’t obvious enough from how he told the story. “i will apologize to him for that day and hope he will leave me alone.”

sukai laughs then reaches out to give takumi’s shoulder a soft pat. “yes, you should clear things up with him.”

“but can you come with me?” takumi asks and sukai just smiles.

“of course.”

he sees keigo two days later and it looks like he’s pretty much done with exams. sukai catches up to him but there’s something off about his expression. he is still as pretty as ever but not so bright. and it looks like it changes as soon as he sees him. sukai can’t be bothered now, he needs to help set up a day for a night out with the seniors so takumi and junki can talk.

“hey, keigo.”

“what’s up?” he says as enthusiastic as someone who wakes up with a hangover in the morning.

“are you free this weekend?”

keigo raises an eyebrow. “i think so… why?”

“let’s have a drink,” sukai tells him. “ask the others to come too.”

“suddenly? what are you planning to do?”

“to celebrate the end of exam weeks,” he leans closer to whisper. “i need to help takumi. please?"

keigo leans away and looks at him incredulously. it seems that keigo is clueless. sukai supposes that it would be okay to tell him about junki but just as he’s about to open his mouth, keigo turns around to catch up with his friend who passes by, leaving sukai standing there, sad and mostly confused.

it feels as if he’s lost his sun and everything is turning colder now.

-

exams are over and sukai is one step closer to being free. he is not the type to stress over them, as much as he thinks he didn’t do really well. there is always hope and to put it bluntly, sukai would wish it upon something else entirely. even just a glance, he hopes keigo would look at him just once tonight.

he will never see the bottom of the clear glass filled with an alcoholic drink in his hand, not soon. it is so noisy around them but the silence between him and keigo is deafening. everyone at the table is either busy with their phones after the casual chitchat has died down a bit and there is nothing left to talk about.

keigo looks like he has so much going on inside his mind and sukai supposes they mirror each other now. he’s just amazed that no one has noticed yet how they’re sitting so close yet no words have been exchanged other than the half-assed greetings at the beginning of their agenda. sukai is nervous, the question “are you okay?” persists at the tip of his tongue. he should either let it out or wash it down his throat along with the liquor.

before he can do any of that, though, keigo rises from his seat to reach out to takumi who looks like he’s about to pass out and hit his head against the table. it surprises sukai that he moves to help keigo and earns a glare from the older one between them. well, a glare is better than nothing. sukai looks at junki sitting facing away from takumi, his face is really red. and it looks like he’s having a second thought about something. sukai sighs. he knows it’s not going well. 

the only thing he can offer is to bring them to his room since it’s relatively the closest one to the restaurant and he’s actually sober enough to bother and maybe he can make it up to junki and takumi for meddling in their business. sukai walks over to hoist junki up and gives keigo a signal that they should go home.

keigo ends up having to drive them back to sukai’s room.

“hey, what’s up?”

sukai stops in his track and turns around to find shion. he must have heard all the commotion.

“hey, uh, sorry, did i wake you up?”

the other shakes his head and sukai can see him glancing toward the balcony. there is a glint of realization in his eyes upon seeing keigo and now he can’t stop looking at him with anticipating eyes. sukai clears his throat, it’s getting a little bit awkward that shion has to find out this way about keigo.

when he’s about to open his mouth, shion cuts in, “wait, don’t. did you do something stupid?”

“what? no,” he looks at him, unsure of what he means by something stupid. it’s silence and sukai’s mind trying to find something he’s done that deserves keigo’s silent treatment. he can’t come up with anything and the little amount of alcohol in his system isn’t helping either. “i’m going to have a headache. i hope you don’t mind if i sleep in the living room, my room is occupied by takumi and junki.”

“who?” shion’s brows knit together.

“takumi is a classmate. long story short, i’ve been trying to help clear the misunderstanding between him and this guy who’s also keigo’s friend.”

“is he the pink-haired guy you’ve been hanging out with these days?”

sukai raises an eyebrow, he forgot shion’s seen him with takumi. he nods and there’s immediately a look of realization in his face. “dude,” he whispers, his mouth is still open in disbelief. “i can’t believe you’re this stupid.”

and that’s how sukai finds himself sitting in the swing on the playground in the resident area with keigo. it’s cold and they’re both very stupid for going out unprepared for it. but at least they got warm beverages from the vending machine down the streets.

.

it’s cold and holding the warm beverage in his hands doesn’t really help but he supposes it’s nice to be alone with sukai after a while. keigo isn’t exactly sure about what’s been happening with himself lately, it’s just that he thinks he’s even more sensitive. at first, he thought it was pretty normal with finals coming up but he had never been that stressed out and sensitive.

he gets annoyed easily too and he realizes the reason why when sukai came to tell him about his little classmate. until now, he doesn’t even know if the other has realized yet and he has made up his mind to tell him now if he hasn’t. maybe sukai just really wants to hang out with him by asking him to go for a drive like this.

keigo looks at sukai nervously when he finds that the younger one is staring. "what?" he stutters, then gives him a shy smile in return when he sees an affectionate smile blooming across sukai’s face.

"can i kiss you?"

keigo's eyes widen. he hasn’t anticipated that at all.

"please?"

seeing sukai's sincere eyes seems to break keigo's resolution to not let him do anything without an explanation first (yeah, he made it up just now) but here he is, sitting in the swing on a playground with a junior two years younger than him who's quick on his feet. keigo looks up and once again meets sukai's eyes, the grip he has on the chain tightens as the younger leans down closer and keigo closes his eyes just as sukai's lips touch his own.

it’s not like in the movies, but keigo has his own share of butterflies in the stomach moment. and maybe embarrassment because of how much he likes the idea of sukai kissing him. “don’t think you’re off the hook just because i let you kiss me! you owe me an explanation, kinjo sukai.” he says sternly when their faces aren’t too close to speak without having their breath fanning each other’s faces.

sukai grins playfully and gently pushes the swing. “do i? did you care all along?”

“always.” 

.

sukai doesn’t tell anyone, not even keigo, that he was really embarrassed for what he did last night. ‘can i kiss you?’ are you fucking kidding me, sukai? he just knows shion would snort out a laugh if he tells him about what happened last night. at the same time, he thinks no one would be surprised. sukai wouldn’t be. he’s aware of how much he likes keigo, at least.

keigo is perfect. he’s his sunshine. sukai would have never guessed he would be up in the morning making breakfast with said sunshine in his kitchen. “no, you pour the milk first? that’s a violation!”

keigo pouts as he pours the milk over the cereal in his own bowl. sukai just laughs before getting the eggs as he lets keigo eat his cereal on the counter without even bothering to sit.

the peaceful morning, however, is interrupted by a scream coming from sukai’s room. takumi appears seconds later, looking horrified. “why was i- why was i sleeping in his embrace?!” he looks at keigo and sukai interchangeably, obviously not remembering the events last night.

“calm down. come sit and eat breakfast. how are you feeling?” sukai asks when takumi is approaching.

takumi massages his temple. “the worst. why is junki- oh my god.” he says tiredly then takes a seat in the chair to try remember what happened after he blacked out. sukai is contemplating whether to tell his friend or not that he was the one plopping down on the bed with junki on his own last night.

junki enters the kitchen a moment later, shocked to see the sight of takumi. sukai didn’t know he would get free entertainment by befriending these two. he grins when he sees keigo suppresses a laugh, “good morning, you missed the fun.” and by the time junki is seated in the dining table with him, takumi is as red as a tomato.

“what?” takumi snaps.

junki shakes his head. “nothing.” 

sukai puts down everything he’s holding to pull keigo’s hand. “i will let you two talk. come on, keigo.”

-

sukai grips keigo’s hand tighter as they stand on the balcony. he uses the other hand to eat the banana he’s snatched from the plastic bag on top of the refrigerator while keigo is just watching him eat. he wipes an excess of the fruit out of the corner of sukai’s mouth. “you’re such a messy eater too.” he says with a grin.

“do you think those two will be okay?” sukai tries not to sound flustered.

“yeah, they will. i can tell junki likes him so much even though he has yet to tell me.”

“it’s funny to think that my friend thought he was bullying him.” sukai smiles when he remembers what they had to go through to get to this point.

keigo looks at him. it reminds sukai of the day in the club room. “i didn’t pay attention but you’re really something.”

“what’s it for this time?” sukai meets his eyes, a fond smile growing on his face.

“for helping them out,” keigo says. “such a nice person.”

“thank you. i’m really happy.” and sukai thought it was impossible to like someone even more. maybe it is more than a liking. maybe it is more than just mere fondness. maybe he’s in love. or maybe it’s the combination of them all.

“you deserve to be.”

keigo is a gentle presence, despite leaving a strong first impression and now becoming the most significant presence in his life that sukai would never trade with anything in the world. “we both do. please be happy with me.”