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“I don't believe this.”
Larry and Balki looked up at the ten foot high mountain of boxes they had to move for one of Ritz Discount’s annual going out of business sales.
“Well, cousin, you said last time he'd never get more used things that no one wants,” Balki commented.
Larry sighed and folded his arms over his chest. “So I was wrong.” He paused and glanced at Balki. “We may as well get started.”
Balki immediately went to pull at a box on the bottom.
“Balki, what are you doing? You can't pull that box out. All the others will fall and we’ll be buried in junk no one wants,” Larry said, pulling Balki away, but Balki kept his grip on the box.
“Cousin, this box isn't holding any of the others.” He pulled on it some more.
Larry tried pulling him away again, causing the topmost box to teeter. “All of these boxes are holding up other boxes. That's the whole idea of piling them in a pyramid.”
Balki pulled on the box again. “But cousin...”
He was interrupted by the sound of sliding boxes.
“Avalanche!” Balki called out as he and Larry were sent sprawling on the floor amid all the boxes.
The boxes settled where they landed, and the room was quiet after a few seconds. Balki sat up “Wwoww!”
A groan came from a few boxes over. Larry sat up, rubbing his head. “What happened?”
“You were right, Cousin. That box was holding up all of the others,” Balki answered standing.
“Oh, right.” Larry stood, then glanced around at the boxes, still rubbing the back of his head.
He picked up a box and went to move it but stopped when he realized he wasn't getting any help. “Cousin?” He didn't look over at him. “Cousin?” He tried again and still he didn't look at him. Balki put the box down, walked over to Larry, and tapped him on the shoulder. “Cousin?”
Larry looked from side to side, then at Balki. “Me?”
“You. Are you feeling like yourself?”
Larry looked at him blankly. “Who am I supposed to feel like?”
Balki’s eyes went wide. “Oh no!” He turned Larry around, put one hand on each shoulder and pushed him out of the room. “Cousin, you’re going home and put your mind to rest.”
The next morning, Balki was making what could be considered breakfast, all the while humming the theme to “Laverne and Shirley.”
Larry came out of his room dressed in a tee shirt and sweatpants rather than his pajamas and robe. He also had an ice pack in his hand. He sat down at the kitchen table.
Balki turned to him. “Good morning, Cousin, feel any better today?”
“Besides the headache?” Larry shrugged, “But that's normal.”
“What normal is?” Balki asked.
Larry gave him an odd look. “The headache is normal. You know when you get hit in the head too much, that comes with being champ.”
Balki moved to the kitchen table and leaned on it. “Champ?”
“Golden Gloves?” Larry offered, then paused. “Since when do I have a roommate anyway? Did those two clowns set you up to this?”
“Two clowns, Cousin? You aren't making any dig das,” Balki said.
Larry sighed. “Never mind. I still have my morning workout to get started on.” He got up and left the kitchen table.
He opened his mouth to question again, but nothing came out. He watched Larry go into the closet and come back out with a jump rope. He moved between the fireplace and the couch, checked to make sure nothing was in his way, and without so much as a flinch, he pulled off the tee shirt in one smooth motion, and began with the jump rope. Again, Balki’s mouth opened for a moment, nothing came out. Then he finally managed, “Cousin...?”
Without stopping, Larry returned, “Why do you keep calling me cousin? The name is Carmine.”
Balki’s eyes went wide. It had been bad enough the day before that it seemed Larry couldn't remember who he was, but now it seemed the suggestion of watching a “Laverne and Shirley” marathon made Larry think he was Carmine Ragusa.
Larry stopped a moment, already breathing hard. “Thought I was better at this, I'm already short on breath. Maybe I took a punch to the gut, too.” He turned to Balki, “What's your name again?”
“Balki,” he replied with a sigh.
“I'm gonna need to do some extra training at the gym. You wanna be my second?”
“What?”
“Second, you know you coach me and make sure I don't choke myself with the barbells.” Larry laughed a little.
Balki gave a very short laugh in return. “Wouldn't want that to happen.”
“OK then. I gotta change and we’ll go...” Larry started for his room.
“Cousin, what about Mr. Twinkacetti?” Balki asked.
Larry stopped in the doorway and turned. “The name is Carmine, and I don't know what you're talking about.” He went in and closed the door after him.
Balki remained where he was for a moment, then went for the phone and dialed a number. “Hello Jennifer...?”
At the gym, Balki was holding the punching bag. “Why am I holding this?”
“So it doesn't move while I work on my punches.” He adjusted one of the boxing gloves with his teeth. “Alright now I'm ready.” He swung at the bag, hitting it.
Balki flinched. “Do’n that hurt?”
Larry held up a gloved hand. “That's the whole idea of the gloves.”
“Oh...” Balki glanced at the door. How much longer were they going to be?
Larry punched the bag again, a left then right. Again Balki flinched. This time Larry noticed. “Hey, uh, Balki, I ain't making you nervous, am I?”
Balki shook his head. “No, not a bit, Cousin.”
“Do you call everyone cousin?” Larry asked but didn't wait for an answer and went back to the bag giving it a right then a left.
The girls appeared in the doorway. “Tell me again why we're here?” Mary Anne asked.
Jennifer sighed. “Because that's what Balki told me, we just have to be here.” She glanced around. “Over there, Mary Anne, by the... punching bag?”
“Is that Larry?” Mary Anne asked.
“Come on,” Jennifer said, then they went to join the guys.
Balki spotted them and waved as Larry swung another punch. He knocked the bag into Balki, who got backed off from it as the girls joined them.
“Guys, what's going on?” Jennifer asked aiming the question at Balki, then turned to Larry.
Balki finally righted himself and glanced between the girls and Larry, then back at the girls, then back at Larry again. “C-- why do’n you find something else to do?”
Larry nodded. “I was getting tired of this anyway.” He turned, walking away while pulling at the glove strings with his teeth.
Jennifer turned to direct glare on Balki. “Balki, why is Larry acting strange?”
“Well, how else are you supposed to get boxing gloves off?” Mary Anne interjected.
“Balki?” Jennifer tried again.
“I do’n know. He called himself Carmine and acted tough,” Balki answered with a shrug.
“Hey, buddy, I was here first!”
“Oh, yeah?”
The three turned toward the commotion being caused by one large bodybuilder and Larry as he gave the large man a shove. All three sets of eyes widened as the usually placid, neurotic Larry gave the large man a second shove. Fire could practically be seen in the larger man's eyes.
“You're getting on my nerves, little man!”
“So whaddya gonna do about it?” Larry questioned, with a bit of a Brooklyn accent seeping into his voice.
The small audience of three grew to the rest of the people in the room while the original 3 traded worry glances.
“Larry is going to get flattened,” Jennifer stated.
“Isn’t he talking a bit funny?” Mary Anne pointed out.
Balki snapped his fingers, as if remembering something. “He thinks he's Carmine from that show Laverne and Shirley.”
“Ohh... we'd better get him out of here,” Mary Anne said.
“And fast,” Jennifer added.
“How do we do that?” Balki asked.
The large man took a swing at Larry. However, since Larry was about a foot shorter than the bodybuilder, he ducked slightly and moved around to large man's back, then he decided to jump on the larger man's back.
Balki covered his eyes. “I can't watch.”
The larger man grabbed ahold of Larry and tossed him off his back. He came to a stop up against a nearby wall.
Larry shook his head, almost looking a little cross eyed. “Hey, pal, why don't ya play fair? Like fight me with only one arm!” He stood and was promptly stopped from moving any further by Jennifer.
“I wouldn't do this,” she warned.
“He’s just a goon I'll teach him a lesson and he'll never bother anyone again.”
“A goon who's about a foot taller and wider than you are,” Jennifer corrected.
Larry shrugged. “Never stopped me before.” He went back up to the large man.
“Your girlfriend let you come back and play?” the man asked.
Larry turned to glance at Jennifer. When he looked at her, there was a flash of recognition in his eyes. However it was gone just as quickly as it came. He turned back to the larger man just as the larger man swung a punch at him.
A little while later, the door of the guys’ apartment opened and the foursome came in but with Larry lagging behind a few steps. He was now sporting what would soon be a very colorful bruise on the right side of his jaw.
“Jerk hit me with a sucker punch,” he muttered, flopping himself on the couch while the others congregated right behind him.
“that was a lovely spectacle,” Jennifer commented.
“I kind of liked watching it,” Mary Anne admitted. Jennifer gave her a look and she shrugged.
Meanwhile, Larry continued muttering. “Why couldn’t I handle that goon? I don’t get it…?”
Balki let loose with a two fingers whistle. The others looked at him and he smiled. “Thank you.” He paused and turned to Larry. “What did you think you were doing?”
Larry crossed his arms over his chest. “I was standing up for myself.”
“Too bad you were on the ground for most of it,” Mary Anne pointed out.
“I don’t understand,” Larry began. He turned to face the others. “Why are you three making such a big deal out of this. Besides I don’t even know who you people are, even though for some reason I seem to be sharing this apartment with him.” He motioned to Balki.
“Awe, Cousin…”
“Carmine!” Larry corrected, loudly. “Why do you have such a problem with that?”
“If you’re Carmine Ragusa, then what are you doing here in Chicago?” Mary Anne asked.
“Chicago?” Larry repeated. “No, it’s Milwaukee!”
Jennifer moved around the end of the couch and sat next to him. “This is Chicago.” She paused, giving him a sympathetic look. “And you aren’t Carmine Ragusa.”
“But…!” Larry stammered.
Balki moved and sat on the other side of him. “You are my cousin. That is why I call you Cousin.”
For the first time since the incident with the boxes, Larry’s brow arched. “Cousin?” He glanced around at all three of them, recognition surfacing, but not enough to voice. He sighed. “So, what exactly is going on?”
“Well, it started when Twinkacetti…” Balki began and relayed when they were moving the boxes and the avalanche that occurred.
“You must have hit your head or got hit on the head by something,” Jennifer said, “like when the boxes were falling.” She glanced at Balki.
“Of course, I knew that! Do’n be ridiculous!” Balki said.
“Then…” Larry began, trying to piece things together, “I’m not who I think I am, but I also don’t know who I am.” He looked helplessly at the girls. “I just don’t remember and I don’t remember your names.”
“That’s Mary Anne,” Jennifer said, motioning to her friend, “I’m Jennifer and that’s Balki. Mary Anne and Balki are dating. You and I… were.”
“Were?” Larry questioned. “I can change. I can be whomever you want me to be… since I don’t know who I was…”
“No more changing,” Jennifer said, then looked at Balki. “Balki, do you know of anything that he’d recognize? Even the simplest thing could jog a memory.”
“I will look,” Balki said then got up and began rummaging around the apartment. He would occasionally pick up something to try then replaced it when it didn’t work.
Jennifer sighed, turning to Mary Anne. “Maybe you should help Balki.” Mary Anne did so as Jennifer turned back to Larry. “While those two turn the apartment upside down, I’ll start from the beginning: Your name is Larry Appleton…”
An hour later...
“Does any of this sound familiar?” Jennifer asked, turning towards Larry, only to find him slouched down and staring up at the ceiling.
“I haven’t gotten over that skiing trip you mentioned yet,” he said, glancing at her.
Jennifer turned and looked towards the closet. “Balki, what about the diary?”
Balki poked his head out of the closet. “Cousin has it hiding somewhere that I do’n know.”
Mary Anne came back from the kitchen. “I thought for sure the antacid would work.”
Larry made a face. “How could I drink that stuff the way you said I did?” It’s like drinking melted chalk shavings.”
“Well, I don’t know what’s left. I’ve told you everything I know and Balki’s shared stories, but none of it sounds familiar?”
“Not really,” Larry replied, sitting up more upright. He shrugged.
“Do you still think you’re Carmine?” Mary Anne asked.
“I...” Larry glanced around at each of them. “I don’t know what I know. I just... I need some time.”
“Maybe in the meantime Balki can find that diary,” Jennifer said, standing from the couch. “Come on, Mary Anne, we’ll come back later.” With that, the girls left.
Balki moved to behind the couch, crouched down, and leaned on the back of it near Larry.
Larry turned to him. “Why did I think I was Carmine?”
“Weeell, that could have had something to do with watching a Laverne and Shirly marathon last night after you bonk your head,” Balki answered with a half shrug.
Larry paused for a moment. “Balki...? What if I don’t remember? You three spent half the day trying to help me and nothing was familiar.”
“Cousin, be positive. You know you aren’t Carmine... right?”
“Yeah, I know that, but I’m scared that maybe nothing will ever be familiar. I’ll have to learn a lot of things again.” He frowned, causing his upper lip to disappear. “I won’t have a past simply because I can’t remember it!”
“You’re being negative. Stop that,” Balki admonished. “You will remember and do’n you forget that!”
Larry turned forward again, staring out ahead of him. “What if I forget and never remember anything? My own name didn’t even sound familiar! I don’t remember you or those ladies. I don’t remember where anything is. I don’t remember my family. I have no memories!” He stood and turned to Balki again. Balki also stood, a worried expression crossing his face. Larry continued, “I don’t know who the hell I am!” He brushed past Balki, then paused between the two bedroom doors. Balki sheepishly motioned to the one on the right. Larry sighed. “I don’t even remember this is my bedroom.” He went inside and closed the door after him.
Once inside the room, he flopped down face-first on the bed and pressed his face into the pillow.
Several minutes passed and Larry couldn’t help but wonder why no knock came. That Balki seemed quite persistent and the type who wouldn’t give up. Just as soon as he’d thought this, the door opened enough for a hand to reach through and place a stuffed sheep on the floor, then close the door. Larry lifted his head and looked towards the door. He saw the stuffed sheep sitting there innocently. He stared at it but didn’t remember anything about having a stuffed sheep and the other three never mentioned it.
“Why did he put you in here, Dimitri?” he asked himself. Wait, what did he just call it? Larry shook his head, figuring he was just confusing himself. He dropped his head back onto the pillow again. Nothing seemed right nor wrong.
Larry had nearly fallen asleep when a knock finally came at the door. He didn’t answer and listened as it opened a few seconds later.
Balki picked up the stuffed sheep from the floor, frowning at it, then looked at Larry. “Cousin?”
“The sheep’s name is Dimitri,” Larry mumbled, half asleep into the pillow.
“What was that?” Balki had to be sure if he heard him right.
Now Larry sat up. He looked tired. “Dimitri. The sheep is named Dimitri. No one told me that.” He sighed, though, and looked up at Balki. “I don’t know why or how I know that while everything else is just... gone.”
Balki sat next to Larry and put an arm around his shoulders. “On Mypos, when I was little, my papa had a friend who had a minor accident and could not remember anything. At first, he moped around and blamed himself for not knowing, you know, what he should know. My papa and his other friends did all they could think of to help him. After six months, he remembered everything.”
Larry brow creased. “How did he remember?”
Balki shrugged. “I do’n know. He said he couldn’t remember.”
“Balki!” Larry exploded, his eyes wide. “Why do you do that!? You share a story that doesn’t have a very good point or happy ending to it when you try to cheer me up! Six months!?” He paused, eyes narrowing now. “Wait... where did that come from?”
Balki smiled. “My papa told him about something only the two of them knew. The next morning, he remembered everything.”
“So how does that help me?”
Balki held up an index finger, then stood. He went to Larry’s bookcase and reached behind a row of books. He turned back to Larry. “I never tell you I know where you hide your diary. I didn’t get it earlier when we looked because then the girls would know where it was.”
Larry shook his head. “I don’t even remember having one, let alone where I would’ve kept it.”
Balki sat next to him and offered the diary. “Read it, Cousin. Read as much as you want, then put it aside and go to sleep. In the morning, read more.”
Larry accepted the diary. He looked weary now and whined, “I don’t know...”
“Then only read one entry. Take a look at June 7 of this year,” Balki said, prompting him.
“1986,” Larry supplied, quietly.
Balki got up, patted Larry’s shoulder, and left with Dimitri.
Larry stared at the diary, then opened it slowly, flipping pages until he found the entry Balki spoke of and began to read.
The next morning, Balki was eating his breakfast when Larry emerged from his room, yawning. “Cousin, you didn’t sleep well?” Balki asked, concerned.
“No... I spent half the night reading the diary.” He sat down at the table around the corner from Balki. “I can’t really tell if it helped or not. I think I remember about what I read, but that’s the problem, I just read them.” He frowned.
“How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“Eight.”
“Two of their names?”
“Elaine and Billy.”
“Did you read those names in there?”
Larry’s head came up and the frown faded. “No... I didn’t read those. Balki, I remembered them!”
Balki smiled. “We never mentioned them yesterday.” He shrugged, smiling. “We forgot.”
A knock came at the door.
“Who is it?” Balki asked.
“Jennifer and Mary Anne,” Jennifer answered.
Balki got up and opened the door for them. “Good morning.” He smiled.
“Any improvement?” Jennifer asked, glancing around Balki to see Larry.
Larry had gotten up and returned with a bowl of cereal to the table. “Some.”
“I found the diary,” Balki supplied, smiling still.
“Where was it?” Mary Anne asked.
“Well, it—” Balki began but realized he shouldn’t answer that.
“Mary Anne,” Jennifer said, surprised her friend would ask such a thing.
“I’m sorry!” she responded.
“Well, we just wanted to check in. We’ve got a flight in an hour,” Jennifer said.
They exchanged goodbyes and the girls left.
Balki went back to the table and sat.
After a few moments, Larry glanced up and caught Balki’s stare. “Do you have to look at me like that?”
“No,” Balki replied, “but I can’t think of anything else to do.”
Larry paused, thinking. “Your job, perhaps?”
Balki smiled. “What is it?”
“It’s...” Larry started, but trailed off, then shook his head. “I don’t remember.” He frowned again.
“Ritz Discount,” Balki offered. “I should go before Mr. Twinkacetti fires us for not being there. I’ll tell him you’re sick.”
Larry nodded. “Okay. Maybe... all I need is some time to think.”
A little while later, after Balki left, Larry entered his bedroom, stopping just inside the door. He glanced around the room. Okay, he was able to find clothes yesterday when he thought he was Carmine, he can find them again now.
The dresser. He went over and pulled a drawer open: all dark colored socks. He closed it and opened the next one down: light colored socks. He closed that and paused, thinking he knew what was in the next one. He pulled it open and smiled: boxers, exactly what he thought. He grabbed a pair and closed the drawer. So what was in the last two drawers?
Larry opened the second drawer from the bottom. It seemed to be a junk drawer full of paper stuffs, souvenirs and mementos, a couple Chicago Playbills, flyers, etc. He closed the drawer and opened the bottom one: more souvenirs, keychains, stacks of photos still in the developer envelopes, etc. He pulled one item out: a small license plate with “LARRY” on it. And he remembered he was twelve when his family went to Niagara Falls for a vacation. He also remembered that Billy had wanted a plate, too, but the store was out of his name.
Larry set the license plate back in the drawer and closed it. He turned towards the closet, went over, and opened the door. He knelt down and dug through the pile of things on the floor there and came up with several binders of photos. These were not the same albums he had seen yesterday, though. Those were still on the coffee table. He stacked the albums and placed them on the end of the bed, then went back to the closet, pulled out a pair of khakis and a red and purple short sleeve button up shirt.
A half an hour later found Larry sitting on the fire escape, a photo album on his lap, while the rest lay just inside the window. As he turned pages, he had what seemed to be a perpetual smile on his face. He leaned inside and grabbed the diary that sat next to the binders. He opened it, flipped some pages, and stopped to read an entry. Yes, he remembered that: the day Balki dropped in and never left. Sure, the others had told him about that or at least Balki had while the girls had chimed in with whatever they had been told.
But Balki hadn’t know about Larry not being able to get the bag of chips open. He’d jokingly commented that he hoped whoever it was had a chainsaw, then he’d opened the door to meet Balki for the first time.
Quickly, he gathered everything and left the albums in his room on the bed and put the diary back in its hiding spot. Larry made a mental note to find a new hiding spot for it. He grabbed his keys from the dresser, left the room, then left the apartment.
Down in the store, Balki was putting tee shirts on a table. The door swung open, and Larry came in, heading for Balki, but Mr. Twinkacetti crossed his path first.
“Nice of you to finally decide to show up, Appleton,” Twinkacetti commented, then left.
Balki turned to Larry. “Cousin?”
Larry put his hands on Balki’s shoulders and smiled. “I think this calls for a Dance of Joy.” Balki grinned widely and they did the Dance of Joy.
End