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The first thing he notices it’s the silence. It’s stupid to notice now, after so many shared, bordering awkward, silences. Mostly from Keith’s part — Lotor always had something to say and that brings Keith’s naturally quietness into jeopardy, which gives him the need to fill the silence, even when he’s too weird to try small talk and there’s nothing he can say.
Or there is, but he’s not really willing to acknowledge it. Never will, if possible. And with Lotor’s stretched silences, he might be lucky and do just that.
The second thing he notices is the lingering gazes.
He has been aware of them before, of how Lotor’s eyes had roamed over his body when he thinks Keith’s not looking, but he pinned them in curiosity, in some kind of wonder about the only other half-galra he knows that isn’t in his group of freaks he calls his Generals. But only now Keith catches the true motives. Only now Keith can feel the heat coming off of them, the deep interest, the heavy pull Keith refuses to let himself be attracted to.
Then it’s the way he says his name. Keith wouldn’t have noticed if not for Lotor never actually calling by name until then, until Keith was dumb enough to stand near him one random evening, to look at him and meet his gaze and-
“Keith.”
He hadn’t realized — not before Lotor.
“What.”
His voice resonates in the empty hallway, each echo reverberating sounding less and less loud. It doesn’t make any less than a snap and Keith resents raising his voice immediately.
“What is it?” He asks, now softer. He wants to stop talking altogether.
“May I speak to you for a second?”
Keith resists the urge to turn, give him exactly one second, say ‘done’ and stride away to his room to never go out again. But he isn’t an immature, hot-headed kid anymore.
He wishes he was.
“What,” Keith says again, just for the lack of saying something else, and Lotor steps closer, to what Keith takes a stride back. “No. You there. Me here.”
That lifts one of Lotor’s eyebrows, half a smirk curving his lips before he flattens it out.
“I really prefer it was a more private conversation, Keith.”
He must do it on purpose — making his skin prickle, his hairs standing on end, his heart skipping beats he definitely needs for living.
And Keith just-
“Would you stop?”
Lotor cocks his head to a side, confusion flashing through his expression.
“Stop?”
“Yes. Stop,” Keith demands. “Stop saying my name like that. Just stop.”
“Sorry, am I-” He pauses then. Keith can see him think a mile a minute despite his mostly neutral face. “Oh. You feel it.”
Keith tries not to choke on a gulp. “Feel? Feel what?”
Lotor smiles, gentle and secretive. It’s one of the other many things that had changed ever since Keith’s slip up — intentional or not.
“The call,” Lotor says, “Thought you wouldn’t.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Lotor merely chuckles. “Keith-”
“No,” Keith interrupts, stepping away the same steps Lotor tries to walk closer, “Don’t call me that.”
“It’s your name,” Lotor comments with amusement, but then seems to reconsider, “What do you prefer, then? Senior Blade? Black Paladin? Half-breed?”
Keith gasps, not understanding the reason why he feels out of breath, each of the referrals to him feeling like feathery touch inside his chest. It’s not unlike the way his name being said makes him feel, just in a different, much lighter degree.
“W-what-” he chokes out, shivers running through his limbs. Lotor catches him rubbing his arms. “What’s this-”
“The call,” Lotor repeats, like those two words can explain why Keith wants to shake out of his bones. He frowns when Keith visibly shudders. “You’re really responsive. Although, I’m surprised; you’re more human-looking but still have galra nature.”
Keith mouths. “What?”
Lotor sighs, “Nature. Instincts. Flair. Whatever you humans call it. It’s a shock you have such good hearing.”
“What is the call?” Keith grits out, to what Lotor pauses.
“Oh.” He looks away, frowning. “Well, it’s when you feel the pull from a potential mate.”
Heat crawls up Keith’s face. “A-a potential-”
“Yes,” Lotor cuts him off, “When they refer to you, name or not.”
Keith stares at him, like he grew a second head. He might as well; Lotor’s an alien after all.
“It must not be the first time you hear it,” Lotor huffs, but Keith is sure he hasn’t. “I don’t understand.”
Lotor watches him for a second, taking a breath.
“It’s a physical response to a romantic suitor.”
Keith blinks at him and Lotor sighs.
“Me, Keith.” He states, just before raising his hands in a placating manner when Keith hisses, “Sorry, forgot you don’t like your name on my lips. Or rather like it too much.”
“Shut up,” Keith grunts, shaking his head and trying not to lose his breath, “Just shut up.”
Lotor promptly closes his mouth, and Keith feels like he can finally breathe. He takes a few moments for his heartbeats to calm.
“And what?” He asks, making Lotor tilt his head, “You’re suddenly interested in me?”
Lotor’s mouth crooks up in a smile he tries not to be so affected of.
“Not so suddenly,” he replies, “But I wouldn’t have believed it was mutual.”
“It's not mutual,” Keith contradicts quickly, to what Lotor arches an eyebrow. “It’s not.”
“I know it is.”
“And how?” Keith questions, “Because of how it feels when I refer to you? Is it that stupid?”
"It’s half our culture, Keith. It’s only obvious we have traits we respond to,” Lotor comments off-handedly, though he looks thoughtful, “I can’t explain the call by my own experience, but I am well-aware it exists.”
That makes Keith pause. “You can’t hear it?”
Lotor shrugs, which makes Keith want to scoff.
“There’s a lot of galra traits that escaped my anatomy, as well as yours.”
“Then-” he frowns, unsure what he wants to ask, if asking it would make him admit what Lotor says is true. “You can’t hear it.”
Lotor stares at him, quiet and unnerving.
“I can sense it,” he responds finally, taking a deep breath and sighing, “Smell it.”
Keith’s breath hitches, forcing himself to not flinch away and flee at thought of Lotor literally smelling his attraction to him.
“W-what?” He stutters, “S-smell-”
“I might not seem like I have good sense of smell, but I do. Much like you don’t seem to have good hearing but you still feel the call.” He explains quickly, pausing for a deliberate moment before, “Keith.”
Keith shakes, “I-I told you not to-”
“I know,” Lotor mutters, though he doesn’t look apologetic, just contemplative, “I just... it’s kind of hard to believe.”
Keith frowns, trying not to ask out loud, but Lotor still says it.
“That you’re attracted to me.”
Keith wants to laugh from pure hysteria.
“I’m not-”
“Except you are,” Lotor counteracts easily, gesturing at him.
Keith wants to scream. Tear everything apart. Run away. He never pretended to let him know, merely acknowledging it whenever they were in the same room. But say it, or even act on it, was out of his mind.
“And what if I am?” Keith snaps, “Am I suddenly worth a shot?”
Lotor pauses, the same way he paused when Keith had tilted slightly towards him earlier that week, basking in a closeness he believed he’ll never have, induced by an alcohol meant to get galra drunk easily. It was just taking up more space than he was used to, just leaning a bit more into Lotor and look at him, indulge himself a little before pretending to sway and then walk away.
But Lotor had noticed. Even before Keith had caught up with his own actions.
“Keith.”
“I told you to stop-”
“You don’t know what it means.”
Keith pauses, more confusion knotting up his head. Lotor half-smiles, the light not really reaching his eyes.
“For me to smell it, that is,” Lotor explains briefly, “For you to hear it.”
He’s hesitant, but Keith shakes his head. He doesn’t know much about Galra culture, much less the parts that are part of himself. Of Lotor.
“That whatever feelings you have for me,” Lotor mutters ruefully, “even when trying to deny them, have reciprocity.”
Keith forces out a scoff.
“I don’t-”
“But you do,” Lotor cuts him off, “And I do, too.”
That makes Keith pause. Hesitate, if he has to admit it. Up until then he never took a moment to get out of his head, to get out of the panic raising up his veins. He hasn’t managed completely, but this admission from Lotor is different than before. His voice is slightly tight and there’s something similar to sadness in his demeanor.
Keith never took a moment to properly look at Lotor. Until now, that he can see his fidgets and hurt. Now he can see how awfully his actions can be misinterpreted.
“I will cease to bother you, if that is what you prefer,” Lotor whispers, “But I- well, hoped we could actually talk about this.” He frowns then, glancing at Keith. “About us, if you want it to be.”
Does Keith? He never considered it. He always thought he would keep his mouth shut. But even keeping the secret didn’t save him from Lotor knowing.
He wonders if it was something he had to be saved from, or he still has some trouble accepting people could actually like him. Love him, even, he muses for long enough, watching Lotor doubt his next words.
“I will let you be,” he finally says, “I apologize for being so insistent.”
“Wait,” Keith asks when Lotor half turns to walk away, “Are you... uh, seriously, for me?”
Lotor meets his gaze, right across the feet between them, but Keith feels as if they’re a breath away, as if Lotor could reach and touch him and-
“I’m in love with you, Keith,” Lotor confesses, quiet enough for his voice to reach Keith’s ears and make him shiver.
Love is a strong word — Keith has only said it to a handful of people in his life. Saying it to Lotor is too much and at the same time not enough.
“I-” Keith clears his throat, choking up with emotion, “I have feelings for you, too.”
“‘Feelings’?” Lotor doubts, but his expression is lighter. Keith can even say it’s glowing. “Okay. I’ll take it.”
He walks closer again, but Keith this time forces his feet to stay put, heart racing away and back.
"I-” Keith starts, gaze avoiding Lotor’s when he stands close, so close Keith can feel the heat from his body, “I still don’t understand how-”
Lotor hums, hand reaching for Keith’s in a tentative touch.
“Nothing really changed, dear,” He mutters, thumbing over his knuckles.
He lifts Keith’s hand, pressing the inside of his wrist to his neck, and Keith swallows around a sound that threatens to slip out his mouth. It’s weird, the gesture, but it also feels intimate.
“We just learned,” Lotor explains.
It’s complicated but Keith understands half of it. Their feelings were mutual but didn’t know. They called for each other but didn’t hear. It’s a thing of knowledge; reciprocity was always there.
“Lotor,” Keith calls, brow furrowing when Lotor doesn’t seem to have the same feeling Keith does when he calls his name. He doesn’t hear it, he knows. “Do you- uh, can I-”
Lotor’s gaze falls to Keith’s lips when Keith eyes his, curiosity hanging from his brow.
“Sure.”
Keith almost jumps on his toes, trying to reach Lotor’s height, and bumps his lower lip against the tip of Lotor’s nose. Lotor merely chuckles, but Keith feels so stupid.
“S-sorry-”
“Shush.” Lotor cups the side of his jaw, keeping Keith from pulling away from embarrassment.
He gently tilts his head, just a bit, and presses his mouth to Keith’s, so dearly soft Keith wants to cry. He’s never been kissed, he never believed it as the big deal everyone makes it. But now he understands, and he doesn’t want it to stop.
“Keith,” Lotor breathes when Keith just chases him, kissing the corner of his mouth. Shivers run down his spine and he’s grateful Lotor hugs his waist, knees bending under his weight. “Stars above, you’re adorable.”
Keith wrinkles his nose, frowning at Lotor. “I’m not.”
And Lotor doesn’t counteract, but presses his smile to Keith’s awaiting lips and steals his breath away yet again.
“I love you, Keith,” he whispers and Keith bites his tongue to keep from saying it back.
He will, though. Soon enough.