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"One. Two. Three..."
Hermione was trying not to be annoyed that Seamus was counting out the pairs of socks that he had brought on their holiday out loud, but he just happened to be getting on her very last nerve. She knew that it wasn't his fault, that it was just the heat getting to her, but she couldn't fathom why he could possibly want to bring socks with him to Antigua. She had tried to reason with him before they had set off on their journey, but Seamus was nothing if not stubborn and she knew that it was best if she just let him do whatever he wanted to do.
She decided that it would be best if she went for a shower to cool off and to wash the journey off of herself, leaving him to unpack and to work through the rituals that kept him calm, that kept him from completely tipping over the edge. She knew that he wasn't exactly fond of going to new places but he had agreed to this holiday because it was her birthday and he didn't want her to spend her birthday alone. Part of Hermione was now wishing that she had been given that option, but she knew that once he was calm and she'd had her shower and probably some food then her annoyance would all be forgotten.
She was determined to make this, her twenty-fifth birthday, one that she would never forget, especially as she knew that it was going to be her last one before she was a mother. And that was the other reason that her irritability was heightened - her hormones were wreaking havoc on her emotions. They had booked this trip before they'd known that she was pregnant, and Hermione supposed that if they had they probably would have chosen somewhere a little less warm, somewhere where she wasn't going to feel so stuffy, but Hermione wasn't going to regret this now.
"Mione?" Seamus' voice was only just audible over the water that was cascading around her. As soon as she had stepped under the water she had decided that she wanted to get a waterfall shower. The water was perfect and to be completely cocooned inside inside it was something that she never wanted to lose.
She decided not to answer Seamus, letting him decide whether to give her space or to come and join her. She doubted that he would be able to hear her answer him anyway and she knew that she wanted to stay under the water for a little longer before she would be ready to emerge out into the world again and begin to explore their holiday home.
Her history loving heart was beyond exicted to be here, to explore the old naval base and she was excited to share this with Seamus because he at least understood the basics of muggle history. When she had been with Ron, he'd been totally lost when she'd gotten overexcited about any history facts. She knew that wasn't his fault but when she had found that he couldn't really follow what she had been excitedly talking about, she had slowly stopped talking to him about it. It had spelled the beginning of the end of their relationship, as far as she had been concerned.
Seamus wrapped his arms around her as he stepped into the shower with her, his lips pressing a kiss to her neck as the water fell over the two of them. "Are you mad at me?" He asked softly and even though Hermione knew that she had been a little bit annoyed at him, she knew that her job now was to reassure him. Seamus' anxiety was often high to the point that he would have full blown panic attacks.
"I'm not mad at you." She said softly as she turned around and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He didn't need to know that he had managed to press her buttons, especially since she was now somewhat calm and actually looking forward to their first evening here. "I was just overheating." She added as an explanation as to why she had disappeared into the shower in the first place, hoping that he would take her word for it and not question her any further. "Are you all unpacked?" She asked, deciding to change the subject.
"Yeah, thanks." He nodded, a small smile on his face, one that was somewhat apologetic if Hermione read into it, but she decided to leave it as it was. "We can go find somewhere to eat after this?" He suggested which only made Hermione love him even more. Food was exactly what she needed once she got out of the shower and a walk through the cooler evening air of English Harbour Antigua was exactly what the healer ordered for her mental health.
"I think that's a good idea." Hermione agreed and with another kiss Seamus slipped back out of the shower. Hermione watched him through the frosted glass as he grabbed a towel and exited the bathroom. He seemed to be in a better place now that he'd had time to settle into their little beach shack and that was all that she could really ask for. She wanted him to be happy, but she knew that it wasn't exactly that easy for him.Seamus had been hit hard by the war - they'd all been hit hard by the war though so it wasn't exactly as if they could use that as an excuse for everything. Harry had quite literally died in the middle of the final battle, after all, but Seamus had lost the love of his life - something that it had taken Hermione a while to come to terms with, that even though she loved Seamus more than she had ever loved anyone else, his heart had belonged to someone else before they had connected in this way. Hermione knew that he loved her though and that was all that she could ask for.
**
"Ready to go?" Seamus asked when Hermione emerged from the bedroom. Her hair was still damp but he knew that she hated to use magic to dry it and it was far too warm for her to want to bother with a muggle hairdryer. She was however dressed now and so he felt that he was safe to assume that it was time to see where in the world they were now.
"Sure am." Hermione was grinning and her whole face was lit up, telling Seamus they were exactly where they needed to be. He'd had his doubts when she had first announced that her dream destination holiday was somewhere in the Caribbean when he knew full well that he was Irish and not at all suited to such climbs, but it was worth it to see her like this - happy.
Things had been a little rocky over the last few months because of the pregnancy and the worries that had accompanied that. Seamus was unemployed, and had been for the last eighteen months, and Hermione had been steadily climbing up the political ladder in her job at the Ministry and Seamus hadn't at all known how he was going to support her and their child when he had no chance of even making half as much money as she made. They had talked it over though and decided that Hermione was only going to take a couple of months of maternity leave, the ones that were outlined in her contract, before she returned to work and Seamus was going to be a stay at home dad at least until their child started school. They had already decided that their child was going to go to a muggle school before they attended Hogwarts, like they both had.
Seamus was glad that they'd been able to agree on these big decisions months before the baby had even been born because it meant that the two of them were able to establish a routine now. Seamus thrived on routine, which was why he hated going on holiday so much, but he loved doing things that made Hermione happy and she really did deserve to be happy after the hell he had put her through before they had fully understood what his panic attacks were.He took her hand as she shrugged on a jean jacket and the two of them headed out of their small shack and out onto the beach. They had been fortunate enough to find a beachfront property for their holiday and Seamus knew that when the sea had been a great comfort to him in the past so he was looking forward to having the chance to watch as the waves crashed over the shore. That would have to wait for tomorrow, however. Tonight they were simply tasked with finding somewhere to eat and maybe taking a stroll around the old naval harbour that Hermione had been so excited about visiting in the first place.
Hermione squeezed his fingers tightly for a moment as they walked and he found himself wondering what was running through her head at that very moment. He couldn't ask her, not because he didn't want her to tell him, but because she was entitled to her privacy and he knew that if there was something that she wanted to tell him then she would. She was good at sharing her thoughts with him, after all, knowing that it helped to keep him calm. He was lucky to have someone who understood him like Hermione did.
Lavender had been very much the same, not that he would ever compare the two. They were two very separate people who just so happened to date the same men at one point or another in their lives. Seamus had been fortunate to have been loved by both of these incredible women and to have the two of them see into his soul, to love his soul. He knew that his soul wasn't even the same soul that Lavender had loved any more, not really. Losing her had broken him so completely that he had had to rebuild himself and Hermione had been there to help him rebuild, slowly but surely.
"You seem... pensive tonight." Hermione commented, her voice soft as they waked; so soft that it almost became part of the night air itself.
Seamus let out a sigh in reply, though he hadn't exactly meant to react in that way. He wished that he could be in control of his emotions, but that had never exactly been his forte. "I'm fine." He promised, hoping that he at least sounded believable. He really was fine, and honestly pensive was probably the best way to describe him. His mind kept flickering to the past, but that wasn't something new and he wasn't going to burden her with those particular thoughts tonight. He didn't want to bring her down for one, and also he didn't want her to think that he was having some sort of relapse either when they were so far away from home and without the rest of their support network. He didn't want to scare her, not when they had come on this holiday to relax.
"Are you sure?" She asked quietly, a small frown flickering across her lips, causing him to let go of her hand and wrap his arm around her shoulders instead.
"I promise." He said softly before he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Now where would you like to eat?" He asked, knowing that she had at least read a couple of guidebooks on the area whereas he hadn't bothered; despite his need to know everything that was going on when they were back home, he had decided that it was his turn to throw caution to the wind and to allow himself to let his hair down.
Hermione probably wouldn't have been exactly on board with this decision had she been aware of it but that was why he had kept it to himself so that she wouldn't have to worry about it. It was his burden to carry, just like their child was hers to carry. He wanted to test himself because he figured that if he could somehow put up with not having a routine whatsoever while they were out here then he would be ready to face the challenges that came with raising a baby. He knew from seeing their friends with their children that babies did enjoy routine, but they also liked to throw spanners in the work, such as when they had blow outs or when they didn't want to put a particular pair of shoes on because they wanted the ones that were in the wash. Seamus reckoned that this was the safest way to test himself, by simply allowing Hermione to lead the way on her dream holiday.
"There's this bar, a fish bar, just down the road. It's not like the fish and chip shops back home though." She told him, obviously wanting to prepare him for this even though Seamus just wanted to go with the flow. He was determined to let her take the lead and not obsess over all the tiny details, but he was grateful that she was taking his anxieties into account and making sure that he was prepared. Hermione was good to him and he knew that he was lucky to have her.
**
Hermione watched Seamus as he slept on the otherside of the bed. They'd left the windows open because when they got back from dinner, the shack had felt far too stuffy and Hermione hadn't even been able to come inside until they had managed to get the temperature down somewhat.
She was still unable to fall asleep, however. She was exhausted, to say the least, but she was unable to switch her brain off and so when Seamus had fallen asleep she had been left wide awake watching him from where she was propped up on the pillows. It had been a strange holiday so far, not in a bad way, but she wasn't sure what was going on with Seamus either. He seemed to be out of sorts and Hermione wasn't sure if it was just because they were in a strange country or not.
She hoped that it was because they were in a strange country and not because he was having cold feet about the baby. She knew that there was no way that she would be able to get through this without Seamus by her side. She knew that there was no way that she could be a parent without Seamus as her other half, that even though he had given flaws, she had hers as well. Together the two of them made a team, and what a team they made.
She knew that he had so many terrible thoughts that ran through his mind daily, that his anxiety and depression had made it so that he'd thought that he'd seen the point of no return on many occasions. But somehow, and Hermione wasn't exactly entirely certain how, she had managed to help him to come back from that.
She watched as his chest rose and fell slowly and allowed herself to be calmed by the way that he had managed to unwind. It had been the point of their holiday, after all, even if it hadn't exactly worked for herself. Part of her wanted to wake him, to ask him if he still wanted this baby, their baby, but the other part of him wanted to let him sleep from now until forever because she knew that sleep wasn't something that came to him easily. She pressed a kiss to his forehead before she lay down next to him, hoping that at some point soon she would be able to fall asleep too.
Hermione suffered from insomnia herself, but there was nothing that she could currently take in her condition that wouldn't inadvertently hurt the baby so instead she was left to lie there until sleep eventually came to claim her. She closed her eyes tightly as she tried to shut her brain up, knowing that it was not at all going to help if she wasn't able to get any sleep. She wanted to unwind but she didn't know how to do that when she was worrying about all of these things all at the same time.
She lay there for a while, trying to pretend to be asleep before she had to admit defeat and decided to see if there were any snacks in the kitchen. They hadn't bought anything that evening but Hermione was hopeful that the housekeepers had stocked the cupboards with at least the bare essentials prior to their arrival. She seemed to be in luck when she found a loaf of bread and a tub of butter in the fridge so she made herself some toast and found her way to the window seat.
It was weird that it wasn't completely dark outside, that the beachfront was being lit up by the stars that were shining down on them. Hermione allowed herself to be soothed by the stars and the moonlight and as she pressed her forehead to the window to allow the glass to cool her down, she figured that there was a chance that she might actually sleep sometime soon. She wondered if it was a good idea to sleep while sitting up before she decided that it didn't matter where she slept, just that that she slept in the first place. No-one would blame the exhausted pregnant lady for falling asleep at the window of their holiday home while eating toast, after all.
**
Seamus frowned to himself when he woke up to find that the other side of bed was empty. For a moment he found himself worrying that Hermione had ditched him and returned to England without him before he realised just how ridiculous that idea was. He swallowed thickly before sitting up and looking around the shack.He spotted Hermione sitting over by the window and let out a sigh as he realised that she was fast asleep. He was torn between bringing her to the bed and leaving her there, wondering which would most upset her in the long run - and then he figured that if he moved her he ran the risk of waking her up. He couldn't do that to her, not when she did actually look peaceful. He watched her for a few moments before he allowed his eyes to close again, hoping that he would get back to sleep. This bed was positively the comfiest bed that he had ever had the chance to sleep on. It was like sleeping on a cloud and with the heat of the Caribbean they didn't even need a blanket on the bed.
Seamus allowed himself to starfish out of the bed and let out a soft hum as he realised just how comfortable he was. If he weren't here to give Hermione a holiday to remember then he didn't think that he would ever leave the bed again. He realised that he must have fallen asleep again as when he next opened his eyes, the sun had risen and Hermione was bathed in the sunlight, looking just as magical as she had when she had been bathed in the moonlight just hours before. He smiled softly before he decided on his next challenge - to buy and cook some breakfast.
Ordinarily he wouldn't have even considered going out into the world alone, but for some reason his soul felt so much lighter while he was out here and as he pulled on some clean clothes he allowed himself to wonder what it eould be like if they moved here. It was a pipedream, and he knew it, especially as he knew how important her career was to her. That was completely overlooking the fact that he could see that she wasn't exactly coping with the heat either.
He left a note on the fridge for Hermione to let her know where he had gone before making his way along the beach in the direction of the small seaside village. He allowed himself to enjoy the walk, breathing in the sea air and thinking about how lucky he was to have Hermione in his life, and hoe lucky he was to be in such a beautiful place.