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It wasn't fair. Sunghoon was everything Sunoo wanted to be. Although the brunette was more on the lean side, he was well built. Tall with broad shoulders and long legs. Sunoo, on the other hand, was on the shorter side with a petite frame. His tiny waist and fox eyes being his most noticeable features. While people referred to Sunghoon as handsome and princely due to his elegant features, people would call Sunoo cute and pretty. It made his insides boil and bubble up with jealousy. He didn't want to be seen as cute, innocent and feminine. Why couldn't he be handsome and tall like Sunghoon?
He frowned to himself as he stabbed his chopstick into a piece of meat rather aggressively.The boy sitting next to him, Jungwon, simply sighed.
"You're comparing yourself to him again aren't you?"
Jungwon looked up at him, his big dark eyes filled with concern. Sunoo could only nod, a pout on his lips as he hung his head in shame.
It was really difficult not to. Especially since he had a perfect view of him from where he was sitting in the school cafeteria. He was laughing along with his friend Jake, a transfer student from Australia, while his other friend, Jay, looked rather red in the face. If they were in a cartoon, Sunoo was positive that steam would be coming out of his ears about now. Although Sunghoon's good looks made him fairly popular, his introverted personality kept him away from joining large crowds of people.
Suddenly Sunghoon looked up at him, flashing a bright smile that showed off his sharp canines. Even his smile was perfect and that thought only made Sunoo's heart hurt more. The pink haired boy then stared down at his food like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. Shit. He'd been caught staring.
"I don't understand why you keep doing this", Jungwon said in exasperated tone. He brushed his overgrown black bangs away from his eyes to give his friend yet another worried look. Although he was younger, he often took care of Sunoo. They'd been best friends since early childhood and if they had in any say in the matter, they'd probably still be even in their old age.
"It's just...", Sunoo sighed. Dysphoria? Jealousy? Feeling like he'd never measure up to be as manly as someone like Sunghoon?
He looked down at his hands. Why were they so damn small and girly? Why couldn't his hands be long and slim like Sunghoon's. Ugh. He was doing it again. No matter how hard the pink haired boy tried he always circled back to this. It was tiring but he could never seem to stop. Jungwon noticed that he was staring at his hands. He gently placed his on top blocking the older boy's view of his own hands.
"Men can have small hands too. See mine are around the same size as yours."
He gave Sunoo a reassuring smile. Only Jungwon could be the one to stop him from spiralling into a pit of self hatred. He was there when Sunoo had first figured out that he was "different".
Back then he went by Soon-hee. Soon-hee was a perfect little girl, bubbly and energetic although shy at first. She had long black hair that reached until her waist and had cute puffy cheeks that gave her a youthful and innocent appearance. There were quite a few boys who had liked her but she hated it. Hated that they found her pretty. Hated that she felt so strange in her own body. Ever since she was little, she had this nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong. As a toddler, she was convinced that she was born as a boy. They must've stolen her dick and forced her to live as a girl. So she could do nothing about it but be forced to live that way. They had her grow her hair out and wear long dresses when all she wanted to do was steal Jungwon's Lightning McQueen and Spider-man t-shirts and play in the mud.
When puberty struck, it felt as though all hell was let loose. Soon-hee was so sure that she wouldn't really get breasts because skinny girls don't get big boobs, right? Wrong. To her horror, her chest seemed to grow until it reached a C cup. She wanted nothing more than to scream and rip them off her chest. During one of their science classes, the topic of puberty came up. The teacher explained the differences between male and female puberty. Soon-hee couldn't help but feel like she'd been handed the short end of the stick. So boys got deeper voices and more muscular while girls were supposed to get fatty chest lumps and monthly bleeding. In what world was that fair? She just couldn't handle it, it all felt too overwhelming. None of the girls in her class seemed to share the same concerns as her. Being a "girl" just seemed to come so naturally to her peers. Yet here she was, feeling like an actor forced to play a role she never wanted to have.
Then one day it hit her, slowly she started doing more research and then came the realisation...
"Wonie, I think I was supposed to be a boy. I think I'm transgender."
The raven haired boy had pursed his lips together, carefully taking in her confession before hugging her and telling her he would be there for her no matter what.
A couple months later, after getting a new short haircut, a binder, a new name and different pronouns Sunoo entered highschool as a transgender boy. His friend Jungwon still glued to his side as usual. Some things may change but that was one thing that would never change.
-
Sunoo struggled under the weight of the stack of books he was carrying. When he volunteered to help Mrs Kim carry some books to the library, he underestimated how many "some" would be. His arms were starting to burn and ache from the strain but he was almost there... So close...
He groaned as each step felt more agonising than the last. Why didn't he just take half first and then come back for the other half?
The pink haired boy continued to grunt and mumble to himself in misery as he awkwardly waddled across the corridor.
He heard someone chuckle nearby him and he turned to see none other than Sunghoon. An irritating grin on his annoyingly handsome face. Just great. Sunghoon probably thought he looked ridiculous, struggling to carry a couple of books which the brunette could have carried with ease. Sunoo did the most mature thing he could think of and stuck his tongue out at the older boy. Unfortunately, the slight movement of his head caused some of the books from the top of the pile to slip. The pink haired boy winced as half of the books came tumbling down. As if things couldn't get any better.
Sunghoon's eyes widened as he lunged to pick up the books that had fallen at Sunoo's feet. Once he had the books secured under his one arm (of course he only needed one arm to carry them), he looked Sunoo up and down, scanning him for any sign of injury.
"I'm fine", Sunoo whined feeling hot and flustered from the other boy's gaze.
The older boy's look of concern melted away and he was back to grinning like an idiot.
"Are you sure?", he asked. There was a playful smile dancing on his lips. The brunette reached out his huge hand to pat one of Sunoo's. His fingers were long and thin and if Sunoo wasn't holding anything in that moment he would've slapped them away. His jealousy was starting to flare up. Sunghoon and his stupidly nice hands. Why did he have to have such small hands? Small hands that seemed to fit so perfectly into Sunghoon's larger warm ones. Suddenly, he didn't hate his hands so much. There was this strange and warm fuzzy feeling in his belly. He was used to feeling jealous around the other boy but not whatever this was. When the older boy removed his hand, Sunoo almost whined in protest at the sudden lack of warmth. Sunghoon ended up helping to carry of half the books, even though Sunoo grumbled and said he was doing just fine on his own. He couldn't help but pout and frown to himself in deep thought as they walked.
When they finally reached the library and left the books on the wooden counter, Sunghoon looked down at him expectantly.
"Eh, thanks", he mumbled awkwardly, having to look up at the other to meet his eyes.
He hated that he had to look up to him like this. Why did Sunghoon have to be so damn tall? The older boy ruffled Sunoo's hair a bit. That brat was ruining his perfectly styled hair. The brunette gave Sunoo satisfied smirk before turning to leave. Sunoo swore he heard the other boy talking to himself, yelling something that sounded suspiciously like "Pork strips!" as he waddled away. What a weirdo. For someone so tall and royal looking you'd think he'd have an elegant walk to match but instead he shuffled out of the library like an oversized penguin. The pink haired boy giggled at the other boy's way of walking before waddling out himself.
-
During lunchtime, Sunoo kept staring at his hands. He couldn't stop thinking about how Sunghoon's larger hand had looked wrapped around his smaller one. Jungwon noticed and looked like he was about to give his "small hands don't make you less manly" speech (the same one he had given just yesterday) when a small smile crept onto Sunoo's face. The pink haired boy was still peering at hands but his face was adorned with a smile rather than the usual frown. The younger boy just gave him a puzzled looking smile.
"Okay but listen man! Just hear me out! Being gay is like super manly! What's more manly than a man liking another man?!", a loud voice called out. It belonged to Jay, he was waving his arms about wildly while explaining his rather interesting theory.
Jungwon looked down shyly when he realised who had been talking, his cheeks were turning rosy. Sunoo gave him a knowing smirk and nudged him with his elbow.
"Cut it out", the younger boy whispered.
"In that case, Hoon's gotta be the manliest of them all", Sunghoon's friend, Jake joked before roaring with laughter.
Sunoo choked on his mint choco milk. Sunghoon's gay? He looked around the cafeteria to see if anyone else had heard what the other boy had said. Nobody else seemed to have been paying them much attention. They were all probably used to Jay's and Jake's loudness. Sunghoon suddenly caught his eye, he was frowning in his direction. Why? It turns out he wasn't staring directly at him but looking at his flavoured milk. His thick eyebrows furrowed into a look of disgust. Was he judging his milk?! If Sunoo was willing to waste his precious mint choco milk (which he wasn't) he would have poured it all over Sunghoon's silky brown hair. How dare he judge Sunoo's excellent taste?! Mint choco was superior. The pink haired boy's top lip curled up in annoyance. Sunghoon suddenly turned his attention to Sunoo, pointing at the little milk carton and then giving a thumbs down. That's it. Sunoo pursed his lips in anger. He raised his fists up to older boy mouthing "Try me! Fight me!"
The other boy simply grinned back at him, baring his canines like fangs. He rolled up his one shirt sleeve and flexed his arm. His huge bicep threatened to burst the seams of his sleeve. Fucking show off! Sunoo was suddenly reminded of how his skinny arms were. Life was so fucking unfair. If he was mad before, he was now furious. Fuck his body for not producing enough testosterone.
"Not fair", he grumbled. He folded his arms over his chest and pouted.
Jungwon finally looked up at him from his food, following his gaze to where Sunghoon was sitting and smirking. He let out a sigh. This was getting old. Really old. He turned his attention to Sunghoon's friend, Jay, instead. He smiled quietly to himself.
"I can't believe you're in love with the friend of my enemy", Sunoo scoffed.
-
Said "enemy" had assaulted his eyes the next week when he decided it was okay to simply walk out the men's locker room in all his shirtless glory. His broad shoulders , toned stomach and milky back on display for everyone to see. Sunoo wasn't surprised to see a couple of moles speckled here and there, especially since Sunghoon was well known for having those beauty marks all over his face. Sunghoon appeared to be looking about hurriedly, his eyes darting to and fro wildly. His brown hair was damp, fluffy and ruffled. When he spotted Sunoo just staring, he simply smiled shyly and waved. Of course he would suddenly act shy now,like he didn't just saunter out half naked. Sunoo just rolled his eyes. Suddenly something caught Sunoo's attention, a very satisfied looking Jake holding a rumpled shirt and waving it around like some sort of make shift flag. Sunghoon glared at his friend and yelled across the gymnasium.
"Yah, Jake give my shirt back!", he hollered.
The other boy threw a wink at Sunoo before flinging the shirt towards Sunghoon. The brunette caught it with ease (because of course he bloody would, it's Sunghoon were talking about).
He then waved it at Sunoo with a victorious grin before struggling to fit it over his shoulders. Sunoo scoffed, serves him right for having such broad shoulders. Then he sighed, he would never let the elder know how much he secretly wished to have a body like his. Unfortunately, having female anatomy meant he couldn't even change in the men's locker room and for every P.E lesson he had to hurry over to the disabled bathroom to pull on his P.E kit. He knew he shouldn't but even during P.E he refused to take off his binder. Why couldn't his chest be flat all the time like Sunghoon's? There he was doing it again, if Jungwon were here he would have scolded him for thinking like that.
"Yah, Sunoo!"
He could almost hear his voice.
"Sunoo, what are doing just standing here? We have a class now."
It was indeed Jungwon that he heard, he had just emerged from his previous lesson. The raven haired boy followed his eyes to where Sunghoon was exiting the gymnasium. He had his black sling bag thrown over his shoulder like he thought he was some sort of highschool uniform model. Sunoo honestly wouldn't be surprised if he had done some form of modelling before.
Jungwon patted Sunoo's back as he lead him to his next class.
"Please stop doing this", he pleaded.
"You're only hurting yourself."
His best friend was obviously right but he didn't know how to stop.
-
It was the end of another long school day and Sunoo was exhausted. He plopped down on his usual seat on the bus right next to Jungwon.
Sunghoon and his buddies made their way onto the bus too, heading towards the back. Jay made eye contact with Jungwon for a moment, sending them both into a blushing frenzy. Instead of going to the back, Sunghoon stopped right in front of the duo.He smiled down at Jungwon with a knowing glint in his eyes.
"Hey Jungwon", he started sweetly. Sunoo just frowned at him.
"Today is your lucky day, man"
The raven haired boy raised his eyebrows at the older boy.
"Jay wants you to sit next to him."
Jungwon froze at the mention of his crush's name. His cheeks reddened. He scrutinised Sunghoon, looking for any sign of a lie but the other boy only gave him a genuine smile. His canines glinting in the afternoon sun. Jungwon blinked a few times, a small smile forming on his lips. Then he looked at Sunoo and guilt washed over him.
"I can't-"
"No, go! I'll be fine on my own", Sunoo gave his friend a reassuring smile. The stupid grin on Sunghoon's face only grew wider. Jungwon quickly got up from his seat, grabbing his stuff. He gave Sunoo a nervous smile before walking to the back where Jay was waving at him. He wore an equally shy smile on his lips.
"Ah, lovebirds, am I right?", Sunghoon cooed, smiling in their direction before plopping down on what was previously Jungwon's seat. He folded his arms behind his head as he leaned back. What the hell?
"Why are you sitting here?"
Sunoo glared daggers into the older boy.
"The rest of the bus is full", Sunghoon replied casually.
The pink haired boy looked around and was irritated to find out that the other boy was right. He huffed and folded his arms. A pout already forming as he turned towards the window so he wouldn't have to see Sunghoon's face.
"Hey", the brunette whispered. Sunoo ignored him.
"Hey", he tried again.
Sunoo felt Sunghoon drop something on his lap.
He looked down to see a small bar of mint chocolate.
"I thought you didn't like mint choco."
"Oh, I don't", Sunghoon replied. He pulled a face of disgust and faked gagging. "It's disgusting."
"Excuse me?!"
Sunghoon just laughed.
"You're cute."
"I know that", Sunoo replied rolling his eyes.
He was used to being called cute but for some reason hearing it coming from the other boy felt different somehow. It made his face feel warm.
"Wanna listen to some music?", the brunette asked.
He offered him one end of his earphones. The pink haired boy hesitantly picked it up and put it in his ear. A BTS song was playing.
"You may have horrible taste in sweets but at least you have good taste in music."
The older boy gave him a cheeky smile. Up close he could see the way it made his eyes scrunch up and a dimple appeared on one of his cheeks. His skin was pale and clear with a few moles looking like a tiny constellation on his face. Why did Sunghoon have to be so perfect? It made something in Sunoo's stomach lurch.
Sunghoon reached his arm over Sunoo's shoulders. The younger boy felt so tiny in his hold. He suddenly remembered that day in the library and how his hand had fit so perfectly into the other's. Why was he thinking about that now? Ugh, why was it suddenly getting so hot? He tried looking out the window to distract himself. His skin felt like it was burning wherever it made contact with Sunghoon's. He was really starting to get bothered now. Should he push the other boy off? Slap his arm off of his shoulders?
Just as Sunoo was about to shove him off, he heard a soft snore. No fucking way. Sunghoon was asleep, his mouth was slightly parted as he exhaled shakily. Sunoo carefully moved Sunghoon's arm off of him. It took a lot more effort than he expected since the other boy's arm was so damn heavy.
-
"So how was your romantic bus ride with Jay?", Sunoo asked once they had both gotten off at Jungwon's house.
Jungwon was smiling so widely that Sunoo was afraid his face would split into two.
"He's really sweet." As sweet as mint choco?
"How was your bus ride with your self proclaimed enemy?"
Sunoo groaned. Fucking sleeping beauty Sunghoon had slept against Sunoo the entire ride. His right shoulder felt stiff. It was aching and burning. Whatever was that boy's mother feeding him to make that heavy?
"Oh! Oh! Jay started following me on Instagram!", Jungwon exclaimed proudly as they made their way to his bedroom.
Sunoo snorted remembering all the pictures and video clips of random stray cats that Jungwon liked to post. The raven haired boy showed him him the activity on his account, @jayboiii69_ (sixty-nine, really?) had followed him and liked every one of his posts (even the cat ones). He even commented "Cute" with heart emojis on all Jungwon's selfies. Sunoo pulled a disgusted face. Was this guy that whipped for him?
After a couple of hours later both of them had finished their homework and were mindlessly scrolling through their phones. Sunoo suddenly remembered the chocolate that Sunghoon had given him on the bus. He pulled it out of his school pants pocket. It was a little squished and kind of melted but still edible.He smiled to himself as he unwrapped it and popped into his mouth. Mint chocolate was his favourite snack. It's a shame he didn't get to thank Sunghoon for it.
"You're cute."
Sunghoon's words echoed through his head.
"But you're still so much cuter than me", he thought to himself as he frowned.
-
Jungwon was practically bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. A huge grin (his killer smile as Sunoo liked to call it) was plastered on his face. Today both him and Sunoo were going to hang out at the mall with Jay and Sunghoon. Jake couldn't come because he had "important business" to attend to. Jay said he was probably going to be playing games and eating ramyeon with his old friend Heeseung.
Sunoo on the other hand, had a huge scowl etched into face. He was only doing this for his friend, he tried to remind himself. Oh, the things he does so that his friend can have a love life of some sort. He couldn't understand why the two couldn't just go on a date alone. Why did they have to drag Sunghoon and him into this too? Maybe Jay didn't want to scare him off by asking him out on his own so soon? Or maybe Jay was the one still scared to go out with him alone?
"Hey, over here!", he heard Jay call. Him and Sunghoon had just entered.
Jungwon rushed over to them excitedly, his black hair flapping up and down ridiculously. Sunoo couldn't help but smile. His smile dropped quickly, however, when he noticed to his horror that both him and Sunghoon were wearing pastel pink knitted sweaters and white skinny jeans. Oh, hell no! They were wearing fucking matching outfits. He just wanted to turn and run.
Jay seemed to notice too and burst out laughing.
"You two look like a couple", he said between fits of laughter. Jungwon started laughing too because that's whipped idiots do when they're around their crush.
Sunghoon played along with them, wrapping his arm around Sunoo.
"My wife", he said making his voice gruff in attempt to sound like an old man.
The younger boy slapped his arm off which sent Jay into another fit of laughter. Just great. Sunoo sighed. Today was going to be a long day.
Sunoo couldn't help but notice how long and lean Sunghoon's legs appeared in his white jeans. He stared down at his own. They definitely weren't as long and his thighs were a tiny bit too chubby for his liking.
"You have good fashion sense", Sunghoon said with a smirk. Sunoo just rolled his eyes. He was basically complimenting himself.
"You look like a peach", the older boy spoke again.
"Excuse me?!"
Was he trying to say that Sunoo looked round? He pinched his cheeks self consciously. Did he gain some weight?
"It's because both your hair and your outfit are pink", the other boy explained. He was grinning, showing off his pearly canines.
Sunoo turned away from embarassment. He tried to look forward so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with Sunghoon. The pink haired boy felt like his cheeks were going to be matching his outfit and hair very soon. He regretted looking forward, however, when he caught sight of his friend and Jay holding hands. Jay was whispering something in the younger boy's ear and Jungwon was giggling into his hand. Gross. They weren't even dating yet and they were acting all couple-y.
The first thing they planned to do was watch a movie. They were staring at the posters pinned up outside the cinema, trying to see if anything would catch their interest. Something caught Sunoo's eye eventually. A black and white poster with a creepy looking house on it. Sunoo beamed. It was a horror movie, Jungwon and him loved to watch those.
"Yah, Jungwon! Come check this out!"
Jungwon walked over, dragging Jay with him. When the raven haired boy looked up at the poster Sunoo was pointing at, he smiled excitedly.
"Can we watch that?", he asked Jay sweetly whilst giving him puppy eyes. Jay ruffled his own black hair, staring at the poster. Sunoo thought he saw a momentary flash of fear in his eyes. A pout formed on his face as he appeared to be thinking deeply. He sighed before hesitantly agreeing.
They bought their tickets and got some snacks too before heading inside the cinema. Before the movie could start, Jay rubbed Jungwon's back gently.
"If you get scared you can just hold onto me", he whispered to the younger boy.
Sunghoon heard him and snorted.
"Yeah, because you're so brave when it comes to these things", he replied giving Jay a knowing smirk.
"Are you afraid of ghost movies?", Jungwon asked curiously, tilting his head like a puppy.
"Eh, no", Jay scoffed but he looked uneasy.
Sunghoon's smile disappeared. His eyes grew wide with fear and his face became pale.
"G-ghosts?", he stuttered.
It was Sunoo's turn to snort. Sunghoon was afraid of ghosts. Seriously?
The movie started and the boys glued their eyes to the screen. Some shuffling could be heard from down their aisle. A lady was trying to reach her seat which appeared to be on the other side.
"Excuse me, young lady", she said shuffling past Sunoo. He froze. Lady? Should he correct her? His heart started pounding in his chest as panic gripped him. Was it that obvious?
"Eh sorry ma'am but he's a boy", Jungwon replied casually.
The lady looked down surprised, noticing Sunoo's short haircut and flat chest.
"Oh", she said looking rather embarrassed.
"Sorry, my bad. You're just very pretty looking for a boy"
Sunoo winced at her words. That probably never happened to Sunghoon. He turned to face the older boy who was sitting next to him. Sunghoon was smiling at him for some reason.
"You know, she's right. You're prettier than most girls."
Sunoo wanted to punch him in the face. How fucking dare he taunt him that way? Sunghoon's smile disappeared when he saw the way Sunoo was glaring daggers at him.
"Sorry", he muttered before turning back to the big screen. He looked guilty despite having done nothing wrong.
A skinny lady wearing a tattered white gown floated on screen. Long black hair covered her pale face. Sunghoon gulped and leaned closer to Sunoo. The lady got closer and closer to the screen. Sunghoon shifted closer and closer to Sunoo. The younger boy swore he could hear the rapid heart beat of the boy next to him. The lady suddenly pulled back her hair to reveal two black holes where her eyes should have been. She let a high pitched shriek. Sunghoon jumped in his seat. His hands flying up to cover his eyes. His long and thin fingers trembled with fear as he peeked through them.
Sunoo didn't know why he did it but he reached over and held Sunghoon's hands in his. He gave them a reassuring squeeze.
"It's ok", he said. "I'll hold your hand if you want me too?"
Sunghoon nodded nervously.
The pink haired boy intertwined his smaller hand with the other boy's larger one. He gently rubbed his thumb over the other boy's hand. Something about this just felt right. Perfect, even. The way his hand fit perfectly into Sunghoon's. It was just like that day when they were carrying those books to the library. Those warm and strange feelings had returned.
They held hands for the entire movie.
-
"Hey, Sunghoon can you fetch the burgers for us?", Jay asked, not looking away from Jungwon's face the entire time. They were gazing into each other's eyes in a way that could only be described as sickeningly sweet. Sunoo wanted to throw up.
"I'll go with him", he found himself saying. There was no way he was going stay and be a third wheel to those two lovebirds.
After the movie had finished, they had gone to the food court since Jay had suggested that they get burgers.
Sunghoon and Sunoo were waiting in line for their food while chatting (more like arguing) about whether mint choco did (or in Sunghoon's case did not) deserve to be an ice cream flavour.
"... But it tastes like toothpaste", Sunghoon groaned.
"It does not!", Sunoo whined.
The boy in front of them turned around and the two immediately stopped bickering. He had a youthful face (one that Sunoo found awfully familiar) and he was probably younger than both of them despite being taller. He towered over them, eyeing Sunoo suspiciously. The tall boy then frowned.
"Do I know you?", he asked whilst frowning.
Suddenly, it clicked. That boy was none other than Nishimura Riki, one of the boys that had asked him out in middle school when he was still living as a girl. Would he able to recognise him? Sunoo's face hadn't really changed much since then.
"Ah", the boy said, snapping his fingers and smiling as it dawned on him.
"You look like this one girl I used to know. Kim something? Sunmi? No, no wait?! Soon-hee! Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure it was Soon-hee."
Sunoo inwardly cringed at the mention of his dead name. His throat felt dry suddenly. He just wanted to leave the line, maybe go back to where Jay and Jungwon were sitting. Third wheeling didn't seem so bad any more.
"Do you know her? Are you guys related?", Riki asked expectantly.
"Nope, never heard of her", Sunoo lied.
"She was hot. Had nice boobs. I asked her out once but she threatened to punch me in the face."
"Are you sure you're not related to her?", Sunghoon teased.
Sunoo felt sick to his stomach. Hearing Riki talk about his old self this way nauseated him. Was this how all the boys used to view him? Would Sunghoon start to view him like this too if he knew the truth? Sunoo shuddered at the thought.
Sunghoon looked down to see the pink haired boy standing stiffly and staring into the distance. He grabbed the younger boy's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.
The cashier called out a number and Riki looked up from his receipt.
"Oh, that's me! Gotta go."
Before leaving he turned to Sunoo.
"You good, man? You look kinda sick."
The pink haired boy just nodded silently.
As soon as the tall boy left, Sunoo seemed to suddenly start breathing again. He tried to shake off the sickly feeling that had stuck to him.
Sunghoon looked at him with concern.
"Is something wrong?", he asked quietly.
Sunoo shook his head and gave the other boy a fake smile.
"You wouldn't understand", he thought.
"Why not?"
Shit. He said that out loud.
The cashier called out again and this time it was their number. The younger boy pushed him in the direction of their waiting food. He was not going to talk about this now, especially not with Sunghoon. He of all people definitely wouldn't understand.
-
Sunoo lay in his bed that night when suddenly he found himself thinking of Sunghoon. How long his legs had looked in those jeans, how his canines always stuck out like fangs when he smiled and how large his hands were compared to Sunoo's own. He waited for the usual feelings of jealousy to flare up but was met with a warm fluttering feeling in his gut instead. His cheeks and ears started to heat up.
He rolled over to the side of his bed imagining Sunghoon laying next to him. He was smiling, showing off his sparkling canines. He caressed the younger boy's cheek with his large fingers. Sunoo imagined him wrapping his broad frame around him, making him feel so tiny. Sunghoon would then kiss his hair ever so gently and whisper sweet nothings to him. He fell asleep smiling to himself, dreaming of being in the other boy's arms.
Sunoo woke up the next morning, hair a mess and dried drool on his cheek. He wiped his face with the back of his hand. For some reason, he felt like this sleep had been the best he had in well, forever. The pink haired boy was sure he had a dream of some sort but he couldn't quite recall it. Then the memory of him falling asleep to thoughts of Sunghoon hit him like a ton of bricks.
"Fuck."
-
"Jungwonie", Sunoo whined into his phone.
"Yeah?", his friend answered.
"Remember yesterday?"
"Yeah!" A loud thump. "Oww"
"I definitely remember", he replied dreamily. He was probably grinning like an idiot.
"Well, yesterday when I was with Sunghoon..."
Jungwon sighed into the receiver.
"If you're going to compare yourself to him", he started. "Please don't."
The last part came out as a desperate whisper.
Sunoo let out a shaky breath.
"I'm not..."
This time was different. His feelings were different. The other side of the line was silent except for his friend's breathing.
Sunoo took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"When I was with Sunghoon yesterday", he repeated.
"I-I liked it"
He heard a choking noise from Jungwon's side.
"When we were watching the movie, we... we held hands! And I liked it?! I like his stupid smile and how pointy his canines are. I like how his huge ass hands fit so perfectly around mine. I like how he waddles when he walks like some oversized penguin-"
"You know that you waddle too?"
"What? No, I don't! Anyways..."
He took another deep breath.
"I think I like. Him."
Silence.
"Oh, wow"
"I can't believe it either", Sunoo admitted.
"So are you gonna tell him?"
"What no!", Sunoo scoffed.
"That's too scary for me", he admitted quietly.
-
Sunoo was bent over with his hands on his knees, gasping and panting for air. His chest felt so... tight. The binder was digging into his ribs. He knew wearing a binder during P.E wasn't a good idea but he couldn't do without it.
His lungs were screaming for air.
His vision started to blur.
The world was moving in slow motion.
He could only hear his own laboured breathing.
Dizzy. He felt so dizzy.
His world was spinning. Spinning.
Growing darker.
He heard someone call out to him. Jungwon?
Everything faded into darkness...
-
The pink haired boy blinked a few times, his eyes struggling to adjust to bright fluorescent lights. What? Why was he in the nurse's office?
He sat up on the bed, feeling a sharp pang along his ribs. What the hell? His chest felt strangely light. He looked down to see that his chest was no longer flat and that he was still wearing his P.E kit. Where was his binder? Did something happen to him during P.E?
Sunoo tried his best to recall what happened. He was running around the track, it was getting hard to breathe and he started feeling really dizzy. He had heard Jungwon's voice before darkness had consumed him and the next thing he knew he was here.
The nurse came in a couple of minutes later with a glass of water for him to drink. She explained that he had passed out and that a black haired boy (probably Jungwon) had brought him in. They had to remove his binder which had been the cause of this predicament. Unfortunately, it had caused him to have some nasty purple and blue bruises along his ribs. She told Sunoo that he could leave once he felt better but he wasn't allowed to put the binder back on yet as he was injured and needed time to heal.
He sat there feeling defeated as he sipped his water. The pink haired boy frowned as he looked down at his now shapely chest. How could he possibly leave looking like this? It would be even worse if Sunghoon saw him.
He heard loud, thundering footsteps approaching. Suddenly, a disheveled looking Sunghoon entered the room.
"Yah, Sunoo! Are you alright? I heard you collapsed-"
The brunette's gaze had landed on Sunoo's chest. His eyes grew wide in his surprise while his thick eyebrows disappeared under his bangs.
"OUT!", Sunoo shrieked but the older boy remained glued to the spot.
The pink haired boy quickly dived onto the bed, grabbing a pillow and holding against his chest protectively. He winced in pain as the pillow pressed against his newly formed bruises. However, it was already too late. Sunghoon now knew that he had boobs. The other boy probably thought he was a freak. This could not be fucking happening. Sunoo squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to wake up and find that this was just a nightmare. A fat tear spilt from one of his eyes, rolling down his cheek. He just wanted nothing more than to disappear.
The bed dipped next to him and he felt a heavy arm snake around his shoulders.
He slowly looked up while still hugging the pillow close to his chest. Sunghoon stared down at him, his eyes wide with worry. The pink haired boy let out a sniffle. His lips wobbled as tears continued to cascade down his face. The brunette rubbed circles along his back in attempt to soothe the crying boy.
"You're a trans man, aren't you?", he asked quietly. He made eye contact with Sunoo, his gaze was soft and gentle. The younger boy nodded his head slowly.
"I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume you didn't want me to find out this way."
Sunoo glared. No shit Sherlock.
"It's alright", he said, stroking Sunoo's shoulder with his thumb.
"No, it's not", the younger boy replied.
"It's not fair."
The brunette gave him a puzzled look.
"What's not fair?", he asked.
"You."
"Me?", Sunghoon asked incredulously.
"Yeah, you're perfect in every way. You'll never know what it's like to be me. Y- you're handsome and tall, and strong and manly-"
"Oh, I'm definitely manly", Sunghoon smirked, remembering Jay's words.
"Nothing more manly than liking men"
"Oh shut up", whined the younger boy.
"Okay, go on. You were complimenting me", the elder boy pried, raising an eyebrow at the other boy.
"Nevermind, I take it back. You're a stupid penguin."
Sunghoon chuckled at the unique insult.
"I'm not perfect by the way. I may be tall and whatever else but ...I am still deathly afraid of ghosts. I may have a serious pork strip and pork belly addiction. Not to mention that I have the sense of humour of a middle aged dad. I walk funny and I can't even flirt with my crush without making him want to punch me in the face."
Sunoo snorted.
"Well, you do have a punch-able face."
Wait, crush? Sunghoon had a crush? His hearted plummeted.
"Y-you have a crush on someone?"
"Yep and he likes disgusting things like mint choco. Can you believe it? But he's sweet and he holds my hand when creepy ghost ladies try to scare me."
"Hey! Mint choco is-"
Sunoo stopped abruptly, the other boy's words slowly sinking in. Did that mean that... No, it couldn't be. How could Sunghoon like him? He said he liked men, right? Did he even view Sunoo as a man?
Sunghoon watched the pink haired boy start to frown as his mind went into overdrive. He sighed impatiently and then finally waved one of his hands in front of the other boy's face.
The younger boy just stared at him blankly.
"It's you dumbass. You're my crush."
"...But you like men?", Sunoo asked puzzled.
"Yah! Sunoo and what are you?! A fucking dolphin?!"
Sunoo simply pouted and gestured towards his chest. It was still covered with the pillow. He definitely wasn't going to let the other boy see it again. Once was enough for this lifetime.
"That doesn't matter to me."
He smiled at the other boy. It was a comforting grin, his canines peeking out slightly. Sunghoon ruffled Sunoo's pink hair. Rather than getting annoyed as usual, he leaned into his touch.
Then the brunette got up and shrugged off his school blazer.
"Here", he said, handing it over to a confused Sunoo.
"Wear this. It will be kind of baggy on you so it should be able to hide your shape."
Sunghoon turned around so the younger boy could put on the blazer. He didn't have to since the other boy was already wearing his P.E t-shirt.
The pink haired boy gingerly picked up the blazer and pushed his arms through the sleeves. To say it was huge would be understatement. The blazer stopped by his knees. He felt silly and small.
The brunette turned back to look at him. He chuckled softly when he saw the other boy drowning in his uniform. He reached out to pinch the other boy's tear stained cheeks.
Then Sunghoon held Sunoo's hand in his as they walked out together.
-
They both waddled through the empty hallway together. Sunoo still in Sunghoon's oversized blazer as they held hands. Sunoo looked up at Sunghoon.
"Why are you so fucking tall? It's not fair", the younger boy whined.
"Does it bother you that much?", Sunghoon teased.
"Yeah, it makes it difficult for me to try and kiss you."
Sunghoon's eyes widened in surprise and he immediately bent his knees so that he could reach the shorter boy's height.
Sunoo burst into laughter. He cupped Sunghoon's cheeks in his small hands.
"First admit that mint choco is the best."
Sunghoon tried to jokingly pull away from the other's grasp.
"Never!", he gasped dramatically.
Sunoo scrunched up his nose in disappointment.
"Fine", he muttered.
Then he leaned in and placed his lips on Sunghoon's. The brunette kissed him back enthusiastically. Their lips sliding smoothly against each other. The taller boy's lips felt so soft and plush against his own.
Maybe Sunoo would never be as tall as Sunghoon, have shoulders as broad as his or have large hands but that didn't matter anymore.
All that mattered was how safe he felt in the other's arms and how perfectly their hands fit together. Life wasn't fair but at least it had brought him a certain Sunghoon.