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Ik-soo was sure Yoon didn't know how amazing he was.
He called himself a pretty boy and genius left and right and flashed smiles at people, but Ik-soo knew better. He saw what others failed to. He saw it in the small frown at his reflection in the lake’s water, in how he reread the same books again and again, fearing he had missed something when he could read it by heart at that point.
Ik-soo saw his shaking hands when he told him the story of what happened in Yang Kum-ji's ship, his tears when he clenched his fist, whispering, "I couldn't do anything. She- If she wasn't there-"
And Kum-ji... Even thinking about that man and his soldiers caused his usually stable blood to boil.
He was the High Priest. He was supposed to love all the people... but he couldn't help it. He was bound to love some people less than others.
And some people more.
Yoon was amazing, even if ik-soo knew he himself did not believe so. He was beautiful, like the sun that brightens the sky itself. With hairs so soft and shiny, but also dense. Like an old tree's late spring silky leaves. His eyes were skies, endless and celestial. The shine sparking in them differed when he was sad or happy, excited or curious, kind or worried. Every spark had a special beauty to it, impossible to describe.
And now he was sitting on the edge of the rocks with Ik-soo. Just where they had talked last before he was gone. All his muscles at ease, chatting away about the details of his journey that he hasn’t mentioned yet. He had been talking for some time, while Ik-soo was trying to multitask between staring at Yoon without him noticing, and catching his every word.
He was smiling slightly, a smile you couldn't get if you haven't known him for as long as Ik-soo had. No one else knew like him. No one else could compare, but Ik-soo could see the light around him that was not there before his trip. Like something hidden and beautiful had just blossomed out of him on that trip.
His heart clenched strangely, when he saw this was where Yoon was always supposed to be. Inside the light that had him smile this easily now. A place so right and whole, so thoughtful and happy. A place Yoon deserved.
No, this place was much, much lower than what his capabilities deserved.
“Anyway! The most torturous thing the whole way was this- thing between Hak and Yona. Mostly Hak. But Yona too! Hak is hopeless and Yona is dumb like a redheaded rock. You won’t believe his flirting tactics. And that princess- she makes me want to scream at the void sometimes.”
Ik-soo smiled at his frustration. “It is obvious how much those two care about each other. But I think the barrier they both have to face is too high.” he said.
“barriers, huh?” Yoon mumbled thoughtfully.
“Yes. Hak knows about his feelings, but deems them wrong to act on. He feels responsible for the princess' life and happiness, and the weight is too much.” Ik-soo explained, choosing every word carefully. “But the princess is young and inexperienced. She doesn’t know how she really feels, and more importantly, she doesn’t see herself good enough for Hak.”
“Tha- that’s-” Yoon tried to say, gaping. “That’s exactly it! Even when I tell her directly it’s like she doesn’t believe it! And that Raijin... he pulls his punches midway and Never, Ever, for the love of gods says what he really means.” He sighed, running his hand in his hair. “And I just don’t know what else to do. Watching them dance around each other like this is physically painful.”
“The hardest opponent to defeat is yourself, Yoon-kun. It’s not your fault. These barriers can’t be destroyed overnight. One can’t act on his feelings, and the other doesn’t believe them.” Ik-soo said.
Yoon became silent, not even nodding his head. Ik-soo could relate.
He felt like they were no longer talking about Yona and hak.
“So- whose fault is it?” Yoon finally asked, not looking at him. “I think it’s Yona’s. She can try more. Just a little more and that would be enough.”
“It’s wrong to put all the blame on one of them, but I think I disagree. Raijin is older, and he knows more. He should be the one to act- but I can understand his fear.” Ik-soo said softly, eyes not leaving Yoon for a second.
“Fear? What of?” Yoon asked.
“Of losing the thing he has.” Ik-soo answered honestly. Too honestly.
Yoon clenched his fists. “It’s so unlike him. He is supposed to be stronger. Braver.” He said. “I wish he was.”
“Really?” Ik-soo asked, hoping. Hoping hard.
“Really.” Yoon said, turning to look at him, eyes determined.
And that was the moment Ik-soo stopped hesitating.
Ik-soo reached out to his cheeks. Yoon’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move. He pulled him closer, and closer. Until there was no distance left between them. Ik-soo could hear Yoon’s rising heartbeats. But he didn’t protest. Not then, and not when their lips touched.
Ik-soo took that as a yes, and kissed him.
Yoon could in no way know what he was supposed to do. For once, it was Ik-soo who did all the work for him. He put a hand at the back of his head, feeling the golden locks around his fingers, and another on his back to pull him closer, making him comfortable. Ik-soo felt heat rising in the other’s neck when he wetly moved his lips on his.
After a few seconds, Slowly, he broke the kiss and pulled back.
Yoon’s hands were shaking and red, when he tried to hide his just as red cheeks by them.
“I’m-” he tried to say. Pulling back, he looked at him like he was seeing him for the first time. “Why? And- How?”
“Because you are wonderful.” Ik-soo said with a smile, because it was as simple as that. “And because I love you.”
“That’s- that’s not right.” Yoon whispered, before quickly adding. “I- I love you too. But I never thought that you- that I-”
Ik-soo felt something very cold drop in his heart. “But you don’t love me like that?” he tried to help.
“No! I mean, yes. Argh! I don’t know anymore!” He pulled at his hairs, frustrated and his eyes escaping Ik-soo’s. Ik-soo just smiled. “Everything is all tangled up but that’s not important! That wasn’t the point anyway. I’m-” He sighed. “I’m just like Yona, aren’t I? Just as stupid.”
“Don’t talk about yourself like that, Yoon-kun.” Ik-soo protested, putting a gentle hand on Yoon’s shoulder, turning him so he could see his eyes. “You are not stupid. I am. And scared. I was- scared for a long time. Just like Raijin.”
Yoon bit his lips, eyes turned downward, before starting to talk. “What about your gods?” he said. “I’m- a boy. I might be pretty, but still a boy. Aren’t they against this?” he said and looked at him. Ik-soo’s smile faltered without him wanting it to. Silence stretched.
“I don’t know,” He answered.
Yoon blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly that,” Ik-soo said, a new smile starting to form on his lips, not nearly as real as the last one, “I don’t know. They don’t talk to me about it. All of them are quiet. It doesn’t make a difference how I ask them.” He brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes gently. “It doesn’t matter anyway, Yoon-kun. I love you. And nothing would change that.” It won’t. The priest assured himself mentally.
Yoon’s eyes flickered to another direction. “Why? I never thought that you might ever see me like- you know.” he gestured to himself, like it explained it all. “I’m young and- I’m not that- I’m not what you think I am. What I thought I was. I’m just a nobody kid that-”
“Saved a princess, helped her find four mythical dragons, and took care of a clumsy priest years older than himself.” Ik-soo cut in and completed the sentence with the right words. “If you think you are not enough, what does that make me?”
Yoon snorted, “an idiot priest who can’t be left on his own for a single day and knows zero things about romance.”
Ik-soo gasped dramatically, “That was hurtful Yoon-kun! Was I that bad at kissing?”
Heat rose up in his face, “N- No. I mean, Yes! I could do better anyway.” He said with a smug but flustered face, like he had regretted saying that the moment he did. Cute.
“Are you sure? Kissing is not like other stuff, you know? It takes practice!” Ik-soo teased. Yoon’s eyes widened, his face becoming a darker shade of gray. “Okay! okay! Remember, you wanted this yourself! No complaints accepted!”
Before Ik-soo could answer, He pulled him close and captured his lips with his own in one motion. Ik-soo, pleasantly surprised, closed his eyes and gave in the soft kiss.
Of course, I never said I didn’t want this. Did I? Ik-soo thought, smiling through the kiss.
It wasn’t like he could complain anyway. Yoon really was a genius in everything.
That night, Ik-soo pushed every thought as behind as his mind allowed him to. He didn’t need the annoying thoughts distracting him from that moment. Not yet.
He gently teased Yoon after he broke the kiss, redder than a tomato. He laughed at his blush and stuttered answers. He smiled and held his hand and sat with him in silence for the rest of the night.
But not once did he let himself think. Probably Yoon was doing the same thing. Not as easily as Ik-soo,though. Yoon isn’t the kind of person that can stop thinking.
Those thoughts leaked into his brain the next day. About the worries Yoon, the smart being he was, also pointed out.
What did the Gods of Sky think about this?
The fact that Yoon believed in him so wholeheartedly when he wasn’t all that religious himself warmed Ik-soo’s heart. He was worried for something that others would overlook, or deem unimportant.
Him, the priest as he was, was not prohibited from Love. That kind of would defy the point of his existence. There shouldn’t be a problem, or any worry…
But the unusual silence of the Gods had him doubt this.
Yoon was no better than him, since he spent the next day avoiding him for this excuse and that. He had his own thinking to do too...
"Hey, priest-san!” a voice broke Ik-soo out of his thoughts. He jumped, tripping on his foot and nearly hitting the ground, "You okay there?"
Ik-soo looked up, just to face the miniature yellow dragon sitting on a tree branch. "Oh Zeno-kun! I didn't see you there." He said, rubbing his chest to ease his crazy heartbeats. Children these days...
Zeno jumped down with one motion. He was getting better at the jumping thing. "Zeno was always there! But priest-san was too distracted to notice. What's bothering priest-san, by the way?" He asked, eyes a little worried.
Ik-soo started to say "nothing", but remembered the wise words yellow dragon had told the princess, words much older than he acted like, and thought better. "I have questions," he confessed. "Questions- the Gods refuse to answer. I have no idea whether it means disagreement or not."
The boy didn’t say anything, like he expected Ik-soo's words to have a follow up. When nothing came, he blinked in surprise. "Really? That's all?"
Ik-soo nodded, a little embarrassed. "That's all."
"You know, priest-san?” He hummed playfully. “Zeno thinks you are too used to having answers to all your questions, being a priest-san and all. But normal people don't get that. The world is full of signs and answers, but not all of them are straightforward, and not always they are answers to our questions." Paused, something heavy in his eyes. "Sometimes, it seems like the gods don't even hear us. Like our words don't reach them. But-" the boy shrugged carelessly. "I donno, priest-san. Sometimes they don't answer 'cause it's just obvious."
Ik-soo's eyes widened, realization hitting him like lightning.
The boy laughed at once, scratching the back of his head. "Ehh… It's not like I know much about this stuff. Just wanted to help, you know?"
Ik-soo enthusiastically grabbed his hands by his, beaming "No! Just the opposite! You know everything . Thank you, Zeno-kun. It was really helpful!"
The boy laughed easily. "Is that so? Well, Zeno is happy to be able to help!" He jumped away, a bounce in his steps. "See you around, priest-san!"
Ik-soo didn't notice Zeno's smile, so all knowing and old. He was too busy smiling to himself. He smiled, and smiled, and smiled, standing there for a few more minutes, a pleasant shiver dancing under his skin.
He really was blind to something like that, wasn't he.
The next night, he would tell Yoon how he should not worry about anything. Not Ik-soo, and not the Gods. Nothing, except what he really feels, since that part was still unclear..
He would frown, not totally satisfied, and ask, "what about the Gods not answering? That's important for you, Ik-soo!"
And Ik-soo would smile and say, "They are probably laughing at me, for doubting the answer of such an obvious question."
After all, as crazy and complicated as it might sound at first, there is a definite answer to Love.