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The problem with Lily is that she's hard to say no to. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, and, honestly, the fact that Lily can't keep a secret for longer than it takes to find Marshall is probably a bigger issue in the long run, not to mention how loudly she chews (seriously, if Robin remembers the semester of university biology she had to take for some stupid 'distribution requirement' correctly, which she totally does, it's not medically possible for a human to make those types of noises while eating). Robin's not even sure if this is actually a trait that Lily has in that this is something that happens regularly, but whatever, it's a reason why she's at this awful 'art' show. It's easier to blame Lily for this mess than to blame herself for being stupid enough to agree to go.
The worst part is how easy it had been to convince her. Actually, that's not the worst part--the worst part is the art--but it's a really bad part. All Lily had to do was say that "it'll be fun" and "we never do anything together anymore, and I never get to see art shows" and that they would "go get some culture, and then afterward we can go to that bar you like, and I won't mention the whole 'scared of the dark' thing. I can't promise anything about not making fun of Mounties, though. When they pull you over, do you say, "Soorry, officer, I didn't see that moose"? Come on, Robin. You have to admit it's comedy gold."
So, that's how Robin ended up staring at a canvas painted yellow with a bunch of white puzzle pieces glued randomly to it. The couple next to her keeps taking loudly about how the exhibit symbolizes the loneliness of modern life and is just so profound and moving and blah, blah, blah, I know so much about art and look at how smart I am. Lily is having this deep conversation with the artist about his choice of 'saffron' for the backdrop, and how the arrangement of the pieces represents his long struggle with Thalassophobia, whatever that means.
Robin's pretty sure that Ted's got some puzzles lying around the apartment, and if she really felt the need to look at jumbled up puzzle pieces, she could just dump them out on the coffee table and stare at them to her heart's content in the comfort of her own home.
Well, theoretically she could do that. Ted would probably freak out about the mess or say things about how "these are architectural models, Robin, not toys" and "you'll lose the pieces" and "do you know how much these cost?" if she were to actually do it. Robin's had a long day dealing with her shitty, shitty job, and she's not in the mood for modern art or for Ted to Ted out on her.
At least the gallery has free booze. Robin's had like three glasses of cheap red wine, and she's definitely feeling it a little, especially since she skipped dinner to go to this stupid thing, and all of the food available is not only vegan, but tastes like cat vomit. She's not entirely sure that the food isn't actually part of the exhibit and that this whole thing is just an incredibly elaborate practical joke.
"I'm going to the bathroom to fix my makeup," Lily says. She looks pissed off, so she's probably been trying to get Robin's attention for a while, but it's not Robin's fault that she's bored out of her mind like any normal person would be.
"Oh, sorry, I was just looking at this thing," Robin replies, gesturing vaguely, "it's just so moving. Anyway, I need to reapply my lipstick, so I'll go too."
"Robin, that's a table," Lily answers flatly, "do you know where the restrooms are? It's like a maze in here."
"I think it's near where we left our coats?" Robin says, setting out in a random direction. She doesn't actually have any idea where either their coats or the bathroom is, but she can see out of the corner of her eye the artist swooping in to talk to Lily again, and Robin can't take any more of his ham-handed attempts to flirt with Lily.
Ten minutes later, they've finally managed to locate one of them. It's way back in a corner, and fortunately there isn't a line. Robin thinks that it's probably because nobody's been able to find it, but she's not about to second guess their good luck.
Well, the mirror is tiny and the bathroom is poorly lit, so it's not exactly perfect, and they have to stand very close together in order to even have an idea of what they're doing, but, again, no line. Lily keeps brushing her arm against Robin, and, yeah, there isn't a lot of room in front of the mirror, and it's not like she's doing it on purpose, but Robin's finding this unreasonably annoying. Also, Robin's not sure why, but all of a sudden she's very conscious of how Lily smells like finger paints and lilies.
Robin knows that every year for Christmas one of the teachers Lily works with gives her a huge bottle of lily perfume, and even though she's not exactly a fan of the whole 'lilies for Lily' thing, that teacher works in the classroom attached to Lily's, and she's the person who makes sure the kids don't burn the school down when Lily has to pee. So, she worries that if she offends her by not wearing the perfume every once in a while, she won't be able to take a bathroom break.
Robin's shaken out of her weird detour by Lily smacking her lips, trying to smooth out her lipstick. "Robin, do think this color is too matchy with my dress? I could do a more natural pink," Lily mummers, leaning in close to the mirror.
"Umm, I think," Robin stammers, "I think, it's fine?" Lily's wearing a really flattering bright red dress, and it's not weird that Robin's noticed how short it is or how she can see Lily's bra when she bends over like that, right? Right?
"Great," Lily says, "do you think I should put more blush on or not?" She turns to look at Robin, and they're standing so close that Robin can feel her breath on her face. She tries to covertly wipe her suddenly sweaty palms off on her pants, but Lily's sort of in the way.
So, Robin kisses her. Hard. Yeah, it doesn't really make any sense, for many, many reasons, but mostly because her lips aren't her hands, and right now only their lips are touching, as Robin's holding her hands rigid against her sides. Plus it's a terrible idea.
But, Lily's lips are warm and soft, and, hey, she's drunk, she can blame kissing her married female best friend in a dirty public bathroom on the alcohol. So, when Marshall ruins her life with his lawyer skills and makes it so she gets kicked out of the country, she'll have an excuse. (He can do that right? Robin should probably know more about the legal system of her adopted country, but she always has more important things to do, like finally figuring out how to recite the alphabet backwards.)
Robin's about to pull away and awkwardly apologize for everything wrong she's ever committed, up to and including the time she stole a pack of gum from Canadian Tire as a child, before dying in so, so much shame, when Lily grasps the back of Robin's head and pulls her flush against her body.
This gives Robin the courage to gently rest her hand on Lily's breast, and wow, they are now officially making out, because Lily's tongue is in her mouth. She doesn't really remember opening her lips, but she goes with it, because it feels ridiculously good, and she's so turned on that she's not sure she could just stop.
Robin starts to sort of moan, but she realizes that they are in a public restroom and should probably be quiet, so it sounds like she's trying to cough instead. It's the opposite of sexy, but Lily doesn't seem to notice, since she goes and grabs Robin's ass. This time Robin actually full out moans, and she starts to push the straps of Lily's dress down.
Lily gasps, shoves Robin back into the door, and starts to unbutton Robin's blouse. She's got Robin's shirt open and her bra unclasped before she's really aware of what's going on, because Lily is mouthing at the place where her neck meets her shoulder, and it's difficult for her to think, and then Lily's mouth is on her breast, so she stops trying.
Until the thought hits her that maybe it isn't fair that Lily's doing all the work so far, and she's doing pretty awesomely for someone who hasn't ever done this before, so Robin pushes gently on her shoulders, trying to signal her intent to more actively participate.
This causes Lily to jerk away. Her pupils are almost completely black, and her mouth is shiny and open in shock. Robin is painfully turned on and completely confused, because this sort of came out of left field for her. Well, not totally, because the one time Barney had convinced her to role play as Lily and he had described all of the disgusting, filthy things he wanted to do to her, she'd had some pretty excellent orgasms, which was saying a lot because, hello, Barney is good, but that doesn't really count, since he'd brought his A game as a reward for agreeing. And maybe she'd thought too much about the time Lily's wedding dress fell down, but again, that was totally just envy. They're just so perky.
"Okay," Lily says, trying to catch her breath, "okay, we're not going to talk about this again. This will be like when we spilled Thai food in the Fiero, or my whole shopping addiction, except I won't tell Marshall about it like a year later. Okay?"
Robin nods as she tries to button her shirt back up with as much dignity as she possibly can—read, not a lot—but she makes the effort. She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and she almost starts to laugh hysterically at the sight, because her hair is a complete mess, and her lipstick is smeared all over her face. She looks like some sort of sluttly clown.
"Hey, look, it'll be fine," Lily asserts. She looks hesitant for a second, before leaning in and gently kissing Robin on the cheek. And, it's ridiculous, but something about it makes Robin know that everything will be okay.