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She was happy for him, she really was. Or at least she was trying to quite convince herself about that notion.
Her group of friends always stuck together, so when they all had come back to Hogwarts after the war, she just had to as well, she couldn’t just leave them behind, she couldn’t be that selfish, she had to be there for them. She had to be there for him.
The past few years had been hard on him, she had tried so hard to help him, to distract him from his burden a little, to brighten him up, but nothing had worked. He had done it for his family, for his mother. And she had had to watch how this boy she had always held dearly, fell apart little by little, until he was a shadow of himself.
But this year was different, or so she thought. She was going to be there for him, and he would listen. Now that everything was over she would help him come back from the sorrows, she would wait for him, she didn’t care how long it could have taken. She wanted him, loved him, she had done for so long now.
And once, when they were younger he had loved her, wanted her just as she did, she was sure of it.
She knew that with everything that had happened that was the last thing he had thought about. So she just hoped for it all to come back to her.
But when the school year started, he seemed as withdrawn as ever, he refused hers and Theo’s and Blaise’s advances.
He would still sit with them at the great hall for every meal, he would spend time with them in the common room, but when asked if something was going on by any of them, he kept repeating that he was fine, that he needed time, that he didn’t need some sort of stupid intervention from them.
That he wasn’t going to be his past self again, that no one could ever be the same after a war, that he would never be the same with a mark now branding his skin, that it didn’t mattered that the war was long gone. He kept telling them that the things that he did would stick in his head forever.
So they should stop trying to bring “him” back.
She remembered how he once lashed off and told the three of them, that the old Draco was dead and buried, and that if they had to mourn him that they were welcomed to do so, but not with him there.
He asked them to leave him alone. She hadn’t wanted to do so, but she respected him so she gave him space.
After that, Draco was hardly seen, he kept to himself. He would leave early before breakfast, and come back to the commons past curfew almost every night. She wanted to ask him about it, she wanted to know what was he doing up until late, but Theo or Blaise always kept her from doing it, they said that whatever thing he was doing was working.
And with that they were right. As the weeks went by she could see how he seemed more at ease. She noticed how he stopped occluding in every single class they took. He started sitting with them again, always in silence, but still. He even attended a few quidditch games and she was sure that in their visit to Hogsmead she saw a white blonde head peak through the crowd.
Maybe he wasn’t his past self, but maybe he was now finding his true self without all the pressure of his father and the war and everything that was expected from him. As months passed, he eventually started to converse with them at lunch and participate in the little reunions at the slytherin commons, she could say he almost looked happy.
She didn’t know what or who was the source of it all, but she couldn’t help but be grateful, but be relieved.
Now as she watched him dance in the Easter ball the headmistress had organized, smiling from ear to ear, with a brunette witch with a head full of curls, in his arms, it all made sense.
It was her, it was Granger that she had to be grateful about, it was her that had helped him overcome it all.
It was her who he wanted, it was her that he loved.
She had tried to be there for him, she really had, but maybe it wasn’t meant to be her, maybe he needed more, something different, and Granger had been able to give him it.
Pansy was happy for him, she was.
But she couldn’t help but sourly think “I wish I could’ve been enough for you”