Chapter Text
[Calling sub-clock marker, begin new timer]
It has been a long time since I died.
I could just check how long exactly, it would be easier then breathing, but I'm afraid.
It has been such a long time since I died, and no one has found me.
If it was just a few months, or just a few years, it would be okay.
I know it has not just been a few months or years.
And yet, as long as I don't call the global timer, I won't know how long its been.
I can pretend its been a normal lifetime, and that I am where I belong, a purgatory I met at the end of a long and healthy life.
I can pretend I died after 60 years of life, surrounded by loved ones and children, that I died thinking of mother and father, waiting past those final seconds to finally join them.
I can dream that I had last words.
I can dream that someone who cared heard my final thoughts, the last thing a person may bestow upon those they love, and the most important thing to receive from one you are losing. Closure.
I can pretend I ever had closure, I suppose.
[Calling sub-clock end, begin new timer]
[Calling sub-clock marker, begin new timer]
It has been several more months.
Life granted me no mercy, but at least in death I'm not subject to the slow crawl of seconds I was in flesh.
At least in here, my perception is reality, and when I chose not to perceive I may simply rest.
I wonder, if it weren't for my cheating of death, if that nothingness in between thoughts would have been what true death feels like.
Today I activate a camera.
I don't know why.
The bulkheads are thick, and even bacteria die in a vacuum.
Without radiation to bleach, or air to breed miasma, a corpse doesn't look much different years later.
Most of the children died screaming.
I died crying.
None of the Kim family died in view of a camera.