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Flipping through the pages, Seokjin hummed as he read through the lines of the book he is holding. He has planned on reading it for months but his job as a high school teacher didn’t give him much time to do so. And now, he miraculously had at least an hour more time to enjoy himself as he watch the young seventeen-year-old girl sleep on the clinic after fainting due to the heat earlier this.
“Mr. Kim?”
The soft voice of the teen broke Seokjin’s focus on the book he is currently reading. He gently put down his book and smiled at the young girl. She has a pout on his face as she looks at Seokjin. It made the older laugh at her. In times like this, Seokjin can’t help but remember someone he used to know whenever he looks at her.
“Yes, dear Aera?”
“Are my parents coming?” She asked.
“Yes, dear. I was informed that they are on their way in about an hour.” Seokjin answered and sat beside her bed. “Do you want anything? Milkshake? Cake? Fries?”
Aera giggled and shook her head to decline. “Thank you, Mr. Kim, but not this time. I don’t feel hungry yet.”
“You? Not hungry? My, that’s new.” Seokjin teased making the kid giggle louder.
“You’re mean, Mr. Seokjin.” She said.
Silence fell over them again. It was a comfortable kind of silence. Seokjin can now finally relax and breathe knowing that his student is fine and she is doing well enough to giggle and joke around like how she would normally do. They sat there completely quiet not until Aera asked Seokjin a question.
“Mr. Kim, may I ask you, did anyone visit me here? I mean, not that I am anticipating one, I just you know, hoping that maybe one of my friends were concerned enough to go and see me here,” She said accompanied with an awkward laugh, Seokjin just smirked at her and gave her a knowing look.
“You mean if that kid Kwon visited you?”
At the mention of that kid’s name Aera instantly blushed and she tried to hide her face from her teacher using her blanket. Seokjin just shook his head seeing her act like the youngster that she is and he can’t help but look back on the days that he himself was once like she is, reduced to a blushing mess and the butterflies exploding in his tummy.
Ah, good old days.
To tease Aera further, he even added, “See those flowers? Those are from him. But since you slept for an hour straight with your mouth opened, you did not see him worried sick about you waiting for you to wake up.”
“No way!” She exclaimed and put the blanket away from her face, “Please tell me you are lying! There is no way he did that!”
“Lying about what? Him seeing you sleep with your mouth open? Or him giving you those flowers?”
“BOTH!”
Seokjin’s smile only grew wider at how frustrated she looked, her brows were furrowed and her fists were balling.
“I did not lie to you. Not one bit. But don’t worry, he likes you enough to see how beautiful you are even if you are not aware of it.” And the rate that she changed her expression from worried and pissed, to a flustered teen amazed Seokjin.
“How much do you like him, hm?” Seokjin intrigued.
“So much, Mr. Seokjin. I think I want to marry him and build a family with him.” She shyly answered.
“I see. Then that’s good. Hold on to that, invite me to your wedding, okay?” Seokjin said genuinely.
But the kid sighed.
“I don’t think my father would approve of that?”
With that, Seokjin raised a brow. “What do you mean?”
“Kwon is not … you know, doing business and all that stuff. I heard from our grandfather that we should prioritize our business first before anything else. And I am not naive, I am sure that when he said that, he meant that if it means that us - his grandchildren - should enter an arranged marriage just to save the family business, then we should.”
Seokjin can hear the remorse in the kid’s voice and how she almost teared up broke Seokjin’s heart. He cannot accept this. He just can’t. Aera is too young to be having these thoughts. She should be allowed to enjoy and live her life, not think about such bullshits.
“Try talking to your father. I am sure he will understand.”
Then she sighed, “Dad is a great man. A great husband to Mom, and just overall a great person. Which is why it is hard for me to tell him what I want, Mr. Seokjin. I don’t want him to be disappointed in me.”
“I am sure he will never be disappointed in you, Aera. You have been nothing but a good child. I am sure that if he can make a way he would. So try telling him, okay?” Seokjin said.
“S-should I tell him that, Kwon is my boyfriend?” Aera asked stuttering.
“What?”
“Kwon is my boyfriend, Mr. Seokjin, but don’t tell anyone okay. You are the first one to know.” She shushed Seokjin even if they are the only ones inside the room. “We hid it for the better, I am so afraid, Mr. Seokjin. I know my Mom will support me, but Dad, I don’t know. I’m terrified of his reaction.”
She looks like she wants to cry. Seokjin shushed him.
“Don’t be afraid. Do everything to fight for that love, okay? So you won’t regret anything.”
“But …”
Seokjin looked at her and held her hands gently, “Listen, I know how you feel. I have been there in that same situation. And the best thing you can do is make sure of what you feel, and if you are sure, fight for it. Don’t regret anything.”
“May I know what you did? And how did you fight for your love?”
Seokjin squinted his eyes and smirked at Aera, “If I tell you what I did, then that would be cheating. You make your own story, little woman. Trust your guts.”
She sighed and pouted. “If you won’t tell me what you did, can you just tell me what she is like?”
“He.” Seokjin gently corrected.
“Oh.” Aera gave Seokjin an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry I assumed. So, what is he like?”
“What is he like?” Seokjin started and his mind immediately traveled twenty years back, “I met him when I was twenty-one years old, he was 18 that time. I didn’t pay much attention to him at first, but our paths always crosses and we ended up being friends. He is goofy,” Seokjin laughed a little remembering the boy, “He always makes me laugh like crazy.”
“You do laugh crazy,” Aera replied with fondness in her eyes seeing how her teacher’s eyes softened with longing and love as he tells his tale.
“He did say those exact same words to me, my dear.” Seokjin said in a whisper, “but he did not despise my laugh even though it’s loud in fact, any chance he gets he will make me squeak face red from laughing and he will smile back at me like my happiness is his happiness too. That boy loves to spoil me even though I am older than him. He will bring food to my table just before my classes start, he will make sure that I ate lunch, and will text me every night to tell me I should rest and never skip a meal.”
“Sounds like a good person, Mr. Kim.”
“He is.” Seokjin said, “He also loves green. An unhealthy obsession with green actually. I remember I was with him when he brought this green guitar, and my jaw dropped when I saw the price. It was my whole tuition fee for college and he just bought it in a swipe! I remembered getting upset over it when we went back to my dorm, but he just kissed my cheeks and started serenading me. Of course, I cannot resist him. We ended up cuddling on the couch and whenever he can, he will bring that guitar and play me a song every day.”
“Do you ever fight?” Aera asked. “Because me and Kwon always do, but he always tries to mend the situation. I was the only stubborn one. But I am changing! I swear!”
Seokjin ruffled her curly hair and nodded, “Of course we fight. We always do, he likes to argue and I do, too. But he is on another level. He will ball his fist, pout his lips and his face will go red. He looks cute more than he is mad that I can’t help but coo at him. He thinks I don’t take him seriously, but I do. I just find him so adorable that my anger melts when he looks at me that way because you know, kid, even if he is angry, he still looks like he loves me.”
“Mr. Kim, your relationship with him looks so beautiful, how does that fit with my situation?” The kid wondered and Seokjin took a deep breath. Remembering the good old days feels light to the heart, but retelling the struggles are difficult. He swallowed a lump on his throat and looked at Aera.
“You see, me and him are gay.” Seokjin started and Aera listened to him attentively, “So we hid our relationship as best as we could. We successfully did so for five years. We even planned to get married secretly and he will leave his family for me. It was all set, but then we got found out when his father saw us dating at the mall. We could deny it, but he caught us holding hands and giving each other a peck on the lips. Bros don’t do that. His father made a scene. They made him go home with them. He doesn’t want to, but he cannot do anything. We didn’t see each other for a month. I was so devastated and he is too. And then we saw each other, he sneaked out with the help of his best friend. Then it all started crumbling down, he told me he is off to marry this woman and there is no way he can say no because it’s his family’s business that is at stake. He cried that night. He told me that if I asked him to run away, he would and he would not care if he is disowned by his family. But the thing with him is that he loves his family so much. Kid, he is so proud that he looks like his dad and his eyes are from his mother and that they are such wonderful people,”
Aera then snorted.
“if they are wonderful people, then why can’t they let their son be happy?” She even rolled her eyes.
“They were good parents not until they became homophobic,” Seokjin replied. “And that’s it, kid. We tried hard. We really did. We fought, we cried, we got hurt. But everything is worth it. I don’t regret my decision.”
“so, you ended up together? You are both happy?”
Seokjin nodded and said, “Me and him are happy. I am sure of that.”
Aera smiled and hugged Seokjin which made the older shocked.
“I will tell my father. Wish me luck.”
Seokjin pat her back and said, “You will have a much better story than I am. I am sure of that. I know your father is a good man.”
“Are you sure?”
Seokjin laughed at her, “He’s your father, he loves you! I’ve heard stories about him.”
“He is a great dad.” She said shyly.
“really can you tell me about him? How is he at home?”
“Our home, it’s full of love. I can see my Mom and Dad spending time with each other at the garden every time I go home. They are drinking tea and Mom will lay her head at my Dad’s shoulders. I think they really love each other. I want me and Kwon to end up that way Mr. Seokjin.”
Seokjin smiled and squeezed her hands.
“Just do your best.”
“I will. Thank you for encouraging me. You should meet my parents. Please stay until they get here. You are always absent during our family day they never get to meet my favorite Mr. Kim.” She giggled and Seokjin just nodded his head. He cannot deny her anything.
“You know that I always work behind the scene, Aera, I am not absent!” Seokjin contradicted.
“Whatever,” she stuck her tongue out before adding, “Me and Dad haven’t thought of what to present this year’s family day. I am stressed. You know Mr. Seokjin, my dad is very talented, and all, but he never touched the guitar he hung in his room. It is just placed on a glass hanging on the wall. He displayed it and never let anyone touch it.”
“Tell him to play the guitar,”
“He doesn’t know how to!” Aera whines.
“Then why did he buy it?”
“I don’t know, it was there before I was even born.” She said.
“Just try, you never know,” Seokjin said with finality and Aera just sighed and agreed.
They fell into another round of silence. This time, Seokjin retreated to his seat and read his book again while they wait for Aera’s parents to come. After about fifteen minutes, the clinic’s door flung open and a couple entered the room.
Seokjin’s breathing hitched.
He stood up and bowed his head. The woman gave him a smile, and behind her is his husband.
“Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Kim,” Seokjin greeted.
“Mom, Dad! This is Mr. Kim, the teacher I kept telling you about!” Aera proudly said. Mrs. Kim looked at her and shook his hand.
“Mr. Kim, finally I met you. My daughter keeps talking about you nonstop. Not a week goes by that the name, “Mr. Kim” is not heard in our dining table because of how fond she is of you.”
Seokjin’s ears reddened at the praise.
“I am just doing my job,”
They exchanged pleasantries, it was mostly Aera’s mother and Seokjin who is talking and finally, after some moments, they decided to leave.
“Thank you for taking care of my daughter.” Mrs. Kim said.
“No problem Mrs. Kim.”
“Call me Areum,” She said.
“Y-yes, Areum.” Seokjin bowed his head at her and it made Areum giggle. “We’ll be on our way,” then she looks at her husband, “Let’s go love.”
Mr. Kim smiled at her and said, “Wait for me in the car. I’ll discuss some things with Mr. Kim,”
Areum looked confused, but she just nodded her head and kissed her husband goodbye.
As soon as the door closed, Seokjin held his breath and avoided looking at the man’s eyes.
“Seokjin-hyung …”
“Tae …” Seokjin’s voice is shaky and unstable.
“How are you?” Taehyung asked.
Seokjin wanted to run to him and hug him.
The man he told Aera about.
The man he loved, loves, and will love.
The man he left twenty years ago.
“I-I’m doing well. My life is good. I have a job.” He answered trying to keep his voice from shaking.
It’s been twenty years goddamit!
“She has your eyes,” Seokjin said avoiding whatever talk they may have, “She pouts the same way as you do. She even got your hair.”
“She’s my gem,” Taehyung responded. “I love her very much.”
“You should. You really should.” Seokjin awkwardly replied. He ran out of words. All he can see and think about is how Taehyung never changed even two decades passed. He is still the same man who can steal Seokjin’s heart away.
“I’m happy seeing you again, hyung.”
“I am too,” Seokjin replied. And it’s true. Even though he avoided Taehyung ever since he knew that Taehyung is Aera’s father, he is happy that finally, he can stand close to the man once more. This is enough. Enough to last him a lifetime.
“Hyung …”
Seokjin knows, Taehyung wants an explanation. He wants answers why he did not appear at their meeting place two days before Taehyung’s wedding, but what good would that do now? Taehyung moved on and he loves Areum now. Telling him his reason will only reopen Taehyung’s wounds and would cause a lot more bleeding on Seokjin’s fresh ones. Ones that never got to heal.
“I don’t regret not seeing you that day. Look at her, so lively and adorable.” Seokjin said in lieu of an explanation. “I’m glad you are happy and successful now.”
A selfish part of him wants to hold Taehyung’s hand probably for one last time, and he did. He reached out to him, held his hand, and squeezed it gently using his thumb to caress his palm.
Still so soft. So delicate.
Seokjin bit his lip and looked at Taehyung plastering a smile.
“I need to go home now. It’s nice seeing you, really.”
Taehyung just looked at him studying his expression and the younger muttered, “I am sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? For living your life? For moving forward? For being happy? If yes, please don’t. I told you already, I don’t regret what I did. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I made.”
“How about you? Are you okay now?” Taehyung asked.
He would’ve said no, but he can’t bear to say it if it means that it will only mess up with Taehyung’s conscience. So he said, “Yes. Better than ever.”
“I’m glad.” Taehyung sighed and squeezed Seokjin’s hand back before retreating it away. Seokjin wanted to chase it, hold it for a little longer, but he would look greedy so he lets go. For the hundredth time, he let Taehyung go.
“Make her life less miserable than ours.” Seokjin said. At that, Taehyung arched his brow.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s your daughter. Listen to her. But promise me that, okay? Make it easier for her.”
Seokjin can see how it confused Taehyung but he nodded and muttered a small yes he was about to speak more, but Taehyung’s phone rang and it was Areum telling Taehyung to hurry. He looked at him while talking to her and Seokjin can see how his face lit up when he heard her voice. It broke his heart, but a part of it also got comforted.
It was indeed for the best.
“Hyung, I’ll go now.”
Seokjin nodded and waved goodbye without saying a word. Not trusting his voice not to break seeing Taehyung leave his life one more time.
It’s for the best.
==
After that conversation, the next time Seokjin saw Taehyung is on the School’s Family Day. And just like what he suggested Aera, Taehyung did play the guitar and his daughter sang while Areum took videos of them performing on stage. His heart broke a little, but beads of happiness also started blooming inside him.
Indeed for the best.
==
Another five years had passed, Seokjin was laying on his couch resting from doing his chores when a knock disturbed him. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a grown Aera jumping and squealing for joy.
“Kwon and I are getting married!”
Seokjin smiled at her widely.
Taehyung did make it easier for her.
“Good for you, Aera. I am happy.”
And he is indeed happy.
If he would turn back time, he would do the same thing over and over again.
Because loving means letting go.
Letting go for the best.