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Keiji is turning 18 this year. He is still stuck in high school while most of his senior friends are out there, pursuing their dream jobs. The loud places they used to visit together now seemingly sounds too quiet, like a moon without a sun. Keiji wonders if it's because a special someone is not here today to catch him off guard like every other day in every corner, where Keiji would flinch or even hiss at him for bursting his heart out of his ribs. Now, everything seems so melancholic.
His 18 birthday is celebrated dearly by a phone call from his far-away-father. A birthday gift from him sitting on his dining table this morning when he woke up. His friends sent him birthday wishes. All of them are nice, Keiji smiles too, but nothing is as loud as his 17th birthday celebration. Despite his father wasn't present either, but Bokuto Koutarou was by his side for his entire first day of turning his new age.
Now, Keiji bet Bokuto is having fun with his new friends in Osaka, catching his dreams like fireflies while here Keiji is still a senior at Fukurodani Academy. It has been 12 hours since his teammates and a few of his classmates sent him wishes, but walking alone to the shrine is unpleasant. Each step on the rocky path, in spite of his sporty shoes, makes his journey a little longer. His heart hollows with the fullness that once filled his entire space.
Last year, his journey was full of many shared-stories and jokes. Keiji still stole some shy-glances toward his beautiful senior as they took the stairs to the shrine. Bokuto made him laugh even if his jokes weren't funny, but Keiji was in love with him. He was 17, and he was in love with Bokuto Koutarou. In the span of 2 years, Keiji developed his admiration into adoration, overly-fondness that made his heart swelled just by looking at the gleaming sunflower in the form of a man.
This year is completely different. Keiji is with new strangers with names he could barely pronounce, let alone remember. He longs for the last year's birthday party where his head was hurting from laughing too much, not with a prosaic conversation about the future even when he is unsure about what's after 18. The teal eyed lad sighs from the cold weather, bringing his feet up to the all too well shrine he visits every month.
It's a very lonely birthday , he thought inside. He wonders if he is fortunate enough to be able to celebrate his 20s birthday in the future, will it be this lonely too? He longs for a certain somebody, but he could not be immature for such a wish. Instead, he should have used his father's gift to get himself something nice. But again, Bokuto Koutarou is all he wanted. All the finer things in this world are pushed aside when Bokuto Koutarou shines the brightest among them.
But who is Akaashi Keiji to him? He lets out a shaky breath when he realizes what he just thought in such a sacred place. He imagines in his 20s to be laying low, watching the love of his life jump higher in his tv screen, hoping to turn back the time where he could encourage himself to confess his undying love for him. But how could he? Bokuto Koutarou and his dreams are important for his improvement, Keiji's adoration will be just a prevention for his career. There were never two people for a protagonist.
"I'm so lonely," he whispers, breaking his silence. "I don't want to be alone this year."
As if the wind is listening to his wish, Keiji feels the warmth against his face. Soft and delicate, brings his wishful prayers into the sky. The lonely owl looks up to the bright sky, his teal eyes reflecting the blue sky, making his eyes look more colorful. Besides, there is nothing stronger than driving a person for the next day by being hopeful. And Keiji is hopeful to see those golden eyes to look at him again.
His skin shivering from the cold near the shrine, Keiji decides to take a brief break at his favorite restaurant that makes the best boiled rapeseed plants with karashi mustard dressing. He takes away his food for dinner, but before he could catch the first train, a heavy snowfall falls and covers the concrete of the busy street of Tokyo. Cursing at his thin clothes, Keiji stays dry under the awning of the shop. He didn't realize the cold would get to him this fast, he predicted the snow would fall later this evening.
Pouting as his nose turns slightly red, shivering despite him rubbing his arms with his gloved hands. The cold keeps biting his skin, his teeth shaking through his trembling lips. One way or another, Keiji really needs to get to the station through the heavy cold. Heedlessly, the clear sky was a fraud and Keiji needed to return home to get himself a warm bath. Unless he wants to catch a cold, or even worse - he'd freeze to death.
Out of the blue, a heavy - too comfortable for his liking - looking coat is wrapped around his shoulders, melting all the snow on his school suits. Flinches by the sudden interruption of his upcoming-unnecessary ideas, Keiji turns to the kind-hearted stranger abruptly out of fear that someone might do harm to him. However, those two familiar goldens take his breath away. Regardless of him looking much taller and broader than the last time he saw him, Keiji is close to tears.
"For someone who always nags me to bring you Miya Onigiri every time, you sure are forgetful to bring yourself a jacket," his voice is huskier, lower, more mature than Keiji likes to admit. How could a person change so fast in a blink of an eye? The person beside him looks like he aged better than Keiji himself.
"Bokuto-san!?" Yet, Keiji is too caught up by the appearance of the only person he wanted.
His smile is so wide, so genuine, Keiji's heart hammered against his chest - he is afraid that his poor-fragile heart might launch to the moon because of the closeness between the two. Much to his surprise, Bokuto brings him closer for warmth - thinking his heavy coat isn't enough to warm him. Keiji could smell the foreign cologne near Bokuto's chest, and his face turned red as he realized that his face was being pressed near his upper torso area.
"What the hell were you thinking by staying outside when a storm is coming soon!? Come on, let's get you home!" without another word to express, Bokuto orders a taxi and brings the two of them home.
Still shoulder to shoulder, Keiji's head is spinning by how close they are. No spaces even in the back of the taxi, making his mind do a small circuit technical issue when he felt how firm and comfortable their tangled hands are. Bokuto's coat is still wrapped bigger around Akaashi's, while the other wears nothing but a t-shirt and a black thick hoodie with a small flag of Japan printed nicely on his left chest. The only small object he could see is Bokuto's sponsorships printed side by side with the Japan flags on his hoodie.
"A-aren't you cold, Bokuto-san? I heard Osaka is colder...," he mumbles, feeling his own skin burn when Bokuto rubs his thumb on Keiji's hand on their tangled hands.
"You look like you're going to freeze. I swear I saw blue on your face! I'm so happy I arrived just in time!" his bubbly voice warms the longing feeling in his heart, soaring as he hears the laugh from the older lad. He asks, turning his head to him, "We're going home, right? You still live on that same street, no?"
"I-if you mean it as my father's house, then ye-yes," Keiji feels like his whole body is shaking, not because of the cold, but simply by Bokuto's closeness and warmth that he doesn't know he craves so much.
It takes one hour faster to get to Akaashi's household with a car, and Bokuto has such a golden heart that he even pays for the taxi despite Keiji already insisting that he'd pay. How could you not fall in love with such a gentleman since he was 16? There, Bokuto pulls the door open for Keiji to walk in first. He takes his bags and coats to his room as if he owned it, telling the younger lad to take a warm bath while he plans for dinner.
During his mental breakdown inside the bathtub, Keiji still could feel Bokuto's breath on his ear. His cologne lingers on Keiji's nostril, mesmerized by how a small gesture from a man he loves since freshman year of high school could scream colors in his black and white world. Pushing aside his love story imagination, Keiji should really thank the athlete for picking him up at the right time. There are some critical questions that could help Keiji understand how and why he was here out of the other important days?
Keiji turning 18 isn't a national celebration day, therefore Keiji knows that Bokuto does not receive any days-off for this meeting, especially after being freshly-recruited by a national team. He really should thank him somehow, either it would be with money or a dinner. With determination, Keiji stands up from the bath and cleans the cold away from his skin. He puts on his comfortable long sleeve t-shirt and jumper pants, bonus a sock, to keep himself warmer.
Nothing surprises him more with a decent feast and a birthday cake placed in the middle of the table. His teal eyes widen at the sight, his poor heart finally jumps out of its place in happiness. Sensing Keiji's silent arrival, Bokuto turns around and throws the confetti toward the birthday boy with a laugh. He is wearing a silly birthday hat, making Keiji forget that today is his 18th birthday.
"Did you do all this?" Keiji's eyes scan the small decoration around the dining room, starting to ask about how in the world did Bokuto create all this when he didn't seem to notice a bag on his hand previously.
"Of course! You deserve a great party! Though, I tried to contact the others but... I'm sorry, it seems everyone is very busy today. They are planning to make another birthday party for you this week though!" Keiji looks up to the much-looking-older Bokuto Koutarou. A smile creeps up to his lips, letting out a small laugh. Seeing that, Bokuto follows, "That's the prettiest smile I've ever seen! Now, come on! Let's blow them candles!"
He pulled him into the cake, gently and full of care, putting his strong hands on each of Keiji's shoulders. Bokuto smiles at him before whispering, "Don't forget to make a wish, baby."
Keiji almost fainted at the nickname. He felt another shiver up to his spine when Bokuto squeezed his hands to calm all the sudden tense nerves on his shoulders. Despite how his whole body trembles, Keiji tries to focus and blow the candles. A small hurrah is heard in that silent dining room, however Keiji smiles before looking at Bokuto with another familiar amore in his teal eyes. It's just him and Bokuto Koutarou, spending and celebrating his 18th birthday. How perfect could this be?
His wishes and hopes are blown away, watching as the clouds of light smoke dance before disappearing into the void. A huge smile appears again on his face while the athlete is whooping and jumping around as if he's celebrating his first winning; although, it's only Keiji's 18th birthday, inside the dining room, away from the frozen bites. Unprepared for what's bound to come, Keiji is pressed into the center of warmth of Bokuto as he hugged him, lifted him up slightly from the ground, and spun them around gently. Keiji is unable to control his emotion and the bursting flames in his heart as he feels his whole body burn in the color of love.
"That's amazing! Hey, let's cut down the cake and have your favorite food! Then, we-," Bokuto's words are cut over by the sudden sniffles against his shoulder. The golden eyed lad halts his excitement before kneeling slightly, caressing the younger lad's cheeks ever so gently and finds the clear tears running down his gorgeous face. Bokuto sucks a breath, brushing a few strands of his curly hair away from his vision before asking, "Keiji? Are you okay? Did I do something? I-is this too much?"
Keiji doesn't have the heart to reply to the question, he just presses his face closer to the palms that hold him so tenderly. He shakes his head as he continues to sniffle, another crystal clear tear runs down to his chin. This is so pathetic, Keiji should be thankful that Bokuto is here to celebrate his 18th birthday instead of blowing the candles alone. Why is he crying now? Why is his heart hurting so much? Why can't he stop holding on to Bokuto when the other lad has so many things to do? Why does he love him so much?
Isn't it fun to be turning 18 with the person he loves the most? Then why is he crying?
"Do you... Do you want to call it a night? It's okay, I can clean this whole up," Keiji's grip on Bokuto's shirt tightens.
"No...," he shakes his head again, refusing to detach himself away from the person he misses so much.
Bokuto sighs, wiping the tears away from his cheek, "Are you okay? Is there anything I should do?"
"You're not him ," taken back by the sentence, Bokuto's eyes widened in surprise.
"Huh?" Keiji looks up to him with swollen red eyes, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes begging for this to be true.
"You're not the Bokuto-san I know," Bokuto's golden eyes stare down at him, a lump in his throat as he still holds him closer. Keiji shakily continues, "The-the real Bokuto-san wouldn't hug me this close, he wouldn't call me by my name, he... he wouldn't call me 'baby'."
"Keiji?" Bokuto was about to say something but Keiji got to him first.
"Bokuto-san wouldn't be here for my birthday," a sob escapes his lips. "He... He won't come all the way from Osaka just for me."
Silence fills the tense room, yet neither of their hands are daring enough to let go. Bokuto places his hands on each of his sides firmly, while Keiji still tightens his fist on Bokuto's hoodie. This may seem surreal, but it does make sense that the older-looking-Bokuto Koutarou would make this party to be so domestic and feels so much at home. However, as he noticed all the way home, the man by his side is indeed not the Bokuto he loves. Whoever he is, has the same perspectives and gentle sides that makes the butterflies in his stomach soar.
The gold in his eyes soften before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again to reveal the same gold that washes over Keiji's sanity. He softly says, "You're right. That bastard Bokuto-san isn't going to be here for your 18th birthday."
He gasps by the change in his tone, an anger that isn't destined for Keiji. Bokuto continues, "The man you want to spend the rest of your life with isn't going to be here for your 18th birthday. He won't be contacting you for longer than you remember. And in those years, you will start questioning yourself if you were ever an important person in his heart. Before you even know it, you will start hating him for making you pine over him for years."
Keiji's eyes started to water again. Hate is such a strong wrong, Keiji is conflicted if he will ever be that upset over the man with the golden heart. Hearing those dagger words, bleeds the color of fond from his heart. The older-looking-Bokuto stares at him, angry and in pain, and Keiji is a second away to comfort him. He knows what he's saying may be true, but Keiji is unable to believe every single bit of it. It makes him believe that the future has not been nice for this Bokuto in front of him, caressing his cheeks and wiping his tears away with his thumbs.
"And then, we'll fight," Bokuto looked down as if he was ashamed of it. "And when you turned 28, I was too late."
His teal eyes widened. Bokuto whispers, "You'll be holding someone else's hand."
"No," Keiji shakes his head, another sob escapes him. "No, that's not true. I love you,"
"And I love you too," Bokuto smiles, but it is painful to see. "I was a decade too late. I jumped through years to see where it went wrong. How in the world I couldn't had you when I kept turning back the time, searching and scanning for answers."
"I'm sorry," Keiji sobs again, hugging him, burying his face in his broad shoulder.
"Keiji, this was never your fault," Koutarou smiles at him, brushing the curly hair that he loves so much. "Happy 18th birthday, Keiji."
His sobs turned louder as he hugged the older-lad, his arms wrapped around him tighter - holding him closer. 18 should be the year where he would say that the night is young, but now meeting the future, he feels like he is running out of time. Him turning 18 is like a death wish, because now he has so many things to do before things go unfair once again. Hearing Bokuto had spent his time back to this place all over again without Keiji noticing it, he feels like it's his turn to return the favor.
"Hey, I know what you're thinking. Don't think about it too much," Bokuto pulls away to see the young and fresh 18-year-old Akaashi Keiji crying like a baby, he chuckles lightly. "I guess, I'm here replacing the Bokuto-san you wanted simply because... I know I fucked up. This isn't my place to apologize, but-,"
"You shouldn't be sorry, Bokuto-san. You being in the League team is harder and it takes a lot of time. You owe me nothing," Keiji smiles sadly, this time finally his cold and trembling hand touches his face. He is so handsome even when he is much older than him.
Bokuto laughed loudly, "You know, that's exactly what my Keiji used to say! That was why we fought!"
"O-oh," Keiji's face turns another shade of red as he hears what Bokuto said. "I... I'm sorry. I don't-,"
"Don't hurt yourself. It's totally okay," Bokuto grins. "God, you haven't changed a bit, huh? Still a beautiful angel."
Hiding his red face, Bokuto laughs before hugging and kissing the crown of his head. The older lad whispers sweet nothing before finally digging into the feast that Bokuto prepared for them. A few laughs shared, they cleaned the house together, laughing when Bokuto hit his bump on the ground. Dancing and laughing, holding each other close despite the huge gap in age - yet neither of them care about that. In the middle of the night, Bokuto holds him in his arms as they sit near the fireplace together - their eyes are closed and Keiji has a smile on his face.
By the time Bokuto leaves without a single trace that night, Keiji finds himself staring on the ceiling in his bedroom. His mind begins to recall the words that the future Bokuto had told him, how harsh and agonizing the future is going to be for them. That older Bokuto had done everything he could to find some answers, it's now Keiji's turn to do the other half. If Bokuto has mutual feelings as him, then Keiji has the upper hand.
Grabbing his phone from the desk beside his bed, the screen glows in the dark room. Keiji scans for Bokuto's phone number, yet his thumb hesitates. Despite what he knows in the future, Keiji is still fighting the urge whether or not on Bokuto's side that he will have the same idea as him. The future Bokuto may have said he loves him, but wouldn't it take years to realize his feelings toward him? Biting his lower lip, he is reminded by when he will turn 28 in the future. A dark and such a sad tragedy if Bokuto won't be the man he walks down the aisle with.
"Fuck it," he whispers as he groans to hit the calling logo. It rings a little longer until he hears something moving from the other side. Keiji's heart throb. This man is going to be his .
"Akaashi?" his throat is sore, probably from being woken up from his deep slumber. "Is everything alright? It's... 2 in the morning?"
"I-I'm sorry," Keiji sits up, looking down to his lap.
"It's okay, really," the other lad yawns. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"No, quite the opposite," Keiji smiles a little. "I think I dreamt of you."
The line is quiet for a moment, before Bokuto's familiar young voice replies with excitement, "O-oh... Yo-you were?"
"Yes, I guess I just missed you," Keiji giggles before pulling his knees to his chest, another smile up to his face. "It's... I guess I'm just lonely."
"I felt that too. It's super strange here! Everything is so different. Also, I miss you too, "Kaashi! I know I can't be there now. Wait, when is your birthday again? Maybe I can-," the line stops for a second, making Keiji check if they're still connected. They still are.
"Bokuto-san?" he calls out for him, hoping for a response from the other line.
"Damn it... Akaashi, I'm so sorry. Today is your.... Akaashi, I'm very sorry. I should've-," Keiji giggles, his face burns at the panicked voice.
"It's alright, Bokuto-san. Besides, being able to hear your voice tonight is anything I want," the teal eyed lad bites his lower lip before blushing madly, "I-I just missed you."
"I'm here. Happy birthday, Akaashi!" a message from 5 years from now, Bokuto Koutarou. A voice he was craving for since the beginning. Now it feels like Keiji is finally allowed to properly cry. "We'll celebrate your birthday this weekend, alright? I'll ask for a day off! I promise I'll be there!"
That future Bokuto lied to him, they fought a lot throughout the years of them dating. What he was so wrong about is that he was never too late; a late night phone call and an "I miss you" are what it all takes for them to reunite and walk down the aisle together by the age of 28. That Bokuto lied, because Keiji changed them all. It may be harsh, but it takes another person to change their destiny together. However, Keiji was happy that two Bokutos were there for his 18th birthday by his side.
THE END, or is it?
"You told him I'll be holding someone else's hand? Oh, you're so dramatic, Kou."
"You were holding someone's hand! You never understood how devastated I was!"
"I was holding Oikawa-san's hand in replacing my father who passed away recently before our wedding. You must have traumatized my little innocent self," Keiji rolls his eyes playfully.
"Well, you traumatized me by holding someone else's hand!" Koutarou pouts on their sofa, crossing his hands on his chest like a 7 year old kid being upset about not being able to play in the park.
The glassed eyed lad glances over his husband, cleaning up the remaining dishes, before wiping his hands and sits on his lap. He caresses his cheek before pressing a soft passionate kiss on Koutarou's lips. Keiji blushes, "You know I love you."
"I know," Koutarou kisses him again, this time putting him down on the sofa while the older lad crawls on top of him. "And you know I'll always be by your side."
Keiji smiles, "And I am too."
THE END